Archive for the ‘lists’ Category

2012 Book List: The Good

According to my GoodReads account, I’ve read 106 books so far in 2012, and 32,422 pages. That’s about half of last year which makes me a little sad.

Part of me thinks I must have forgotten to record some, but I guess we’ll never know

Anyway, since it was a lot of fun last year to look back through, I thought I would give you a run down of the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly again. These books all got five stars from me this year:

The Monstrumologist by Rick Yancey

This series were my three favorite books I read this year. I read each in a day because I couldn’t stop, and then read them to Steven in another three days because he couldn’t either. It’s historical horror with a gruesome, gothic feel and characters that are too real. Will Henry is a young assistant to the world’s greatest monstrumologist, Dr. Pellinore Warthrop, who’s also an incredibly egotistical, selfish pain to deal with. You can think of him as a monster hunter, though he would insist that he’s a scientist and give you a lecture about the difference. He and Will Henry have such a fierce love/hate relationship, bound by guilt and life debts, and everytime I think about how I have to wait till next September till the fourth (and last?) book in this series I start to hyperventilate a little. WILL HENRYYYYYYYYY, I need you right now.

Anyway, in this, the first book, Will Henry and Dr. Warthrop attempt to save their town from vicious, blood thirsty anthropophagi, humanoid monsters with no heads and mouths in their stomachs.

The Curse of the Wendigo (Monstrumologist Book 2) by Rick Yancey

Will Henry and Dr. Warthrop travel from the far off wastes of Canada to the bustling metropolis of New York to save a colleague and old friend of Warthrop’s from the wendigo, a ravenous ghost vampire monster which the Doctor insists isn’t really, because that would be silly.

The Isle of Blood (Monstrumologist Book 3) by Rick Yancey

Shit gets real when Dr. Warthrop leaves Will Henry behind to hunt the holy grail of monsters. Of course, he regrets it AS HE SHOULD, and Will Henry is forced to rescue him from an insane asylum, and then accompany him to Socotra, the Isle of Blood, where shit gets even more real. This book contains a cameo from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and is simultaneously the saddest and most badass bildungsroman ever. I loved it so much that, when I finished it, I just lay face down on the floor of Steven’s office silently shrieking into the carpet. He ignored me because he’s used to me. Seriously, you should read this series if you like things that are well-written and exciting and also slightly terrifying.

Part of me wants to just end this entry right here because NOTHING EVEN COMES CLOSE TO YOU, WILL HENRY. But I’ll go on, since Goodreads as yet provides no rating for “THE BEST THING” so you’re stuck in the same category with these fools for now:

Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake

Speaking of creepy, try having this on your nightstand for a week. It’s about a teen ghost hunter who literally kills ghosts with a freaky mystical knife.
Read the rest of this entry »

James’ Visit + Patriciagenda Update!!

After a week, I’m proud to report that James Fox and I have crossed 28 items off the Patriciagenda!! That means that (for the moment) we’ve actually accomplished over half of the total 118 items on the Patriciagenda (62 complete vs. 56 incomplete). But, like the Constitution, the Patriciagenda is a hallowed, living document designed to change with the times, so I’m sure that statistic will be invalid soon enough. Here’s what we were able to accomplish this week!!

21. Read through our script!!! (any of them!)

This year our script was probably 1/4 montages

46. Play Liebrary
75. Find Alana the best North Carolina present!!!
76. Go to a bunch of free museums!!!

Including the one-room Cary History Museum!!

78. Umstead Park!
79. Canoeing??
82. HEYEAHYEAHYEAH!!!!
83. Mellow Mushroom Pizza
84. James and Patricia both dare to try Gummy Bear Juice to see if it makes them bounce/defeat ogres

Also, we met some statues

85. Condiment-themed servery challenge! (more on this later)
87. Creepy cemetery visit!!!
88. CORN MAZE!!!!
90. Visit Steven at Work!!!
91. Cause all kinds of drama

Punch You In The Face Bike levels of drama!

