And as I walked through the woods
Behind the dumpster
Watching deer tracks and raccoon tracks
Dog tracks and squirrel tracks
I came upon a fallen herd
Of apples
Terrified
I looked around
For the Twilight photoshoot
But there was none
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Winterpocalypse Notebook: IV
February 2nd, 2010 by
Tagged: pictures, poetry, twilight, winterpocalypse
Winterpocalypse Notebook: III
January 31st, 2010 byThe next morning
The next morning I woke up at 8
Annoyed about going to work on a Saturday
As I am every Saturday
I got dressed and went downstairs
I looked out the window
WHITE
I was not going to work today.
I ran upstairs and jumped on Steven.
“SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW!”
“mmrrrhhhmmmgoaway”
“GET UP! LOOK OUT THE WINDOW!”
“mmmrrrhhhdontwanna”
“WE’RE GOING OUTSIDE TO PLAY!”
I dragged Steven outside
He said he would get pneumonia
I told him it was good for him
Then I found a trash can lid and tried to sled.
Read the rest of this entry »
Tagged: pictures, poetry, winterpocalypse
Winterpocalypse Notebook: II
January 31st, 2010 byThe Night it Began
The night it began I was at
Harris Teeter
Because Steven had discovered at the last minute
That our milk was bad
and he needed it to make tortillas.
There were so many people
(I parked across the street)
It seemed like everyone was a college student
Buying beer and wine
Or a mom buying cat food.
I stood in line for the self check out
With my one bottle of milk
In the middle of the shampoo aisle
When from the front of the store
We heard someone shout
“It’s snowing!”
And getting home was a bitch.
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Tagged: pictures, poetry, snow, winterpocalypse
Possible Job Ideas: My Reading Class Decides
January 20th, 2010 byMe: Okay, this is just a pretest, so don’t freak out if you don’t know all the answers. If you got them all right, you would have nothing left to learn and I wouldn’t have a job.
Boy 1: Don’t worry, Miss Trish, I will get every other one wrong just for you.
Me: Thanks, way to take one for the team. Of course, I will be sharing your scores with your parents.
Boy 1: Never mind, I’m going to get them all right. You can be a janitor or something.
Me: What if I’m terrible at mopping? You don’t know my cleaning skill set.
Boy 1: Okay, a window washer.
Me: Those are robots now!
Boy 1: A WINDOW WASHING ROBOT!
Then they made plans for my future career as a window washing robot (one girl wanted me to be a Roomba instead) and it took so long to get them back on task that they rushed the test and got a bunch wrong. Ah, job security.
Tagged: jobs, reading class, robots, transcripts
Possible Job Ideas
January 17th, 2010 byEvery time we have a guest speaker in one of our classes, I become more and more convinced that my Master’s degree will make me less qualified for gainful employment. It doesn’t matter what they’re supposed to be talking about; it always devolves into “You poor suckers, you’ll never get a job, and certainly not around here where there are more librarians than environmentally-conscious hipsters (and there are A LOT of environmentally-conscious hipsters). And ESPECIALLY not if you want to work in youth services or at a public library. You are screwed with a capital S.” The situation is pretty dire. Especially now that I find out I have to compete with degree-holding pets too. Can you imagine going for an interview against Oreo Collins the tuxedo cat? You’d be all “I wrote my Master’s paper on–” and he’d interrupt with “I AM ADORABLE! PET ME! PET ME AND THEN HIRE ME!” and start to play with your shoelaces.
Anyway, since I am nothing if not organized, I’ve decided to plan ahead and think of other possible awesome job ideas. To help me, I’ve assigned all my fifth graders to write five paragraph essays about “What would the best job ever be and why?” But so far all I’ve gotten were doctor and astrophysicist. I know, lame. When I was in fifth grade I would have totally written about either water slide tester or Disney princess.
Although I’m not entirely without hope:
Boy: Can it be ANY job?
Me: Anything. Even water slide tester.
Boy: I don’t know if that’s a real job.
Me: I think it is. But even if it wasn’t, made up jobs are okay too.
Boy: Alright, I’m going to choose shark.
Me: What?
Boy: Shark.
Me: Ummm… can you think of three reasons to write paragraphs about?
Boy: OF COURSE! You get to eat people, you get to swim around, AND you get to BE A SHARK.
Me: I know this class doesn’t have grades, but you just earned an A+.
So yeah, so far it’s looking like shark is the best bet.
Tagged: jobs, libraries, reading class, transcripts, wikipedia ridiculousness
First Day of Class Poetry
January 12th, 2010 byDo Not Buy Book
Bookstore doesn’t have it
SWEET!
We read 1/3rd of the pages
violate copyright law
wee little things
Sakaipilot
Shan’t
Yahoo!Answers for a grade!!!!!!!
The Wild West of Reference
laugh in the face of danger librarianship
only librarians like to search everyone else likes to find
I decided, since first day of class is never about anything you can’t look up online later anyways, to take notes in the form of a poem. I bet you can tell everything we talked about just from that. Two cool things:
1. He decided we didn’t have to buy the book because the bookstore didn’t order them. Once again my lack of initiative pays off!
2. One of the assignments is to answer questions on Yahoo!Answers and other social Q&A sites. I realize it will probably be impossible to limit myself to anything involving the Jonas Brothers and inane dating advice (preferably both), but a girl can dream.
Tagged: class, libraries, poetry
Times I Have Almost Died: Calendar Literacy Fail
January 5th, 2010 byThis morning I woke up early, ready for the first day of classes. After taking a shower and grumbling about having to put on Not-Pajamas before noon, I decided to look up where my classes for the morning were, and then, since I was already there, what obscenely expensive textbooks I would need to buy and then never read. It’s a miracle that I did this because there, at the top of one of the course websites, was the schedule with “CLASS INTRO: JAN. 12TH” as the first bullet point.
That was my first clue. My second clue was when I looked at the academic calendar (for the first time ever, natch) and saw “JANUARY 11TH: CLASSES BEGIN” highlighted in red.
I can only imagine what would have happened had I decided to make breakfast instead of order textbooks (which I gave up on after discovering the sordid truth, btws). I would have taken the bus to school, complaining about the cold the entire way, wondered vaguely where the hordes of undergraduates were, and sat in an empty classroom for about half an hour before wondering if there was some kind of alphabetizationmergency I had missed the alert on.
I guess I just assumed that if I was going to work I should also be going to class. I’m actually hoping this happens more often because suddenly having another week of sleeping in and not doing boring readings about “What IS information?” is all the more awesome because of its unexpectedness.
So awesome that I decided to update my blog for the first time since being gripped by the ravages of Frozen North-induced flu. Don’t worry, I got better in time for presents. It was a Christmas miracle.
Tagged: death, FAIL, time
Writing Assignment: Create Your Own Planet
December 15th, 2009 byEssay excerpts:
My planet is called ChocolateLand because it is entirely made of chocolate. If you go there, you’ll have to meet everybody, but watch out! They will probably try to lick you because this is how they greet each other. Their food is sugar.
The kids on my planet get taught by wizards. They learn magic, fighting, growing plants, and hypnotism.
If you do something bad, you get sent back to Earth. Or you go to the mines, where they mine for water, which is very rare.
On my planet it rains dolphins.