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Library Book Sale Cheap Day Makes Dreams Come True

December 15th, 2015 by pladd

This year there were 350,000 books at the Wake County Public Library book sale, which is actually down from last year since they had trouble getting rid of them all in just 4 days. Steven and I always go on the last day, Sunday, where you can fill up a bag or a box for just $3. These are all books that have either been pulled from the collection or donated in the past year, so it’s rare to find things in stellar condition, especially on the last day. So I generally end up filling my bag with funny things that will make great “gifts” for friends. A lot of them get donated right back to the library within a month, but I still feel like I got my few cents worth. This year was no exception.

Obligatory romance novel grab

You know James and I love to make fun of bad romance novels, and one time I even made Brian join in, so you can bet you’ll be hearing about these again.

To Catch an Heiress by Julie Quinn: Caroline Trent is determined to avoid marriage to her fortune-hunting guardian’s nitwit son, even if it means running off into the night–and into the arms of the devastatingly handsome Blake Ravenscroft, the equally determined agent of the crown who mistakes her for a notorious traitor!

Warlord by Elizabeth Elliot: Lady Tess longed to return in peace to her beloved Remmington Castle–but she never thought that the price of reclaiming her land would be marriage to the most notorious warlord in all of England. Fierce and fearless, Kenric of Montague had never admitted defeat, and now he demanded Tess’ loyalty–and her surrender. But how could she give herself to a man who pledged to keep her safe yet stirred her most dangerous passions?

The Counterfeit Heart by Anthea Malcolm: Nicola Crawford was hardly surprised when her cousin’s betrothed disappeared on some mysterious quest with hardly a fare-thee-well. Anyone engaged to Charles Windham was bound to run off sooner or later. Charles might be deucedly handsome, but he hadn’t a romantic bone in his body. Of course, Nicola had once fancied herself in love with him, but she soon recovered from that fit of madness. And she would rather faint dead away than admit she had even considered entrusting her heart to so conventional, so horridly practical a man!

The Courtesan’s Secret by Claudia Dain: On the night of her debut two years ago, Lady Louisa Kirkland fell for the devilishly handsome Marquis of Dutton. It’s high time, she’s decided, that he realized he loves her in return. Also, there is the little matter of Louisa’s family pearls that are in his possession. For both problems, Louisa will need help–bue she need not look far. For was it not Sophia, Countess of Dalby, who master-minded her own daughter’s whirlwind courtship and marriage–above her station and within days? As an ex-courtesan, Sophia is delighted to help any woman acquire jewelry and so she agrees. Although she knows Dutton couldn’t care less about Louisa, Sophia also knows of another gentleman, Lord Henry Blakesley, who couldn’t love Louisa more.

Real Vamps Don’t Drink O-Neg by Tawny Taylor: Although Sophie Hahn works as a paranormal researcher, she doesn’t believe in ghosts, werewolves, or anything. But when it appears that her best friend Dao is slowly being killed by a female vampire, her beliefs are put to the test. Dao’s new wife is the prime suspect, though she doesn’t look capable of hurting a fly. That’s when Sophie meets sexy college professor and vampire Ric Vogel, who needs her help in tracking down two ancient relics that have the power to end his people’s suffering forever.

And, the best romance novel of all…

YES, that tagline does say “Set phasers to do me”

I usually spend a lot of time in the Foreign Language/Travel section wading through Chinese picture books to find travel guides to places I may or may not ever visit. I still like reading about hotels and restaurants there.

Disney World, Nepal, Portland

The reference section took a big hit this year as it takes up valuable shelf space and isn’t used nearly as much as in the pre-Internet days. So I knew the reference tables would be worth a look. I wasn’t disappointed.

HOW could we have gotten rid of such a useful reference tool?

Then I hit up Self Help, because the definition of that is incredibly broad and amazing:

There are illustrations which are just Olde Timey Misogyny Cartoons

Don’t worry, dudes, you can be unfairly stereotyped too:

I usually look through the knitting and crochet books for legitimate purposes, but that is NOT the reason I picked up this thing:

WHY was it still left on Cheap Day?

What is “pop culture crochet”? Obviously:

A crochet bikini!

