Posts Tagged ‘lists’

Because Caitlin wants to feel bad about herself

And I had nothing to update with today since I spent a good part of the morning being at Harry Potter midnight showing/sleeping ridic late.

“Have you read more than 6 of these books? The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here. Bold those books you’ve read in their entirety; Italicize the ones you started but didn’t finish or read an excerpt.”

So it looks like I’ve read: 61/100. A lot of them in Scotland, since I had like no money, and only an academic library at my disposal. Plus only two days of class a week. So that’s a lot of wandering around in the woods and reading vaguely academic literature.

1. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen The hottest thing about Mr. Darcy is his mansion.
2 The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien So many names I can’t pronounce
3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte gonna lock up my mixed race wife in the attic.
4 Harry Potter series – JK Rowling Can cure illnesses, true science fact
5 To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee Surviving attempted murder while wearing a ham costume!
6 The Bible And someone begat someone else… etc ed nauseum. That is the chapter where I stopped.
7 Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte Anger issues=romantic
8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell started editing my own Newspeak dictionary for like four months after reading this book
9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman Trying to tell my middle school friend that her daemon would totally be a woodchuck without causing offense
10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens Crazy Left at the Alter Miss Havisham+CATCHING ON FIRE=the only part of this book I liked
11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott Once wrote a paper arguing that this book was basically a giant in-joke/money making scheme and that Alcott really was more about her sensationalist fiction like A Long Fatal Love Chase
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy Don’t be a ho; not even a little bit.
13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare Sex jokes are funnier in Olde Timey English
15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien You can still be a hero even if you’re a whiny complainer (good news for me)
17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch – George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell You should get married for: spite, money, boredom in that order. Also, have children and then sort of forget about them. Sorry, Wade.
22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald Having a fancy gold car is cool, but it will lead to your ruin
23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens This one time, in highschool, I decided it would be a good idea to read ALL OF DICKENS. Now they all kind of run together in my head, especially this one and Our Mutual Friend for some reason. I mostly remember Esther rambling about how awful she is.
24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25 The HitchHiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams read it, seen it, bought the towel
26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh Alcoholism is fun, but leads to dying of liver failure in Africa
27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll There’s a fine line between imagination and drug trip
30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame Forest creatures can also have turn of the century adventures
31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens Semi-autobiographical whining. SO MUCH semi-autobiographical whining.
33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis Everything is a symbol for Jesus
34 Emma – Jane Austen This is my fav Jane Austen novel because it’s so different from type. Normally her works go “I’m poor but worthy! I will negotiate society to find a rich husband!” but Emma is all “I’m filthy rich and oblivious to the real world! I will wreck my friends’ lives!” Awesome.
35 Persuasion – Jane Austen See above, with a side of “too bad that loser I rejected on prom night is rich and cute now!”
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis Turkish delight=not that great. I was misled.
37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres Pretty much my least favorite Louis de Bernieres book; the Latin American trilogy is hilarious and amazing and Birds Without Wings is also so good.
39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden If you have to be a ho, be the BEST ho
40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne Pooh Sticks: best game ever
41 Animal Farm – George Orwell Pigs are the most devious of all farm animals
42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown Everyone loves a good scandal, esp if it’s about Jesus!
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez This one time, it rained for like FORTY YEARS
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving So your best friend is a midget who SPEAKS IN ALL CAPS…
45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins The best book I’ve ever read for free online while working nights at the library
46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery Why was Anne so annoyed about having red hair? Whenever I blew out candles from ages six to ten, I would wish for red hair. Kind of bitter that Anne took hers for granted.
47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood I read this in one sitting in a pub in Stirling
49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding Children are bitches
50 Atonement – Ian McEwan NEVER TRUST THE NARRATOR
51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel
52 Dune – Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen See above about Jane Austen, with a side of “Damn, my sister is crazy” Although that applies to a lot of Jane Austen novels
55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens Learned how to knit because of this book. Yeah, Mme Defarge was my fav.
58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley GIVING BIRTH? Crazy!
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez Either I’m in love, or I have a deadly disease. Symptoms are the same, so I can’t be sure
61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt Classics Majors are CRAZY, Steven
64 The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas Revenge is a dish best served incredibly intricately, after a ridiculously many years
66 On The Road – Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding Even annoying people with faces that are shiny and might be made of plastic can marry Colin Firth. (I actually did read this book, but since it was after I saw the movie, I had a hard time picturing the characters as anything other than the actors who played them)
69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens Asking for more gruel can make you famous
72 Dracula – Bram Stoker If a woman’s acting sexual, SHE MUST BE A DEMON
73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett Nature can cure your sickness
74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson Cultural differences are hilarious
75 Ulysses – James Joyce James Joyce: A Crazy Person
76 The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal – Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray Sometimes, after hundreds of pages, you can get what you want and still be miserable. Also, hating most of your own characters makes for a surprisingly funny book
80 Possession – AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens And Dickens wanted to be remembered for Martin Chuzzlewit lol
82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell Is it a story within a story within a story within a story? Or is it REAL LIFE reflected through a series of mirrors?
83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro Butlers are shy and therefore sad.
85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert Irresponsible women will be the downfall of us all
86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White Whatever, I still say Orville is a better name for a pig.
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Cocaine can make you a better detective
90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery Sometimes hats are actually elephants that have been eaten by snakes
93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94 Watership Down – Richard Adams Still terrified of rabbits
95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas You can be holy and try to pick up women at the same time in France.
98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare If you don’t know how to end your play, just kill EVERYONE
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl Oompa Loompas are the best source of comical cheap labor
100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

