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Goddess Girls: Pandora the Curious

April 9th, 2013 by pladd

It has been almost 6 months since our last Goddess Girls review!!! Steven has hopefully used his time off to become less crotchety and bitter. Pandora and Prometheus are two of my favorite myths so I was really excited to read this book!

Super sad that her bangs aren’t more obviously in the shape of question marks

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
So Pandora accidentally/on purpose opens this box belonging to loner Titan brothers, Epimetheus and Prometheus, and a bunch of colored bubbles pop out! But no one else can see them, and when they hit people around Mount Olympus Academy, they whisper words like “ditz”, “lazy”, or “vain” and dramatically change that person’s behavior! Usually in a super ironic way! Athena becomes an idiot, Artemis is obsessed with her appearance, Principal Zeus just wants to sleep all the time, Aphrodite rudely begins burping all her dialog, Medusa is greedy, Prometheus is a thief, Poseidon is a scaredy-cat, and Persephone has rage issues. Meanwhile, Prometheus accidentally sets fire to the world while trying to help mortals, whose fires have all gone out thanks to Zeus’ negligence. As punishment, Zeus makes him eat his least favorite food, liver, for every meal, and sets a magical eagle to watch him to make sure he does. Pandora finally saves the day by releasing the last bubble from the box, Hope, and recaptures all the “trouble bubbles”. Plus, she wins the science fair and gets to have lunch with Aristotle, Pythagoras, and Hippocrates! Wooo science!!

Who wouldn’t want to have lunch with this guy? And then do some… shirtless math? YOU GO PYTHAGORAS! WOO!

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
First of all, being crotchety and bitter is kind of a one-way street—you don’t get less that way—so ignore any of the lies being told above. And in that spirit, let’s consider how Pandora the Curious stacks up against the source material. First, take a high-level look at points from this and from the original: Pandora and Epimetheus are a romantic item, the box comes to Epimetheus by way of Zeus, Pandora is responsible for the evils inside escaping. Surprisingly, when squinted at, this book meets all three criteria. Granted, ‘romantic item’ in the original was ‘man and wife’, the box and Pandora both represented a revenge scheme of the pantheon’s against Epimetheus and his brother rather than a slapstick accident of fate, and the box’s contents in the real story certainly never re-entered it once open. But overall, I’ll rate it ‘close enough.’ Bonus points for Prometheus’s parts in this version, attempting to bring fire to the mortals (more by accident than anything) and his liver punishment (much less gruesome than the original), though points taken on account of the latter one not involving Heracles. I mean come on, you guys, he’s already a character in the book. But then having him strangle the principal’s pet eagle would probably not fly well with the target tween audience, so perhaps it was better left undone. All in all, I’d rate this one more accurate than the last with plenty of amusing references along the way for the pedantically minded (like me).

Come on, Prometheus, no one likes eating liver. Stop overreacting like a big baby.

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) Science=curiosity about the world! But use your powers wisely
2) People change, so it’s okay to change your crush
3) Save your homework for the last minute and then hurriedly scribble some rambling story about your personal life! You’ll win first prize!

Steven’s Favorites!
Character: Greed-Medusa. Unabashedly hilarious, in a misanthropic way. Which is my favorite kind.
Part: “Ares sported pj’s bearing the logo of a sword-making company in the Immortal Marketplace called Mighty Fighty.”
Thing I Learned: You can beat your severe ADD if you just try hard enough. Apparently. Also don’t open creepy boxes.

Girl was probably just looking for some clothes. She’s naked in like every picture

Patricia’s Favorites!!
Character: Pandora is actually pretty awesome, you guys. In other books she’s portrayed as kind of annoying in that she only speaks in questions, but here we see that she is 1) nice to everyone, even outcasts like the Titans or Medusa, 2) super intrepid, sneaking into Zeus’ office in the middle of the night like it ain’t no thing, and 3) really into science!! I really want her to have a spin-off series where she solves mysteries.
Part: Under the effects of the “greedy” bubble, Medusa changes her science project research question to just “GIVE ME MORE”. Medusa, you’re still my homegirl
Thing I Learned: If Zeus falls down on the job, every fire on Earth will go out and no one will be able to light more.

Next Time: Pheme the Gossip!!!
Previously:
Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6, Book 7, Book 8, Super Special

Tagged: Book Reviews, goddess girls, Steven

Posted in Book Reviews |

Goddess Girls: The Girl Games Super Special!!!

