Posts Tagged ‘books’

2012 Bonus Book List: The Pretty

I felt kind of bad looking through my Goodreads account just for bad covers when there were so many nice ones this year too, so I thought I would show you those too:

A Mind of Its Own: A Cultural History of the Penis by David M. Friedman

Is this not just the PERFECT cover design for this subject? From the fancy olde timey guy to the placement of the O. Awesome.

Snuff by Sir Terry Pratchett

His ship is sinking and he still has a cigar in his mouth. I love it.

Between Two Ends by David Ward

I read this book solely because the cover was so cool looking! I ended up giving it only two stars. It was alright, but didn’t live up to the hype of its cover.

The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom by Christopher Healy

The illustrations in this one in general were really detailed and good. The cover also continues around to the back, which I like.

The Invisible Gorilla by Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simons

Non-fiction books seemed to have impressed me more in general this year, especially in the cover department. Maybe I expect less.

Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake

Creeeeeepy

Kat, Incorrigible by Stephanie Burgis

This is another book like Jane Austen except everyone has magic, this time for middle grades. I think the cover fits the tone pretty perfectly.

Leftovers by Tom Perrotta

One day a bunch of people all over the world just disappear, and those that are left wonder what the heck happened. Thought it would be a Left Behind knockoff, but actually wasn’t religious at all.

Excited to start reading in 2013!

The Good
2012: The Bad
2012: The Ugly

2012 Book List: The Ugly

One of my favorite times of year!! The time when I look back at all the books I read and judge them shamelessly by their covers!! Some of these will be familiar from The Good and The Bad lists, because ugliness isn’t an indicator of quality.

Reluctantly Alice by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

I read this whole series this year, and a lot of them were published in the 80s and 90s, which were like the golden years for terrible children’s book covers like this where they went for illustrating a scene in the book. Just so we’re clear, that’s the middle school bully trying to beat her up, not a cross-country trucker.

Alice on the Outside by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

Even when Alice is in a sexy situation instead of a scary one, it’s just as awk and ugly.

Flamingo Rising by Larry Baker

This book was on my Good list, but I really think they could have designed a better cover. The book is full of really cool visuals! He lives at a drive-in movie theater with a neon sign the size of a building, come on.

Virgin Vegan Valentine by Carolyn Mackler

I feel awkward staring at this girls chest in her boring tank top.

Things I’ve Learned From Girls Who Dumped Me

This cover is okay, but the book was pretty funny, so I wish it was better.

Outrageously Alice by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

Alice is invited to a lingerie-themed bridal shower. I know, I was disappointed too

Never Sit Down In a Hoop Skirt and Other Things I Learned in Southern Belle Hell by Crickett Rumley

I’ve fallen down in a hoop skirt before, and that is not what it looks like.

Love*Com Volume 3 by Aya Nakahara

AH GOBLINS!

The Future of Us by Jay Asher and Carolyn Mackler

I actually really like this concept: two 90s kids get magical access to their future facebook profiles and then try to change their lives to “fix” what they see.

The Agony of Alice by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

That is bad-acting mopey, AT BEST. I was promised agony.

Heavenly Hijinks by Ashley Ladd

I almost didn’t put this on here, because it does get you perfectly prepared for what you are about to read. But, come on, he’s a sexy lion man.

The Good
2012: The Bad
2012 Bonus: The Pretty

2012 Book List: The Bad

Merry Christmas! I’m writing this from the past! Ooooh!

I don’t have as many books on my The Bad list as last year, maybe because James and I kind of fell behind at our book club.

Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James

If I try to succinctly tell you how much I hated this book, it will just be a scream of inarticulate rage, so you should probably just check out my tumblr on the subject. The writing? The plotting? The characters? The terrible gender dynamics? All will be mocked in time. But even updating two or three times a day, it’s still going to take a while to get out all my hate on this subject.

Fifty Shades Darker by E. L. James

Blah blah blah self-insert Twilight fanfic

Fifty Shades Freed by E. L. James

Reading this was hard because I knew that some people weren’t immediately repulsed by Christian Grey and the way his internal monologue is indistinguishable from a serial killer’s. That’s probably why my response was to hate-vomit all over tumblr.

We’ll Be Here for the Rest of Our Lives by Paul Shaffer

We talked about why this one sucked before–still don’t want to ban it, though.

Boyfriends with Girlfriends by Alex Sanchez

This book had good intentions, about showcasing different types of relationships and navigating the dating scene when you’re not sure about your sexuality. Too bad every page was just a conversation pulled straight from a handbook about How To Talk To Troubled Teens.