A crochet… whatever the hell this thing is

BUT my single greatest find of the year was this gem:

The “Unauthorized” Great Snape Debate

A BORDERS EXCLUSIVE. Published between books 6 and 7 of the Harry Potter series, this book is such a strange artifact from a different time.

Oh, and did I mention half the essays are written upside down to be read from THE OTHER SIDE?

BECAUSE HERE IS THE BACK upside down

I cannot wait to revisit my shameful past as a HP fanfic writer through this time capsule of an “unauthorized” Borders exclusive.

Tagged: books

Posted in lists |

Questions I Have About Jurassic World

June 20th, 2015 by pladd

I saw Jurassic World this weekend, and it was really fun! However, after leaving the theater and thinking about it more, I still have a few questions. Like:

If they are in Costa Rica, how come all of the workers are white?

Jurassic World is set on the same island as Jurassic Park, reached by ferry or helicopter from Costa Rica.

A Three Hour Tour

Despite this, I didn’t notice anyone in the film who could potentially be Costa Rican. Okay, the park is hella expensive, so maybe they wouldn’t be visitors, but what about the workers? Who is working at these concession stands? Driving these ferries? Flying these helicopters? Working security detail?

The one menial worker who has a speaking part is a bored, white teenager operating one of the rides. This raises so many questions. Where does this 16-year-old live?? He can’t just take the ferry home at night to his parents’ basement. He’s not some fancy intern because he clearly hates his life and is making minimum wage. Why is Jurassic World importing unskilled labor from the US when Costa Rica is right there?

Why is this movie sucking on the lady-character front when compared to its 22-year-old predecessor?

There were two main lady characters in the original Jurassic Park:

I nicknamed them “sciencey” and “screamy”

Some of their characterization may have been a little annoying, but they were both valuable members of the team. Dr. Sattler was a paleobotanist who dug through dinosaur poop to figure out what the deal was with these mutating dinosaurs, and also outran some velociraptors to turn the power back on. Lex was a teen hacker who got the door locks working again. Their badassness is even addressed when elderly park creator Hammond tells Dr. Sattler that “It should be me” loading up on guns to go traverse the dangerous, raptor-infested electric station because he’s a dude, and Dr. Sattler just scoffs and pushes past him, because shut up. Pretty good for 1993!

On the other hand, here in 2015, we seem to have gone backwards, because all we really have is:

Yeah, she wears that dress and heels the whole time

Claire is in charge of park operations and basically needs Chris Pratt’s help for most of the movie. Which is okay–not everyone can be a badass–but when it’s your only main female character it says a lot about what the creators’ think is a woman’s role.

Ellie and Muldoon know better

If you are just going to make a fake dinosaur, why not make a dragon?

The main plot point of this move is that the scientists have taken genetics too far and have just created a new dinosaur to draw bigger crowds. To the non-dinosaur-obsessed, it looks kind of like the T-Rex I would draw from memory:

If you told me this was a T-Rex, I’d believe you

But oh it’s ~way scarier~ than a T-Rex and will totally bring in more ticket sales, but… If you’re going to just make shit up, why not make something even cooler? Like a dragon?? Hire me for your focus group, InGen.

How are these people breathing?

HOW?

This gyroscope bubble thing is supposed to be unbreakable and completely safe from the dinosaurs on the outside, but how does air get in? Also, why build a ride the passengers can completely control and then just trust them NOT to roll right into restricted areas, as Plucky Kid Protagonists immediately do?

Why is park security so incompetent?

Did you learn nothing from the last three movies?

At a park filled with dinosaurs whose acknowledged past is littered with corpses and dinosaur escapes, WHY ARE THEY NOT BETTER PREPARED FOR DINOSAUR ESCAPE?

You are literally useless

Did you really think this glass dome was enough?

Jurassic World also boasts a swarm of flying death dinosaurs, housed in “the aviary”, which is a big glass dome that apparently can’t survive things hitting it.

Just GUESS what happens

Is this park really built to sustain that many visitors even in a non-emergency?

This park even on a normal day looks more crowded than Harry Potter World:

And they don’t even have butter beer

But Harry Potter World stops letting people in once they get to capacity. Does Costa Rica not have fire codes? I feel like all it would take is a rain storm or a particularly good sale and people would be dead from trampling.

Is Chris Pratt REALLY that much better at raptors than Muldoon?