October 9th, 2012 by pladd

It’s Steven’s favorite time again!!! The maximum amount of time till the next Goddess Girls book!!! Actually, he complained way less about this one. I don’t know if it was because it’s super special or he’s just become inured to the pain.

300 pages of super specialness!!!

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
Remember a few books ago when Artemis got Zeus to agree that it was totally unfair that girls couldn’t participate in the Olympics?? It’s time for the girl version, the Heraean Games!! Goddess girls and mortals from all over the world have come to Mount Olympus Academy to compete and Artemis is going crazy trying to organize everything! Aphrodite and Persephone are busy passive aggressively fighting about a kitten named Adonis that Aphrodite found, plus trying to hide him from everyone because they’re not allowed to have pets! Plus, there’s this weird boy trying to ride Pegasus and Athena ends up accidentally helping him steal it, but it’s cool because they end up defeating a rampaging chimera. Between practicing for their events, worrying about their crushes, and trying to get along with the international goddess girls, Athena, Artemis, Aphrodite, and Persephone hardly have time for their friends! In the end, Aphrodite and Persephone learn to share, Artemis learns to delegate, and Athena learns that she can talk her way out of anything.

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
This one is a little harder to rate than previous volumes as it doesn’t actually follow any single myth. Plus, not much is known specifically about the Heraean Games of yore, so that doesn’t give us much to go on either. But, there are at least plenty of mythological shout-outs to acknowledge and rate, so let’s get started! First off, there are the foreign delegations (mixed mortal and divine). From the Amazons, we have Penthesilea and Hippolyta, both mythological queens and so in pretty good standing to compete. Fun fact: Hippolyta has more variations to her original tale than almost any other character in the series to date, all of which originally ended in her gruesome and tragic death and two of which blamed the murder on different characters in this book. Extra credit if you guess them both! Then come the Norse goddesses, Freya [Freyja] and Skadi [Skaði] (originally the patronesses of love/fertility and hunting/winter, respectively). Bonus points for Freya’s necklace, Brisingamen! Egypt also makes a showing with Satet and Neith, goddesses of floods/hunting and war/hunting (noticing a pattern here?) as does China in the persons of Mazu, goddess of the sea, and Wen Shi [Long Mu], mortal Mother of Dragons and post-mortem goddess of parents and children. Double bonus points for including her five snakes, though half a point off for not identifying them as infant dragons. The real fun is in the two traditionally Greek mentions: Bellerophon (and Pegasus, naturally) and Adonis. Here’s where my vote splits; their treatment of the Bellerophon myth is pretty close to the original where it counts, following his dream-sequence introduction to Athena, receipt of her golden bridle, capture of Pegasus, and [near-]suffocation of the Chimera. For that part, 9/10 points! Adonis, on the other hand, shows up as a black cat in the marketplace. We spend the whole book waiting for some dramatic reveal that will unmask him for the epitome of human masculine beauty which we know him to be, only to hit the end…and he’s still just a cat. Props for having Aphrodite fall for him, in a way, I guess. But yeah, no love interest? No life-death-rebirth action? How does Persephone figure into it? And what’s with the cat thing? We may never know.

Steven kept insisting that something like this was bound to happen, and I was like “You STILL don’t understand tween fiction, do you?”

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) Just because you’re competing against someone, doesn’t mean you can’t also be friends!
2) If something is against the rules, just hide the fact that you’re doing it for awhile and everything will work out
3) Stealing is okay if you use the stolen goods to defeat monsters!!

Steven’s Favorites!
Character: Cerberus. For all his fierceness, he’s just a big ol’ softy with the kittens.
Part: The mail-order mixups! Nice to see that shipping hasn’t appreciably changed in the last 2,500 years.
Thing I Learned: Zeus has a nasty cat allergy, but is otherwise 100% immune to illness. Who knew?

Ladies of Ancient Greece: you really want to keep Zeus away? Just get a cat!

Patricia’s Favorites!!
Character: Penthe the Amazon girl! She totally hit on Artemis’ crush to distract her and give Penthe an advantage during archery!! Smooth.
Part: One of the competitions in the girl games is thumb wrestling!!! Yes!!!
Thing I Learned: Ms. Hydra’s many heads each represent a different personality trait. The pink one’s the most gossipy and the gray one worries too much.