Adding to the List of Things I Quit

List of Things I’ve Quit: And reasons

Ice-skating: Moved to Florida. Bummer.
Karate: Sick of getting punched in the face.
Jazz dancing: No rhythm. Also, cannot understand jazz music.
Horseback riding: Allergic to horses. Surprise!
Playing piano: No rhythm. Also, teacher maybe died?
Writing fanfiction: Shame.
Playing guitar: No rhythm. Also, teacher mostly just told stories about armadillos and bands I’d never heard of.
Babysitting: Vow to never let some kid ride on my back and pretend I’m a horse again.
Singing in any kind of public setting: someone at a library Halloween Caroling event told me I should “never sing again ever”. Middle School Girls have fragile feelings.
Going to math competitions: Realized enthusiasm is not the same as actual math skills.
Writing novels: ???
A history class about somewhere in Europe in the 1200s: Could not understand professor at all.
Biking in Beer Bike: Traumatized the year before by having to chug at Beer Run
That English class about art: Prof=sweatiest person I’ve ever seen; plus, know nothing about art.
Road Trip: Really needed to do laundry; tired of eating fast food.
Math Tutoring: Pretty much just sick of driving to Cary
NaNoWriMo 2010: Decide to spend time instead on 10-12 page research papers suddenly do in every class. This was not part of the deal.
Volunteering at the library in November 2010: See above. At least with this one I can guarantee that the quitting is only temporary.

3 Librarian Skills They Don’t Teach You In Grad School

So there are plenty of skills every librarian needs to know that they don’t teach you in grad school (basically EVERY skill librarians need to know, it seems like so far), but here are three that have come up for me recently:

1. Working and Cleaning Popcorn Machines

Now made with real fake butter!

Now made with real fake butter!

These old-fashioned style popcorn machines are loud, messy, and verging on a health hazard, so naturally all libraries seem to have them. The popcorn is made with a suspiciously neon powder, the smell of which is supposed to “draw the most crowds” according to the packet. For some reason, most of the librarians at my new internship have little to no experience with the popcorn machine, so I stepped up to put my Vast Seminole Library Popcorn Expertise to good use. Frankly, I think most of them are pretending to not know how it works to get out of cleaning it. They will never know the joy of working a further seven hours with your hands covered in greasy metal burns and having everyone you talk to ask what smell is making them so hungry. It’s my new perfume, you guys!

