Boy: How long have you worked here?
Me: About a month.
Boy: WOAH. You know a lot of math for only a month.
Me: I knew most math before I came here. I didn’t learn all of math in a month.
Boy: I’m going to try!
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
One Month to Learn All of Math
September 10th, 2009 by
Tagged: math, quotes
Who Invented Numbers?: My math tutoring group decides
September 9th, 2009 byBoy: Who invented numbers?
Girl: THE PRESIDENT. Duh.
Boy: Which president?
Girl: THE president!
Other Boy: I thought it was God.
Girl: Nu-uh!
Other Boy: God invented the president! So if the president invented numbers, GOD invented numbers!
Me: And what identity is that?
All: (general mumblings)
Boy: Ooh! Ooh! Transitive property!
Girl: I knew that.
Me: Good.
Tagged: math, quotes
Times I Have Almost Died: Ye Olde Waffle Shoppe
September 1st, 2009 byToday, unlike the many more harrowing Times I Have Almost Died, I was nearly killed by sheer joy. The Culprit? Chapel Hill’s Ye Olde Waffle Shoppe. The Weapon? The M&M Waffle.
This isn’t the first encounter I’ve had with the joy that is M&M Waffles. The theory occurred to me in the Wiess Servery when morning when I realized some SCIENTIFIC FACTS upon which to base this experiment in the tasty sciences:
1) The Wiess Servery has a waffle iron.
2) The Wiess vending machines have M&M’s (sometimes)
Hypothesis: I could put M&M’s in the waffle batter and get M&M waffles!!!
Unfortunately this was in the early days of my scientific career so I had failed to take a few vital parts of the experiment into consideration.
1) I hate waiting in lines so the waffle iron was pretty much out of my reach.
2) M&Ms can burn and melt and things. Though they seem magical, they are essentially chocolate.
Thankfully, Ye Olde Waffle Shoppe has my back! A narrow diner with waffles, pancakes, eggs, and hashbrowns, this would TOTALLY have been a Breakfast Club Destination had it been in H-Town during my three-year tenure as Breakfast Rep. The M&M waffles were maybe the closest mortal man can be to heaven. At least if your version of heaven involves waffles and candy. MINE DOES.
Unfortunately by the time I realized this was a life-changing experience, all of the food was gone. I will probably have to make several more research trips to this location and eat several more M&M waffles. You know, FOR SCIENCE.
Tagged: Chapel Hill, death, M&Ms, reviews, waffles
The Animated Adventures of William Marsh Rice
August 14th, 2009 byToday, for various reasons out of my control and in disregard of my endlessly voiced opinions to the contrary, I got a class ring. Despite the extravagance and the entirely false appearance of class and/or institutional pride, it does have two pluses on its side:
1. It intimidates my engagement ring, which was becoming too full of itself anyway and
2. It allows me to dramatically throw my hand in the air and summon William Marsh Rice, university founder and World’s Most Powerful Cyborg at will.
This image of William Marsh Rice brought to you by the True History of William Marsh Rice Campaign and the Woodson Research Center.
I haven’t tried it yet, but youtube research (my favorite kind of research) suggests this is true. Observe:
Legend has it that, instead of shouting the names of elements to a catchy 80s beat, ring bearers must shout the names of each of the nine colleges. Only then will William Marsh Rice appear in the university’s hour of greatest need.
In reality, you’d probably be much better off shouting the brand names of the finest single malt Scotches, and then running away, because when WMR appears and sees that you don’t actually have any, he is going to be pissed off. Although less ideological, this power can still be used as an effective weapon since Rice will inevitably take revenge by smashing anything in a one-mile radius with his own head. Which is why I can’t prove this to you with things like pictures since I’m pretty sure it would void my lease.
THE POWER IS YOURS!!
On a totally unrelated note,
Read the rest of this entry »
Tagged: Captain Planet, cyborgs, Rice, William Marsh Rice
DMVentures Continue!
July 28th, 2009 byI got up earlier than necessary today to write the post below so that I would have fulfilled all other obligations before heading to the DMV to get my car registered here, believing, based on my previous DMVodyssey, that it would take all day.
NOT SO! Here is the evidence, barely half an hour after I originally left:
I like how you can see Steven's reflection in Trixie, the fact that he is not wearing shoes forever preserved
Trixie, naturally, is devastated, and pouted almost the entire way home. Luckily, an SUV winked at her at a stoplight, which I think lifted her spirits a little. Or, at least, proved that she can still be flirty as a North Carolina resident. She says it’ll be okay, as long as she never goes back to Florida. She doesn’t think she could hold her hood up now, amongst all those flashy convertibles with their tramp stamp spoilers.
I’ve anthropomorphized Trixie so much now that, if anything should happen to her, I will probably be inconsolable for days and demand that funerary rights be held.