Next Time: Pandora the Curious!!
Previously:
Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6, Book 7, Book 8

Tagged: Book Reviews, books, goddess girls, Steven

Posted in Book Reviews |

Goddess Girls: Medusa the Mean

June 15th, 2012 by pladd

It’s Steven’s favorite time!! Finishing a Goddess Girls book!! Meaning I won’t be forcing him to read one till at least the end of July (when Goddess Girls Super Special: The Girl Games comes out!). This one was about Medusa and was definitely my favorite so far!

Antiheroes are the bomb

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
Medusa is super unpopular at Mount Olympus Academy because she has green skin, snake hair, and a penchant for telling it like it is! Girl’s got sass, but it doesn’t help her make friends or win any ground with Poseidon, her “supercrush”. Hera and Zeus are getting married and Ancient Greek God custom(?) dictates that the seven groomsmen get to choose their own bridesmaids through ridiculous contests! Of course Medusa wants to get chosen by Poseidon, but to do that she’ll have to win his swimming contest. No big deal, considering her parents are inattentive, tragic-back-story sea monsters, but she orders a magical Pegasus necklace that’s supposed to give her immortal powers anyway, just to be on the safe side. It looks like she’s going to win too, when she decides to Do The Right Thing and rescue her kindergarten buddy Andromeda from bullies instead. Poseidon finally notices her anyway, but says she’s got to wear a hat to cover up her snake hair if they’re going to hang. She realizes he’s bad news and dramatically gives up her crush! It’s cool, Dionysus doesn’t mind her snakes, and loves her sassy sense of humor. You go, girl!! Also, a stray Zeus lightning bolt combines with kindergarten Perseus’ toy Medusa shield and the remains of her probably-fake(?) Pegasus charm to create an actual real life Pegasus!! Best wedding present ever??

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
Short answer: what mythos? Seriously, they didn’t really try with this one. But, using the open-ended approach does let them pretty much make it up as they go along without being restricted by the myth, so I’ll award bonus points instead for honorable mentions. Points go for the mention of Medusa’s parents, Ceto and Phorcys, and (as usual) the inclusion of her sisters, Euryale and Stheno. There are a fair number of other minor mentions throughout, notably the appearance of Perseus and Andromeda roughly halfway through. Loss of points for Perseus being basically useless and contributing nothing to the plot apart from his Medusoid shield. At the same time, double points for their clever re-imagining of Medusa’s decapitation/Pegasus’ birth. Which, admittedly, required Perseus’ shield. So I’ll give them a pass and let’s call it even.

Being more faithful to myth would have made the ending kind of a downer

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) Don’t get so caught up in a guy’s dreamy turquoise skin that you don’t realize what a loser he is on the inside.
2) Guidance counselors are never as helpful as BFFs.
3) Ancient Greek God gift registries are attended by creepy puppets.

Steven’s Favorites!
Character: Dionysus. He gets all the ladies.
Part: “…Career-ology Week. (Or Job-ology Week, as the students called it.)”
Thing I Learned: Go for the drunken ones. They’re more fun.

She just wants friends, you guys

Patricia’s Favorites!!
Character: Medusa!!! I love that she paints her nails in class so people will think she’s super blase about school, and then studies really hard secretly when no one’s looking
Part: At Zeus and Hera’s wedding when asked if anyone objects, a fly buzzes into the arena! Oh no, is it Athena’s inexplicable fly-mom coming to throw her tiny weight around?? Nah, just a normal fly, we cool. Loved this Ancient Greek insect fake out.
Thing I Learned: Medusa’s snakes apparently are named: Viper, Flicka, Pretzel, Snapper, Twister, Slinky, Lasso, Slither, Scaly, Emerald, Sweetpea, and Wiggle. Why don’t Ancient Greek legends record this? Apparently we never asked.

Next Time: Super Special: The Girl Games!
Previously:
Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6, Book 7

Tagged: Book Reviews, goddess girls, Middle School, Steven

Posted in Book Reviews |

Goddess Girls: Artemis the Loyal

May 15th, 2012 by pladd

It’s Goddess Girls time again!!! Now that we’re caught up, we can read them in order! This is Book 7, Artemis the Loyal.

