Look at this lion

I crocheted this lion!

I crocheted this lion!

I only learned how to crochet at the beginning of May when I was visiting my mom at her school. It was IB exam season, so any teacher with mostly seniors had not as much to do. This included my calculus teacher, whose room is right beside my mom’s, and in between grading and organizing and different meetings and things, she taught me how to crochet! This instruction was almost exactly like I remember her math lectures to be: “So here’s this thing. Go play with it for awhile until you know enough for us to talk more about it.” I’ve watched a bunch of youtube tutorial videos since then, but crochet seems a lot easier than knitting so far–and faster! This lion took me like a day, in between work!

I posed him on a Food Lion flyer because THE PACK STICKS TOGETHER

I posed him on a Food Lion flyer because THE PACK STICKS TOGETHER

Guess what you’re getting for Christmas!

The 5 Best Things You Can Get at Trader Joe’s

I don’t do my normal shopping at Trader Joe’s, because Food Lion is closer and cheaper, but there are some things you can only get there that I can’t live without.

1. Cookie Butter

I always buy crunchy, but smooth seems to be more popular?

I always buy crunchy, but smooth seems to be more popular?

Holy crap cookie butter is good. I decided to try it after reading this article, which mentioned a store needing to limit them at two per customer. While mine doesn’t seem to care, I can see what all the hype is about. It’s a dessert spread that tastes like cinnamon cookies. Steven will literally just eat it plain off a spoon. I like it best on apples, and have been trying it in place of peanut butter in some desserts, to great success. It’s less sticky than peanut butter, which makes it easier to eat too. Everyone should try it at least once–it will probably change your life.

2. Bite-size chicken samosas

Steven bought these because, why not? Indian food!

Steven bought these because, why not? Indian food!

We made these one Sunday to eat while chilling out rewatching Veronica Mars. Then the episode was over, the plate was empty, and I was like “What should we do now?” We both kind of looked at each other, at the empty plate, and decided instantly, “Go back to Trader Joe’s and buy more of those”. So we did. They are awesome. Not spicy at all, and the outside is more like phyllo dough than other samosas I’m used to. I’m obsessed.

3. Chai Tea Latte Mix

I usually just buy regular kind, but certain times of year there are also pumpkin, salted caramel, and others

I usually just buy regular kind, but certain times of year there are also pumpkin, salted caramel, and others

You know me: I’m an insufferable tea snob. I have even been known to look askance at even Teavana because you’re buying tea from a chain in the mall you philistine and I bet you let it steep too long too. Actually, you might not know this because I pretty much keep it on the DL. Let’s just say, that once I was sixteen and passed up every fun thing you could do in London to visit the Tea Museum instead. And there a strange old man ambushed me near an exhibit of mustache cups and ranted for like fifteen minutes about how “the art of tea is dead–everyone is just drinking brown water and, the worst part is, they think they like it.” Instead of being alarmed, I decided he was the best and have made his snobby tea opinions my own. It wasn’t hard, since I was a pretty snobby 16-year-old. I like to think I’m not anymore–about everything that’s not tea.

Which is why it’s shocking, shocking that I ever bought this in the first place. It’s tea from a mix! And the shameful secret is, I REALLY like it. I don’t know if that means I’ve just been pretending all this time, or it’s something special or what. Most likely, it is just 100% sugar with some cinnamon on top, but I don’t care. Plus, the containers are really useful for keeping buttons/paperclips/whatever after they’re empty.

4. Mango and Cream bars

There are also raspberry and coffee flavors, but why would you choose that when there is mango

There are also raspberry and coffee flavors, but why would you choose that when there is mango

These are the perfect size–they’re about as long as your palm! With slightly more mango to cream, they are a perfect, light dessert when you feel like something sweet, but don’t want anything too big or heavy. Plus, mango!!!!

5. Pear Cinnamon Cider

Unfortunately I think this guy might be seasonal?

Unfortunately I think this guy might be seasonal?

I’m not as into apple cider as Steven, but I love this pear version!! It’s subtler than apple, which I like, though it’s still as warm and spicy on a cold day. How often do you get to eat pear at all, let alone in juice form? Look for it when it starts to get chilly!!

