Posts Tagged ‘Steven’

DMVentures! Also, some pictures!

This morning I celebrated my mom’s birthday by spending three hours at the DMV to get a North Carolina Driver’s License. This DMVodyssey actually began two days ago, when I realized that we would have to retake the tests before getting a license. I spent the day feverishly reading the handbook and trying to remember the exact distance you should be from the curb when parallel parking. Then yesterday when we started off on this intrepid task, we realized quickly that we had no idea where we were going, having forgotten to look up the address. We decided that we’d definitely seen signs for it around, so got comfortably lost for about an hour, when we finally realized that the signs we’d seen were for “License Plate Agency” not “Driver’s License Agency”. Apparently to increase productivity and frustration, North Carolina splits up their DMV services amongst several smaller offices, all in strip malls of varying sketchiness. At that point, we gave up and bought baked potatoes instead.

Then, this morning, I knew success was at our fingertips! We got there at 9am, with all appropriate paperwork, armed with library books (yeah, library card before driver’s license, that’s how I roll). Unfortunately, fifty-three other people had arrived before it even opened and only two people were working. Since there was no room to wait inside, Steven and I spent the majority of the three hours sitting on the concrete curb outside. Luckily, lots of people gave up! And, finally, our perseverance was rewarded:

Yay!!!! It's like a Biblical fable, really. If you just wait long enough in the smell of cigarettes and desperation, you too can have a piece of plastic with your picture and organ donor status.

Yay!!!! It's like a Biblical fable, really. If you just wait long enough in the smell of cigarettes and desperation, you too can have a piece of plastic with your picture and organ donor status.

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Roadtrip: Lightning Round! Winning Strategies

At the beginning of the final leg of this great race, I seem to have developed a much different strategy for success than my two esteemed competitors. Trixie has been enjoying the last day of living in the comfort of a garage by giving herself a full spa treatment, which includes doing meditative ignition exercises and only listening to the smooth jazz radio station. She even asked me to cut up round slices of melon to put on her windshield “for moisturizing” but I reminded her that her coat of wax would probably make that difficult. She accused me of attempted sabotage and I grudgingly bought her a full tank of gas. This partnership is already fraught with difficult.

Steven, in his usual inability to judge how long things will take, has apparently spent the last three days in non-stop packing activity, taking short breaks to steal shipping materials from behind businesses and, inexplicably, to engage in a little light woodworking. Since he’s been too busy to even talk to me, I can only assume that this is all part of a strategy to psych us out and make us overly confident. TOO BAD, Steven Wiggins, because I’ve totally read The Tortoise and the Hare, as well as its many variations “The Tortoise and the Hare Race to the Moon” or “M.C. Turtle and the Hip Hope Hare: A Nursery Rap”, (seriously). I’M A LIBRARIAN, YOU CAN’T FOOL ME WITH YOUR AESOP’S FABLE TRICKS! Naturally, Trixie and I will be upping our game to deal with this fake out.

Trixie suggested–in a strange fit of mature cooperation–that we get a book on CD from the library to avoid at least a few hours of fighting over the stereo (if she had her way it would be Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” for the full 12 hours). Unfortunately, there was only one checked in:

Its like Gossip Girl but with SPIES, apparently

It's like Gossip Girl but with SPIES, apparently


I was disappointed that we couldn’t listen to Harry Potter to get psyched for the movie on Wednesday, but Trixie called me a nerd and said that she could tell from the cover that this would be A-MAZING! I can only hope she is not leading me astray. She also pointed out that, since her hood extends a few feet from the driver’s seat, she will technically cross any finish line before me. I explained that I planed to park, get out, and run screaming across before coming back for her. She explained that she would use that opportunity to crush my legs.

I bet there’s a psychological disorder where you anthropomorphize all inanimate objects around you with real pills and self-help books and everything.

Anyway, since I will be leaving around 6am to avoid Tampa rush hour, I imagine this is the last you’ll be hearing from me for awhile. Hopefully I will have the Internet working in the apartment before Friday, when I can update you on the glories of North Carolina and, most importantly, who won this exciting competition, although the Twitter box on the right should have a blow by blow account as I can update from my phone.

See you on the other side.

The Road Trip: LIGHTNING ROUND!

Just when you thought it was over!

In the previous month of this competition, the competitors had to work together as a team to beat the clock–or, I guess, the calendar–and the fuel gauge, using up as little resources to see as much of the country as possible. Although they admitted defeat somewhere in the Midwest 8000 miles was enough to qualify them for The Lightning Round! [insert thunder sound effect]. In this round, competitors will be PITTED AGAINST EACH OTHER in a no-holds-barred, anything-goes, wash-and-wear all out race to the finish line, Carrboro, North Carolina, “the Paris of the Piedmont”, and home to the Invisible University of North Carolina, according to Wikipedia and the University’s self-proclaimed king. Unfortunately, I have to take the bus to Chapel Hill and attend the boring, visible University of North Carolina there in the fall.