Totally misleading cover; nothing this exciting ever happens

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
The Olypmics are coming up, when all the boys at Mount Olympus Academy compete against boys from other schools in exciting athletic events! Artemis is angry that, even though she’s a great athlete, she can’t participate, so decides to petition Zeus to start a girls-only Olypmics for fairness. Meanwhile, her brother Apollo is mad at her for always trying to help him and making him look weak, so he decides to participate in the scariest Olympic event of all: matching wits with the Parnassus Python! Plus, Actaeon is totally crushing on her, and maybe one of the rival giant athletes is too?? Eventually, Zeus agrees to the girl games after his new fiance Hera wheedles it out of him and Apollo steps up to show that boys support it too.

In the book this confrontation involves a lot less fighting and a lot more lame riddles

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
Let’s be clear about this one: this was a story completely written for its own sake with very little effort (or apparently desire) to reinterpret any given myth in a new context. Thus trying to rate the faithfulness to any original mythos would be an apples-to-oranges comparison. Having said that, there are a few original mythical themes that raise their heads in this book, most notably the interaction between Artemis, the hunter Actaeon, and his transformation into a stag. Artemis takes offense at an action of Actaeon’s, transforms him into a stag, and he is subsequently pursued by hounds. I know that’s an extremely high-level summary of the original myth, but that’s about as close to it as the book’s version comes. In the original, Actaeon accidentally stumbles upon the virginal goddess being bathed by her nymph attendants and his (unintentional) sacrilege in viewing her uncoveredm—perhaps he lingered a little too long to watch?—is the catalyst for Artemis’ vengeful transformation. In that version, his own hounds do as they were trained and take up the pursuit of their erstwhile master in stag form, eventually taking him down and tearing him to pieces. The book’s version is much tamer; Actaeon makes fun of the already sensitive goddess-girl and is temporarily transformed out of pique, being chased by a visiting giant as well as her own hounds until she hurriedly rescinds the transformation to save him.
Other than that, the whimsical tale of pre-teen romance between Artemis and her two suitors, Actaeon and Otus (an actual admirer/suitor of Artemis after a stalker-y fashion in the original myth), is pretty much spun out of whole cloth. The only other major reference worth mentioning is the creation of the Heraean Games, an actual female-only athletic competition which may have functioned as Greek women’s foil to the all-male Olympics. Of course, in the actual Greek Olympics, unlike the book, there would have been no female spectators at the games on pain of a long walk over a short cliff. Still, bonus points for trying, right?

Steven is continually disappointed that this series doesn't contain the nudity and bloodshed he's accustomed to in Greek mythology

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) Want to convince someone in authority of something, ladies? You either need to use your wiles or get male backing. Who cares if 60 girls signed Artemis’ petition? It’s the page of BOY signatures Apollo was able to get that really count
2) When twins are identical, one of them is always evil
3) Just because you’re ten minutes older, doesn’t mean you get to mother your brother to death.

Steven’s Favorites!
Character: Otus the giant. He really lives up to the bringer-of-civilization reputation he had in Greek myth, even if they don’t make mention of it.
Part: Artemis’ first encounter with the Python. I couldn’t help but root for the snake!
Thing I Learned: ‘Saying uncle’ in ancient Greece was enough to get you released by the terrible mythological monster of your choice. Why didn’t all the heroes try that instead of all the fighting? Seems a lot less tiring.

Patricia’s Favorites!!
Character: Actaeon! Way to take it in stride when you’re turned into a stag and hunted by giants, guy.
Part: When Artemis completely failed to disguise herself as a boy to enter the games and SHOW THEM ALL WHAT GIRLS CAN DO. Why did this not even occur to her?? She already has an identical twin it is completely perfect.
Thing I Learned: Giants practice bride kidnapping and it’s okay because that’s their culture

Next: Medusa the Mean
Previously:
Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6

Tagged: goddess girls, Steven

Posted in Book Reviews |

Goddess Girls: Athena the Wise

April 3rd, 2012 by pladd

This is the last Goddess Girls review for awhile! Still waiting for Book 7, Artemis the Loyal, at the library! And Book 8, Medusa the Mean comes out today!! I’m pretty excited to read something from Medusa’s point of view!