Okay, now I’m hungry.

Cookbooks: Extra Credit

Last weekend I knew I wanted to knock the book of ice cream recipes that came with our ice cream maker off my cookbook list. Every time I use the ice cream maker we have, I’m shocked by how easy it is.

This thing was not pricey, but is completely amazing. I recommend it 100%

This thing was not pricey, but is completely amazing. I recommend it 100%

I decided to make the cream cheese ice cream… but it was almost TOO easy, you know? With this thing, you mix the ingredients together in a bowl or whatever, then chill them for a few hours. Then take the bowl of the ice cream maker out of the freezer (where it lives), hook it up, pour the stuff in, and let it go for like 20 minutes. Then you have soft serve! You can then freeze for longer if you don’t like soft serve for some freakish reason. Or if, like me, you decide to make red velvet ice cream sandwiches!

Ice cream goes in a cake pan to firm up so that I can cut out rounds with a biscuit cutter

Ice cream goes in a cake pan to firm up so that I can cut out rounds with a biscuit cutter

After making up the cookie dough and chilling it in the fridge overnight, I rolled it out and cut out cookies with the biscuit cutter:

I thought this step would be the hardest, but it was way easy compared to rolling out pie crust (which I am of course a pro at)

I thought this step would be the hardest, but it was way easy compared to rolling out pie crust (which I am, of course, a pro at)

Then you chill those guys on the baking sheets for awhile and stick them in the oven. They don’t take long.

Cookies!! Wait till they get to room temperature before putting them in the freezer too

Cookies!! Wait till they get to room temperature before putting them in the freezer too

After everything has been frozen to satisfaction, it’s assembly time!! Unfortunately I didn’t get any pictures of this because I had to work fast so the ice cream didn’t melt. Using the same biscuit cutter, you just press out rounds of the ice cream sheet and smoosh them between two cookies. Then Steven was in charge of wrapping them in plastic wrap.

Now they are just waiting in our freezer!! Happy summer!

Now they are just waiting in our freezer!! Happy summer!

The cookbook project is now at 69% completion because I (well, Steven) got through The Ultimate Book of Cocktails the same day! He’s way better at mixology than me.

Planter's Punch: Steven version

Planter’s Punch: Steven version

According to the book, “This long, refreshing, old colonial drink originates from the sugar plantations that are dotted throughout the West Indian islands.”

1 measure/1.5 tbsp fresh lime juice
1 measure/1.5 tbsp orange juice
2 measures/3 tbsp dark rum (we always use KRAKEN, because that name. And it’s delicious)
0.5 measure/2 tsp grenadine (Steven uses the juice from a can of maraschino cherries. Because we’re classy)
dash of bitters
soda water of lemonade, chilled

Steven is more of a gin fan (to me, it tastes like Fresca that hates you) so for himself he made this:

Horse's Neck!

Horse’s Neck!

Apparently: “The name derives from the shape of the lemon rind that hangs in the glass.”

1 lemon
2 measures/3 tbsp gin
dry ginger ale

Cut the entire rind from a lemon, spiral-fashion. Dangle it from the rim of a tall glass so that it hangs down inside. (I think Steven skipped this step because it was too annoying even though it is the whole point lol)
Add cracked ice and the gin, and then top up with ginger ale. You can also add a dash of bitters if the mood takes you (see? this book is awesome).

"Let me take a picture of your process"

“Let me take a picture of your process”

Three Cookbooks In One Night

According to my spreadsheet, I’m about 59% done with my cookbook project, despite only working on it once since the last time we talked. How have I accomplished this? By knocking out three in one night!! Okay, so Steven did like half the work, but still.

Lemongrass and Sweet Basil: Traditional Thai Cuisine by Khamtane signavong

Lemongrass and Sweet Basil: Traditional Thai Cuisine by Khamtane Signavong

We made the entree out of this book, which is divided up by region and has a lot of great pictures. We chose mussaman beef curry. It was stew-consistency, with rice, and cooked for about 4 hours so our apartment smelled great.

