The Plaid Pladd

Making a Stand
Michael lets GOB open up a new branch of the banana stand, so he chooses a site directly across from the original, hires his son, Steve Holt, and begins competing. Later they discover it was their dad trying to pit them against each other, so they hire some painters/actors to “teach him a lesson”. It doesn’t work.

S.O.B.s
In a very meta episode, the Bluths host a charity dinner to save themselves. Meaningless guest appearances. Andy Richter’s identical quintuplet brothers! Lindsay’s poisonous attempts at cooking.

Fakin It
The family participates in a pilot of the show Mock Trial with J. Reinhold to practice getting ready for court. Buster pretends to be in a coma so he won’t have to testify. Michael wonders who “N. Bluth” on some documents and accounts is. The prosecutor threatens Michael and he gets it on tape.

Family Ties
George Sr. wrecks all the Bluth company computers, so they bring out super old ones. Michael finds the name and phone number of a “Nellie” on one whom he thinks might be his long-lost sister. Turns out, she’s actually George Sr.’s prostitute and GOB is her pimp. Michael hires her as a “business consultant” and even though they aren’t actually related she helps the company.

Exit Strategy
George Michael invites all of Maeby’s “friends” from her address book to her 16th birthday party, outing her as a teen and losing her job at the studio. GOB ends up in an Iraqi prison on a USO tour and Michael and Buster head to Iraq to save him. While there, they visit one of the Bluth model homes and discover a bunch of Saddam look-alikes watching his trial on tv. They also find a fake wmd that was planted there by the US government, making George Sr. actually a patsy like he has always claimed.

Development Arrested
Michael finds out his mother has been the real cause of all the dirty business. Lindsay finds out she was adopted. Maeby’s old studio wants to make a tv show or a movie about her experiences. George Michael discovers that his ex-girlfriend Ann has been dating GOB. Stan Sitwell buys the Bluth company, Lucille tries to steal the Queen Mary to escape from the SEC (alerted by a long-lost Annyong), and Michael and George Michael escape to Cabo in GOB’s yacht but find George Sr. already there. The end.

Trish’s Review
I’m just glad Annyong came back in the end.
Rating: Four out of five fake wmds
Kill/Fuck/Marry: Marry one of the Saddam look-alikes. Fuck Nellie because everyone is doing it. Kill everyone.

Steven’s Review
So many good things. Mock Trial. Thanks for letting us know William Hung still has a career of some sort. It also brought us the joys of “My Name is Judge.” And poor Maeby, I felt so bad for her the whole time.
Rating: five out of five hot cops
Kill/Fuck/Marry: Fuck Nellie. Marry Annyoung because that’s some loyalty right there. So many choices for Kill… anybody with the name of Bluth.

Previously: Arrested Development: 3.1
Next: Back to the Future I

The Cabin Show
Michael discovers that George Sr’s twin brother Oscar is in jail in his place. The family sells the land the family cabin is on and are forced to haul the cabin away on the back of a truck. GOB finds out he has a son, and it’s Steve Holt.

For British Eyes Only
George Sr. insists that he was set up by a British syndicate, and Michael heads to Wee Britain to check it out. While there, he meets a girl named Rita whom he is instantly and awkwardly attracted to, and he is threatened by an English dude, which makes him believe his father was telling the truth.

Forget-Me-Now
Lindsay tries and fails to flirt with the family’s new attorney, Bob Loblaw. Rita is working with Trevor, the dude who threatened Michael in the last episode. The Bluths think Michael is shredding the evidence against them so he can take the fall, rather than trying to destroy evidence of his family so he won’t have to introduce them to Rita. They decide to throw a surprise party for him and pick Rita up in their cabin-on-wheels. They end up knocking her out and roofieing her because Bluths.

Notapusy
GOB is still avoiding Steve Holt, so Michael agrees to do the father-son triathalon with him at the Church and State Fair. They train too hard and Michael can’t take it. George Michael contemplates signing up for the army, and George Sr. delivers a “scared straight” lecture to gay men instead of the at-risk youth. He flees in a fake pope mobile. Anne and Maeby both enter an “inner beauty” contest which GOB judges.