92. COLOR!!!!
94. Get James pumped for NaNoWriMo in a training montage!!!!
96. HIPSTER HOTDOGS!!!
97. James asserts his dominance over the fancy coke machine at hipster hot dogs

James could assert his dominance over anything

98. Find Toby a birthday present to celebrate his becoming a man in the eyes of the National Alcoholic Beverage Control Association
99. Patricia punches someone in her knitting class
100. Go on a hike!!!! Pretend we are Lewis and Clark (I CALL LEWIS!!!!)

James, naming everything in sight after him/William Clark

Me, failing to climb some rocks and lying on the floor instead, just like Meriwether Lewis

104. Prank calls with Rob!!!! (or TO Rob?)
105. Dramatically throw something into the sea/a body of water
107. Call people we know; sing to them
113. Name the scary giant spider to appease it

I dub thee, Shelob Jr.

115. Dessert Dip!
116. Mustache Consultation Session with Steven
118. Draw self-portraits!!!

Bam! We’re awesome

Patriciagenda

Happy Friday, friends, frenemies, and spambots!

I don’t have time to write much because my BFF James Fox is coming to visit today!!!! No doubt I will soon bring you tales of our dramatic exploits. An important part of any James Fox visit is The Patriciagenda, a magical document kind of like the fabled List from way back at the beginning of this blog. The Patriciagenda currently has 114 items on it, and I usually print it out (or at least the ones we’ve yet to accomplish) and tape it to the wall to give us motivation to be completely awesome at every waking moment. Yes, the Patriciagenda can be exhausting, but it is always worth it. Here are some things we may or may not be able to accomplish in the next few days:

2. BOY BAND (writing? singing?) CONTEST
16. Dictate a novel while playing Just Dance just to show James it can be done
20. Find the Holy Grail. Drink Cheerwine from it.
25. MIDNIGHT MILKSHAKES
30. Destroy-a-bear!!!!
90. Decide which of the three corn mazes is the best
91. Visit Steven at work!!! Cause all kinds of drama
94. Get James pumped for NaNoWriMo in a training montage!!!
100. Go on a hike!!! Pretend we are Lewis and Clark (I CALL LEWIS!!!)
101. Take cyberbullying old school with postal bullying
105. Dramatically throw something into the sea
108. Celebrate Rice’s Centennial; do something for the glory of the R-Man

Get ready for adventure!!!

I always am!

Book Club: Estranged Family Author Edition

This month for the book club James Fox and I are in, we decided to each read a book written by someone who shares our last name. Luckily Fox and Ladd are both pretty common names, although Fox is maybe a cooler sounding pen name so I think he may have better choices than me. I was super excited to discover other Ladds who’ve written books! Maybe find some long-lost cousins or something. But, after exhaustively searching my library’s catalog for a whole twenty minutes, I’m not sure I want to claim any of these people as kin. Sorry, Cheryl Ladd, I just like to pretend the 70s are fictional. Here is my short list to choose from. Which one should I read?

Token Chick: A Woman's Guide to Golfing with the Boys by Cheryl Ladd (2006)


I knew Cheryl Ladd was a sort of famous actress (as seen on the original Charlie’s Angels), but according to Token Chick she is also really into golf and “is one of the most sought-after players worldwide”. This book apparently shares her experiences being one of the only female golfers and gives advice on how women can approach golf differently including a chapter called “The pre-menstrual swing” and an answer to the question “how can we make our breasts work for us in our golf swing?”. It has good reviews on Amazon, though mostly from people who are old enough to remember watching her on TV. Even though you know I can’t resist a celebrity author, I think I’ll have to pass on this one because if there’s one thing more excruciatingly boring than watching golf, it’s reading about it.

Thrive, Don't Simply Survive: Passionately Live the Life You Didn't Plan by Karol Ladd (2009)

“Whether you’re struggling with the big issues of life or simply overwhelmed by the demands of every single day, Karol Ladd’s powerful biblical principles will give you the help you need. In this book, you will discover how to redefine your unexpected life, and you’ll learn concrete skills that will help you move past simply surviving and into a thriving life that is lived passionately and with joy. New purpose and hope await you just beyond the cover of this book.”– from the Amazon description. The few reviews on this one are, again, all positive and from well-meaning middle-aged women who write things like “As women, we think we have everything under control…and then bang! Everything is out of control.” I hear that, sister.