Heavenly Hijinks by Ashley Ladd

The constellation Leo takes human form to seduce a hot lady psychic. You can pretty much judge everything about this book by its cover.

I either read fewer terrible books this year, or just got less picky.

The Good
2012: The Ugly
2012 Bonus: The Pretty

2012 Book List: The Good

According to my GoodReads account, I’ve read 106 books so far in 2012, and 32,422 pages. That’s about half of last year which makes me a little sad.

Part of me thinks I must have forgotten to record some, but I guess we’ll never know

Anyway, since it was a lot of fun last year to look back through, I thought I would give you a run down of the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly again. These books all got five stars from me this year:

The Monstrumologist by Rick Yancey

This series were my three favorite books I read this year. I read each in a day because I couldn’t stop, and then read them to Steven in another three days because he couldn’t either. It’s historical horror with a gruesome, gothic feel and characters that are too real. Will Henry is a young assistant to the world’s greatest monstrumologist, Dr. Pellinore Warthrop, who’s also an incredibly egotistical, selfish pain to deal with. You can think of him as a monster hunter, though he would insist that he’s a scientist and give you a lecture about the difference. He and Will Henry have such a fierce love/hate relationship, bound by guilt and life debts, and everytime I think about how I have to wait till next September till the fourth (and last?) book in this series I start to hyperventilate a little. WILL HENRYYYYYYYYY, I need you right now.

Anyway, in this, the first book, Will Henry and Dr. Warthrop attempt to save their town from vicious, blood thirsty anthropophagi, humanoid monsters with no heads and mouths in their stomachs.

The Curse of the Wendigo (Monstrumologist Book 2) by Rick Yancey

Will Henry and Dr. Warthrop travel from the far off wastes of Canada to the bustling metropolis of New York to save a colleague and old friend of Warthrop’s from the wendigo, a ravenous ghost vampire monster which the Doctor insists isn’t really, because that would be silly.

The Isle of Blood (Monstrumologist Book 3) by Rick Yancey

Shit gets real when Dr. Warthrop leaves Will Henry behind to hunt the holy grail of monsters. Of course, he regrets it AS HE SHOULD, and Will Henry is forced to rescue him from an insane asylum, and then accompany him to Socotra, the Isle of Blood, where shit gets even more real. This book contains a cameo from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and is simultaneously the saddest and most badass bildungsroman ever. I loved it so much that, when I finished it, I just lay face down on the floor of Steven’s office silently shrieking into the carpet. He ignored me because he’s used to me. Seriously, you should read this series if you like things that are well-written and exciting and also slightly terrifying.

Part of me wants to just end this entry right here because NOTHING EVEN COMES CLOSE TO YOU, WILL HENRY. But I’ll go on, since Goodreads as yet provides no rating for “THE BEST THING” so you’re stuck in the same category with these fools for now:

Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake

Speaking of creepy, try having this on your nightstand for a week. It’s about a teen ghost hunter who literally kills ghosts with a freaky mystical knife.
Read the rest of this entry »

Goddess Girls: The Girl Games Super Special!!!

It’s Steven’s favorite time again!!! The maximum amount of time till the next Goddess Girls book!!! Actually, he complained way less about this one. I don’t know if it was because it’s super special or he’s just become inured to the pain.

300 pages of super specialness!!!

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
Remember a few books ago when Artemis got Zeus to agree that it was totally unfair that girls couldn’t participate in the Olympics?? It’s time for the girl version, the Heraean Games!! Goddess girls and mortals from all over the world have come to Mount Olympus Academy to compete and Artemis is going crazy trying to organize everything! Aphrodite and Persephone are busy passive aggressively fighting about a kitten named Adonis that Aphrodite found, plus trying to hide him from everyone because they’re not allowed to have pets! Plus, there’s this weird boy trying to ride Pegasus and Athena ends up accidentally helping him steal it, but it’s cool because they end up defeating a rampaging chimera. Between practicing for their events, worrying about their crushes, and trying to get along with the international goddess girls, Athena, Artemis, Aphrodite, and Persephone hardly have time for their friends! In the end, Aphrodite and Persephone learn to share, Artemis learns to delegate, and Athena learns that she can talk her way out of anything.