Mr. F
Michael realizes that the building site is riddled with mole hills and is worried what the Japanese investors will think. GOB suggests building a tiny town and telling them its just really far away. Michael rejects this plan, but GOB does it anyway. George Sr. ships a jet pack to the model home, thinking it can further his escape attempt, but it is intercepted by George Michael, who thinks it’s a birthday gift from his father. Bob Loblaw reveals that the family may have a mole ratting them out to the feds named “Mr. F” the family suspects Rita and calls immigration, but really it’s Tobias and his gym buddy, who asks him to “play a mole”. Tobias thinks he’s auditioning for a part. This happens:

The Ocean Walker
Michael decides to marry Rita so she can get a green card. The Bluths are against it until Trevor shows up, reveals that he’s Rita’s uncle and that she’s loaded. Also, mentally around age 6. The Bluths decide to not let Michael find out until after the wedding so they can get their hands on that sweet dough. George Michael shows Michael a video of Rita eating fake fruit and the jig is up.

Prison Break In
The Bluth Foundation Dinner is coming up, and Lindsay pressures the family into raising money for “GVH” or “Graft Versus Host”: basically Tobias’ hair implants are killing him but he refuses to give them up. The dinner is being held at the prison, catered by inmates, because Lucille and Warden Gentiles are tight. The dinner crowd finds out about the patheticness of the “disease” and riots.

Trish’s Review
I love Rita. I can’t help it. Also, Bob Loblaw is pretty great. Season 3 really marks this show’s desperate descent into outright madness as the reality of its impending cancellation becomes clear.
Rating: Five out of five deadly Mary Poppins puppets
Kill/Fuck/Marry: Kill Michael because he somehow annoys me the most in these episodes. Fuck Trevor because he’s into some kinky shit. Marry Rita because the Bluths are right: money is awesome and I love her fashion sense.

You know, kinky shit

Steven’s Review
The Rita story arc is the best part of arrested development.
Rating: 5 out of 5 bumpaddles
Kill/Fuck/Marry: Obviously marry Rita for that sweet, sweet dough. Ordinarily I would still go with Kill Tobias except he made a great mole, so I’m going to have to agree with you and kill Michael because he’s a freaking moron. As for Fuck, it’s a toss up between Rita’s uncle and Warden Gentiles. Because clearly that dude can make shit happen.

Previously: Arrested Development Season 2.3
Next: Arrested Development Season 3.2

Motherboy XXX
Lucille is ashamed of Buster’s hook hand so she concocts a plan to take George Michael to the annual “Motherboy” competition/dance event instead. Michael is determined to rescue him, and Buster agrees to help. Other boys wish they were being rescued from Motherboy.

The Immaculate Election
Ann and Michael convince George Michael to run for school president, but when Michael finds out his son has no chance against Steve Holt, he asks Gob to use George Sr.’s dirty tricks to get him elected. Gob makes an incendiary campaign video that backfires, but impresses Ann with his light saber moves. Lindsay kicks Tobias out, so he dresses up as a British nanny named Mrs. Featherbottom to come back. They know it’s him, but the house has never been so clean.

Sword of Destiny
Gob buys a “sword of destiny” and pretends to be Buster’s magical assistant since he can’t get a gig himself after the Magician’s Alliance kicked him out. Michael is hospitalized with appendicitis and thinks no one can do anything without him, but then everything is fine. Well, as fine as anything ever is.

Meat the Veals
George Michael wants to ask Ann to get pre-engaged and Michael decides the Veals need to meet his family so they will disapprove of the idea. Unfortunately, Lucille is depressed about George Sr. being gone and Gob is busy helping George Sr. kidnap Lucille for a secret vow renewal ceremony so they aren’t as awful as usual. Mrs. Veal takes Michael’s compliments (comparative to Ann) as come-ons tries to make out with him. Everyone ends up fighting at the church and George Sr. runs away again.

Spring Breakout
Michael checks Lucille into rehab until Kitty returns and demands to see her. She challenges Lucille to a drinking contest for George Sr.’s sperm. Lucille wins. GOB blows up the family yacht as part of a magic trick.

Righteous Brothers
The model home collapses because it is shoddily made. George Michael and Maeby kiss. Tobias and Kitty leave together for Las Vegas, and Michael and GOB get in a fight on the courthouse lawn. They are separated by George Sr. who says there’s been too much fighting in the family and he’s going to turn himself in. Instead, he shaves and frames his twin brother Oscar.

