Little known fact: I am an expert at Rice University history. Not only does John Boles recognize me on sight (as someone he should nod to; it’s unclear whether he knows my name) but I once wrote a totally historically accurate, based on a true story, completely not made up play about William Marsh Rice’s buried gold, which some freshmen then grudgingly performed. Also, I may have been peripherally involved in the True History of William Marsh Rice Campaign that The Man and Wikipedia clearly don’t want you to know about. Therefore, having listed my impressive credentials, I think we can all agree that I mean serious business when it comes to Rice history.
So I expect you to take me totally seriously when I claim that it has become clear in recent weeks that Edgar Odell Lovett was actually a ninja.
Unlike some of my seemingly wild claims that then have turned out to be eerily accurate (re: Jason Hawley has embezzled all of Wiess’ money to diamond-encrust his lap top, the Servery will one day have cheesesticks etc.) I have some actual, photographic evidence for this, and it is as follows:
As modeled by me in the Woodson Research Center Basement/Ninja Training Room
Basically, it’s a really long bamboo pole. At least ten or fifteen feet. Supposedly it was used for pole vaulting back in the very beginning of Rice Institute and then Lovett’s son used it as a banister in his house for awhile. I mean, we’ve all been there. At a track and field meet, when you see the pole vaulting poles lying on the ground and suddenly think: “You know what that would make? One sweet banister!”
OR he was actually trying to disguise the bamboo pole, to cover the evidence that Edgar Odell Lovett had actually used it daily in his secret career as a ninja. Everyone knows he went to Japan on his world tour of universities before starting Rice! But was it really to meet the Japanese Minister of Education… OR TO TRAIN AS A HIGHLY SKILLED ASSASSIN???
Don’t believe me? To quote an anonymous archivist within the Woodson Research Center: “Edgar Odell Lovett was definitely a ninja. But don’t quote me on that.” What more evidence do you need?