Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Harnessing the Power of Science, with Cookie Crisp!

Since I will soon be going into the field of Library Science I’ve been philosophizing a lot lately on my upcoming status change to SE. Though disowned for this treachery by my academ friends (especially Rob), I will console myself with bad fashion, a nervous laugh I have been practicing for social situations, and above average math skills (which I, unfortunately, already have but attempt manfully to hide). On the plus side of this coming transformation: I can now conduct science experiments!!! And not the lame kind you do in high school that involve watching a beaker slowly fill up with acid or something. The kind with explosions! Live animals! And fabricated results! I bring you my first such science experiment, now with twice the scientific method!

Basically, I wanted to answer the age old question: Will anything actually eat Cookie Crisp?
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Transcripts: Thomas Misses Wiess (More than I do?)

Thomas: I miss Rob.
Me: Yeah, me too.
Thomas: And Josh. They should come back. And bring Roque. And JerBear. And all of Wiess.
Me: It seems like that would get kind of crowded.
Thomas: They could sleep in my room on the air mattress.
Me: Okay…
Thomas: Except for Roque and JerBear. They can sleep with me.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus: A Modern Classic

Just like every other time my brother has forced me to watch something on youtube, the first time I saw this, I was skeptical:

However, the second I saw a giant–nay, MEGA shark attacking a plane while it was FLYING IN THE AIR, I knew this movie would not only be a masterpiece of artistic subtlety, but also an eyeopening account of important global events that the media and Hollywood often ignore. Namely, when prehistoric, giantass sea creatures are unleashed on a totally unprepared modern society. Oh, the Valuable Life Lessons I learned!
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Times I’ve Almost Died: Uncle T

So my dad’s oldest brother is actually named Thomas (after my grandfather, not my brother), but no one calls him that because it would besmirch a good family name. He mostly spends his time drinking, flying to Asia to pick up girls, and writing angry Letters to the Editor correcting grammar. You’d think at least he’d have some good stories to tell about all the times he’s been in Chinese prison or run out of the state of Alabama, but mostly he just tells bad jokes about flatulence. Fortunately, we don’t have to be nice to him. Unfortunately, we do have to have breakfast with him:
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The Creative Process: Long Island Iced Tea Version

For some reason, Anna Baron has commissioned me to write a One Act for her to direct next year. Thinking that this year’s play would be my last chance to show off my “forgettable dialogue” as the Thresher put it, I’ve already used up all my good ideas. Seriously, here’s the list I brought to college. I think it applies, not only to one acts, but to life:

Patricia’s List of Good Ideas
1. LIVE ANIMALS
2. Witches!
3. More singing
4. Tape inanimate objects to people as much as possible
5. Find silly nickname–ADJUST WARDROBE ACCORDINGLY
6. This:

Yeah, that's Dhruv in a leotard and tutu made for six-year-old girls

Yeah, that's Dhruv in a leotard and tutu made for six-year-old girls

As you can see, I’ve already used up all of them because, unlike THE 434, I’m good at completing lists. This means I’ll either have to write a whole new list of good ideas (though I can’t see how it’ll beat that one) or attempt to use the same one over again without anyone noticing. But how can we get Dhruv back into that tutu? And can I somehow make it a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure One Act? I’ll ponder these.

Lately, my strategy has become sitting down in the depressingly empty Wiess commons at meals and announcing, “So I have to write this one act…” and then making a list of everything people suggest. In the end, all I’ll have to do is find a way to squish everything on the list into one play. It’s the Long Island Iced Tea version of the creative process. AND IT ALWAYS WORKS. Here are just some of the gems I got tonight:

Dr. Gustin: You should write about a married couple!
Denise: You should write about your road trip!
Dr. Gustin: Wait, you could have some kind of trial and then pick audience members to be part of the jury! It could be a different outcome each night!
Me: So a choose-your-own-adventure couple’s road trip courtroom drama?
Roque: Ummmm… (his face says he wants to be the voice of reason, but he’s just not man enough)
Me: Genius!

And clearly the best way to get inspiration for this epic tale of melodrama and audience participation is to experience my OWN courtroom drama on our road trip. Like most of my goals, this one can easily be solved with a simple game of Truth or Dare. Here’s the plan I’m going to whip out about half-way up the Pacific Coast:

Me: TRUTH or DARE?
Steven: Ummmmm… Truth.
Me: That’s the wuss answer.
Steven: Okay, dare.
Me: I dare you to steal the World’s Largest Holstein Cow! Pride of New Salem, North Dakota!!
Steven: Crap.

That should get the job done.

Oh, and I’ve declared myself the Winner of the Cookie Self-Portrait Contest. My Secret Mystery Prize is not having to come up with a Secret Mystery Prize. Thanks for your votes/nitpicking (Brian).

Despite the Rainpocalypse, THE TRUTH WILL PREVAIL

When the weather is this bad, I tend to blame it for absolutely everything wrong with my life, including my inability to access my blog from my lap top. Usually that alone would be enough to trigger my intense paranoia, but it seems to only happen on Tuesday and Friday mornings when I want to update my blog. It says WITHOUT FAIL in the top right hand corner there. I can’t ignore those capital letters. So for the second time this week I have dutifully walked down to the Wiess computer lab to work on it there, which seems to annoy the people around me who have actual work to finish. Also, me, because I like to write in my pajamas. Friday, I grudgingly got dressed before warning you about the dangers of Rachel Liontas, but today I’ve given up. Steven Wiggins, itinerant webmaster, at first told me I was crazy. Then, when Roque also complained that he could not see my blog, he decided to investigate, and then decided to blame WordPress or some server or something. He says it will be okay by the end of this week, but I think it is some conspiracy perpetuated by Brian Reinhart. He seemed pretty upset when I saw him last Friday.

