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Sam Neill Update: Space Edition!

November 15th, 2011 by pladd

I didn’t plan it this way, but the last three Sam Neill movies I watched totally were all about space!!

The Dish (2000)

I was not really that excited about this movie from the description, but it turned out to be one of my new favorites!! I would unreservedly recommend it to pretty much anyone! It’s funny, sweet, and based on a true story!

Plus the cover reminds me of Black Sheep

The Movie: Back in 1969 when Apollo 11 was going to land on the moon, NASA decided to use a giant radio telescope in Australia to relay video and radio when the moon was on the that side of the world.

This thing

That’s at the Parkes Observatory, which is in the middle of a sheep farm. The movie follows the story of the men who work at the dish and the people in the town as they welcome NASA and US government officials, try to pretend like they know what they’re doing, and eventually save the day. Plus, Neil Armstrong walks on the moon! Since I wasn’t alive then, I’ve always pretty much taken that as a fact, something that happened in the past. But watching this movie really made me think about how freakin’ cool that is! Especially when you consider that it was 1969! At one point, there’s a power surge and Parkes loses the coordinates for the space craft. Rather than admit to NASA their mistake and risk losing face, they do some ridic chalkboard math, break out the slide rules, and start guessing until they find them again. Old school math for the win! There’s also some great moments when Parkes, desperate to impress the US ambassador, throws a gala and asks the teens in the local rock band to learn and play the US National Anthem. They proudly bust out the Hawaii 5-0 theme song, and no one but the US ambassador knows the difference. Later he graciously accepts their apologies with, “Sometimes I wish it was our national anthem.” Me too.

Sam Neill is tied for Best Scientist Outfit with the guy on the left

The Character: Sam Neill plays Cliff Buxton, the scientist in charge of the Parkes Observatory! He always dresses like he’s Mr. Rogers’ long lost brother and leads his ragtag team with a quiet dignity. He’s a little sad because of his dead wife, but still finds time to help Science Intern (green sweater) work up the courage to ask out Plucky Australian Love Interest, and keep the peace between Hot Head Australian Engineer/Scientist (shorts) and humorless NASA representative (suit). Plus he wants science to take this chance to be daring! Go science!!!!

What I Learned: This is based on a true story so I learned a lot about the world’s largest radio telescope! Apparently the scientists did actually ride it when it moved, although sadly did not play cricket on it like in the movie.

Would I Watch Outside of this Project?: So much yes!!! I really think this movie was very well done, funny but still having substance, and would appeal to genuinely almost anyone! It made me really happy.

Hyperspace (2001 TV miniseries)
When I just knew the title, I thought this was maybe a sequel to Event Horizon! Unfortunately, Sam Neill doesn’t cut anyone’s eyes out.

Apparently it was originally called "Space", but adding Hyper- doesn't make it more exciting

The Movie: This is a documentary about space. The Big Bang. How asteroids might cause our extinction if we don’t get on the ball. Some other things I fell asleep during. Sam Neill tells about the wonders of our universe while either walking around scenic landscapes or standing in front of computer animations. Sometimes both at the same time. And, okay, I can see how the CGI would have maybe been way cool in 2001, but at this point I knew most of the science already and the graphics weren’t too impressive. Except for about twenty-three seconds where Sam Neill turns into a bad CGI talking skeleton and it is THE SCARIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.

Like somehow more terrifying than when he was the Anti-Christ and a psychotic murderer combined

The Character: I once heard a rumor (possibly on IMDB) that Sam Neill turned down the part of Elrond in Lord of the Rings because he was too busy with Jurassic Park III. This made me sad, not just because I like watching Sam Neill movies, but also because Sam Neill has such a great Pronouncement of Doom voice. Elrond pretty much can’t order coffee without making it sound like the fate of the world hangs in the balance–TREAD SOFTLY YON BARISTA–and Sam Neill showed me in this documentary that he really can be that fatalistic and melodramatic. Not every facet of space science has to spell doom for humanity, Sam, but I can see why the producers thought it would be better if you made it seem that way.

What I Learned: “Next time someone asks you where you’re from, tell them you were born in space, made in a distant star.” Thanks, Sam. I so will.

Would I Watch Again?: No. Sorry, 2001.

Under the Mountain (2009)
This one is only space-related if you squint.

It's more about fire aliens fighting slug aliens with the help of twins who share one brain between them

The Movie: Theo and Rachel are twins and idiots! Steven and I spent most of this movie debating which one was more stupid, and I think we eventually decided on the boy! When they move in with their aunt and uncle in a town with seven volcanoes, they investigate their creepy neighbors who seem to be watching them and then reach out to a crazy homeless man for help. Surprise! That homeless man is actually an ancient alien with fire-teleport powers who came here to fight another race of ancient alien with slug-being gross powers! The bad aliens are mostly imprisoned under the volcanoes, but they are trying to get out! Luckily, he built some kind of magical weapon to fight them but his twin died before they could use them to destroy the bad aliens! And it has to be twins for some reason so now Theo and Rachel are Earth’s only hope! All they have to do is get to the top of the mountain and unleash their magic, but, because they have the attention span of three-year-olds after an all-night pixie stick binge, this is nigh impossible.

Sam Neill should not have to put up with this

The Character: Sam Neill plays Mr. Jones, the ageless fire-alien/vagrant, so he always looks vaguely sketchy. They also try to make me hate him a little bit, by implying that he’s tried this in the past (with two hotter and less stupid twins), but when one of them died he left the remaining one to his fate because “I had to survive to find more twins!” The current twins think this is monstrous, despite being completely tactically sound. Angry and freaked out, Theo runs off on his own, forcing Sam Neill to use the last of his fire powers to catch up to him with Rachel. Powerless, he is pretty much instantly defeated by the waiting Evil Alien Slug Guy.

I thought maybe Theo had chosen to join Team Bad Alien, but no, he was just really dumb

Basically, these are the slowest, most easily defeated aliens ever–they don’t even have spaceships! They get around in an aging hearse! But through the combined lethargy and melodrama of the “heroes” it takes an annoying ninety whole minutes. Plus, Sam Neill needlessly gets his face tentacled off. Thanks, Theo. I hate you.

What I Learned: In New Zealand, you tell the police the truth no matter what! Sam Neill is in the middle of explaining the plot to the twins when the police show up because apparently someone thought it was weird that some sketchy homeless guy was spending so much time with two teenagers. But, when taken to the station, both the twins and Sam Neill proceed to try to tell the police everything. Theo starts trying to show them the magical weapons (which look like rocks) and Sam Neill keeps saying things like “If you don’t release me, they’ll both die!” and explaining that aliens want to kill them all. Obviously this does not lead to their immediate release, to the surprise of no one but the man who isn’t human and the teenagers who may in fact be asparagus.