Apparently this book covers the seven most common disappointments in a woman’s life, and, though I have no interest in motivating bible quotes, I’m filled with curiosity about what disappointments await me. As a woman. Probably something about your kids not appreciating you and your husband taking up WoW as a full-time hobby?

The Power of a Positive Mom by Karol Ladd (2007)

Yes, the library owns more than one Karol Ladd self-help book! This one is about how you as a mom can have a powerful impact on your family AND THE WORLD by following just seven family-shaping principles. Seven seems to be Karol’s favorite number. This one seems to have a lot more reviews (27), one of them lists the seven positive principles as “encouragement, prayer, a good attitude, and several others”. Unfortunately this book applies even less to my life than the previous one, so I may never discover how I can change the world around me. Sorry, Karol Ladd, but even the promise of having Ladd-solidarity with you isn’t enough to inspire me to procreate.

Sarah's Psalm by Florence Ladd (1997)


This book is fiction, so it automatically gets bonus points, since the main activity of book club is mailing each other ridic fanfiction. I’m not saying I couldn’t write fanfiction about a non-fiction book (I’ve got skillz, you guys), but it would certainly be easier with a plot and characters to work with. Sarah’s Psalm is about a girl growing up in the midst of the Civil Rights Movement who takes an exciting trip to Africa to write her thesis on a conveniently handsome Senegalese writer. Except she has a boyfriend (husband?) back home oh noes! I can’t tell if this is a historical fiction novel with a steamy love triangle or a steamy romance novel set in history.

A New Owner's Guide to Dachshunds by Kaye Ladd (1996)


Kaye Ladd was apparently a dachshund breeder (her business was called “Laddland” which is amazing). This book is pretty self-explanatory. Though I definitely want a dog (!!!) not sure if it will be a dachshund. Still, if I read this book, at least I will be prepared! Also there might be cute pictures!

White Lily by Linda Ladd (1993)

Who am I kidding, you guys. I listed those other books to be a good sport, but we can all see that THIS is the one I’m going to choose. Check the Publisher’s Weekly review:

Ladd ( Dragon Fire ) packs this lifeless historical romance, the first in a trilogy, with twists and turns that rarely make sense. In 1864 Union spy Harte Delaney rescues Australian maiden Lily Courtland from white slavers. Lily and two aboriginal boys she calls the Kapirigis have traveled from her family’s ranch to find Lily’s brother Derek, a ship’s captain whose last letter came from the Carolinas. Harte recognizes the name of her brother’s ship and realizes that Derek is a Confederate blockade runner. As it happens, Lily is clairvoyant and has been seeing explicit visions of Harte and herself for years. She does not intuit, however, that he is helping her search for Derek in order to imprison him. Aside from her special gift, Lily is a naive cipher while Harte is sullen due to his wife’s suicide and his estrangement from his family; both he blames on his controlling and wealthy grandmother. Attitudes towards the people of color in this book go beyond historical accuracy to offensiveness.

Civil War-era spies and blockade runners? Random Australian clairvoyants? Romance novel plots that don’t make any kind of sense? Racism beyond historical accuracy? Of course this is my choice!!!

Also I looked up “Dragon Fire” and my library unfortunately doesn’t own it (I, of course, refuse to pay money for such things–Ladd solidarity only goes so far). But sadly it’s not a fantasy romance about dragon people but another racially insensitive historical novel, this time featuring “a secret Asian sect”. Alas.

2011 Book List: The Ugly

To complete my 2011 book list, where I vowed to give you The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, here’s the Ugly list! Where I pass judgement over book covers that I’ve had to stare at for varying lengths of time this year.

Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden

The rest of these won’t be in any order, but I really think this is the ugliest cover I’ve had to stare at this year. It’s a 1982 novel about two high school girls discovering their feelings for each other, and is actually really sweet. I could see it still being enjoyed by readers today, if this cover doesn’t completely turn them off. Hello, lumberjack vests!