Apparently Chris Pratt “bonds with the raptors” from eggs or some bullshit so they still kind of want to eat him but mostly don’t try to (mostly).

Raptor expert

Which is such a posthumous slap in the face to Muldoon.

Chris Pratt DOESN’T EVEN HAVE SHORTS

Muldoon knew those raptors were clever girls too, but they still bit his arm off and lovingly nestled it in a bunch of wires to freak out Ellie. That’s how raptors roll.

How did you out run a TRex in heels?

HOW HOW HOW

What is even InGen’s business model?

How are they still solvent?

It seems like they’ve had one PR disaster after another. Plus, they seem to only hire mad scientists and wannabe supervillains, which can’t be good for office culture.

Why did they build a theme park on the island, but leave the original Jurassic Park building to rot?

While running from the hybrid dino, the Two Kid Protagonists stumble into the remains of the original Jurassic Park Visitor center

Complete with decaying banner

It even still has the original jeeps that they can fix up and use to escape. Why did the park designers just leave those ruins there to rot in the jungle?

How is Chris Pratt so hot?

HOW?????

Where is Sam Neil?

You’ll always be chief paleontologist OF MY HEART

Tagged: jurassic park, movies, sam neil

Posted in lists |

Disney Villains Ranked by Scariness

April 28th, 2015 by pladd

I already ranked the Disney princesses, so I figured it was time to rank Disney villains, whom I tend to like more anyway!

Methodology: I started by ranking “Best Villain” but there’s so many facets to that, so I ultimately went with “Who scares me more?” This criteria was also difficult because a lot of these villains scared the shit out of me as a child, but, from my current viewpoint, less showy ones now seem far more sinister. So I ended up with a weird mix as I tried to take both scales of scariness into account.

Sample Size: I used as my sample size the villains listed as “Official list of Disney villains in franchise marketing“. But some of those were discounted through lameness and me not being able to remember them.

Disney Villains Ranked by Scariness

17. Mother Gothel (Tangled)

If this were a contest of Worst Disney Mother… she actually still wouldn’t win

Mother Gothel is not scary. She doesn’t really have powers. Her only goal is to stay alive. Yeah, she baby-naps Rapunzel, but then she… raises her as her own? She’s not a great mom, but that’s hardly terrifying, or unheard of in the Disney canon.

16. Captain Hook (Peter Pan

+5 points for style, though

Captain Hook is a lot more bloodthirsty than Mother Gothel, so at least he’s got that going for him, scariness-wise. But he’s more silly and sad than anything else. Dude has serious PTSD from his brush with crocodile-death, and he can’t even manage to kill a bunch of children, so…

15. Dr. Facilier (Princess and the Frog)

I feel like this dude would be a lot higher if I’d seen this movie as an actual child

Dr. Facilier or the Shadow Man is definitely creepy, and he has hoodoo spirit friends! He tricks you into making deals with him, and then uses his jazz age dance magic voodoo to trap you in ironic ways. I definitely would not want to cross him! But he doesn’t really have any power of his own; it all comes from his “friends on the other side”, who are quick to turn on him at the end.

14. Hades (Hercules)

But he might be at the top of People I Would Invite to my Birthday Party

We all know Hades is amazing, but he’s so funny that I rarely found him scary, even as a kid. However, he definitely has power (he’s a god!) and his plans to unleash the titans and rule the entire world would definitely cause a heavy body count.

13. Lady Tremaine (Cinderella)

Also she literally named her cat after Satan

It seems dumb to put Cinderella’s step mom above Hades and Dr. Facilier on the list of scariness, but I can’t help it. I saw this movie when I was a lot younger, and I still remember being intensely creeped out by her. Something about her giant weird hair and her voice. And maybe even at that age psychological cruelty seemed scarier than someone hitting you.

12. Professor Ratigan (The Great Mouse Detective)

Pictured here in his scariest moment

As a child, this dude was terrifying. Also, he was voiced by Vincent Price! But even Child-Me knew that he was just a rat, and I could probably step on him if he tried to be creepy near me.

11. Jafar (Aladdin)

Damn, those shoulder pads are on point

The scariest thing about this movie is by far the Cave of Wonders, so Jafar already comes in second place in his own film. I think Iago the Comic Relief Parrot may also have detracted from his creepiness. Although he came a lot closer to his goals than a lot of Disney villains, so props for that, Jafar.