I don't know why Athena let Heracles be front and center on her own cover

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
Athena’s dad Zeus tells her to “help out” Mt. Olympus Academy’s newest student, a determined mortal named Heracles! Hercules must complete 12 Labors set by his lame cousin Eurystheus within one week to earn his place at MOA! Since Eurystheus is such a tool, the labors mostly involve catching or killing giant beasts, and Athena has her work cut out for her convincing Heracles to use his brains as well as his strength. Plus, since they’ve been spending so much time together, rumors are flying around school that they are in like with each other!!! How embarrassing! But could it be true?? Also, snotty mortal weaver Arachne challenges Athena to a weaving contest, and then weaves an insulting tapestry about Athena’s fly mom. So, pissed, Athena turns her into a spider as per her Revenge-ology textbook’s suggestion of “things to turn mortals into”.

Or, you know, just stab her face, whatever

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
I admit, this one threw me for a bit of a loop; much as I love ragging on the mangled mythologies in these books, this one did a better than usual job of staying on target. So long as we overlook the bits made entirely out of whole cloth (Athena joining Hercules for half his tasks on Zeus’ assignment, Athena’s crush on Hercules and its attendant middle school drama, etc.), the only major departures from the original are those of omission. Hera is strikingly absent for a work about Hercules, and his parentage is (as usual for these books) tactfully not mentioned, but the Twelve Labors get a pretty decent coverage, albeit with slightly more interference from Athena than in the original. The tasks (not to mention Eurystheus) are rendered fairly bloodless, but this is a tween-age novel, so that’s to be expected. The only significant departure is actually not about Hercules at all, but rather regards Athena and Arachne; Arachne’s hubris is depicted fairly enough as is the spirit of her spiteful weaving (according to the Ovidian version, anyway), but the contents of both girls’ tapestries are rewritten extensively from the original. In Arachne’s case that makes sense for the book’s audience (her original is pretty much the laundry list of philandering shape-shifting gods shown in flagrante delicto), but Athena’s is changed from the original series of cautionary tales about contests between mortals and gods (and their inevitable outcomes) to Hercules’ labors, apparently as a later plot point. At least they kept the temple of the Twelve Olympians intact as the main piece. In summary, though, it’s pretty true to the story. Grab a copy of Ovid or Hesiod if you don’t believe me.

Steven read two actual books to write the above paragraph! This is why he's the expert

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) Even if things seem impossible at first, there’s usually a tricky, riddle-like solution if you just use your brain.
2) Boys are strong, but kind of dumb.
3) Even if you like-like a boy, he should never try to kiss you under false pretenses.
4) In middle school, talking to a boy is a sign of betrothal.

Strong, but dumb

Steven’s Favorites!
Character: Tie between the Erymanthian Boar (or is that bore?) and Eurystheus, the cowardly king
Part: Zeus and his Cosmo-esque Temple Digest magazine. “Corinthian, Ionic, or Doric? What your choice of columns says about you!”
Thing I Learned: Little known fact; Revenge-ology is an exact science. Not sure about the proper response? Consult your text-scroll for handy tables!

Patricia’s Favorites!!
Character: Zeus. He only drinks “Zeus Juice”, which I think is code for ouzo, and sends Heracles on this ridic quest all to have something stylish to depict on his new temple’s walls.
Part: Athena defeats the hydra by confusing it with math!
Thing I Learned: The gods should sometimes show mercy to stupid mortals… j/k always turn them into animals lol!

Previously: Persephone the Phony

Or read them in order:
Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6

Tagged: goddess girls, Middle School, Steven

Posted in Book Reviews |

Goddess Girls: Persephone the Phony

March 20th, 2012 by pladd

Book 2 of the Goddess Girls series! This time we finally get to hear from quiet, nature-loving Persephone. The Fluttershy of Goddess Girls, if you will.

I would've gone with Persephony, but whatever

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
Sometimes Persephone just wants a little peace and quiet, but finds herself following her mom’s advice “going along to get along” and not telling her friends what she really feels. Way to go, PersePHONY! Then she meets cute loner boy Hades and likes him because he calls her on her bullshit. But he’s from the underworld so both her mom and her friends tell her to STAY AWAY! Fed up with being told what to do, she decides to dramatically run away from home one night, using her goddess powers to disguise herself as an old lady and flee to Hades in the Underworld. He’s only worried about her safety and that her mom will think he kidnapped her (lol) so returns her home. After a heart to heart with her mom and her BFFs, Persephone and Hades attend the school dance together!