Would I Watch Outside of this Project?: This movie is new(ish), so the special effects are pretty special! Also, before Sam Neill explained the plot to us, I was actually really intrigued and a little freaked out by the creepiness of the neighbors. After discovering that the plot was kind of insane and the main characters were never going to get what was so desperately coming to them, it was still fun to watch in a hating kind of way. So I would give it a solid maybe.

Next: Peter Jackson is a big fake, Snow White’s Dad!
Previously: Husband, Rich Dude, “The Scorpion”

Tagged: movie reviews, sam neill, space

Posted in Project Series, Sam Neill Marathon |

Sam Neil Update: Husband, Rich Dude, “The Scorpion”

November 8th, 2011 by pladd

I watched all of these Sam Neill movies while sewing and doing other crafty things in preparation for my wedding!!

Irresistible (2006)

This movie wants you to think it’s a horror movie, but even I wasn’t scared. The creepy eye at the bottom of this poster is the scariest part.

The cover made me think Sam Neill was going to be an axe murderer

The Movie: Susan Sarandon has an awesome life with two precocious daughters, a loving husband, and a great job as an illustrator. Until the new girl at her husband’s work starts trying to steal her life! By wearing the same dress as her! And stealing her daughter’s toys! And giving her a creepy statue that’s secretly filled with bees! For most of the movie, it’s unclear whether Susan is just crazy or whether Emily Blunt really is the most abstract murderer ever. Then, after being totally discredited, Susan decides to sneak into Emily Blunt’s house one more time, discovers Emily is really her long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, and then there’s a big fire. Everyone agrees that it’s really no one’s fault, but maybe it’s Susan’s fault a little for giving up her daughter when she got teen pregnant. Then flashbacks at the end reveal that Emily Blunt isn’t even Susan Sarandon’s daughter; she met the REAL long lost daughter at the orphanage, then killed her, and stole her life. The end!

The best way to get revenge on your estranged mom is to throw a party and then drunkenly dance with her!

The Character: Sam Neill plays Susan Sarandon’s husband, and I can’t tell if I’m supposed to like him or not. Of course, I do, since the natural reaction to your wife going completely, completely nuts is to keep her away from your freaked-out kids and try to encourage her to seek help. He’s a pretty cool architect who is all about pretty, solar-powered homes, which of course I like. He makes out with Emily Blunt a little bit, but then feels bad so of course I forgive him. I assume in the sequel to this movie he discovers that Emily is really the crazy one and dispenses some swift, New Zealand justice:

Here's Axe Sam again just because

What I Learned: If someone shows up to a party wearing the same dress as the hostess, the hostess is legally obligated to change clothes immediately. Emily Post Fact.

Would I Watch Without Sam Neill: Y’all, I could barely watch this WITH Sam Neill. It tries to be creepy with its suspenseful music and first person camera work, but literally the most freaked out I got was when the door to the pantry opened on its own. And not even because there was a ghost or someone hiding in it. They just really need to check those hinges. So, yeah, I was not really on the edge of my seat.

My Brilliant Career (1979)
This movie was based on a famous Australian novel of the same name! I’d never heard of it, of course.

This is the picture where her hair looks the least ridic, if you can believe it

The Movie: Sybylla grew up on her family’s small farm, until her wealthy grandmother decides to find her a decent husband. So, of course, there are the usual courtship hijinks until she meets rich Harry Beecham who falls madly in love with her because she says what she thinks and can swim. His family doesn’t like it, but screw them! Then Sybylla’s family decides to sell her services as a governess to some guy whom they owe money to, so she’s forced to go teach his kids on their dirt farm. It sucks. Then when she finally gets to leave and Harry finally comes and asks her to marry him she tells him she would make him unhappy and that he should go away, she’s going to be a famous writer! The last scene in the movie is her mailing off her manuscript. The End.

I spent most of the movie being freaked out by how different Young Sam Neill looks

The Character: Sam Neill is Harry Beecham, the rich young Australian aristocrat who owns, like, seven farms! Or something! He actually doesn’t do much besides watch Sybylla with awe, accidentally attempt to drown her when he tips their row boat, and once angrily force her away from where she’s dancing with some peasants! Then he proposes by saying just as angrily, “I think we should get married”. So romantic right now, Sam Neill!

What I Learned: The author of the novel, Miles Franklin, actually wrote a sequel to the book called My Career Goes Bung.

Would I Watch Without Sam Neill?: Maybe. Sybylla is kind of funny, and I like watching her hair do ridiculous things. I am, of course, all in favor of feminism, early-20th-century Australian or otherwise. But the ending kind of left me hanging, so I give it a solid Comme ci Comme ça.

Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992)

This movie was especially weird after watching Community because I couldn’t believe how young Chevy Chase looked, and that I was supposed to see him as a romantic lead instead of bumbling and old.

The dulcet sounds of Chevy Chase trying to seduce a woman even brought Steven downstairs to see what was going on

The Movie: Chevy Chase was in an accident involving powerful magnets, rendering him invisible. SCIENCE! Unfortunately, an increasingly unstable CIA agent known as “The Scorpion” wants him for the government, to do experiments on him, and possibly train him as an assassin. Chevy Chase uses his newfound invisibility powers to thwart the men after him and win over a hot girl he met the night before his accident. In the end, he fakes his own death, killing The Scorpion in the process, and he and the Love Interest go to live in Switzerland, where you can wear a ski mask all the time. Also, the epilogue shows a very pregnant Love Interest, which makes me immediately wonder if his kids will be half-invisible.

The viewer can see Chevy Chase some of the time, which I'm sure cut down on the special effects budget

The Character: Sam Neill is David Jenkins aka “The Scorpion”! He is pretty perfect for it too, as his speeches about “We just want to help you” and “I know how lonely you must be” sound sincere but with that Sam Neill-brand of hidden crazy swelling up gradually from underneath. He makes you feel like he’s totally going to kill you, but he feels kind of bad about it and wishes you wouldn’t make him. In the end, he ends up running off the side of a building after lunging to save what he thinks is a suicide-jumping Chevy Chase.

And this happens, which is pretty great

What I Learned: When the Invisible Man eats, you can see the food inside him, and digesting in his stomach which is gross, but once it digests enough it too disappears.

