Posts Tagged ‘North Carolina’

Things I Learned From Bob Garner’s New Book

Bob Garner is kind of a joke between Steven and I. I always DVR the show North Carolina Weekend on the local PBS affiliate because sometimes it gives me ideas about cool things to do. Also, I have become fake-frenemies with everyone on it. For instance, when the host, Deborah Holt Noel, has her coworkers going to some wooden duck museum while she gets to check out the hottest new restaurant in Raleigh, YEAH, I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING, GIRL. It’s fine. I would abuse my power too, if I had any.

But Bob Garner is definitely the most hilarious part of North Carolina Weekend. He reviews restaurants in the measured, dulcet tones of Mitch McConnell. It’s basically watching an old guy eat and then proclaiming everything delicious, so Top Chef it’s not. He never has complaints, and you can only tell the variation in the dishes based on the noises he makes, usually some variation of “Mmmmmmm-mmmmmm”. But is it with his eyes closed or open? Does he turn his face upward towards the camera as if basking in the pure, heavenly perfection of this fish sandwich/hushpuppy/pie? Clearly I have too much time on my hands.

Then one day at the library I noticed he’d written a book:

The Book

The Book

FOODS THAT MAKE YOU SAY MMM-MMM!!!!!!! I had to check it out. There are definitely some good recipes inside, but most of it is history and information about various North Carolina foods. I actually learned a lot. Including:

1. Bob Garner completely owns being Bob Garner

BOB GARNER KNOWS THAT HE IS SEMI-RIDICULOUS!!!!! This changes everything. Check out this author photo:

This man knows exactly what he's doing

This man knows exactly what he’s doing

The fact that Bob Garner is in on the joke that is Bob Garner is amazing. I feel less bad for mimicking him stupidly whenever Steven makes me a smoothie now. Plus, he actually does seem to know a lot of stuff about North Carolina foods. I should have known that WUNC wouldn’t put just any old dude in front of a camera to eat pimento cheese.

2. Atkinson Milling

This mill is an hour from my house, and has been operating since 1757!!! These are two invaluable facts for me to know.

And it looks pretty!

And it looks pretty!

The grinding of the cornmeal is still done with water power, and it’s the only remaining water-powered mill in a four county area (at least)!

3. Muscadine and scuppernongs

These are the two kinds of grapes native to North Carolina! They make delicious wine, but I didn’t know that a scuppernong is actually a type of muscadine. “North Carolinians refer to any bronze- or greenish-hued muscadines as scuppernongs… because many cuttings of what was first simply called “the big white grape” were planted and cultivated during the 1700s around Asupernung river” (52).

They are "about the size of a hog's eye"

They are “about the size of a hog’s eye”

Apparently these grapes are also one of the healthiest and sweetest varieties in the world. The hot, humid climate of eastern NC is prone to fungal diseases, so the grapes produce extra antioxidants to protect themselves. Bob Garner also provides recipes from the annual North Carolina Muscadine Harvest Festival, which is awesome because I really only knew about them from wine. This includes Sparkling Oatmeal Muffins, Chicken Vegetable Kabobs with Muscadine Barbecue Sauce, Muscadine Nachos, and Muscadine Grape Hull Pie.

4. National Banana Pudding Festival

Oh my god y’all there is a National Banana Pudding Festival and it is in Centerville, Tennessee! THAT IS LIKE HALF AN HOUR FROM WHERE MY PARENTS ARE GOING TO RETIRE OMG.

This is just all I want out of life

This is just all I want out of life

What I’m saying is, Banana Pudding Festival 2017, I AM IN.

5. Texas Pete

I don’t want to alarm you, but Texas Pete is actually from North Carolina.

I KNOW

I KNOW

The company started as a barbecue stand in 1929 in Winston-Salem. The red pepper sauce was apparently almost named “Mexian Joe” except DAMNIT, WE ARE AMERICAN AND PROUD or something. Steven was crushed to lose yet another piece of his Texas pride.

Servery Challenge: North Carolina Edition!

It is with great confusion that I report our strangest servery challenge to date. Everything with edible?? There was no clear winner? Rob’s didn’t shave a few years off my life?? Yes, all true. Usually these cooking competitions feature one entry that is the worst thing you’ve ever had in your mouth, one that seems good by comparison, and the rest just various brands of mediocre. But this time…? Maybe it was that we each got 25 minutes to cook. Maybe it was our new and improved kitchen set up. Maybe it was Brian Reinhart. Maybe the theme, THE SPIRIT OF NORTH CAROLINA, made everyone strive for greatness.