Trish’s Review
This is a strong set of episodes with some of the most memorable minor characters like Mr. and Mrs. Veal and Tony Wonder. The best part is probably when all the different storylines get ratcheted up to 11 in Righteous Brothers.
Rating: five out of five coolers full of sperm
Kill/Fuck/Marry: Kill Lucille because Motherboy is a terrible thing to inflict on anyone. Fuck Mrs. Veal and then get in an epic duel with Mr. Veal. Marry Tony Wonder, the magician, because he ~magically~ gives out free food and I like sandwiches.

Steven’s Review
Okay, yeah. This is where we get the good stuff. Badass Lucille makes an appearance, “Mrs. Featherbottom” makes “her” debut, and each episode seems to be daring the next one to be even more ridiculous. And seriously, the acting talent that we’re getting in this set is fantastic; Alan Tudyk and Ben Stiller in addition to the usual crew. Not to mention we finally see George Michael and Maeby finally seal the deal! (Or at least make out, but for them that’s close enough). Best line for me had to be Mrs. Veal begging Michael to teach her the ways of the secular flesh. And don’t forget the great Christian talk show, “And As It Is Such, Also As Such Is It Unto”
Rating Five out of five severed fingers
Kill/Fuck/Marry Kill Gob, because it’s a mercy to him and everyone else around him. Fuck Mrs. Veal (duh). Marry Kitty, because wouldn’t that be a wild ride?

Previously:Arrested Development 2.2
Next: Arrested Development 3.1

Switch Hitter
Gob goes to work with the Bluth Company’s competitor, although they may or may not be after him to win against the Bluth company in an upcoming softball game.

Queen for a Day
Some Bluth stock is finally unfrozen, but it’s important not to sell so that they retain control of the company. Unfortunately, no one listens, including Michael, who buys a corvette. Tobias buys a gay night club called The Queen Mary and converts a gang into being dancers (really they were the Hot Cops posing as a gang). He ends up getting stabbed after trying this on a real gang. The Bluths do lose control of the company to Lucille 2, who says she bought the stock because she wants to support them, but then decides to maintain control to get back at Lucille 1.

Burning Love
Michael awkwardly tries to get with his childhood crush, Sally Sitwell, daughter of Stan Sitwell, the Bluth company’s main competitor. After finally hearing that her father approves of the match, Michael swaps his corvette with him for the money to buy Sally at the annual bachelorette auction, but she isn’t pysched about having her dad’s approval and turns him down. George Sr. installs a hot tub in the model home’s attic and instantly regrets it.

Ready, Aim, Marry Me!
Michael is convinced that majority-holder Lucille 2 and Stan Sitwell are colluding against the company (really they are just in love). He calls in his dad’s friend “Uncle Jack” (not really their uncle) to try to bail them out, but his condition is a romantic date with Lindsay. Michael goes on a romantic date with Tobias to keep him from finding out, and Gob and Buster use army training and magic to spy on Lucille 2 because they are both secretly in love with her.

Out on a Limb
Michael learns that Maggie Lizer, whom he slept with 9 months ago, is 9 months pregnant. He gets Tobias and Lindsay to break into her house, steal her urine, and test it. It comes back positive, so he assumes that 1) she’s telling the truth (she isn’t), and 2) he’s really the father (he’s not, and she tells him he’s not). Buster swims in the ocean before being shipped off to Iraq, and gets his hand bitten off by a seal wearing a bow tie.

Hand to God
Buster deals with losing his hand. Michael discovers that Maggie is NOT pregnant with his baby, but is acting as a surrogate for a gay police couple. They think she might be trying to keep their kid. Surprise! She’s not really pregnant at all. She outsourced it to a local waitress, who is using the pregnancy to pretend to be fat to sue the restaurant where she works. Gay policemen get their baby in the end.

Trish’s Review
This bunch is kind of a mix for me: I like the two episodes about Maggie a lot, but I absolutely hate Ready, Aim, Marry Me! because Uncle Jack is gross.
Rating: Three out of five jars of chocolate body paint
Kill/Fuck/Marry: Kill Uncle Jack because he’s disgusting. Fuck Sally Sitwell because I like her hair. Marry either or both of the gay policemen because they seem really sweet and have maybe the healthiest relationship on this entire show.

