How We Met
Like all great love stories, Steven Wiggins and I began our relationship in bitter rivalry. Only after a series of cute montages and questionably legal behavior did our mutual loathing finally turn to love.
Here is a photographic timeline of this progression:
2006
Dueling for Territory: 2006
It all began, when, as rival pirate captains, Steven Wiggins challenged me to a duel over pirate territory. Naturally I quickly bested him, both with swords and with looking way fierce. Of course, like all men, he found the idea of a STRONG WOMAN whom he COULD NOT TAME completely irresistible and fell madly in love immediately. I still thought he was annoying. And short.
2008
2008: Infiltrating Classy Parties
By 2008, Steven Wiggins had all but given up his desperate goal to win my heart when, as secret agents, we were both assigned to infiltrate the same classy party! I was less than thrilled about this partnership, but Steven was ecstatic! Finally, a chance to PROVE HIS LOVE!
In the end
In the end, he had to wrestle a polar bear into submission to prove he was worthy of my love.
Forcing it to wear an advertising scarf is a sign of submission and shame in polar bear culture
The moral of the story: polar bear wrestling is a tried and true method of showing your affection for a woman, dating back to Viking times.
For a (potentially) more factual account, see this blog entry.