The Plaid Pladd

Last Spam report of 2012! What with vacation and my internet freaking out, I ended up leaving my spam folder alone for about 2 weeks! Until this morning, when I checked and saw that I had 487 new messages. What can I say, spambots love me. So, after a laborious culling process, I bring you these:

On my NaNoWriMo post:

Michael writes:

It’s a slow news day because there’s nnthiog new on the Paris Hilton front.I think the major media organizations would fry a fuse if an atom bomb went off from a terrorist in New York AT THE SAME TIME that Paris was being let out of jail.It would probably be resolved by stand-by cameras at Paris’ jail, with brief interruptions for news on the attack.

I can only assume Michael is trying to give me ideas for next year’s NaNoWriMo. Sorry, Michael, but scathing social commentary on the state of the media is so 2008.

Sundance writes:

My problem was a wall until I read this, then I smsahed it.

I love this metaphor, Sundance, and the way I am now envisioning you as some kind of angry Wario character. I don’t know what kind of problems my NaNoWriMo bragging post helped you solve, but I’m guessing boredom, since it takes a good while to get through Mazelandia.

On my Hobbit Review post:

Omar Scoggins writes:

The next time I learn a weblog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as significantly as this one. I mean, I do know it was my option to learn, even so I really thought youd have 1 thing interesting to say. All I hear is really a bunch of whining about something that you could repair when you werent too busy seeking for attention.

Whatever, Omar. You’re entitled to your own opinion, and you’re probably right that if I took the time to slog through The Silmarillion I wouldn’t be whining so much about the books, but HOT THORIN IS MY KING AND NOTHING YOU CAN SAY WILL CHANGE THAT. Sorry that got heated.

silver price once again tries too hard to pretend he’s people by rambling about something just slightly off-topic:

‘Return of the King’ is the most enjoyable because in the structure of the movies, it is nothing other than pay-off, there is no more setting up to do, no more exposition, no more introducing characters. The pay-off is very character-based. It is action-orientated as well, but all of our characters have been pushed to a point where their life and death depends on what happens in the third movie. It is very emotional, and from an actors point of view it is very enjoyable to work on, because they were able to play some pretty intense drama. From my point of view it was always great, because we were heading toward an ending, a climax which we never had in the other two.

I agree with you, silver price, although Return of the King had the one drawback of finally turning Viggo Mortensen’s permastubble into a full-fledged beard, an act I can never forgive. I still mourn for you, dirty, stubbly Aragorn. Where did you go?

When I asked Can You See This:

Nacci responded:

Death thru Adams sin is not punishment it is simply the result. Thru free will then we have to the choiceď to accept or refuse Gods free offer of salvation. God is allowing lucifer to run his best game plan so he can defeat him “honorably” Punishment follows. If there were no death what would we have? Were there no reward or punishment, what would justify anything? I simply try to follow Christ and not fry my brain trying to figure out all the deep secrets of God. We will know one day.

Nacci, are you saying that I should stop trying to fix my Internet because it’s one of the “deep secrets of God”? So was replacing my wireless card like opening the Ark of the Covenant? Why is my face still unmelted? Maybe you’ll say that Indiana Jones isn’t religious canon, but to that I would respond that I can’t take life advice from anyone who doesn’t know what an apostrophe is.

And, weirdest comment of the month goes to jackets on my 2012 Booklist: The Good post:

The testicles remain, so unlike a castrated ram the teaser ram still produces male hormones. He acts and reacts like a normal ram. Ugh. The builders obviously went way past the inherent limits of their building algorithms.. People who buy used clothing online usually look for designer items first. Familiarize yourself with the going rates of both brand new and used designer goods.

I don’t even know what to say, jackets.

Thanks for a great year, spambots! See you in 2013!

Previously: November

Like myself, my adoring spambot fans seem to have taken the month of November off. Maybe they too were writing NaNoWriMos, which I picture as just being 50,000 words of raccoon stories. Obviously they were saving their best material for that, so I was just left with:

Chicken tractor commenting on my Pandowdy post:

I happen to be writing to make you know what a fantastic discovery my cousin’s child had going through your webblog. She mastered a wide variety of things, which include what it is like to have an amazing helping mindset to have most people clearly know precisely several advanced subject matter. You truly did more than people’s expected results. Thanks for providing these warm and friendly, trustworthy, revealing and in addition unique tips on that topic to Janet.