Would I Watch Without Sam Neill?: A qualified yes. I liked this movie. It was a pretty funny thing to watch while I was sewing up the finishing touches on a skirt, but it is also painfully confused in tone. The script apparently started out as a comedy, but the director wanted to portray “the loneliness of invisibility” so it’s mostly stuck between those two, kind of weirdly dark and sad, but also sometimes slapstick. I can see why most reviewers didn’t like it.

Next: NASA adventures! Some kind of New Zealand forest wizard scout leader!
Previously: Mustache Sam, Bolshevik Doctor, Choppy McAxeFace

Tagged: movie reviews, sam neill

Posted in Project Series, Sam Neill Marathon |

Sam Neill Update: Mustache Sam, Bolshevik Doctor, Choppy McAxFace

October 14th, 2011 by pladd

Steven would only consent to watching one of these with me. Guess which one!

Hint: it was this one:

The Triangle (2005 TV miniseries)
This was an hour and a half movie that somehow got stretched out to 4 hours (I assume in the wash by mistake).

Of course it was made by the Sci Fi channel, why would you even ask?

The Movie: Eccentric billionaire Eric Benerall hires a team of “experts” in different fields to solve the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle, because he’s sick of it messing up his shipping operations. The team bumbles around, seeing weird hallucinations(?), getting kidnapped by a shady military organization, and eventually traveling back in time to set it all aright. Apparently the Bermuda Triangle is really home to masses of “exotic matter” which the military has known about forever and is secretly monitoring in a massive underwater facility. They know some big, cataclysmic event is coming since the Triangle is getting worse and, of course, plan to use a big explosion to stop it. Except, OH NOES, our heroes discover that it’s actually the explosion that’s going to cause the cataclysm and all along the creepiness of the Bermuda Triangle has just been time shockwaves from the horror the military is about to unleash!!! Luckily, they stop the evil military, and the world warps to a reality where the Bermuda Triangle never existed. Our heroes still remember, and most of them are annoyed when their lives are less cool in this new universe. Especially Hot Australian Meteorologist who went from being a total player to having a wife and kids. Bummer.

The Character: Sam Neill plays the eccentric billionaire, who is mysteriously menaced by a mustached version of himself who’s always standing RIGHT BEHIND HIM looking really accusing:

Mustache Sam judges your clean-shaven upper lip, Normal Sam. Also, he wants you to kill some puppies.

Mustache Sam spends most of the four hours completely freaking out normal Sam, until he is a useless gibbering wreck who refuses to help the main characters stop the military. At one point, our heroes warp into a weirdly fascist alternate dimension, so Steven and I decided that Mustache Sam must be the alternate-reality fascist dictator version of Normal Sam. Who was maybe looking for a way to break into other dimensions and rough up the place! You have no idea how many great scenarios we were able to come up with to explain Mustache Sam in the four excruciating hours of this movie (there wasn’t much else to do, really). Unfortunately, Mustache Sam turned out to be Normal Sam’s brother, who was lost in the Triangle and Sam is haunted by his ghost until he finds the truth. So much less cool. In the end, Normal Sam does save the day by recklessly driving one of his massive oil tankers into the Bermuda Triangle to delay the military in their evil, evil mission. At the very end, in the Triangleless reality, the heroes actually meet Mustache Sam, and he is annoyingly not even trying to eat their skin. Mustache Sam, you let me down. You let me down hard.

What I Learned: Airplane bathrooms are airtight, so if your plane crashes into the ocean, you can totally survive inside one for hours and hours until some psychic scuba divers rescue you! Also, if you travel back in time to the horrible accident where your car drives into the ocean, it might be a good idea to, like, open the windows the second time around or something. Or just act exactly the same and let your friend die, whatever.

Would I Watch Without Sam Neill?: No. Unless it was a movie where my wild explanations for Mustache Sam turned out to be accurate.

Country Life (1994)
This movie is based on the Chekhov play Uncle Vanya except set in the interwar Australian outback instead of 1890s Russia!

The main change is now there's a scene of kangaroos making wild passionate kangaroo love

The Movie: I’ve never seen or read the Chekhov play this is based on, but from a cursory glance at its Wikipedia article, I would say this movie follows the plot pretty well. Wealthy old Dr. Askey returns from his decadent life in London with a pretty young wife! His daughter from his first wife and his brother-in-law have been working the family estate in his absence to support his decadent lifestyle. The brother-in-law and the delightfully alcoholic country doctor both fall madly in love (lust?) with the hot new wife, and Sally, the daughter, is sad that her unrequited love for Drunken Country Doctor can never be. Then Dr. Askey decides to sell the estate to get more money, brother-in-law pitches a fit and tries to shoot him, and everyone goes back to where they were at the beginning of the movie, trying to pretend this whole thing never happened.

Classy, Sam Neill. Classy.

The Character: Sam Neill plays Drunken Country Doctor! He reminded me a lot of his character in The Good Wife, but perhaps slightly less smarmy. Although he still pretty much seduces the hot young wife in a barn, using kittens as bait. Also, most people in the county don’t really like him because he encourages ecologically healthy farming practices and not killing all Aboriginals on sight. In consequence, he starts a riot in a church while returning soldiers call him “Bolshevik” and beat him up. However, since he’s the only doctor around, he’s not too worried about them killing him for good. He even takes liquor as payment when you should “save your money for the funeral”! What a stand up guy.

What I Learned: The plot of Uncle Vanya. What kangaroo mating looks like.

Would I Watch Without Sam Neill?: Probably not. These kind of depressing family dramas where everyone freaks out about their ennui are not really my style.

The Piano (1993)
Once again Netflix wanted me to think of this movie as a romance, and once again it really, really wasn’t.

Even the woman/piano relationship really goes downhill at the end

The Movie: Ada is mute but loves playing her piano. She, the piano, and her young daughter (from another marriage? I never understood this) are sent to 1850s New Zealand to marry Alisdair Stewart, who seems gruff, but tries to be kind in his way. Which doesn’t include lugging a piano through the muddy jungle, unfortunately. Luckily, one of his workers falls madly in love with Ada and is totally willing to go get the piano, buying it off her husband and then demanding she give him piano lessons. But of course he doesn’t care about playing the piano, he only cares about getting under that sweet, sweet hoop skirt, and eventually Ada returns his love (or lust?). Of course, Alisdair is pissed, gives her some chances to Never See Him Again, but she doesn’t listen and he ends up cutting off her finger. With an axe!! Then he apparently feels sick just looking at her and tells her lover to take her away and never come back. As they’re going away in a small boat, Ada demands that he push her piano overboard because she doesn’t want it anymore. Then she (on purpose?) sticks her foot into a mess of ropes and gets pulled down after it! She contemplates how she’s totes committing suicide and that’s okay for awhile underwater, then apparently has jumper’s remorse and struggles free. Yay? At the end, her new husband(?) makes her a creepy metal finger. The end.