2. Art Skillz
This skill is not just relegated to the land of children’s librarianship. Even reference librarians have to make signs and displays on occasion. However, coloring, cutting, and constructing puppets out of recyclables are all things they do not teach in even the children-focused grad school classes. It’s a pity because these skills are WAY, WAY more useful than taking a week to determine what kind of leader you are by taking personality quizzes and it will inevitably end in puppets that look something like this:
buttonalice
As found on Etsy and Regretsy.

3. How to Deal with Crazy People
For some reason, grad school assumes that (if they mention the actual patrons you’ll supposedly be serving, which is rarely) everyone who comes into the library will be friendly and affable, with a healthy thirst for knowledge and no fixed schedule. I think once my reference professor mentioned that sometimes people get grumpy if they’re in a hurry. No one has yet mentioned how sometimes you have to deal with the same drunk lady that comes in some Thursday nights, sobbing, and asking for Nancy Drew over and over, even after you’ve shown her the section twice.

Maybe she just couldn't get over the Clue in the Clock

Maybe she just couldn't get over the Clue in the Clock

No one talks about how to handle the woman who demands a book on divorce for a four-year-old, “preferably titled Because Daddy’s a Good-For-Nothing Ass“. Or the guy who hides in the stacks to shout Star Wars quotes at random intervals. Or the boy who systematically takes all the books about hurricanes, one by one, and hides them in various places around the room such as under the cushions of chairs or in the bathroom sink.

If I ever become Dean of a library school, I will institute at least one course in all of these things. Wall-moving, furniture arrangement, and soda pouring can be an extra credit project in the popcorn class.

Nostalgic Lists

I recently uncovered a notebook I kept I think sophomore through junior year of random lists. I feel a little bit like an Egyptologist since the handwriting is tricky to decipher and half the time I don’t know what I’m talking about.

Made up Positions I’ve Given Myself
Wiess Resident Expert in Speculative Zoology
Wiess Breakfast Rep
Wiess Mr. Potato Head Rep
Co-comics Rep
Resident Witch Doctor
Wiess Librarian
Interior Decorator to the Presidential Suite (after we wallpapered Hiren’s room with water colors, mostly of him being eaten by monsters)
Hairologist
Apprentice Mad Scientist
Wiess Zombie Attack Consultant
Awkward Breakfast Conversation Rep (I still am this)
Wiess Astrologer
Chief Phallic Symbol Recognizer
Wiess Soothsayer
Official BFF to James K. Polk
Noted April Fool’s Day Victim
Noted “the crazy” of the sophomore class by Doward
Wiess Pieologist
Inventor of the Snake Warmer
Wiess Egg Salad Rep
Official BFF to Stephen Hawking

I did so much for Wiess. No wonder I got that award.

Things I’ve Done Instead of Going to Class (first semester)
Homework for that class
Homework for another class
Sleep
Crossword puzzles
Watch movies
Talk to Michael Curtis
Eat lunch
Stare at people from 2nd Floor Fondren
Read
Buy interesting hats
Watch the rain
Have a dance party
Listen to Rocky Horror Picture Show and sing loudly
Leave anonymous love notes for Steven Wiggins
Look up lame pick up lines online
Have consumption
Flirt outrageously

I assume this was first semester sophomore year, since first semester freshman Patricia was MAD conscientious. Also, Steven Wiggins was IN my class, so it would’ve been hard to leave secret love notes. These notes, by the way, would always say things like “If I said you had a corpus bellus would you hold it against me?” He would usually just correct my Latin.
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Winterpocalypse Notebook: I

Food Lion

Food Lion was more crowded than I’ve ever seen it today
though still not in Florida Hurricane Preparedness Proportions.
It’s next to a sad Burger King, the wrong side of a disregarded exit
Off 54
Everyone was buying:
Their weight in cans
Bottled Water
Candles
Bread and Milk.
Children bundled tightly in snow suits, staring at the sky
Waiting

There was only one man ahead of me
In 10 Items Or Less
He was buying:
A container of chicken wings
A case of beer
Eight frozen pizzas.
He looked like a man who knew he was prepared
In a way the Weather Channel would never think to advocate.
I was buying:
AA batteries
Powdered sugar
Chocolate chips (the two things I’d forgotten for baking)
A giant candle in a glass holder with Arch Angel Michael killing some demon.
I know it was somehow Catholic, but they were the only candles left
It was either Michael or a dead Jesus
And I thought defeating demons was marginally more cheerful
Than to have the eyes of a sad Christ look on
As I try in vain to complete the World’s Largest Crossword after the power goes out
By the light of a candle meant for religion
But somehow next to beer and chicken wings and chocolate chips on the conveyor belt
Just the same.