I’m glad your first cousin-once-removed Janet is learning so much from my blog, I assume about Sam Neill. But, I’ve gotta say, Chicken Tractor, I would have been more grateful for your praise had not Panic Attacks upped the ante:

On that same post, Panic Attacks writes:

I am just commenting to let you be aware of what a fantastic encounter my wife’s princess developed viewing your webblog. She figured out a wide variety of issues, which include how it is like to possess a very effective helping character to have certain people really easily master a variety of advanced matters. You really surpassed our own expected results. I appreciate you for rendering such invaluable, safe, educational and cool tips on that topic to Ethel.

A PRINCESS IS READING MY BLOG, YOU GUYS!!!!!!!! I mean, I’ve never heard of a Princess Ethel, but I feel like now I have to change the title to The Royal Plaid Pladd, and maybe add a coat of arms. Get on it, Steven.

On my October Spam Report, Gavin writes:

You…are…my…hero!!! I cant believe some thing like this exists on the web! Its so accurate, so honest, and a lot more than that you simply dont sound like an idiot! Lastly, a person who knows the best way to talk about a subject without sounding like a kid who didnt get that bike he wanted for Christmas.

Thanks, Gavin. I try my best to be accurate, honest, and non-idiotic when I can. I don’t know how someone who missed out on a Christmas bike would answer spam comments, but maybe you’ll get to see next month when no one can figure out a way to cram a ten-speed into my stocking!

corporations offshore writes:

The best things in life happen when you get carried away. I went into a cooking school to write about what it means to be a chef, and instead I became a cook, got a job line cooking, lucked into one of the great restaurants of the world to work with the chef on his book, and I kept on writing about food. I got carried away, and it’s made all the difference.

Inspiring words, corporations offshore, but are you suggesting that my spam answering is getting carried away? Was it because I presented one in the form of a poem? I say I haven’t been going far enough. Next month, I’m recording myself dramatically reading one and forcing Steven to applaud me with finger snaps.

Nadene Corcoros writes:

Fantastic post however , I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Appreciate it!

Wish granted, Nadene!

Previously: October 2012

Some of my spam from this month was even vaguely Halloween themed! And not just because the spelling and grammar was so scary!

On my Banned Books week 2012 post:

oszustwa writes:

Strange this post is totaly unrelated to what I was searching google for, but it was listed on the first page. I guess your doing something right if Google likes you enough to put you on the first page of a non related search.

What can I say, oszustwa? Google totally has a soft spot for sarcastic Sam Neill reviews and challenged books.

Sol Ellinwood writes:

Well, I deduce that could ensue because Abigail and the girls commenced accusing additional folks of witchcraft when they had been recently naked dancing naked in the interior the woods and therefore, aberrant. Abigail furthermore engaged in a affair down with John Proctor. Those they were accusing were absolutely not answerable of accurately what they’d been recently accused linked with, and the exacting accusers had been the furthermost machine on the globe from being holy… they wrecked positive point of reference bogus witness.

I am all for a spirited debate about the Salem Witch Trials, Sol Ellinwood, especially since I once wrote a paper in high school about the moldy bread theory, but Banned Books Week is not the time for that–you should really have saved your challenge for Halloween!

On my What’s happening to My Body? Book for Boys post:

katy perry dress writes:

It’s too severe for a young woman. Embrace the curves, open up the neck, show your legs. You’re beautiful.

Thanks, Katy Perry Dress! I always appreciate compliments and body positivity, although you may have missed the “Book for Boys” part of the title.

Burberry outlet wrote what I can only assume is poetry. I’ve arranged it in the form of a poem for you:

Let us do it by ourselves,
will you?
He lacks courage.
He is my age.
You may as well tell me
the truth.
The teacher got a little angry.
How do you want your steak?
How do you want your steak?
A red tie will match that suit.
What do you desire me to do?
I can’t do this

As good as anything Patricia Willa Anderson used to write for the Rice Standard, Burberry Outlet! In fact, I feel like read the right way, a lot of my spam comments could be mistaken for poetry. Maybe I will try it at the next impromptu poetry slam I hold in my kitchen.

On the Notebook Girls post:

Panama writes:

This week we’re taking a look behind the scenes. In other words, what goes on in our writing or personal lives that you might not know. I thought about my obsession with all things ‘Idol’. Although that’s well documented. And now it’s more than Idol because we have X Factor (UK/USA/Australia); The Voice (UK/USA/Australia), Britains/USA/Australia’s Got Talent…… if there’s singing I’m there!!So, then I decided to talk about my other obsession. Masterchef (yes, it’s always going to be TV related). It’s so bad that when it starts, I drop everything I’m doing to watch. So much so that my critique partners use the term Masterchef when I finish the end of a scene too abruptly – I very often get told ‘You’ve Masterchefed it’. They know that the scene has ended not because it was the right place to do so, but because it’s 5pm!And the funniest thing is, I’m the world’s worst cook. I hate cooking. Though I am very good at burning. But for some strange reason I like watching others do it. My children have dubbed me ‘weird’.I do have other little ‘foibles’, but they’re best not mentioned here….. for fear that the ‘weird’ label might stick!