Sam Neill is sorry you forced him to axe your finger off

The Character: Sam Neill plays Alisdair Stewart, Ada’s poor cuckolded husband. At the beginning we see him trying to make her happy, but not really knowing how. He also thinks her desperate longing for the piano is a little crazy, and begins to suspect that she might be insane as well as mute. He actually becomes friends with Ada’s daughter, whom she kind of starts to ignore in the excitement of her affair with the guy who began by coercing her into sex (how romantic!). I know I’m not supposed to like Sam Neill and his finger-chopping-off ways, but really Ada kind of annoyed me. Maybe because I too would probably refuse to carry her giant piano through the rainy, muddy jungle. I’m with you on this one, Sam.

Sam Neill can't understand why his hat doesn't impress you!

What I Learned: New Zealand jungles are like the muddiest places on Earth.

Would I Watch Without Sam Neill?: No. Every other character besides the little girl was pretty tiresome. Although I guess it was pretty interesting to see Ada’s character develop almost entirely through actions and facial expressions.

Next: Husband, Rich Dude, “The Scorpion”
Previously: Total Player, Overbearing Dad, Crackpot

Tagged: movie reviews, sam neill

Posted in Project Series, Sam Neill Marathon |

Sam Neill Update: Total Player, Overbearing Dad, Crackpot

September 27th, 2011 by pladd

The Good Wife (1987)
Apparently the only thing to do in interwar Australian small towns was sleep around!

Can you blame them? Look at those sexy, sexy hats

The Movie: Marge is married to a good guy that she loves(?) but she still seems really bored with her life. So when her husband’s kind of weird younger brother Sugar wants to try out sleeping with her, she basically says “Whatevs”. Oddly, so does her husband. Then a hot new bar tender comes to town and attempts to force himself on her! She says no (eventually), but then spends weeks mooning after him, wondering why he won’t hit on her again. He’s hitting on everyone else! What’s wrong with me?? , she weeps. Eventually she causes a huge scandal, but the bar tender is embroiled in a scandal of his own and forced to leave town. She tries to go with him, but he throws her off the train. Like, literally. He grabs her by the shoulders and pushes her off a moving train. She wakes up days later at home, where she tries to leave (from shame?) but her husband tells her she has nowhere else to go. The end!

That train is maybe the only thing in this movie Sam Neill DIDN'T sleep with

The Character: Sam Neill is the bartender who has won every heart in town! I’m not surprised; he’s clearly trying to channel Clark Gable. He orchestrates a threesome that becomes a foursome, and somehow nobody minds. When someone starts to cause trouble in the bar, he calmly kicks his ass without even breaking a sweat. Plus, he’s not afraid to throw a lady from a moving train.

Thing I Learned: Women weren’t allowed in bars back then, so they had something called a “Ladies Parlor” or “Ladies Lounge” that adjoined the bar and had a little window through which they could order from the bar tender. Marge uses it to shriek at Sam Neill to come sex her up in front of amused bar patrons.

Would I Watch This Movie Without Sam Neill?: Probably not. Sam Neill’s character was pretty much the one draw this movie had for me. I completely understood Marge’s boredom with her surroundings, but would feel more empathy for her if she had run away or done something awesome, instead of trying to cause scandals and sleeping with her weird brother-in-law.

In Her Skin (2009)

As per Netflix Marathon rules, I made no attempt to restart this movie or see the rest of it at the point the DVD crapped out, probably about 40-60 minutes in. So, I’ve only seen the first part of this movie, and, unlike Merlin’s Apprentice, Wikipedia and imdb are less helpful in reconstructing the rest. I will therefore be reporting on the part I saw, plus what I imagine happened in the lost ending.

I find ballerinas creepy in general; this movie and Black Swan are totes not helping

The Movie: Once again, this movie was based on a true story. Caroline Reid has always been unhappy. She hates her looks, her mom, and pretty much everything about herself, except her dad, who seems kind of distant and annoyed, especially after the divorce. She is fascinated by and jealous of Rachel, who lives across the street and seems to have the perfect life: beautiful, ballet-dancing body, hot boyfriend, loving parents and sisters. So Caroline kidnaps and kills Rachel, and then starts trying to sort of absorb her life, starting with wearing her clothes. Meanwhile, Rachel’s parents, Eowyn and the time machine guy, are frantic, the police less so. That’s about where my DVD cut out, so I am left to assume that Sam Neill brought his horrible daughter to JUSTICE.

Apparently she also goes to the hospital, I assume because Sam Neill pushed her through a window

The Character: Sam Neill plays Caroline’s distant and uncaring dad, who clearly would rather be doing pretty much anything else than deal with his crazy, whiny daughter. Unfortunately, I only got to see him in one scene before the DVD failed, so who KNOWS what kind of awesome things he did in the rest of the movie! We may never know, but I’m imagining he discovers Caroline’s crimes while using her as a test subject of his latest, wildly unstable invention. Yeah, in my version the job he is always too busy with to care about Caroline is Mad Scientist, and it’s awesome. In reality, he seems to care a lot about appearances, so it’s possible he discovers her crimes but tries to cover them up.

Thing I Learned: Gotta watch out for those fat people

Would I Watch Without Sam Neill?: Nope. Fun fact: this is the Sam Neill movie that finally broke Steven. I suspect him of sabotage, because he was angling for me to turn it off even before the DVD “broke”. He then vowed never to watch another Sam Neill movie with me again, crying at the ceiling “WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS TO ME SAM NEILL????” You WISH Sam Neill was in our attic, Steven. Anyway, I admit I was worried that Steven would forsake Sam Neill, making it impossible for us to watch anything together for at least the next few months. But then this week we watched the first half of The Triangle, so I think it’s going to be okay. He’s a born-again Sam Neill fan. But In Her Skin really shook his faith.

To the Ends of the Earth (2005 miniseries)

It’s really great that Sam Neill’s head is gigantic on this cover, since the main character is actually the guy next to him.

The actor's name is Benedict Cumberbatch, which I assume means he is actually an Edwardian butler.

The Movie: This three-part miniseries is based on a trilogy of novels by William Golding published in the 1980s. The story follows young aristocrat Edmund Talbot on his voyage from England to Australia back in the days when opium was a totally acceptable sea sickness cure (1812). Basically, it’s a 19th-century version of Big Brother. Everyone’s trapped on a boat with each other, and everyone is a different brand of crazy. There’s a passenger with two mistresses (one posing as his daughter–awkward!), a scrappy 1st lieutenant from humble beginnings who just wants to prove himself, a crazy crackpot, a disgraced Frenchman, a servant who dies and then comes back and then dies, and a captain obsessed with his on-ship garden. Plus this one time they almost hit a glacier. Eventually, Edmund learns a lot of life lessons about who he is as a man, and successfully makes it to Australia.