Elixir "by" Hilary Duff

Obvs you don’t want the cover art taking away from the real selling point, Hilary Duff’s name, but I feel like I could have made a better one for this book in MSPaint. It’s just a clipart picture of a flower, copied and slightly rotated. Step it up, Hilary Duff’s publicist.

Speaking of covers influenced by Twilight, here are three more:

Sleepless by Cyn Balog

Flowers have something to do with sandmen right?

Bones of Faerie by Janni Lee Simner

If you’re going to go with one thing on black, at least make it a fairy skeleton!

The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti

This was a pretty great non-fiction book by an author who, I’m pretty sure, would completely hate Bella Swan and her representation of femininity. The cover is actually fine on its own, but it earns a place on this list for reminding me of Twilight every time I have to look at it, something you know I can never forgive.

Stork by Wendy Delsol

BLARGHARGHBLARGHRAWR STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU FREAK

The Fairy Godmother by Mercedes Lackey

I’m usually against any book cover where the author name is larger than the title, but this one has other problems too. That font? The attack sparkles? I can’t take it.

Black Hole by Charles Burns

Oh, teeth.

One Butt Cheek at a Time by Amber Kizer

So, I could be wrong, but I think this is the book I read this year that was kind of put together from lots of different suggestions from the author’s blog. I know I read something like that, and hated it, and this cover kind of looks like it was haphazardly designed by the same committee, so I’m going to say it was this one.

The Wedding by Danielle Steel

With the full panoply of Microsoft Office 95 wedding clipart available to you, you chose that?

Hot Gimmick vol. 1 by Miki Aihara

Are your lips deformed? Is your mouth oddly open? I can’t decide which is weirder, but either way it’s ugly.

Lush by Natasha Friend

It’s a book about alcoholism; you had so many options! And you chose random cookie cut out on Carolina Blue. Ugh.

Alanna: The First Adventure by Tamora Pierce

Y’all know I love a good Tamora Pierce, but these new covers they got at the library are graspin. What’s wrong with your face, Alanna? Are you a vampire?

Wild Magic by Tamora Pierce

Daine, you’re having horse-fever hallucinations again.

The Will of the Empress by Tamora Pierce

Either her creepy all-seeing eyes fill the jaundiced sky or she has a huge and really embarrassingly shaped pimple on her nose.

The DUFF by Kody Keplinger

I actually think this cover is kind of appropriate for this book, but that still doesn’t mean I want to look at it.

Hayate the Combat Butler by Kenjiro Hata

You can’t give me a title like that and then just slap a picture of some annoying girl on there. I need to see some combat butlering!

Texas Gothic by Rosemary Clement-Moore

You know I love Rosemary Clement-Moore, but this cover really bothered me (luckily I read the book so fast, it wasn’t for long!). Amy! Close your mouth! Fix your hair! How are you supposed to fight the forces of darkness when you can’t even see straight and you’re choking on bugs??

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs

I didn’t like this book, and I think one of the big reasons is that the cover deceived me. This book is not a creepy-child horror story. This book is about time travel and a considerably more lame version of the X-men.

Already started my list for 2012!!!

2011 Book List: The Bad

As I explained previously, I’m giving you the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of my reading list this year! Here are the worst books I’ve read, which I found because they have the lowest star rating I could give on GoodReads (1).


The Wedding by Danielle Steel
Can two people who are vaguely different make it? Yes, because they have so much boring in common! I read this for class because it was a bestseller (I think in the 90s?). The main character is a Mary Sue named Allegra, and I can’t remember anything else about it besides that I hated her and wanted her to get attacked by flesh-eating bees. Sadly, she got married instead. ONE STAR.


The Birthing House by Christopher Ransom
A creepy ghost whose only power is surprise pregnancy. Terrifying, yes, but not what I want out of my ghost stories. ONE STAR.


Stork by Wendy DelSol
I did a more detailed hate-writeup of this here, but it’s basically Twilight, but with surprise pregnancy instead of vampires. ONE STAR.


Callie’s Rules by Naomi Zucker
I really don’t remember anything about this book or why I hated it. I think it had something to do with the town banning Halloween. Unless that debate involves wild accusations of cannibalism and someone counterattacking with how pagan all Christmas traditions are, I don’t care. ONE STAR.


