The Plaid Pladd

Last time we took a tour of the most expensive things you can buy on Etsy in the “Geekery” section. I felt like the best section to follow that would be “Everything Else,” a hodgepodge of random listings that wouldn’t fit anywhere else. And one of the subheadings is “Taxidermy” so you know this is going to be good.

Everything Else–>Educational

The educational section seems to be kind of a mix of teaching supplies and instructions for things. The most expensive item listed right now is this:

Yes, you’re paying $12,182 to download a file

The description claims that “IT training includes website creation and Internet marketing,” and that’s all the information you get.

Everything Else–>Magic

The Magic section has the crystals and tarot card readings you’d expect. The most expensive item is this 6-month psychic therapy session for $5,500:

Hey, it’s cheaper than some life coaches

Apparently you’ll meet for an hour on Skype once a week, and she’ll assign you homework to turn your life around! I feel like I already do that for people under the guise of my conversational English lessons. Clearly I need to up my prices.

Everything Else–>Metaphysical

In this section, you can pay $21,370 for a painting full of healing energy that will bring you happiness and longevity:

The description also mentioned how angels guided me to this page

It also comes with a certificate to prove how much healing energy it has.

Everything Else–>Personalized

This one is actually super cool, but I’m not sure why it’s in the Personalized section:

It’s an awesome chandelier!

$3,650 isn’t that bad for something forged, right?

Everything Else–>Religious

Bringing it in the Religious section is this “very large chanukah menorah” at only $4,450:

It IS a very large menorah

Made of bronze, straight from Jerusalem!

Everything Else–>Custom

In the custom section, we find a dude trying to sell his patent for a light-up fence:

I mean, it is a pretty cool fence

Sorry to disappoint you, but the asking price is ACTUALLY $1,000,000 US dollars. $250,000 is apparently the largest price Etsy will allow.

Everything Else–>Taxidermy

Taxidermy yes!!!!! And I’m not disappointed:

It’s everything that was promised

This $8,500 articulated cow skeleton would make “a great gift for a veterinary student or for yourself” and will be “at home in any collection of veterinary specimans, bones and skulls, or for the discerning cow owner.” Thank you, Taxidermy section.

Everything Else–>Weird

Alright, time for weirdness! The most expensive is at Etsy’s top allowable price ($250,000), and I don’t really understand what I’m looking at:

At first I thought it was like a copy of the book with Ray Bradbury’s spirit trapped inside or something

The description doesn’t really help me out either:

So you get a magical mirror box that will let you see into the ocean?

My favorite part of the Weird section was definitely this steal at $100,000:

Grimace’s autograph!!

“He was solely focused on the art of being fat and purple back then, man.”

Well, that wraps up this session of Etsy for Rich People. Try to contain your burgeoning fortunes till next time, when I’ll show you some more ridic things you can buy

Previously: Geekery

So I was looking at rings on Etsy recently because I’m thinking of someday leveling up my wedding ring, and, on a whim, decided to sort results by “Highest Price” to see what would happen. I may never be the same again. I started clicking on different categories only to see what the most expensive thing in them was, and to marvel at the idea of a world where someone has that much money to blow on… that. Other times I was impressed. “Wow, that required so much work and effort to build–I can see someone really treasuring that… if they had an extra $10,000 lying around.” But I’m sure to someone that price is worth it. By far the most interesting were the subcategories within the amorphous “Geekery” heading, and I bring you the best fruits of my search:

This one I actually think is pretty cool

Heading up the “Geekery–>Jewelry” category at most expensive at $2,995 is this R2D2 inspired ring made of 14 karat white gold, sapphires, and diamonds. I’m pretty impressed with how this combines a nerdy subject and indisputable beauty, much like PaulMichaelDesign‘s other work, such as:

This amazing Pokemon ring!

This Pokemon ring was right behind the R2D2 one in the list of most expensive, although the ring in his gallery I most want to replace my current wedding ring is:

A RUBBER DUCK RING!

A steal at only $275!

Turning to the “Weird” subcategory, we find this:

A lifesize bigfoot replica bust, for $1,500

I was kind of confused about what I was looking at, but the item details make it clear:

Custom made to order!

Keep that in mind for next Christmas, rich people reading this! But if you really want to impress me, maybe take a look at the “Accessories” category for:

Tree of Knowledge crocheted “brain blanket”

It’s only $3,600! The item details also describe it as an “idea insulator” and you can’t put a price on a good idea.

The “Clothing” subcategory features the most expensive piece of all:

Custom fit chainmail for ladies!

I actually think this one is way cool and the price is probably justified because that is work intensive to the extreme.

Next up, Housewares, from which I submit to you this delightful pitcher to serve and confuse your guests:

Steel Skull Pitcher

It doesn’t really have a spout, and looks kind of hard to pour out of, but when you’re only paying $1,600 I guess you can’t afford to be choosy.

Another one I found legitimately impressive, from the “Toy” category, this laser-etched birch Settlers of Catan playing board:

With beautiful original artwork

I love this one. I would buy this one (maybe) if $430 weren’t a little steep. I wish he had other board games redesigned in this way.

How about the Science subcategory? From that, I submit to you:

This hand embroidered, scientifically accurate bisected human head

Sure, it’s $1,200, but it’s appropriate for all occasions! Birthdays, Christenings, Valentine’s Day… really anytime you want to show you care.

Finally, the “Kitsch” category. I’m not really sure what that means, and I’m even less sure about what I found there. The most expensive spot is a 5-way tie between 5 different products from the same person, all kind of like this:

Note the item details say it’s made of beads

As near as I can tell, this is the wall tapestry version of those little lizards and turtles and snakes we made as kids with big colorful beads and plastic string. Also this one, and each of its 4 brothers, is $10,000.

But I’m not letting you abandon the Kitsch subcategory just yet. Just below this puzzling beaded art is possibly the best thing I’ve ever seen on Etsy. Are you ready?

It’s a latch-hooked rug of Lex Luthor/Clark Kent forbidden love

According to the seller, it took 9 months to make, measures 18.6″ x 24″, and would make a great hanging “or a very interesting rug, although I can’t imagine anyone wanting to step on those beautiful faces.”

Truly, I know more about the world than I did this morning.

Next: Everything Else Category