Sam Neill maintains this level of disapproval for the ENTIRE 267 minutes it is magical

The Character: Sam Neill IS Mr. Prettiman, the crackpot!!! It is amazing!!! He has some historically weird political beliefs and at one point tells Edmund that women’s brains can’t handle Greek, but the best part is that he is “the inveterate foe of every superstition.” Someone brings up how they’re on a ship so shooting an albatross would be SUPER unlucky (Rime of the Ancient Mariner was first published 14 years prior), and he demands that someone give him a gun so that he can PROVE THEM WRONG, and spends the rest of the episode prowling about the deck in the background of the action, looking for an albatross to shoot the hell out of! Then he hurts his leg, gets awkwardly married to an equally disapproving governess, and has many an awk convo with Edmund about what to do with Mrs. Crackpot after his death (hint: it involves a secret letter of sex reportage).

Mr. and Mrs. Crackpot hate your inferior hats with equal vehemence

This Sam Neill might be my new favorite Sam Neill!!

What I Learned: Okay, so if your mast has been kerjiggered out of whack and isn’t in the right position to hoist a sail, just thrust some iron in there and then heat it up. Something about metal expanding or whatever will SOLVE EVERYTHING! Until days later after everyone but Scrappy Lieutenant has gotten off. Then the whole thing will catch on fire! It’s physics!

Would I Watch Without Sam Neill?: Yes, although I would miss him terribly. The other characters were all crazy and entertaining in their own ways, and sailing in an old-timey ship is exciting!

Previously: SuperCroc, Apartheid, Boat Kidnapping
Next: Mustache Sam, Bolshevik Doctor, Choppy McAxeFace

Tagged: hats, movie reviews, sam neill

Posted in Project Series, Sam Neill Marathon |

Sam Neill Update: SuperCroc, Apartheid, Boat Kidnapping

September 20th, 2011 by pladd

SuperCroc (2001 TV)
Not to be confused with the monster movie of the same name, this is a National Geographic documentary narrated by Sam Neill!

It didn't walk with dinosaurs... IT ATE THEM!!!

The Movie: The documentary follows a paleontologist and a crocodile expert traveling the world to study modern day crocodiles in an attempt to make educated guesses about what the ancient supercroc (or Sarcosuchus, if you want to get technical) was like. The documentary began with digging up some Sarcosuchus bones in the Sahara, including a massive skull, but without more of the body they needed measurements and ratios from modern versions to guess at how big supercroc was (answer: about 40 feet long, 8.75 tons). Interspersed with capturing and measuring the world’s different crocodile and alligator species is kind of bad computer animation about what we imagine prehistoric supercroc was like. And it chomping down on dinosaurs.

Also I learned that this exists

The Character: Since this was a documentary he was narrating, I never actually got to see Sam Neill, which, as you can guess, was a bit of a blow since you know I love making fun of his clothes. He was really good at narrating, though, providing some ironic detachment from the alligator expert, who was annoyingly excitable. I think he would do really well recording audiobooks! I still enjoyed this more than A Cry in the Dark; thanks for teaching me something, Sam Neill!

Best Sam Neill Quote: (after annoying alligator guy has captured a big crocodile and tied it down in the back of his pick up, asking can you IMAGINE what supercroc would be like?) “You’d need a bigger truck”.

Thing I Learned From This Movie: Alligators have medicine in their blood that heals their wounds from the inside!

Would I Have Watched This Without the Lure of Sam Neill?: Yes, but only while doing something else, like cooking

Skin (2008)

This movie was based on a true story, so, once again, I learned something! You’ve just spent this week educating me, Sam Neill!

Also, Sam Neill's Afrikaner accent is crazy!

The Movie: Sandra Laing looks black (is black? This terminology is a major issue in the movie too) but both of her parents are white Afrikaners in apartheid-era South Africa. Obvs this causes all kinds of problems, such as is she allowed to attend a white school? And how to stop everyone from being terrible to her there? Who can she marry? Can she legally even live with her parents? At one point a professor explains that she is probably the result of African/European intermarrying at some point far back in her parents’ ancestral past, something he claims most Afrikaners have in their genes at some point. Sandra takes a lot of crap, even from her own family, and eventually runs away with a black man, whom she can’t even legally marry since she is technically classified as white. Their relationship can’t survive their differences in background–he gets really pissed when she keeps trying to contact her mother–and she eventually runs away from him, starting a new life with their two children. Eventually she reunites with her mom, but her dad dies, leaving her money but never speaking to her again. The part I remember the most is just a simple scene without any dialog, showing Sandra and her mother going shopping for a new dress. Because Sandra isn’t allowed inside the store, her mother and a saleslady stand in the window with the mannequins, holding up various choices while Sandra stands outside, pointing to ones she likes and pantomime pleading with her mother for the one she wants.

Sam Neill, as always, at the height of fashion

The Character: Of course Sam Neill is Abraham Laing, her stubborn, domineering father. He is pretty much ace at playing troubled dad characters at this point. He pushes the government continually until they finally decide to determine race based on ancestry, not appearance, and just as stubbornly tries to force Sandra to have a “normal” life, even going so far as to not care when some guy sexually assaults her since at least he’s white. He delivers an ultimatum after she runs off with her black boyfriend: return home now or never see your family again. He then spends most of the rest of the film burning her letters and trying to prevent his wife from seeing her through creepily serious death threats. “If I ever see her here again, I’ll kill them. And then myself.” Towards the end of the movie, when Sam Neill is dying of cancer, he tries to leave the house to find Sandra and apologize to her, but his wife won’t let him, claiming that they don’t deserve her forgiveness. Which is a nice sentiment, but, you know, Sandra is pretty much homeless and starving so maybe put your high horse away, mom. Sam Neill’s Abraham Laing is believably terrible to his family, sticking with the government-sanctioned racism that would definitely have been the status quo at the time this movie is set. I still end up feeling bad for him at the end when he realizes what a dick he’s been. Oh, Sam Neill, it’s so hard to hate you for realsies.

Thing I Learned From This Movie: Sandra Laing is a real person and most of the events in this movie really happened!

Would I Watch This Without Sam Neill?: From reading the description, no, but if I started it I would end up liking it.

Perfect Strangers (2003)

Pretty sure Sam Neill agreed to this movie because he got to spend a lot of it pretending to be dead inside a freezer.