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
This one is a little harder to rate than previous volumes as it doesn’t actually follow any single myth. Plus, not much is known specifically about the Heraean Games of yore, so that doesn’t give us much to go on either. But, there are at least plenty of mythological shout-outs to acknowledge and rate, so let’s get started! First off, there are the foreign delegations (mixed mortal and divine). From the Amazons, we have Penthesilea and Hippolyta, both mythological queens and so in pretty good standing to compete. Fun fact: Hippolyta has more variations to her original tale than almost any other character in the series to date, all of which originally ended in her gruesome and tragic death and two of which blamed the murder on different characters in this book. Extra credit if you guess them both! Then come the Norse goddesses, Freya [Freyja] and Skadi [Skaði] (originally the patronesses of love/fertility and hunting/winter, respectively). Bonus points for Freya’s necklace, Brisingamen! Egypt also makes a showing with Satet and Neith, goddesses of floods/hunting and war/hunting (noticing a pattern here?) as does China in the persons of Mazu, goddess of the sea, and Wen Shi [Long Mu], mortal Mother of Dragons and post-mortem goddess of parents and children. Double bonus points for including her five snakes, though half a point off for not identifying them as infant dragons. The real fun is in the two traditionally Greek mentions: Bellerophon (and Pegasus, naturally) and Adonis. Here’s where my vote splits; their treatment of the Bellerophon myth is pretty close to the original where it counts, following his dream-sequence introduction to Athena, receipt of her golden bridle, capture of Pegasus, and [near-]suffocation of the Chimera. For that part, 9/10 points! Adonis, on the other hand, shows up as a black cat in the marketplace. We spend the whole book waiting for some dramatic reveal that will unmask him for the epitome of human masculine beauty which we know him to be, only to hit the end…and he’s still just a cat. Props for having Aphrodite fall for him, in a way, I guess. But yeah, no love interest? No life-death-rebirth action? How does Persephone figure into it? And what’s with the cat thing? We may never know.

Steven kept insisting that something like this was bound to happen, and I was like “You STILL don’t understand tween fiction, do you?”

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) Just because you’re competing against someone, doesn’t mean you can’t also be friends!
2) If something is against the rules, just hide the fact that you’re doing it for awhile and everything will work out
3) Stealing is okay if you use the stolen goods to defeat monsters!!

Steven’s Favorites!
Character: Cerberus. For all his fierceness, he’s just a big ol’ softy with the kittens.
Part: The mail-order mixups! Nice to see that shipping hasn’t appreciably changed in the last 2,500 years.
Thing I Learned: Zeus has a nasty cat allergy, but is otherwise 100% immune to illness. Who knew?

Ladies of Ancient Greece: you really want to keep Zeus away? Just get a cat!

Patricia’s Favorites!!
Character: Penthe the Amazon girl! She totally hit on Artemis’ crush to distract her and give Penthe an advantage during archery!! Smooth.
Part: One of the competitions in the girl games is thumb wrestling!!! Yes!!!
Thing I Learned: Ms. Hydra’s many heads each represent a different personality trait. The pink one’s the most gossipy and the gray one worries too much.

Next Time: Pandora the Curious!!
Previously:
Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6, Book 7, Book 8

Banned Books Week: We’ll Be Here For the Rest of Our Lives

Happy Banned Books Week!!!! I’m going to try to post with a Banned Books Week review every day this week. We’ll see if I make it!

Title: We’ll Be Here For the Rest of Our Lives: A Swingin’ Showbiz Saga
Author: Paul Shaffer with David Ritz
Challenged In: Mitchell, South Dakota
For: “too frank depictions of sex and sexual matters”

This book actually was shocking. Shockingly boring. It let me down so hard. I meant to have it read by Friday, but I kept having to push myself to get through it. The writing style is (I think?) trying to be conversational, but just ends up sounding like even it would rather be somewhere else. It jumps around chronologically with no purpose or structure until the text reads like the undirected rambling of someone approaching senility. Occasionally in the beginning it switches from first to third person for no obvious reason, like the writer just forgot what he was doing for a few moments.

So, I’m pretty shocked that anyone made it through this book to object to it. Maybe they saw the cover and thought that was reason enough. It’s happened before. The author does mention sex a few times–maybe three?–but not nearly enough for a tell-all showbiz memoir. The only example I can think of off hand was when Paul Shaffer sleeps with a groupie, but he doesn’t describe it at all. I feel like I need to write to Mitchell, South Dakota and suggest some books that are actually racy, because this wouldn’t even satisfy a Gossip Girl fan. And it’s shelved in the adult section, so there’s no excuse for holding back.

Here’s a “racy” excerpt:

She had slipped out of all her clothes except her high heels and stockings and had spread herself across my bed like a Playboy centerfold. “Praise God!” was the one thought that came to mind. I was so surprised, so delighted, that I spilled my vodka tonic.

Bow-chicka-wow-wow! This is going to get steamy, right? Wrong.

Here’s how he describes “it”:

I soon saw that I was dealing with a master craftswoman. Her attention to detail was exceptional, and she handled her task with both confidence and cunning. I had absolutely no complaints.

