In the midst of putting things away, I discovered half a sheet of paper from sophomore year with the lyrics to a song I wrote called “Closed-Toed Shoes” in response to Katherine McPhee’s “Open Toes”, which, to be fair has incredibly vapid lyrics which Rob wouldn’t stop singing at the time. Here is what I apparently decided to write as a “revenge song”. I don’t remember anything particular about the night in question, or if I also made up a melody, but I can guarantee you that it all went down in the OC Lounge.
Closed-Toed Shoes
By Patricia Holla! Ladd
I’m goin’ out
It’s a Friday night
Gonna shake my sweet
Ass just right
But then–what’s that?
Oh no!
My feet
They really smell
Close-toed Shoes! Close-toed shoes!
Hide the odor and athlete’s foot!
Hide those unsightly deformities
Deformities because my parents are related!
Close-toed shoes!
They say I’m mad hot
I say “Whadyou expect?”
And as long as I keep on my shoes (close toed)
They won’t know any different
Close-toed shoes! Close-toed shoes!
Just keep them on to conceal
The fact that you have 7 toes
I think I should give up finding a job and just wait for the royalties to roll on in. I’ll give Rob a cut, since his annoying taste in music was my inspiration.