The description made it sound like a romcom, and it is, if you like CRAZY

The Movie: Melanie lives a pretty boring life, until one night she decides to go home with a mysterious hot guy she meets at a bar. Except when she wakes up the next morning she is on his boat, since his home is on a remote deserted island! Plus, he seems to know a lot about her, and keeps saying things like “I would do ANYTHING for you!” Then he cooks them a romantic dinner, burns her old clothes, and insists that they can’t sleep together until she loves him. In her attempts to escape the next morning–since she is apparently too dumb to realize there are two locks on the door hotel room style–she ends up accidentally stabbing The Man (that’s how he’s listed in the credits–we never know his name), and then trying to nurse him back to health. Of course, he ends up dying, but that’s cool, she just stashes his body in the freezer and starts hallucinating him, imagining an elaborate and romantic relationship between them. Eventually some guy she used to know arrives, and apparently it’s really his house but The Man just rents it? And she tries to kill him too? But then he’s cool with it? And they get married? The last scene is her dancing with her hallucination at her own wedding to the other guy! Yeah, supper sweet.

I assume they chose Sam Neill because he makes a great corpse

The Character: Sam Neill plays The Man, and he acts the hell out of it! The Man doesn’t have too many lines, preferring silent mystery/being dead, but in the beginning of the kidnapping I was really unsure if I was creeped out by him or wanted to date him. Then Melanie revealed herself to be crazy to the power of twelve, so Sam Neill definitely now appears to be the most sane, attractive character in this film. It’s like she waited to get Stockholm syndrome until he was already dead, so she just had to fall in love with his corpse/hallucination. My favorite part is when she has a gun out, trying to shoot the Island Owner, and she asks Sam Neill’s specter if you can kill someone twice. Sam Neill shrugs and suggests that she just better try it to see. Then she throws a little pity party about how she never meant to kill him, which is weird since she did stick a knife in his stomach.

Thing I Learned: Pro tip: When the girl you’ve kidnapped locks you out of your own house, the best thing to do is start a smile fire under it and smoke her out!

Would I Watch This Without Sam Neill?: Yes, thinking it was a romantic comedy! Then I’d end up finishing it despite mounting unease out of a morbid curiosity.

Previously: Merlin (again), Erotic Artist, Tragic Dingo Victim
Next: Total Player, Overbearing Dad, Crackpot!

Tagged: movie reviews, movies, sam neill

Posted in Project Series, Sam Neill Marathon |

Sam Neill Update: Merlin (again), Erotic Artist, Tragic Dingo Victim

September 9th, 2011 by pladd

I’ve decided one of my favorite things about Sam Neill is how his accent can change pretty dramatically with each movie!

Merlin’s Apprentice (TV Movie) (2006)
For full disclosure: I got this DVD from Netflix and it whimped out on me about 20 minutes in to “Part 2” of this 2-part TV movie. However, Sam Neill’s character died at the end of Part 1, so you can’t make me feel guilty about not even trying to restart. At that point it was pretty much any excuse to stop watching the terribleness. However, I did read a summary of Part 2 on wikipedia, and unfortunately it makes even less sense than I predicted.

This movie has to be a front for something else, right? Sam, what are you doing?

The Movie: So, this is sort of a sequel to Merlin (1998), except it doesn’t follow any of the same story or have any of the same characters, except that Sam Neill is Merlin and Miranda Richardson is the Lady of the Lake, but a different Merlin and Lady of the Lake. I don’t really understand why, but probably because no one else would agree to sign on for this since the plot is ridic. Check it: Merlin is super sleepy after doing all this work to make a perfect Camelot so he finds some cave and goes to sleep. But, whoops, he wakes up 50 years later! Everyone he knows is dead and Camelot has gone to shit. The Holy Grail has disappeared because Camelot is no longer pure, and vaguely-Viking-like barbarian hordes are sweeping ever closer to destroy it. The Lady of the Lake is on their side and helping them with her magic because Camelot has “polluted her waters”. Luckily Merlin finds Jack, a young thief with magical talent and takes him on as an apprentice! Jack has a pig sidekick who may be magical too? Inconclusive. Other characters include: Sir Gawain’s granddaughter, the blacksmith she is secretly in love with, and a girl pretending to be a boy, but not very well. Seriously, she is trying to earn her place as a knight a la Alanna the Lioness, but she is obviously, obviously a girl the entire time. The other characters address her constantly as “Boy!” as if the director knew it was the only way to tell the audience that she’s supposed to be pretending and it’s a huge secret.

Everyone else just thought his voice hadn't broken yet, whatever

The Character: This version of Merlin is a little more serious than in the original TV movie that this is sort of but not really a sequel to. Since Jack is really the main character, Merlin spends a lot of time making seriously melodramatic pronouncements of doom or grumbling about how stupid Jack is. The most ridiculous part is at the end of Part 1 when the Lady of the Lake reveals to Merlin that Jack is HER son. And that he’s a baby daddy. Yeah, Merlin was sleep-raped by the Lady of the Lake. Because she was lonely. Luckily Merlin dies after heroically sacrificing himself to save the people of Camelot pretty soon after that so I didn’t have to watch any more. I thought the pig would definitely turn out to be the Holy Grail in disguise (which would explain why it is kind of magical?) but alas, it’s just a magical pig named Sir Snout. Of course. Of course Gawain’s granddaughter (?maybe) and her illicit “we’re from two different worlds!” love get together in the end as Camelot’s new rulers and Jack gets with the pretend-boy after discovering her secret.

Sam Neill was probably happy to escape after just half of it

Best Sam Neill Quote: (after Jack suggests they could work together) “I’d sooner mate with a dung beetle!”
Or the Lady of the Lake, in your sleep? Ooohhhh.

Sirens (1993)

This week I watched two movies where Sam Neill played an Australian, and he’s pretty good at it! This one also had Hugh Grant. And nudity!

I prefer this cover to the one that's just Hugh Grant's face, trying to look like he can still feel shame

The Movie: Hugh Grant is a stodgy C of E reverend sent to Australia with his wife. The bishop asks him to visit a crazy artist on their way, since he keeps painting erotic pictures with religious themes and won’t stop. Of course, their stay at his villa is a sexual awakening for both husband and wife. Plus, I learn that Australians are totally nonchalant about all the deadly, deadly things that surround them daily.

Like Portia de Rossi

The Character: Sam Neill plays the artist, Norman Lindsey, who apparently was a real guy and also completely awesome. From what I can tell on Wikipedia, Sam Neill captures him well, portraying him as forthright with what we would call a modern attitude about sexuality. Plus he gives off this air of just not caring what you think because, whatever, I’m Norman Lindsey. I get up early, paint some naked girls, and then quietly laugh at Hugh Grant’s puritanical values.