Maybe it looks weird, but it was super tasty!

Maybe it looks weird, but it was super tasty!

Then we made a side dish out of Japanese Cooking by Shunsuke Fukushima. It was really simple, but completely delicious and refreshing.

Cucumber pickles!

Cucumber pickles!

The name is kind of misleading since there’s no vinegar used at all. It’s just cucumbers, cabbage, seasame seeds and salt, but the salt makes the cucumbers express water if you let it sit for about an hour.

Finally, I decided to try out this book for dessert:

Mini Pies: Irresistible Pies to Make and Bake

Mini Pies: Irresistible Pies to Make and Bake

This concept is awesome. Pies you bake in cupcake pans? Individual tiny pies? Sign me up! Unfortunately, the subtitle should read “How Many Different Expletives Can You Yell At Your kitchen?”. Nothing about this was really irresistible including, sadly, the finished product.

Look at these smug bastards

Look at these freaks

If I had thought about it for half a second, I would have realized this would not be fun. It’s like twelve times the work of a normal pie, and then when you’re done you have less pie. After you make the pie crust, you have to cut little circles of it to smoosh down into the cupcake tin. Of course I didn’t have a round biscuit cutter big enough, so I used the top of a canister. It didn’t go great. Then you have to cut little strips to be the “lattice” on top, which went about as well as you can see. This process took way too long. I am just not into it. Ugh and then I still had to make the filling which involved pitting cherries and a weird mascarpone-yogurt concoction.

It’s possible I picked the wrong recipe to try. Because this filling was weird. It was like it was trying to be cheesecake but didn’t want to make the effort to actually taste like it, and was just settling for being squishy and disappointing. I made Steven take them into work because otherwise I would have punched them, individually, into my kitchen counters, and the one coworker who had any comment about them at all just said “The fillings kind of blah but the crust is amazing.”

Of course I ignored their crust recipe and used mine. So, way to fail, Mini Pies. They’re less messy to eat than a real pie, so maybe they would be good for a picnic or something, but I can’t see myself doing it again ever. It’s just too much work for not enough pay-off. Plus, I now hold an irrational grudge against this book. I made a beautiful delicious pie crust, Mini Pies, and you made me waste it on mediocrity.

Looking at the cookbooks I have yet to complete, they mostly involve desserts or cocktails, so the rest of this year is going to be fun.

Previously: Halfway Update

Watercolor Round 2

Turns out, flowers are way easier than vegetables!!!

STEP ASIDE, MONET. There's a new flower-painter in town

STEP ASIDE, MONET. There’s a new flower-painter in town

Sorry, Rob, but Monet is literally the only painter who does flowers I know, and that is only because once I ended up at his house.

Book 1, Draft 2: Done

You know I’m writing a book, right? Well, four. I wrote them all the way through, and it took about two years. That seems like a short amount of time to write four books, I guess, but I’ve kind of been working on this story since I was 14, so I’ve had a lot of practice. Not that anything from back then is usable, for anything besides laughing sadly at how I thought the world worked, and the way I confused “lose” and “loose” constantly. Pretty much the only similarity between then and now is that a few of the characters have the same names.

Anyway, yesterday I finished Draft 2 of Book 1. Which, to me, is a bigger accomplishment than finishing any of them in the first place. First drafts are easy. I’ve been writing first drafts for twelve years. This is the first time I’ve ever written a second draft, though, so it feels like a big deal. It’s not like I’m done. I’m combing it over again, mostly for language this time, and then sending it off to different people for criticism (YOU??), and who knows what changes that will bring? And then there are three others that get the same treatment. But still. I finished a second draft. I didn’t get bored and frustrated and wander away to start something new. Not that I begrudge past-Patricia for doing that. None of those books she wrote were worth a Draft 2, and maybe she knew it. This one seems to be, though, so I’m happy. I know there’s still a long way to go, but I climbed a mountain I never thought I would so:

gif1

The hardest part was the beginning, of course. I know how important first sentences are, and it took me forever to write this one. Maybe a month, I’m not joking:

The day this started, I was eating kettle corn and watching a volcano.