Rob's was definitely the most surprising. In that it tasted good

Rob’s was definitely the most surprising. In that it tasted good

Rob
Time: ~22 minutes
Dish Name: Stick it in Your Mouth
Description: Southern-style biscuits with bacon cooked in pepper jelly with pimento cheese

For someone who grew up in Syracuse, Rob definitely understands North Carolina food. The bacon was the main issue with this one–it was chewy and hard to eat in pieces. But I’ll take it over strawberries mixed with pickle juice any day.

Brian went all out for his first servery challenge

Brian went all out for his first servery challenge

Brian
Time: ~20 minutes
Dish Name: Sheesh-Carolina
Description: Sausage, Shallots, and Cherry Tomatoes on a stick, cooked in Cheerwine

These were actually pretty tasty! I feel like it could have done a little better highlighting the Cheerwine, the main thing that makes this dish North Carolina-related. Brian had never tried it before buying it to make this challenge, so he was trusting in North Carolina to make something great. Of course, his trust was not misplaced.

Awww yeah

Awww yeah

Patricia
Time: ~12 minutes
Dish Name: Shakalacky
Description: A Cackalacky milkshake made with Carolina Creamery vanilla ice cream and Mapleview milk

True to my usual strategy of making something quick and easy, I went for a dish with only three, beautiful, entirely local ingredients. Cackalacky is a sweet potato-based hot sauce made in Chapel Hill, and the key to success was using just enough of it to give the milkshake a little kick.

Also, ridic plating. Very important.

Also, ridic plating. Very important.

You KNOW Steven went overboard. It's pretty much a servery challenge given

You KNOW Steven went overboard. It’s pretty much a servery challenge given

Steven
Time: ~45 minutes
Dish Name: Shrimp N’ Grits
Description: Wild-caught shrimp, North Carolina grits, a roux of mushroom and ham gravy

Steven’s was legitimately what we had for dinner. Dude pretty much ignored the time limit because “I’m hungry.” Shrimp and grits is more of a South Carolina thing?? But these were delicious. But can you really still be considered if you took almost twice as long as everyone else? Time limit was 25 minutes…

Deliciousness v. time, the perennial Steven debate

Deliciousness v. time, the perennial Steven debate

Anyway, in the end we had a four-way tie with each of us getting one vote. So maybe it’s up to you to decide?? Cast your votes now!

Outer Banks, Fools

Last weekend I visited Roanoke Island again! But since I already solved the mystery of the Lost Colony, this time I thought I would just chill out with my peeps.

Like Queen Elizabeth!!!!!

Like Queen Elizabeth!!!!!

Did you not know that QE1 and I are BFF? And that she lives on Roanoke Island? They’re kind of obsessed with her over there–everything’s all Sir Walter Raleigh themed. This was in the Elizabethan Gardens at Fort Raleigh National Historic Park. They have hedges shaped like things, which is my fave.

And plenty of sculpted butts, which is Steven's fave

And plenty of sculpted butts, which is Steven’s fave

We also found this creepy sea gate, I don’t know:

This is where the ghosts of shipwrecked pirates stagger ashore, I guess

This is where the ghosts of shipwrecked pirates stagger ashore, I guess

Then there’s the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse, the most famous building in North Carolina:

I don't care if you've never heard of it, you would know if you lived here

I don’t care if you’ve never heard of it, you would know if you lived here

Unfortunately we couldn’t climb to the top because it was closed for the season, but we WERE able to watch a video ABOUT climbing to the top, which is like the same thing, but less sweaty. I wanted to get my picture in front of it while drinking a Cheerwine just to go for maximum North Carolinaness but we didn’t have any.

Oh well

Oh well

Writing to people on the basis of making my map look cool

Also to use up my 91 cent stamps

This week, among other things, I wrote a letter to the state of North Dakota from the state of North Carolina to point out that we both have North in our names so we should probably form a secret alliance against the other 48 states (read: chumps). It’s possible that I don’t have the jurisdiction to send such an invitation on behalf of my entire state, but, like the dishes, no one else was doing it, so I thought I might as well. I expect a favorable reply from the Roughrider State any day now.

Stay tuned for a Sam Neill update later today, Brian!