Reasons Bova is Amazing!!!!

Tomorrow is Bova’s birthday, so I’ve decided to compile a list of some favorite Bova memories/reasons why Bova is amazing!!!! In honor of Bova, this post also has 30% more exclamation marks!!! These are mostly in the order I thought of them while driving home from work, and should not be considered a comprehensive, authoritative, or even factual list. Since there are way too many things that are amazing about Bova to fit in one blog post, I’ve decided to simply use some of the lesser known ones that I, her fellow THE 434 member, have special memories of.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. Night of the Comet

You seriously do not even know how amazing this is

You seriously do not even know how amazing this is

Night of the Comet is your typical sci-fi disaster post-Apocalyptic zombie movie mixed with a sassy coming of age story all set to a ironically awesome 80’s soundtrack. I was skeptical in the beginning too, but Night of the Comet did not disappoint. Every time I thought it couldn’t get even more awesome, IT FOUND A WAY. Another amazing movie I would never have experienced if Bova hadn’t taken her D3 professor’s derisive comments about its lack of scientific accuracy to heart and ordered it on impulse from Amazon Marketplace. Not only do I think about Bova every time I remember how great this movie was, I also learned from her and it the valuable lesson that impulse purchases of questionable taste are ALWAYS even more amazing than you could ever expect. For instance: the time I rented Santa’s Slay.
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Misguided Travel Guides: Seminole, Florida

As previously stated, Seminole, Florida is a suburb which, oddly seems to have no real “urb” to be a “sub of, since the entirety of Pinellas County is really just a conglomerate of similar houses and strip malls, searching for a metropolis. You know, and the beach. But it’s still home and here are the four best things about it, should you ever be trapped here on some kind of low-budget Floridacation.

1. The Water Tower

800px-Seminole_FL_Water_Tower2
So this water tower was originally a really drab blue, but they decided to jazz it up when I was in middle school and hired an artist to paint gigantic native Florida birds on it with some clouds in the background. This made total sense, until someone decided that the water tower’s natural shape would lend itself really well to painting a big orange cage over them all. Obviously this image creates a few troubling philosophical questions: if those are clouds WITHIN the cage, did some even larger person put a cage over THE SKY? How could these birds, even at normal size, even fit in a bird cage? Is this a metaphor for human interference being akin to a harmful cage put over THE ENTIRE NATURAL WORLD? Or, we could go with my immediate reaction the first time I saw it: “OMGOD THAT OCTOPUS IS ATTACKING THOSE BIRDS!”
Apparently the city agrees with my complaints because they wanted to paint over it awhile ago, but people complained, saying it was “good for giving directions”.
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Things That Spell Our Doom–2

1. Rachel Liontas

Harmless Gullible Freshman... OR IDENTITY THIEF???

Harmless Gullible Freshman... OR IDENTITY THIEF???

She looks a little TOO happy considering we convinced her to buy most of the Wiess Garage Sale. I mean, don’t get me wrong; I love Rachel Liontas. If there was some kind of bracket system to determine The Best Freshman, she would totally be in my Final Four (now that I think about it, why DON’T we pit the freshmen against each other in a dramatic, death-defying battle for the seniors’ love? Or is that the Freshmen One Acts?). At the wildly successful Wiess Garage Sale, Rachel made off with the following from THE 434’s stash of amazingness: a coconut cup, kickball, Mystery Date Game, pirate hat, Rubix Cube, shiny pink 80s dress, hot pink toga, cowboy hat, Christmas lights, and red star sunglasses. This list is a little too calculated to be just random, impulse buying. Clearly she is amassing all of our definitive possessions in a wild bid to become THE 434 after we have gone. DO NOT BE FOOLED. Just because it is pink and sparkly does NOT mean that it is necessarily Bova!
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