Best Quote: This one is from the real-life Norman Lindsey, after learning that 16 crates full of his art were burned in the US as pornography in 1940: “Don’t worry, I’ll do more.”
Read the rest of this entry »

Tagged: movie review, movies, sam neill

Posted in Project Series, Sam Neill Marathon |

Sam Neill Update: Spaceships, Helena Bonham Carter (again), and Charles II

August 19th, 2011 by pladd

I have been hard at work watching Sam Neill movies to complete my goal! I’m a fifth of the way there!

Event Horizon (1997)
I am not really that into horror movies, having a terrible fear of jump scares, but my brother once easily cajoled me into watching this one by simply pointing out that Sam Neill was in it. My Sam Neill obsession has apparently infected him, albeit a lesser case, so you should maybe watch out.

Yes, this movie is trying to make you fear black holes

The Movie: In the year 2047 Earth receives a signal from the experimental space ship Event Horizon which disappeared mysteriously seven years ago. A crew of plucky space adventurers plus the ship’s original designer are sent out to Neptune to investigate. The ship was created to move faster than light by creating an artificial black hole inside its core, but of course something went wrong and it ended up in a freakish hell dimension, killing all of the crew, whose creepy frozen remains we get jump scared by while exploring the ship. Plus, the ship has either become evil-sentient or there’s some kind of creepy hell-dimension demon thing hiding out in it, because it eventually starts torturing the new crew with creepy visions before possessing one of them in an attempt to bring them back “home” to creepy hell dimension. Jump scares and gross death scenes abound.

Also, this happens

The Character: Sam Neill plays Dr. Weir, the ship’s original creator and the character the unexplained evil force decides to possess. He spends most of the movie insisting that the ship is perfectly safe, despite evidence, and gruesomely killing the other characters. This movie taught me that it’s pretty much impossible for me to not like Sam Neill, even when he’s being a murdering psychopath. Before he gets all possessed and cuts out his own eyes, he has angsty dreams about his wife who either left him or killed herself, something he hasn’t gotten over. See, Sam Neill’s not evil, he’s just sad, you guys. Is it his fault that the evil hell dimension’s spokesdemon decided to possess him? Maybe, but at least he does it with a smile on his face and general badassery in his heart.

Best Sam Neill Quote: “Where we’re going… we won’t need eyes to see.”

The Revengers’ Comedies/Sweet Revenge (1998)
This is the second time I’ve seen Sam Neill and Helena Bonham Carter together (the other being Merlin) and they’re a pretty great combination! At first I was shocked that Helena Bonham Carter’s character did not seem totally, totally nuts as per her usual, but thankfully you just have to wait a little longer for her to reveal her true crazy.

There's lots of reasons this movie made me happy; that outfit is #2

The Movie: Sam Neill’s wife has left him and he’s just been fired; Helena Bonham Carter’s friend-with-benefits has just gone back to his wife. They meet while attempting to jump off London’s Tower Bridge and decide to get revenge on the people who’ve made them miserable. Helena Bonham Carter gets a secretary job at Sam Neill’s old office to torture his smarmy replacement/job stealer, leaving Sam Neill to hang out in her huge country house to somehow ruin the life of her next-door-neighbor/ex-BF’s wife. Unfortunately, Sam Neill ends up falling in love with the wife instead, which pisses off HBC when she goes to all the trouble to make sure smarmy-boss ends up disgraced and dead. Sam Neill DOES accidentally kill the boorish ex-bf in a ridiculous duel scene, and HBC turns out to be a chronic arsonist who supposedly dies when lighting her own house on fire at the end, though in the final scene we see she is just pretending and still out for revenge OMG LOOK OUT SAM NEILL

This is #1; I had to pause the movie I was laughing so much

The Character: Sam Neill is pretty much the straight man in this movie, spending most of his time somewhat befuddled, especially by Helena Bonham Carter. He does show a little bit of initiative in figuring out the truth about how HBC’s parents died (“mysterious fire”) and does try to stand up to his new love interest’s terrible husband. Unlike HBC and every other character, he doesn’t take death lightly, protesting the duel he’s been coerced into even while his opponent is pointing a gun at his head.

Best ~~Sam Neill~~ quote: Sam Neill protests that dueling with shot guns is far too barbaric and he’s not going to take part, dramatically flinging his gun to the ground. It goes off, shooting his opponent through the heart. HBC’s younger brother, happily: “Good shot!!!”

Restoration (1995)
When I saw this period piece on my list of things to watch, I thought “Okay, some made-for-TV Masterpiece Theater kind of thing with a series of bad accents”. I was so wrong! This movie is full of famous people!

Though sadly not Helena Bonham Carter

The Movie: The opening scenes of this movie made me think it was going to be a classic 1663 doctor buddy-cop type movie. David Thewlis plays the by-the-book conservative while Robert Downey Jr. is more interested in drinking and the ladies, but his disregard for “the rules” marks him for brilliance. We only see this “brilliance” one time: when he dares to touch a live human heart with his grubby, plague-covered 17th century hands. I think I’m with Prof. Lupin on this one. Anyway, his heart-grabbing means that King Charles II takes notice of him and hires him to nurse his most precious pet dog back to health. Robert Downey Jr. gets drunk, but somehow the dog is saved anyway! Huzzah! Everything goes good for awhile until King Charles gives RDJ an estate and makes him marry one of the many royal mistresses in a sham marriage so that the other royal mistresses don’t get jealous. Despite the expert advice of Sir Ian McKellan, his butler, and the conniving of Hugh Grant who appears to be hanging out there for no reason, RDJ falls in love with his fake wife, and so the king banishes him to hang out at David Thewlis’ mental hospital where Meg Ryan is an attractive yet crazy Irish woman. Of course RDJ wastes no time in hitting that and David Thewlis dies of the plague (or werewolfism??). Meg Ryan dies giving birth to their daughter and the rest of the movie involves RDJ finding meaning in his life again through a plague outbreak and the Great Fire of 1666.

Guess who Sam Neill is.

OF COURSE King Charles II!

The Character: Sam Neill is AMAZING as King Charles II! Even if you discount the awesomeness of his wig and clothes, he pretty much goes everywhere with an adorable pack of Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. Plus he’s the perfect blend of silliness and deadly seriousness at the same time, which makes you think “Here is a guy who knows how to have a good time… but also someone I don’t want to cross.”