Maybe it’ll make it to the end, I don’t know. Sometimes it feels like this process is some kind of ruthless contest where each sentence has to JUSTIFY ITS EXISTENCE and BE ALL IT CAN BE or risk being deleted forever. Sometimes I imagine them crying as I backspace through them.

Critical Hit! A sentence can't survive without its verb

Critical Hit! A sentence can’t survive without its verb

I don’t even care that I sound like a crazy person, I finished a second draft alright and that’s all that matters. Draft 2 is 224 pages, at least the way I like to write, with 1.5 spacing (I checked just for you, and it’s 290 double-spaced). Hit me up if you’re interested in reading them for beta review. Some of you will not have a choice and it will just ~appear in your mailbox as if by magic~ because that’s how I roll.

Go Big or Go Home: Art

So I’m terrible at art, and always have been. My mom would always tell me that it was genetic and I shouldn’t worry about it because she sucks at art too. I don’t know if that’s actually true or part of the trauma incurred when a bitchy art teacher told her to never take another art class again, but I’ve been hearing it my whole life. The last time I had an art class in school we were gluing pieces of tissue paper to other paper and drawing hand turkeys, so no real help on that front either.

I'm just going to leave this here as evidence

I’m just going to leave this here as evidence

I wish I could draw. It’s something I’ve wanted to change about myself for a long time. So this summer I decided to do something about it. I decided to take an art class. And instead of beginning drawing or whatever, I signed up for watercolors because, hey, go big or go home. This may have turned out to be a terrible mistake. The first day was fun, all painting squares blue. I can totally do that. Then the second day it became “draw this apple and make it look real with shadows and three dimensions and everything” and I felt like I had skipped a few classes. I’m still trying my best, but it’s hard.

My fruit has more mold than shadows, but that's realistic too, I guess

My fruit has more mold than shadows, but that’s realistic too, I guess

At least you can kind of tell what all these are, right? Unlike week three, where I spent a careful 30 minutes painting a gross green blob:

It's an artichoke, actually

It’s an artichoke, actually

But, really, when am I ever going to want to paint an artichoke? I’m okay with being bad at that. This week we start flowers!!

Daughter of the Lioness Book 1: Trickster’s Choice

notebook paper

We’re back in Tortall again!!! This series of two books is about the daughter of badass Lady Knight, Alanna the Lioness, and badass spy master, George Cooper. Her name is Aly and she’s less badass and more annoying than either of her parents. Still, reading this book was exciting because I didn’t read it alone! I was joined by artist and noted pipe-enthusiast James Fox, with the understanding that I would provide humorous chapter commentary and he would provide humorous chapter illustrations! Did I mention this was all like a year and a half ago? Anyway, here are the parts of the project that survived to the present day!

Pretty sure James could also design a better cover, but whatever

Pretty sure James could also design a better cover, but whatever

Prologue
The Copper Isles raka clans were too busy fighting among themselves and those damn white people took over. Plus, their god Kyprioth may or may not have had his ass handed to him by the other gods. Some say the ancient raka royal line is still out there…

TC001

Chapter One: Parents
Aly is super rebellious and dyes her hair blue to piss off her mom. Aly’s dream in life is to be a spy in the field, but her mom and dad will not let her! She decides to run away and is promptly kidnapped by pirates and sold into slavery. That’ll sure show them!

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Chapter Two: Trickster
Aly works for the Balitang family! They are way nice to their slaves, even if they are raka because the first Mrs. Balitang was totally a raka herself! She’s dead now, but her two half-raka daughters are feisty teenagers. Bronau, some kind of prince, warns the Balitangs that the Crazy King thinks they are traitors and they should head off to the country. Kyprioth makes a bet with Aly that if she keeps the Balitang children safe through the summer he will take her home ASAP. He fools the Balitangs into thinking Aly is the new Joan of Arc.

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Chapter Three: The Raka
The Balitang children are super curious about Tortall and all the awesome ladies that live there, including Alanna, Aly’s mom. On the entire journey to their country island castle, raka just come out of the jungle to STARE at them, specifically the two teenage girls, Sarai and Dove.

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