Wow, Panama, thanks for opening up about your TV obsession. Before all I really knew about you was Panama Canal-related, so this really helps to put a more relatable face on the land bridge between two continents.

On my post about the Gandhi biography, Great Soul:

Buy wow gold writes:

Keep functioning ,fantastic job!

Thanks, Buy wow gold, although maybe I should explain that “keep functioning” doesn’t work as well as a greeting in human parlance as it does in spambot society, since “functioning” is usually used to refer to machines such as yourself. Next time try “Keep it up!” or “Keep breathing, fleshy meatbag!”

On the post about my First Grade Journal:

Danilo writes:

First of all I want to say awesome blog! I had a quick question in which I’d like to ask if you don’t mind.
I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your mind prior
to writing. I’ve had difficulty clearing my thoughts in getting my thoughts out there. I truly do take pleasure in writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are generally lost simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or hints? Many thanks!

Beginnings are the hardest part, Danilo. That’s why I write all my blog posts backwards.

On my post about the book My Mom’s Having a Baby:

abercrombie hoodie stores writes:

Tremendous issues here. I am very glad to look your post. Thank you a lot and I am having a look ahead to touch you. Will you please drop me a mail?

I’m flattered, abercrombie hoodie stores, but no. As a general rule, I don’t respond to strangers over the Internet asking to touch me.

Previously: September 2012

Most of the things caught in my spam folder were really repetitive this month, and not even worth reporting on. However, I managed to curate a few gems for you:

On this post about finding my Second Grade Journal:

assurance chien writes:

I agree with you but It would be nice if you cite your sources next time. I think it’s really important. TY.

Thanks for keeping me honest, assurance chien! I thought I could get away with just a picture of the cover of my second grade journal, but I can see you’re a stickler for the truth, so here’s the APA citation for your records: Ladd, P. R. (1995). Second Grade Journal. Unpublished manuscript. Hope that clears things up.

mutuelle animaux pas cher writes:

Thank you for this! It is very detailed but I admit that sometimes it is too technical for me … make a simplified version next time See you read

I’m guessing from your name that maybe English isn’t your first language, which would explain why deciphering my phonetic scrawl is so difficult for you! Don’t worry, my current journals are far more grammatically accurate, although my handwriting has only gotten worse.

gold price writes:

My worst teachers was my 3rd grade teacher Mrs. Hart who saw a classroom bullly literally pick me up and throw me completely over a classroom desk and I got hurt and was crying and she acted like nothing happened! He didnt get in trouble and I was left to cry at my desk and wasn’t checked on.

Woah, intense story, gold price! How could the teacher do nothing when one of her students was being thrown over a desk?? Clearly you graduated from the Elementary School of Hard Knocks.

On my Cosmo’s Bad Advice: Blueberry Yogurt Hair post:
Replica rolex writes:

Thank you for the sensible critique. Me and my neighbor were just preparing to do some research about this. We got a grab a book from our local library but I think I learned more clear from this post. I am very glad to see such great info being shared freely out there.

Thanks, Replica rolex! I’m glad you and your neighbor are both interested in trying to dye your hair red with ingredients from your kitchen. More people should experience the weird feeling of cold yogurt oozing over your head. I’m not surprised your library didn’t have the best information on this topic–they tend to only go for materials that are reputable or factually accurate in some way, and, as I said in the post, I’m just not sure blueberry yogurt is an effective way to do this. Although the authenticity of my results has been called into question by my new friend Shaniqua, who impugns the organicness of my yogurt.

Click here writes:

Hi my family member! I wish to say that this article is amazing, great written and include almost all vital infos. I¡¦d like to look more posts like this .

Thanks, Click here! You’ll have to remind me how we’re related. I didn’t know I had spambots on my family tree!

On the July Spam Report:

funny dog pictures threatens:

Thats a very nice Comment you have there. It would be a shame if something were to happen to it..

I didn’t mean to run afoul of the spambot mafia! Don’t worry, funny dog pictures, patricialadd.com will give you anything you want! Provided what you want is more reviews of Sam Neill movies.

Previously: July 2012 Report
Next: September