That mustache alone is someone you wouldn't want to cross

Best Sam Neill Quote: While leaving RDJ to work on his poor sick dog, Sam Neill makes a ridiculous dog howling noise impossible to portray in print. Then he looks at the dog, sighs, and says “There was a time when she would’ve responded to that”.

Previously: Cardinal, Colonel, Madman
Next: Merlin (again), Erotic Artist, Tragic Dingo Victim

Tagged: movie review, movies, sam neill

Posted in Project Series, Sam Neill Marathon |

Sam Neill Update: Cardinal, Colonel, Madman

August 12th, 2011 by pladd

So since we last talked I have made great progress on my Sam Neill project! Mostly by making a spreadsheet and discovering that of his 100ish movie/TV movie/miniseries appearances, Netflix has a little less than half available in some format! Luckily, I have already seen around 10 of them (I know, I thought that number would be larger too). Here is a rundown of some of the favorites that didn’t get mentioned last time:

The Tudors TV series (2007)
I know this show is pretty recent, but I’m just now getting around to watching it on Netflix Instant. I’m not finished yet, but I’ve gotten past the part where Sam Neill’s character dies, so I figure I can check it off my list.

The point seems to be that history is ironically all about both sex AND clothes

The Show: Henry VIII has vaguely historically accurate affairs, while the rest of his court does the same, with a side of scheming. People argue about religion a lot and everyone generally dresses like it’s their job. When it’s clear that their real job is keeping Henry from killing them for reasons like “didn’t get me sex fast enough” and “would rather party with the Pope”.

"Dude, our hats!!!" "I know!!!!"

The Character: Sam Neill plays Cardinal Thomas Wolsey, which, if the picture on wikipedia can be believed, he has way too few chins to ever portray accurately. His main role in the first part of the series is to run things so King Henry can have more time with his mistresses, but later he falls out of favor when he can’t manage to get Henry a divorce from his first wife. He ends up banished, eventually killing himself rather than face a probable execution. He’s not really a “good” character, especially for what we might of expect of a churchmen. He’s devious and spends a lot of time scheming with various people, but instead of sleeping around like every other person on the show he seems fairly happy with his not-wife, Joan, which was apparently sort-of-okay for a churchman in England at the time. In the end, I ended up feeling really sorry for him, and not just because I hate to see Sam Neill cry.

Best Sam Neill Quote: “I don’t think anything, but I imagine everything.”
You don’t have to tell me, Sam Neill, I saw In the Mouth of Madness.

The Jungle Book (1994)
No, not the animated version. This one:

The Movie: Unlike the unsettlingly racist Disney movie of the same name, this movie spends a lot more time concentrating on Mowgli’s interactions with people instead of singing animals. We still get lots of shots of him palling around with bears and wolves and winning a monkey king’s affection by battling a giant snake, but most of the plot centers around his attempts to blend in to the society of colonial India. John Cleese and the Love Interest try to teach him English and manners, while an evil Westley jealously tries to kill him.

"Damn it, Love Interest is MINE!"

Eventually, Mowgli is forced to lead Evil Captain Robin Hood into the jungle after the monkey king’s treasure, but prevails in the end because Evil Cary Elwes doesn’t respect the jungle.

The Character: Sam Neill plays Colonel Brydon, Love Interest’s well-meaning but kind of ineffectual dad. Most of the movie he is either telling Love Interest to act like a lady or pushing her to marry the obviously Evil Captain Cary Elwes.

"My dear, all I ask is that you find someone with sufficient mustache to keep you happy"

I know I’m supposed to find Colonel Sam Neill completely tiresome, but I actually agree with him wholeheartedly. The jungle is clearly full of gross bugs and giant snakes, and Cary Elwes was ADORABLE in 1994. I mean, true, he’s also evil, but nobody’s perfect. Anyway, Colonel Sam Neill finally gets with the program but it’s TOO LATE and he ends up dangerously wounded and transported through the jungle on the back of an elephant. Luckily he maintains a respectable Stiff Upper Lip through the whole experience and learns to respect the jungle law, presumably later blessing his daughter’s shocking jungle union.

Best Sam Neill Quote: (to his elephant when it is freaking out about a tiger) “Damnit, pull yourself together!!!”
Sam Neill fears no jungle cat!

In the Mouth of Madness (also 1994)
I saw this movie kind of by accident in high school when I was looking for a horror movie at Blockbuster. This one seemed to be about a writer who fell into his own book or something, which seemed like a good premise. Only after starting it did I realize that, of course, Sam Neill is the main character.

This picture pretty much sums it up

The Movie: John Trent is some kind of insurance fact checker/private investigator/skeptical chainsmoker who is sent to find the missing horror novelist ~~Stephen King~~ Sutter Cane. He ends up in the fictional(?) town where all of Cane’s books take place and everything is exactly as Cane described, with people gradually going crazy, killing each other, and turning into creepy monsters. Trent thinks it is all a publicity stunt for a ridiculously long amount of the movie.

Sam Neill, no one would pay the money for this set up to publicize a BOOK you silly

Eventually it turns out that the insanity/bloodlust/monsterfication is contagious and you can get it just by reading the book! Cane turns out to just be a puppet of an “elder race” and his books are all some sort of master plan to release Cthulhu. Then everything becomes really meta and confusing.

The Character: Sam Neill is our man, John Trent, who Cane insists is just a fictional character in his book and therefore has no freewill. Sam Neill tries repeatedly to NOT follow Cane’s instructions, destroying the manuscript of the evil hellbook repeatedly, but each time it reappears. He tries just not delivering it to the publishers, explaining to them that he’s failed his task, but they act really confused and tell him he delivered it months ago. Then Sam Neil pretty much goes insane, kills some people, and gets locked in an asylum, which is the scene the movie begins with, the rest being an extended flashback. Eventually society ends, Sam Neill wanders out of the asylum to watch the movie version of In the Mouth of Madness, which is also the movie we have just seen.

Realizing you're a fictional pawn in humanity's extinction has a lighter side, apparently

So, yeah, John Trent spends most of the movie either calling everyone else crazy or laugh-crying hysterically. It’s pretty awesome.

Best Sam Neill Quote: (to his creator, Cane) “Your books SUCK!”

So Cardinal Wolsey, an elephant-riding Imperial English Colonel, and a horror movie hero/fictional character/villain/crazy person! Three great additions to Sam Neill’s resume and further proof that he can pretty much do anything!

Next time: Spaceships, Helena Bonham Carter (again), and Charles II
Previously: An Obsession Acknowledged

Tagged: movie review, movies, sam neill

Posted in Project Series, Sam Neill Marathon |