Twenty Times a Lady by Karyn Bosnak
This book made me sad for women everywhere. Clearly revisiting all your ex-boyfriends because of the arbitrary advice from Cosmo is the best life plan after getting fired. Sure, they were jerks before, but I’m sure they’ve all changed since then. NEGATIVE ONE THOUSAND STARS.


Bones of Faerie by Janni Lee Simner
All I can remember is everyone talking about a way cool fairy/human war that would have made a much better book than this. ONE STAR.


Narcissus in Chains by Lauren K. Hamilton
For some reason, having sex in public is the answer to most of the heroines problems. Also a vampire and a werewolf are vying for her affections. I think my brain has blocked out everything but that. ONE STAR.


Pornified by Pamela Paul
I took off a lot of points for misleading summaries of research and really unscientific research methods. Also I think I was suspicious of a lot of her sources, since I read all of the citations after becoming increasingly skeptical of her findings. (A Billion Wicked Thoughts, which I also read this year, covers porn in much more interesting and scientific way. ONE STAR.


The Alpha Bet by Stephanie Hale
college has only two sororities! One is pure evil and the other is perfect and amazing and fun and everyone is so nice!!! ONE STAR.


One Butt Cheek at a Time by Amber Kizer
I honestly don’t remember anything about this book or why I didn’t like this. But I know I did. I’m going to guess I found the main character irritating.


The Society of Unrelenting Vigilance or Candle Man by Glenn Dakin
I still can’t tell which is the series title and which is the book title. This book annoyed me so much that I actually wrote a review on GoodReads! Here is what it said:

I really wanted to like this book. The title definitely hooked me, and I was interested to see why the main character, Theo, was being imprisoned by the clearly evil Dr. Saint. Unfortunately, the plot quickly slowed to a series of random events which did not mesh seamlessly (or really at all) into a whole plot. Theo himself is completely unlikeable, spending most of the book scared, unsure of himself, and not understanding what is going on around him, making his a very poor narrative point of view. His sidekick, Chloe, is mainly used as a deus ex machina. Each time the author writes himself into a corner–SURPRISE! Chloe is a double agent with secret connections, Chloe has memorized the secret system of tunnels, Chloe has been fighting the evil Society of Good Works since she was six! I can tell the author wants me to find Chloe funny, exciting, and awesome–mostly because Theo spends the whole book telling me she is–but I never found a good enough reason to care about her. I also spent most of the novel confused about the time period. The narrative had a very steampunk feel, but at one point someone hands Theo a laptop. Dakin’s attempt at world-building seems haphazard at best. At the end, a very minor character dies, and we’re told by a tearful Chloe that this character “was the real hero of the story”. Unfortunately, this is true, as this character–appearing in probably two scenes at most and doing nothing in either–was by far my favorite, since she hadn’t appeared often enough to be annoying. What was she like? I have no idea, but almost anything would be better than the “heroes” we have. Hopefully some of these issues are cleared up in the sequel, but I can’t see myself attempting to slog through more of Dakin’s uninspired prose to read.


Vanish by Sophie Jordan
This is the sequel to Firelight, which James convinced me to read. Jacinda spends most of it whining about everything that happens, even when she gets her way. Also, I don’t understand why people who can turn into dragons are so scared of normal humans. YOU CAN TURN INTO A DRAGON. One star.

 

Continue on to The Ugly

2011 Book List: The Good

According to my GoodReads account, I have read 185 so far in 2011! There were probably some I forgot to record, not to mention the ones I’ve reread, but that’s still pretty good! They even show me a cute little pie chart:

"YA" is my most popular category!

I thought I would show you The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of what I’ve read this year, based on the amount of stars I gave them! Starting with The Good first! These books all got 5 stars from me:


The Alanna Series by Tamora Pierce
I reread these this year and gave them 5 stars mostly for nostalgia purposes. Alanna used to be my favorite book character ever, complete middle school role model. This year I’ve decided I actually like Kel better, but Alanna and her magical lady knight ways will always have a place in my heart.


The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley
Intrepid girl detective/chemist solves two grisly murders! Also there’s pie!