Is he talking about a sexual conquest or getting his teeth whitened at the dentist? Impossible to tell.

The book is made up of barely-connected reminiscing about the “author”‘s experiences as leader of David Letterman’s band and on Saturday Night Live. It’s almost entirely name dropping, but most of those names are people maybe my parents have heard of? I recognized Eugene Levy and Martin “Marty” Short, at least, but I’ve never been really aflame with curiosity about them. It’s hard to tell how much of the shitty writing and boring plot is Paul Shaffer and how much is David Ritz, his ghost writer. It’s annoying, because I’m not sure which of them to hate for wasting a week of my reading time. Is David Ritz really a competent writer, hampered by Paul Shaffer’s lackluster material and onerous input? How much work do celebrity “authors” really put into the books published under their name? Until Sam Neill hires me to ghost write his memoirs, I may never know.

Here’s the part I found the most ridiculous:

I have reason to believe my behavior may well have changed the landscape of our pop culture and, in a vastly more important way, even changed the always-sensitive dynamic between Christians and Jews in the United States of America… After Mel [Gibson] had charmed his way though Dave’s graceful interview, Dave asked him, “May we turn your pants into shorts?”
“Sure,” said the amiable actor. “Why not?”
I was called over to help circumcise Gibson’s trousers. That’s when my hand slipped and the state of Judeo-Christian relations changed forever.
Believe me when I say that the slip was unintentional. I merely placed the scissors too close to Mel’s skin. In doing so, I cut him. The skin broke. He bled. Drops of Gibson’s blood fell to the floor. Mel looked at me murderously. He was enraged. He had been bloodied by a Jewish piano player.
Because of my Hebrew heritage, I couldn’t help but feel great guilt when I started hearing about Gibson’s bloody movie, The Passion of the Christ. I couldn’t help but wonder whether the slip of my hand had caused what some reviewers were calling a blatantly anti-Jewish version of the Crucifixion story.

Yeah, this guy is totally taking credit for Mel Gibson’s Antisemitism, because one time on David Letterman he cut his leg a little by accident. The things I slog through for you.

Previously: The Quran
Next: The Awakening

Banned Books Week: The Quran

Title: The Quran
Also Spelled: Qur’an, Koran, Al-Coran, Kuran, and Al-Qur’an
Challenged and burned in: Gainesville, Florida

You may remember this one. There’s a whole Wikipedia page about it. I was kind of surprised it appeared on the ALA’s list since it isn’t library-related, although arguably every time you burn a book, librarians hear its spirit cry out in pain like Obi-Wan Kenobi when Alderaan gets Death Star’d. After reading a lot of news articles about this guy, I’ve decided Florida pastor Terry Jones really just wants attention. Which is why he’s done things like threatening to burn a Quran on the 9th anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks, and then, a year later, actually burning it after “putting the Quran on trial” for crimes against humanity and finding it guilty of all charges. Why else would he post the video on youtube, with Arabic subtitles? Guy is clearly real-life trolling and trying to start something. Which he accomplished: Both instances sparked protests overseas, leaving at least 16 dead and many more injured. More recently he’s done things like hang an effigy of President Obama outside his church because “Obama is killing America”.

Apparently during the Quran’s “trial” Terry Jones wore “traditional judge robes” and considered shooting, drowning, or shredding as punishments after the accused was found “guilty” by the jury. This description reminded me really strongly of medieval animal trials where domesticated animals would be tried and sentenced for criminal damages, murder, or complicity in bestiality. They would also try things like weevils and other pests for ruining crops, and occasionally inanimate objects or corpses depending on who or what was perceived to be at fault for supposed crimes. If only this were still part of our legal system.

I would sue my dishwasher first thing. It knows what it did.

So I read the Quran. It was hands down the most interesting book I’ve read for the Banned Books project, and maybe even outside of it. I was grateful that the version I got from the library, translated by M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, came with lots of explanatory notes at the beginning of each sura (or chapter) and lots of footnotes too, explaining the history and different interpretations of the text. Since I don’t know much about Islamic culture or history, I would have been pretty lost otherwise.

Things that surprised me:
1) How much the Quran has in common with the Bible. The way Christianity and Islam have been historically at odds had me expecting some obvious and dramatic differences that would naturally lead to conflict, but really I think when it comes to basic morals there’s more commonality than difference. The basic message still seems to be “Be excellent to each other”.

2) How much I needed my knowledge of Biblical stories and characters to understand what was going on. Often people like Moses or Abraham were mentioned or alluded to without a full explanation of who they are, so I wonder how growing up in Islam works. I assume, unlike me, you don’t also read the Bible, but there must be some way to get a better understanding of who these people are and their back story? Or maybe you don’t need a back story to understand the message, although it certainly helped me be less confused.