Tagged: dmv, North Carolina, Steven, trixie
Confession Time
July 28th, 2009 byAs well as telling the Internet my greatest triumphs like appearing on NASCAR News or being Hannah Montana, it seems only fair that I also write my greatest embarrassments so that no one gets jealous of how awesome I am.
Confession: I recently bought Twilight.
I know, I know, I feel awful about it. Especially since I’ve already managed to read the first three books through extreme patience and library-fu. Buying a Twilight book is shameful. Buying a Twilight book you’ve already read is definitely more shameful. To be fair, it is on my reading list for my Young Adult Literature Class next semester, and I did buy it at a used book store for $3. I don’t think any of that went to Stephanie Meyer, so I still feel pretty okay about the practical facts, but my reputation may never recover. I knew this would be necessary since the tens or hundreds of people on the waiting list for it back at my library at home would make it impossible to guarantee my having it a specific week for class, but, oddly, this morning when I went online to request the fourth book, Breaking Dawn, to write a wildly popular review of it, I found that I was number FOUR on the list. And there are EIGHT copies. I’ll probably have it tomorrow. I’m shocked by Twilight’s apparent lack of popularity here, until I realized that a typo in the description of the book calls the vapid main character “Ellen Swan” instead of “Bella Swan”, thus confusing legions of preteen girls. Suckers.
In Penance for this: I vow to be as sarcastic and withering as possible to the inevitable one or two people in our class discussion who will gush endlessly about how much they love Twilight.
Confession: I am incurring library fines AS WE SPEAK
As a librarian, this is incredibly shameful. It gets worse: the source of these fines is none other than the book-on-CD version of I’d Tell You I Love You But Then I’d Have to Kill You. To be fair, I didn’t steal it so that it could be mine forever, but simply forgot to give it to Mom Ladd before her return to Florida and have since been unable to find it to mail it back myself. Trixie probably hid it. Which means that, years from now, someone will pull it from some secret compartment in the back seat, stare at it with raised eyebrows, and then say “Patricia R. Ladd, why do you own this?” in a disgusted tone.
In penance for this: I vow to NOT punch them in the face.
Confession: I stole a full set of cutlery from the Servery
Which I am using EVEN NOW, hundreds of miles away. Just like my embarrassing library fines, I didn’t do this on purpose either. I just sort of found various spoons and forks and knives in various purses and book bags while attempting to pack. On the plus side, it can be very useful to have a fork in your purse, in case someone offers you free but messy food while out and about. On the minus side, they tend to look at you a little funny, and I may be the sole reason why the Servery is losing money.
In Penance for this: I vow to only eat with said cutlery things worthy of the Servery. Meaning anything I cook while really tired or am having one of those haphazard “well, I’m sure applesauce is a fine substitution for flour” kind of days.
There. Now my conscience is clear.
Tagged: confession, library, penance, servery, shame, twilight, Wiess
DMVentures! Also, some pictures!
July 24th, 2009 byThis morning I celebrated my mom’s birthday by spending three hours at the DMV to get a North Carolina Driver’s License. This DMVodyssey actually began two days ago, when I realized that we would have to retake the tests before getting a license. I spent the day feverishly reading the handbook and trying to remember the exact distance you should be from the curb when parallel parking. Then yesterday when we started off on this intrepid task, we realized quickly that we had no idea where we were going, having forgotten to look up the address. We decided that we’d definitely seen signs for it around, so got comfortably lost for about an hour, when we finally realized that the signs we’d seen were for “License Plate Agency” not “Driver’s License Agency”. Apparently to increase productivity and frustration, North Carolina splits up their DMV services amongst several smaller offices, all in strip malls of varying sketchiness. At that point, we gave up and bought baked potatoes instead.
Then, this morning, I knew success was at our fingertips! We got there at 9am, with all appropriate paperwork, armed with library books (yeah, library card before driver’s license, that’s how I roll). Unfortunately, fifty-three other people had arrived before it even opened and only two people were working. Since there was no room to wait inside, Steven and I spent the majority of the three hours sitting on the concrete curb outside. Luckily, lots of people gave up! And, finally, our perseverance was rewarded:
Yay!!!! It's like a Biblical fable, really. If you just wait long enough in the smell of cigarettes and desperation, you too can have a piece of plastic with your picture and organ donor status.
Tagged: apartment, dmv, moving, North Carolina, pictures, Steven, trixie
Blog Fail
June 30th, 2009 byYesterday:
Steven: So I fixed that updating thing. On your blog.
Me: (distracted by painting toenails hot pink) What?
Steven: You know, how it wouldn’t update? Even though it was supposed to? I fixed it.
Me: What? I don’t remember that.
Steven: Well, I fixed it.
Me: Oh, well good. Hey, you should see this nail polish! It’s like “BAM! TOENAILS!”
Steven: Ummmm…. yeah.
Today:
(after completing a thoughtful research mission for an insightful and lyric blog post)
Me: Hmmmmm…. so with this new update, any kind of picture will make my website die? That’s…. interesting. Well, I’m hungry.
Stand by.