Into the Wild Nerd Yonder by Julie Halpern
Sewing, LARP, D&D, and audio books! I’m pretty sure this book was written specifically for me!


Please Ignore Vera Dietz by A.S. King
Vera solves a few crimes, sees ghosts, and is a badass!


Attachments by Rainbow Rowell
90s nostalgia! A book written in emails! Secret IT love! I’m there.


What the World Eats and other books by Faith D’Alussio and Peter Menzel
This series was amazing! It’s pictures of either a single person or a whole family with the food that they eat for an entire week or day! With explanations about their food choices, living situation, country, where their food comes from etc. I learned so much about other countries from these books! Read the rest of this entry »

Little Moments: 5 Tiny Things to be Happy About

Here are five relatively inconsequential things that make me disproportionately happy! Maybe reading about them will make you happy too!

1. The Perfect Toast
It’s not like we even have a fancy toaster. It’s a pretty normal two-slicer:

It insisted I photograph from its "good side"

Okay, it IS red, but that’s just to match the microwave Rachel and I used to own together (she now has visitation rights). Still, despite its simplicity I am too lazy to ever mess with the one dial or any of the buttons. Or maybe I just forget that those things exist until my toast comes out un-toasted or burned or whatever. The reason the level of toastedness changes each time? Steven has no such forgetfulness! He is a pretty much a toastmaster (and not the kind that always yells at me from the other library conference room that my puppet shows are too loud). He is always changing the heat setting or leaving it on “bagel” or whatever. So each time I make toast, it is pretty much a carnival game; you never know what will pop out!

This morning, it was the PERFECT toast. The toast that all other toast wishes it were. The best toast of all the toast. Truly, I have met the toast messiah, and I have eaten it. It was delicious! Just the right amount of crispy while still having soft parts inside, and burned nowhere. This set the tone for the rest of the day, made all the more glorious by the fact that it was a complete surprise.

2. Stickers!
For some reason, the envelopes I have right now are almost see-through. This bothers me, because I imagine some postal workers reading my secrets! Which I of course send through the mail on a daily basis. The answer is, naturally, to cover up key parts of the envelope with stickers! An envelope with stickers travels through the mail 45% faster, according to a detailed and totally sciencey study conducted by PIM (Patricia Institute of Mailology, of which I am director). Plus, everyone loves stickers! ESPECIALLY the Texas Comptroller! I’m sure she only ever gets boring mail usually. Look out, Austin, my unclaimed property claim is on its way, and it is STYLIN’!

3. Pretty notebooks
As you know, I keep a journal, and have practically since forever. I’ve used my fair share of “the cheapest notebook I can find” journals, which worked out fine, but I’ve discovered through tireless journal research for the AJJ (Academic Journal of Journaling, P.R.Ladd Editor-in-Chief) that journalers write more often and better content when using a pretty journal. I got these pretty notebooks at Target for $4!

After I finish these, I'm going to decorate one myself!

4. Hurricane Food
Okay, so as a hurricanologist, I know the importance of stocking up on canned goods and non-perishables early. The best part is it authorizes you to buy ridic things you would feel too much shame to buy or eat on a normal basis. But it’s totally, totally okay to get them as hurricane supplies. It’s a HURRICANE! You will be way too busy trying to make sure your flashlight-lantern doesn’t go out leaving you at the mercy of deadly hurricane goblins to worry that you are eating something marketed to seven-year-olds and probably terrible for you.

Don't worry, mom, Steven made me buy normal food too

Don’t believe in hurricane goblins? They’re kind of like those vampires that live in the arctic and come out during winter when the sun doesn’t. Luckily, besides being well stocked with batteries, I also have emergency candles:

I'm not really sure what these are, but they were the only candles at Food Lion


Bring it, goblins. I’m from Florida.

5. Conferring titles on yourself!
Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it! It can really cheer you up. Here is just a sampling of my auspicious resume:

Speculative Zoologist
Zombie Attack Consultant
Leading Scrunchie Advocate
Library Mad Scientist
Pie Wrangler
Director, Patricia Institute of Mailology
Editor in Chief, Academic Journal of Journaliing

I would include Hurricanologist but that is 100% serious.

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