Carrboro Walks: North Carolina Botanical Garden

My friend Brian Reinhart (the weather witch) has inspired me to document some of Carrboro’s amazingness for others! Okay, so it’s nowhere exotic like London, but Rachel Kinney, noted Carrborophile, has definitively proven that it is “the best place. EVER.” She is currently working to secure funding for a further study titled “Carrboro: Paradise or Poseur?” Today I bring you another great place to walk in (okay, near) Carrboro, the North Carolina Botanical Garden! It’s part of UNC and mostly features plants native to North Carolina, through a variety of different habitat areas! I always enjoy going because it always looks different at different times of year.

Steven so excited to be accompanying me!

Probably my favorite part of the botanical garden isn’t even the plants (sorry), it’s the random sculptures and art that are used to enhance them!

This entrance to the poison plant garden is maybe one of my favorites!


The poison plant garden is actually really interesting; there are signs telling you how the plant is poisonous (ex. if you eat it or just if you rub against it or maybe just to certain animals etc.). I never knew daffodils were poisonous!

Life size chess!!!!!


This might be my favorite part of all, even though I’m not very good at chess. I’ve hardly ever seen anyone else playing on it either, which is super weird, since who doesn’t like life size chess??

This tree is strewn with kitchen implements since it's at the entrance to the Kitchen Herbs Garden!


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Things That Spell Our Doom: North Carolina Edition!

You may have thought that moving to an entirely different part of the country would alleviate at least some of the constant mortal peril I face daily. But you thought wrong! If anything, I am in even MORE danger. Here are the top three North Carolinian threats to my well-being.

1. Giants

It’s come to my attention that North Carolina seems to be home to a family of giants as absent-minded as they are bone-crunching. They’re so busy eating innocent bystanders that they left their chests of drawers just lying around:

Somewhere there's a giant with cold feet consoling himself by eating a busload full of school children

Somewhere there's a giant with cold feet consoling himself by eating a busload full of school children

These drawers are about 40 feet high, and are apparently for rent. They claim to be the World’s Largest Chest of Drawers, but on the drive over near the interstate, we found further damning evidence:
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DMVentures Continue!

I got up earlier than necessary today to write the post below so that I would have fulfilled all other obligations before heading to the DMV to get my car registered here, believing, based on my previous DMVodyssey, that it would take all day.

NOT SO! Here is the evidence, barely half an hour after I originally left:

I like how you can see Steven's reflection in Trixie, the fact that he is not wearing shoes forever preserved

I like how you can see Steven's reflection in Trixie, the fact that he is not wearing shoes forever preserved

Trixie, naturally, is devastated, and pouted almost the entire way home. Luckily, an SUV winked at her at a stoplight, which I think lifted her spirits a little. Or, at least, proved that she can still be flirty as a North Carolina resident. She says it’ll be okay, as long as she never goes back to Florida. She doesn’t think she could hold her hood up now, amongst all those flashy convertibles with their tramp stamp spoilers.

I’ve anthropomorphized Trixie so much now that, if anything should happen to her, I will probably be inconsolable for days and demand that funerary rights be held.

DMVentures! Also, some pictures!

This morning I celebrated my mom’s birthday by spending three hours at the DMV to get a North Carolina Driver’s License. This DMVodyssey actually began two days ago, when I realized that we would have to retake the tests before getting a license. I spent the day feverishly reading the handbook and trying to remember the exact distance you should be from the curb when parallel parking. Then yesterday when we started off on this intrepid task, we realized quickly that we had no idea where we were going, having forgotten to look up the address. We decided that we’d definitely seen signs for it around, so got comfortably lost for about an hour, when we finally realized that the signs we’d seen were for “License Plate Agency” not “Driver’s License Agency”. Apparently to increase productivity and frustration, North Carolina splits up their DMV services amongst several smaller offices, all in strip malls of varying sketchiness. At that point, we gave up and bought baked potatoes instead.

Then, this morning, I knew success was at our fingertips! We got there at 9am, with all appropriate paperwork, armed with library books (yeah, library card before driver’s license, that’s how I roll). Unfortunately, fifty-three other people had arrived before it even opened and only two people were working. Since there was no room to wait inside, Steven and I spent the majority of the three hours sitting on the concrete curb outside. Luckily, lots of people gave up! And, finally, our perseverance was rewarded:

Yay!!!! It's like a Biblical fable, really. If you just wait long enough in the smell of cigarettes and desperation, you too can have a piece of plastic with your picture and organ donor status.

Yay!!!! It's like a Biblical fable, really. If you just wait long enough in the smell of cigarettes and desperation, you too can have a piece of plastic with your picture and organ donor status.

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