All a hilarious misunderstanding!

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
Oh Persephone, you get such a bad rap in mythology *and* this book. However, while the book Persephone is meek, mild, and passive-aggressive in a way most of us will find very familiar, her mythological counterpart was anything but. Hades-as-emo-boy is also something of a stretch, though, since the original was much less emo and much more devious and aloof. Witness the downfall of Pirithous for a good example. Demeter as helicopter mom is pretty funny, and at least a little true, though this book gives it a slightly happier ending. Double points for including Hypnos and Thanatos in the underworld, though, and for avoiding the slippery slope of the Dantean Underworld that so many people fall into when trying to describe the Greco-Roman version. And points again for Hades’ subterranean (tunneling?) chariot. All in all, this one did a better job than most of putting in the details with less inventive fluff. Kudos!

A slippery slope

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) If your parents and your friends disapprove of your boyfriend, that makes him EVEN BETTER because clears you are starcrossed lovers!!
2) Running away from home and other desperate bids for attention always work.
3) Cemeteries are the hipster hangout of the pantheon (or maybe Olympian make out point?)

Steven’s Favorites!
Character: The shades in Tartarus. “And anyway, even if I did take the food and money, I needed it more than those orphans!”
Part: Persephone’s attempt to sneak back home after running away to the Underworld. Breadstyx and nectar water for comfort food!
Thing I Learned: Apparently, in ancient Greece, they were called “chariot moms.”

Chariot moms just need to learn to give their daughters a little space

Patricia’s Favorites!!
Character: Hades. I am all about his portrayal as a sad, misunderstood emo kid.
Part: Ares taunts Hades by calling him “Death Boy”, which would be a pretty good name for a band.
Thing I Learned: Charon is surprisingly easily fooled for a guardian of the land of the dead

Previously: Athena the Brain
Next:: Athena the Wise

Or, if you want to read them in book order Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6

Tagged: Book Reviews, goddess girls, Middle School, Steven

Posted in Book Reviews |

Goddess Girls: Athena the Brain

March 12th, 2012 by pladd

This is actually the first book in the Goddess Girls series!! I assumed maybe it would clear up some of the confusion I’ve had during the other volumes, but alas. Still no explanation for Athena’s mom being a fly.

I'm super sad that Poseidon doesn't have turquoise skin on the cover

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
Athena gets a letter revealing that Zeus is her dad!! And inviting her to attend prestigious Mt. Olympus Academy! So she says goodbye to her beloved foster sister Pallas and heads off for intellectual adventure! Of course she’s nervous and confused; why are the classes on such weird topics? Why is Medusa such a mean girl? Why is her mom a fly? But she quickly makes friends with the other main Goddess Girl characters, tries out for the cheerleading squad, and decides to invent something cool for mortals to win the invention fair. Medusa STEALS one of the inventions, a shampoo, and ends up with snake hair that can turn mortals to stone. Luckily Athena tricks her into using it on herself. She accidentally wins the invention fair with her amazing olives, and wins as her prize the chance to invite her friend Pallas for the weekend! Yay bffs!! Bffs we never hear about again.

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
First things first, why is Pallas some mortal girlfriend of Athena’s? Pallas (as a contemporary of Athena) in the mythology almost always refers to the Gigante (or giant) Pallas, or Pallas son of Lycaon who was one of her early teachers. The former she imprisoned underground and the latter she accidentally killed, so either way I can see why they’d avoid the subject, but why introduce a spurious character altogether? And anyway, Pallas is usually a cognomen of Athena, as in Pallas Athena or just Pallas for short. Points for Odysseus and the Trojan Horse, and I like their version of how Medusa got her snaky hair (hint: Athena was involved, yes, and so was Medusa’s crush on Poseidon, but the reason was a lot sexier than an accidental shampoo mixup), but points off again for their Metis-as-fly idea. Sure, Metis was tricked into her fly shape and swallowed by Zeus, but she is not, intrinsically, a fly. Nor were they, after that event, on particularly good terms. And then there’s the whole born-fully-grown-and-clothed-in-armor-of-bronze bit missing… All in all, four stars for fun, two stars for accuracy. Not the worst start, really.