Steven’s Review
Honestly, this run had a lot of iffy episodes for me. I love the Maggie focus, and the Buster hand-loss sequences are fun, but Michael and Tobias in particular kept irritating me and throwing me out of the enjoyment-bubble. Uncle Jack gets a pass out of me because 1) I’m pretty sure it’s a silly sendup of Jack Lalanne, and 2) it’s Martin Short! (How can you not love Martin Short?)
Rating: Three out of five loose seals.
Kill/Fuck/Marry: Kill Michael, like a dozen times. It was a close contest between him and Tobias, as both of them are royal idiots for most of this disc, but I can’t help but expect ridiculous antics out of Tobias. Michael, on the other hand, needs to grow a pair like pronto. Fuck Maggie, because she’s clearly got it going on (hard to choose between her and Sally, admittedly). Marry Stan Sitwell, because this may be the most genuine (and also successful) male figure in the entire series.

Previously:Arrested Development 2.1
Next: Arrested Development 2.3

The One Where Michael Leaves
Michael and George Michael try to leave for Phoenix because Michael is sick of his family but the police want to hold Michael responsible for George Sr.’s crimes now that he has run away. Tobias and Lindsay decide to try an open relationship. Gob becomes president of the Bluth company and finds some incriminating evidence hidden in a wall. Lucille signs Buster up for the army after being ambushed by a Michael Moore look-alike.

The One Where They Build a House
Gob promises to build a model home in only two weeks. Buster volunteers for the crew hoping to get injured to get out of army. Lindsay attempts to date a homeless man who is really a movie star researching a role. Buster ends up seeing his mom making out with Oscar and determines to go to war. The house is empty inside and collapses.

Amigos!
Gene Parmesan, the Bluth’s private detective, tracks the stolen stair car down to Mexico. Michael, Lindsay, Maeby, and George Michael head down to see if they can find George Sr. George Michael also brings his girlfriend, Ann, in the hopes that Michael will get to know her and maybe remember her name. Gob thinks Michael is attempting to flee the country and hires a bounty hunter named Ice to track him. Lindsay flirts with Ice badly. Ann gets stranded in Mexico.

Good Grief
Ice determines that George Sr. was killed by the Mexican police after first being mistaken for his brother Oscar and then being recognized as the inventor of the cornballer (all of the guards have horrific burns from it). The family plans a funeral, but tells Buster it’s a birthday party so he doesn’t lose it. George Michael discovers a very much alive George Sr., who bribed the Mexican police and has returned to try to win Lucille back from Oscar, and hides him in the attic. Michael discovers the deception and fakes his father’s attic escape so that he is the only one who now knows where his father truly is.

Sad Sack
The prosecution against Michael claim they have found a landscape photo of Iraq complete with bunkers on the Bluth company server, but it turns out to be a close-up of Tobias’ balls (Barry Zuckercorn knows the truth). Michael gets George Michael glasses thinking poor vision might explain his attraction to Ann. Buster needs Gob to motivate him over a wall in boot camp.

Afternoon Delight
At the Bluth company Christmas party, Gob is mad that everyone makes fun of him and fires the entire staff. Michael convinces them to come back for another party the next day in which 1) his high mother drives her car into the banana stand, 2) Buster has to rescue Gob from the banana stand with his claw game skills, 3) both Michael and Maeby AND Lindsay and George Michael have embarrassing karoke renditions of Afternoon Delight.

Trish’s Review
I feel like these are some of the strongest episodes in one stretch so far! I love Ann, Tobias’ attempts to join the Blue Man Group, and Buster in the army.
Rating: Five out of five fake-corpse pinatas
Kill/Fuck/Marry: Kill Tobias, because when in doubt I always kill Tobias. Fuck Ice, the bounty hunter. Marry Gene Parmesan because we both have a penchant for dressing up.

Steven’s Review
I actually really enjoyed most of this set, but it has the nagging tendency to feature more of Michael screwing up by giving his family opportunities to do it to him. Fix your indecision, man! They should be totally dead to you by now!
Rating: Four out of five cornballer burns
Kill/Fuck/Marry: Kill Michael, because he’s dead to me at this point. Fuck Barry, because everyone else seems to be into it, although he’s probably got every last STD by now. Marry Maeby, because she’s 1) constantly asking you to, and 2) making it big in the movies! Financial security assured!

Previously: Arrested Development 1.3
Next: Arrested Development 2.2