Posts Tagged ‘Wiess’

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The List Doubleheader: #74 Get a Human Leash and #78 Abuse the List Serv

April 7th, 2009 by pladd

I cannot explain why some things are on The List of things we have to do before graduating. Don’t get me wrong, I totally see the merit in things like #32 Tie Everyone Together or #72 At One Dinner Pretend We’re All Pregnant. Even #78 Abuse the List Serv makes complete sense and sounds like a good time. But I have no idea about #74 Get a Human Leash. I don’t know if anyone in THE 434 remembers why it got written down; all we know is, when it’s on The List it must be completed. Case in point: I spent three of my dollars and a million of my Coolness Points on #51 Get Sippy Cups to Drink Out of (in the Servery). But it had to be done, and I did it gladly. Besides, as Patricia Ladd, I had an excess of Coolness Points anyway. It was making everyone else feel bad about themselves.

Anyway, to tackle the Human Leash problem we decided to combine list items. If we sent out a “Lost Item” message to the List Serv about our lost human leash, then maybe someone would find one and give it to us. Stellar logic, I know. So we composed this email:
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Archivery: Twinkies and Wheelies

April 3rd, 2009 by pladd

Little known fact: I work in the Rice archive and often come upon ridiculousness. Like the T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. project, where some Rice students past scientifically tested Twinkies by passing electric currents through them, submerging them in glorious H-Town tap water, performing Turing tests, and dropping them off of Lovett. Results available normally or in Haiku.

Also, this exciting half-article from the Thresher, May 6th, 1965, right before Beer Bike:

Nothing has changed.

Nothing has changed.

Oh, for bygone days, when this counted as sports reporting. And when Wiess’ riders practiced their wheelie skills instead of their biking. Personally, I think that would be a better strategy. Or, you know, Will Rice’s falling down one. A good strategy not just for Beer Bike, but for life: If you can’t be good at something, you might as well be flashy. It’s why I wear so much glitter.

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Things That Spell Our Doom–1

March 27th, 2009 by pladd

Since I have no class on Fridays, I usually spend the day drawing inane comics about myself fighting crime or honing my paranoia into a finely sharpened point of irrational fear and stockpiled canned goods. Hey, if you have a plan for even the most unlikely worst case scenario, you never have to waste an unnecessary two hours having the awkward “Okay, who do we eat first?” discussion. And because I care about you, all three of you reading this, I’ve decided to share my plans for defeating the Top Five Things That Spell Our Doom (today, anyway).

1. The West Side Story Mafia

“But, Patricia,” you will say. “Everyone knows that West Side Story was over last weekend and so you have no more reason to complain.” WRONG ON BOTH COUNTS, MY FRIEND. I can always find a reason to complain, and they only want you to think they have disbanded. These people practiced for at least four hours a night for three months. Now that the show is officially over, their lives are filled with empty holes and devoid of meaning. A mob without a purpose. Just waiting to wreak untold havoc and reveal its secret agenda. I have a hunch about that too. Because the Wiess commons currently looks like this:

Laziness... OR DIABOLICAL PLAN??

Laziness... OR DIABOLICAL PLAN??

What are they planning on doing with all those stage pieces? Clearly, they will soon institute Phase II of their plan to take over Wiess by using them to build a giant barricade around the Wiess Commons, forcing those of us who still resist them to give up our claims to Wiess or starve to death.

The Plan: Graduate! In a month, I won’t care who owns the commons! Until then, I think I can subsist on the box of Triscuits I just found in my room. DO YOUR WORST, CAITLIN MILLER!
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The Passing of an Era

March 25th, 2009 by pladd

Officially not Secretary anymore as of last night… but still typing up transcripts!

Laura: I impeach Patricia because (something unintelligible about the PDR)
Bo: That’s not good enough! How many times have we been the victim of Patricia’s bitter–you know, just raise your hand if you haven’t been made fun of. (three people raise their hands)
Me: That’s probably because I don’t know your names.
Mason: Ohhhh, and that’s everyone.

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Farewell to Bridget: the Once and Future Fish

March 24th, 2009 by pladd

You may not realize it, but despite the recent festivities (and all evidence to the contrary) the residents of THE 434 are WRACKED by grief at the death of our beloved friend, roommate, and noted alcoholic: Bridget, the long-lived Beta Fish. Previously thought to be immortal, her death at the age of three comes as a shock—although, as noted Betaologist Rachel Kinney astutely points out, “that’s like one million in fish years”. And so I’ve decided to compile a timeline of Bridget’s life to immortalize her greatness.
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Impetus

March 18th, 2009 by pladd

So one day a few weeks ago, I was trundling through the Wiess Commons trying to look like I had somewhere important to be, when Travis Martin of Wiess List Serv Fame stopped me and said, “Patricia, I’m really going to miss your minutes when you aren’t Secretary anymore.” Here’s the rest of that conversation, as remembered by me just now:

Me: Too bad! I’m outta this popsicle stand!
Travis: You know what you should do? You should start a blog!
Me: Travis, I have nothing to write about after I’m not forced to go to every Cabinet meeting.
Travis: You could just carry your lap top around with you and write what’s going on around you AT EVERY MOMENT!
Me: That’s stupid.
Travis: (begins to cry at the thought of forgoing his bi-weekly dose of Patricia)

And while I stood there, watching Travis Martin cry like a little girl, I thought: Suck it up, wuss.

Then later Steven Wiggins told me he owned patricialadd.com for some reason and I decided maybe I can make Travis Martin’s dreams come true after all. Hence the very words you are reading right now! Meta!

I’ve also solved the conundrum of what to write about:

1. Whatever I want.
2. The day after graduation Steven Wiggins and I are starting on a road trip that basically will take us in a giant circle around the US. Seriously, I want to see as many cheesy “World’s Largest [Insert Vegetable/Household Object]” as possible. We’ll probably get horribly lost and end up hating each other, but that will be some entertaining drama, right?
3. Whatever I want.

Kisses!
Patricia
No Longer Going to Cabinet So You Don’t Have To. Suck It Up, Wiess.

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