3) It was pretty much poetry and I love it. I bet it sounds even better untranslated.

Even with the explanations, introduction, and maps that were helpfully provided, I still feel like I only got a surface understanding of what was going on, and would need to learn some more history to fully understand this book. But I’m really glad I read it, and would highly recommend it to anyone. I think, just like the Bible, its message can be distorted by people who want to use it to suit their own ends. An attempt at understanding can really stop these bigots and trolls in their tracks.

Previously: The Notebook Girls
Next: We’ll Be Here For the Rest of Our Lives

Banned Books Week: The Notebook Girls

Happy Friday!!


Title: The Notebook Girls
Authors: Julia Baskin, Lindsey Newman, Sophie Pollitt-Cohen, and Courtney Toombs
Challenged In: Waukee, Iowa
For: foul language, cussing

I’ve gotta say, I was really looking forward to reading this book. Look at that cover! I was totally expecting Amelia’s Notebook for an older crowd, and that’s just what I got!! Plus, it’s non-fiction! I am all about this concept, probably because I could read epistolary works all day–such a voyeur, I know.

It’s possible that in middle school or high school you too had a notebook with one or more friends. I did in 6th grade. Rather than pass individual notes, my best friend and I would trade a notebook with each other, filling its pages during spare moments in class or at lunch or at home with funny anecdotes, doodles, questions, observations, whatever. I distinctly remember how about half of our notebook was given over to deciding which nicknames we should use for each other, and then changing them almost daily. The other half was probably about boys.

This book came about when four girls took their notebook and published it, pictures and doodles and all! It’s way more interesting than my old middle school one for a number of reasons:

1) Four girls instead of two=more drama and “plot”
2) They’re in high school, so have slightly more interesting observations about the world and life events than I did in 6th grade
3) This notebook covers a huge amount of time for a project like this, 3/5/02–12/27/03 so you really get to see the “characters” change and grow
4) They live in New York City and talk often about September 11th, which was only 6 months behind them at the start of the notebook! Their discussion of their experiences and their reflections on them at multiple points afterwards is fascinating

Also it’s published with handwriting font, and there are pictures!

I found the whole concept of this book amazing. Because it’s non-fiction, you don’t get as coherent a narrative as you would out of something more constructed. Sometimes characters or events just happen for no reason and then are never mentioned again, or aren’t really explained that well since all four writers are already familiar with them. Giant blocks of time are just missing, specifically in the summer, but all of this makes me feel like an archivist detective (maybe only I am in love with this feeling, but whatever). I think these issues might frustrate some people, but for others it’s a really enlightening look into the real lives of four teens.

But since it’s real, there are lots of things I can see some people objecting to. Lots of cursing, as the challenger pointed out, as well as drugs, drinking, and sex. Since this is real life and not a constructed story, there’s no authorial voice saying “… but that’s a bad idea” so I was surprised and pleased when the original writers do this anyway. Okay, not to the extent that Concerned Parent would like, probably, which would undoubtedly include Go Ask Alice-levels of “try marijuana one time and you will obviously die homeless in the streets”. But over the course of the narrative all four girls have moments where they admit things like “last night was a mistake, I shouldn’t drink that much” or “all of us smoke too much and it’s getting in the way of other things” or “this boy is taking advantage of me and just not worth my time anymore”. Sometimes it takes them awhile to realize these things, but I think these decisions about moderation are all the more compelling to the reader because they’re real. Teens are capable of thinking about their own lives and making their own decisions, and I like how this book validates that, yeah, we all make mistakes or try things that we might later regret–though not always–and that doesn’t make us terrible people.

This challenge, to me, had a happy ending–or mostly happy. I couldn’t find any information about the original challenger’s reaction, but hopefully they were also satisfied with the review board’s decision. Before the challenge, this book was apparently shelved in teen fiction. The challenger wanted it removed from the library completely, but the review board decided it had been miscataloged and moved it to adult non-fiction. I actually agree with this decision, since teens can still access it in adult non-fiction and it seems like it fits more in that collection. I can see why this would be a difficult book to place–it’s clearly not fiction, though it’s written in a similar format, and the whole concept of a teen non-fiction section is widely debated, with each library deciding something different. At each library I’ve visited where I’ve noticed this book, it’s always been in adult non-fiction, although many of those don’t have separate teen non-fiction sections. Yay for continued access and more accurate cataloging! A library collection is always in the process of becoming.

Onward!
Previously: My Mom’s Having a Baby
Next: The Quran

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