Although this leg of the race is significantly shorter than the previous rounds, it’s still nothing to scoff at, especially since each competitor will be traveling a DIFFERENT ROUTE:
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Blog Fail

Yesterday:

Steven: So I fixed that updating thing. On your blog.
Me: (distracted by painting toenails hot pink) What?
Steven: You know, how it wouldn’t update? Even though it was supposed to? I fixed it.
Me: What? I don’t remember that.
Steven: Well, I fixed it.
Me: Oh, well good. Hey, you should see this nail polish! It’s like “BAM! TOENAILS!”
Steven: Ummmm…. yeah.

Today:
(after completing a thoughtful research mission for an insightful and lyric blog post)
Me: Hmmmmm…. so with this new update, any kind of picture will make my website die? That’s…. interesting. Well, I’m hungry.

Stand by.

Roadtrip: The Debriefing

Now that The Road Trip has officially been over for about a week I decided it would be a good time to reflect on it as a whole, since enough time has passed that Steven is no longer complaining about lack of Sonic and Trixie has had a bath. Also, I just remembered I’m bound by capital letters to update every Tuesday and Friday.
The Road Trip
8000 Miles
21 Days
14 States
5 Romance Novels
and Way Too Much fast food
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Times I Have Almost Died: Tiremergency

I have a video of myself explaining this harrowing incident just after it happened, but it’s hard to understand me given the noise from the road and the awesomeness of my pigtails. So I’ll try to use my words.

The roads around Turkey Creek, Tennessee are actually mostly paved at this point, for varying definitions of the word “paved”, but there’s still plenty made of gravel, which Trixie was definitely upset over. She’s already been complaining about how hard it is to look cute and flirt with SUVs when you’re covered in smashed bugs, so all the dirt and little rocks were not helping her general attitude. Then, as we were bidding our farewells to the allergy-happy farmland a strange orange light in the shape of an exclamation point appeared on the dashboard. Remembering the snowflake incident, when Trixie miraculously predicted the odd snow in Houston this year with an indicator light (Bova saw it! It’s true!), I assumed this only could herald doom. Steven, being less excitable, looked it up in the manual and discovered it meant Low Tire Pressure.

Trixie’s first flat tire! From getting a big sharp rock stuck in the wheel! I assume she did it on purpose for attention, like a car version of a tantrum. So Steven changed the tire. The only major incident was when he refused to believe that the spare was a for reals tire and not just a fake one that we’d need to replace. After comparing the serial numbers with the one we took off he proclaimed Trixie to be “magical” or at least “more expensive than mine”. While changing the flat, a grizzled old man in a pickup stopped to ask if we needed some help. I told him we were good, so he offered us some Juicy Fruit and then went on his way.

Roadtrip: We Are Failures

So sometime around Minnesota Steven and I decided to cut short our–admittedly kind of ambitious–road trip. Here are the reasons:

1. Due to either the massive amounts of cottonwood pollen or possibly just fatigue, both of us are sick.
2. Tiredness
3. I’m sick of driving for eight hours every day
4. Steven’s sick of waking up early
5. I’m almost positive I’m dying of malnutrition
6. Trixie is starting to become really whiny and picking angry bagpipe songs on my iPod just to annoy me
7. We only have one Kresley Cole romance novel left to read
8. We’re almost out of money

It is not, as Trixie would have you believe, because we didn’t think anything could top Minneapolis. Syracuse, I’m sure, would have blown that carousel out of the water. I called Rob on his birthday to break the news. He said he was surprised we’d made it this far. I’m glad I inspire such confidence.

The plan was to drive South to Tennessee where, among other things, there are free relatives houses to stay at, and then to Florida. I assume Steven will make us stop to see the Coke museum in Atlanta as well.

Misguided Travel Guides: Minneapolis

I’m guessing that North Dakota and Minnesota run together in your heads as one expanse of Godless frozen tundra. Again, this is mostly true, but not as much in the summer. I’ve been to Minneapolis plenty of times because the Bismarck airport is so freaking small (3-4 gates) that often the best way to get there is to fly to Minneapolis and rent a car. We stayed in my uncle’s basement, which includes the prime attraction of his dog, a sheltie collie that can leap up to slam doors and gets unaccountably angry every time anyone unloads the dishwasher.

Since I have so much Minneapolis experience, I was expecting it to be a mere stop over instead of what it turned out to be: THE GREATEST STOP ON OUR ROADTRIP EVER!!! Seriously, Anna Baron has been holding out on us. Minneapolis may be the REAL Land of Enchantment. Yeah, New Mexico, I said it. Or maybe my low expectations only made it seem that much more amazing. The first order of business was to see Natalie, my erstwhile illustrator of The Knight, the wizard, and the Lady Pig fame:

That's my "Meeting a Famous Illustrator" face

That's my Meeting a Famous Illustrator Face

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