Ostensibly, he dropped by on a “I’m never going to see you again because I’m going home tomorrow” visit (the VERY day the Rainpocalypse began–a little TOO convenient). Along with his sadness, however, he brought along two reusable Target bags full of newspapers, claiming that I could take them to IKEA and exchange them for food.

Brian Reinhart: I view IKEA as the greatest triumph of modern capitalism.

Only later did I find out this was A LIE. You CANNOT exchange newspaper for food at IKEA and now there’s a 20-inch stack of newspapers in my room I don’t know what to do with. I can only make so many funny hats, Brian. I would just recycle them to make Jeremy Caves happy (my goal in life) and think nothing of it, except for Brian’s OTHER comments on that fateful Friday.

Brian Reinhart: I saw your blog. (dramatic pause) You think it’s over because there’s no Thresher this week. But you just wait. You forgot the GRADUATE EDITION.
Me: I have no idea what that is.
Brian Reinhart: OH, YOU’LL SEE! (maniacal laughter)

I don’t know if he realizes that, after every “last” issue of The Thresher, I WILL STILL HAVE A BLOG. You can’t turn off the Internet, Brian.

And just when I was about to shout that at him I realized: that’s what he’s been doing. It’s not the server or WordPress or the other things Steven Wiggins has claimed so it looks like he knows what he’s doing; it’s BRIAN REINHART trying to STIFLE THE TRUTH. AND CAPITAL LETTERS. As Bo will tell you from his career as a Wiess President who often says things he regrets at Cabinet, I firmly believe that The People Have a Right To Know, but mostly just Nobody Tells Me What To Do. And that includes you, Mr. Calendar Page. Bring it.

In other news, despite Brian’s Rainpocalypse, we managed to complete another List item #88 this weekend by, not only going to see Molly and the Ringwalds at the Continental Club, but singing on stage with them:

As you can see by the dancing drunk girl, it was a wild success

As you can see by the dancing drunk girl, it was a wild success

We got made fun of a lot (by the band) for being “babies” and, in the case of Rachel and Bova, for forming a “Tall Girl Club” that the lead singer could not join. Still, we prevailed. Livin’ On a Prayer was never shrieked into a microphone so well. (I am noticably absent from this THE 434 picture because Patricia Ladd does not sing in public ever since a traumatic incident in the sixth grade.)

Last Last Day of Classes!

Actually, this title is not true in any way, since I’m pretty sure library science grad school also has a last day of classes, and BOTH of my seminars have decided to postpone our last class/presentations till Monday for some reason. Yes, I have six hours of class the Monday after classes are supposed to be over. I was okay with this earlier in the semester when my only thoughts were “That means I can postpone procrastinating on that project for another week! Holla!” but now I am less thrilled, mostly because yesterday I had to sit next to nostalgic people going “LAST LAST DAY OF COLLEGE EVER!” while muttering bitterly under my breath about anorexic teenage girls or whatever I’m supposed to be writing about.

Other things of note:
While this weekend is going to mark a flurry of List Completion, as of yesterday we have failed at completing #93 Get Professor Gorry to Throw His iPhone (at us?). I admit, it was a long shot even putting it on the list; he really seems to love it, no matter how irritating we’re being. Sad times.

HOEDOWN THROWDOWN SHOWDOWN. I’m sure I’ll be posting pictures later today or tomorrow of our epic win re: The Hoedown Throwdown Showdown. As stated previously, I thought only Bova and I would show up, but apparently a lot of freshmen have been practicing and Alex Mainor told me at pub Wednesday that “the Hoedown Throwdown has become my religion”. Then he filled any silence afterward with “Boom Clap. Boom de clap de clap…” Inspiring. Julia even told me that she stopped working on her senior thesis to practice it, which is the dedication we need to wipe that self-satisfied smirk off of Miley Cyrus’ face and/or become her BFF. I’m not really sure which is the goal here.

Sorry for the short and disjointedness–I have to go get ready for Dirty Sparkly College Night! This includes putting all of the jewelry that I own on at one time and not wearing shoes. See you at the Hoedown Throwdown!

Thomas: The Exit Interview

After spending a full three days at Rice–including being kidnapped by freshmen a few times–I decided to give my younger brother Thomas an exit interview to see if the Ladd Awesomeness will continue at Rice long after I am gone.

Me: What did you think of the Servery?
Thomas: Better than I expected. And surprisingly easy to sneak in to.

Me: Who would win in a fight: the third floor pigeon or the fourth floor rat?
Thomas: The fourth floor rat because the pigeon has eggs to protect. The rat has nothing to lose and can use that to his advantage.

Me: What would you say is the number one threat to student safety on Rice campus?
Thomas: You. You and your List of Things To Do This Semester. You and your aggression towards JerBear.
Me: Who’s JerBear?
Thomas: Jeremy [Caves].
Me: Why do you call him JerBear?
Thomas: He’s cuddly. And has a typewriter.

Me: Who would win in a fight: JerBear or Roque?
Thomas: Roque. Because solar panels beat typewriters. And bears.

Jeremy: Hey, I talked to my parents and they said it was totally cool for you to stay at our house on your road trip.
Me: Cool. Also, would it be okay if I called you ‘JerBear’ from now on?
Jeremy: No, that would not be okay.
Thomas: I’m doing it. It must be cool.
Jeremy: You’re leaving so I don’t care. (turns back to me) You can’t.
Me: Okay, we’ll talk about it later.
Jeremy:CAN’T. (walks away)
Me: Yeah, we’ll see.

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