When Steven writes a book series for tween girls, you can bet this is the first thing that's going down

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) BFF 4 LYFE! Or at least for the first book in the series
2) You shouldn’t crush on a boy who thinks he’s smarter than you when you are clears the Goddess of Wisdom–what a douche
3) Girls can do science!!
4) When disasters happen to mean people, it’s okay not to save them

Steven’s Favorites!
Character: Medusa, hands down. Her bitchiness is only equaled by her snark. Good combination.
Part: The magical brainstorm and its ensuing rain of ships!
Thing I Learned: Trident gum was named by Poseidon so that none of us would ever forget it’s called a Trident, not a pitchfork.

Patricia’s Favorites!!
Character: Poseidon! His invention is a water park, you guys! And he has turquoise skin!
Part: Medusa and her sisters taunt Athena with this inventive chant: “Give me an F! Give me an L! Give me a Y! What’s that spell? Athena’s mom!”
Thing I Learned: At MOA, all trophies are painstakingly carved from stone by Zeus, so the school trophy case must look like a collection created out of Playdoh by a preschooler with giant, awkward hands.

Previously: Aphrodite the Diva
Next:: Persephone the Phony

Or, if you want to read them in book order Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6

Tagged: book review, books, goddess girls, Middle School, Steven

Posted in Book Reviews |

Goddess Girls: Aphrodite the Diva

February 17th, 2012 by pladd

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
Aphrodite needs some extra credit in Hero-ology ASAP after accidentally starting that unfortunate Trojan War. So she decides to use her powers to help lonely mortals find love! Due to a mail delivery mix-up (thanks, rhyming magical winds), she and Isis, the Egyptian goddess of love, both end up trying to help the same mortal, Pygmalion. So they get into a crush-finding contest made more difficult by the fact that Pygmalion is a self-centered jerk! In the end, he confesses to being totally in love with this statue he’s made, and the two goddesses work together to bring her to life… in reward for his… jerkiness? Also, Metis the Fly Mom left Zeus for another fly, so Aphrodite helps him get together with Hera! She also finds love for Medusa (Dionysus), Pandora (Poseidon), Mr. Cyclops (Cleo, three-eyed makeup store owner), and herself (Ares!). She and Isis decide to be love goddess BFFs. The end!

You thought Egyptian goddess faces would look less insectoid? Fool!

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
Basically the only thing any part of this had in common with an actual mythical storyline was that Aphrodite was responsible for Pygmalion’s statue, Galatea, coming to life and being his wife (and even then, the name ‘Galatea’ is only a later historical assignment to said statue). Oh, there are other minor characters and events that mirror mythological tradition, like Medusa’s crush on Poseidon (see how she got to be Medusa in the first place according to later myth…) or Pygmalion’s residence on Cyprus. But mostly, 2 thumbs down for accuracy. The Egyptian connection has no basis in myth, Cairo wasn’t founded until the 10th century A.D., Aphrodite’s Egyptian counterpart would have been Hathor, not Isis, and Hera was Zeus’s sister-wife, not some shopkeeper with a crush. Oh well.

Steven's just mad about Cairo because it was my guess for what "C" stood for and he hates losing

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) If you love a fake thing hard enough and annoy those around you with it, eventually it will become REAL! I assume this is what Twihards are aiming for.
2) You can be friends with someone despite disagreeing on things like the afterlife or whether dogs are better than cats.
3) Ignore all jerkiness from the past. If a cute guy starts sending you badly-rhymed secret admirer notes, you are required to fall in love with him again.
4) There’s someone for everyone. Even if their hair is made of snakes.

Patricia’s Favorites!!!
Character: Artemis. She can declare a friendship finished because DOGS ARE SO BETTER THAN CATS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
Part: Ares’ romantic love song. It includes genius lyrics like “I was on your side in the Trojan War, when I think of you I think “amour”.”
Thing I Learned: Hera totally got a bad rap in Greek mythology, you guys! Turns out, she’s not the ur-bitch! She’s just tough but fair.

Tried to find a picture for you of Hera being a bitch that I could caption sarcastically, but the first page of google images had nothing, so here's her chillin with Prometheus

Steven’s Favorites
Character: Dionysus. Because you can be a sleaze and still get the girls as long as you’re not picky.
Part: The immortal matchmaker quizzes! Apparently knowing your favorite animal is the first step to finding your true love!
Thing I Learned: Ra gives underwater (underground?) sunboat rides if you’re there in time to catch him.