10. Scar (The Lion King)

I stupidly google-imaged just the word “scar” and that page might have been scarier than him

Like Jafar, Scar’s scariness factor is inhibited by his comic relief hyenas always hanging around. The final fight scene between him and Simba was pretty scary as a child, but I think even then movies with anthropomorphic animals didn’t scare me as much because they didn’t seem as real. Like, I’m never going to meet a lion. Scar and his political machinations are happening far away from me.

9. Cruella de Vil (101 Dalmations)

I saw this movie young, which helps up the scariness, but Cruella de Vil is still pretty terrifying as an adult. A lot of these other villains want power for themselves and their family, which I can kind of understand, but Cruella wants to murder puppies. You guys. Is there a more evil motive?

8. Claude Frollo (Hunchback of Notre Dame)

Pictured here rolling his eyes with maximum sass

Frollo is creepy, especially as an adult. His staunch religious convictions and focus on guilt and sin are the kind of attitudes that started atrocities like the Inquisition, after all. He ranks so high because he feels so real. History is littered with dudes like Frollo who are so inflamed with the supposed righteousness of their cause that they mow down innocent people without any remorse. Who believe that it’s the right thing to do. Scar and Jafar know they are the bad guys. Frollo thinks he’s the hero, and I think that’s what makes him more real and also more terrifying.

7. Prince Hans (Frozen)

But how could a guy with a horse BFF be bad??

I still can’t believe Disney had the balls to pull this amazing plot twist that also mocks the ridiculousness of some of their past canon (“You’re going to marry a guy you JUST MET?”). Prince Hans is hot and charming, and knows how to work those things to make people trust him. He tries to manipulate his way to power, and he’s way better at it than Jafar because he’s an attractive white guy instead of a racist caricature. You know Jafar is evil immediately because you’ve been socially conditioned to think brown dude+black clothes+facial hair+turban=EVIL SO EVIL. But Prince Hans never gets stopped by airport security, and he knows it. Like Frollo, this dude is too real, and that makes him dangerous.

6. Ursula(The Little Mermaid)

Eat your heart out

Ursula will wreck you. She’s a powerful witch, she has minions at least as creepy as she is, and she definitely doesn’t play fair when you come to make a bargain with her. Her lair is guarded by the rotting remains of her past victims, and the final fight where she becomes gigantic gave me nightmares as a child.

5. Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty)

Can’t touch this

I’m only judging based on the original animated movie, not the new Angelina Jolie version. Maleficent is hella powerful and hella touchy. Don’t invite her to your party? CURSE YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE. Try to break that curse? DRAGON! DRAGON IN YOUR FACE! Plus, even her non-shape-changed look is scary. Maleficent doesn’t mess around.

4. Queen Grimhilde (Snow White)

Lesson: do not trust the elderly

Okay, I feel like almost all of this is coming from the scene near the end of the movie where the dwarves are chasing her up the rocky hill in the lightning storm, she tries to maneuver a giant boulder down on top of them, and then lightning strikes and she falls screaming to her death only for creepy vultures to start circling almost immediately. That is some creepy stuff for a kid. Plus, the Snow White ride at Disney World didn’t help.

3. Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)

+5 points for being especially good at expactorating

You already know a guy like Gaston. He’s kind of stupid, supremely arrogant, and too powerful. He’s had privileges all his life, people telling him how great he is, until now when he can’t see when he’s wrong. If some girl doesn’t want him, his reaction is to imprison her father and kill her boyfriend. Gaston would be a rapist if Disney movies weren’t rated PG.

2. Shan Yu (Mulan)

And that hawk is no cutesy Iago, let me tell you

Shan Yu and his army are a terrifying force of nature. Even the animation style shows them in stark contrast to the good guys in the movie. They have no comic relief, no bumbling, no humanizing elements at all. Their motivation is simply to destroy, and it takes more than an avalanche to defeat them. They excel at both stealth and wholesale slaughter. Shan Yu is a stone cold villain, and it’s the first Disney movie I can remember that dealt with such a large body count so visibly.

1. Chernabog (Fantasia)

You knew this was going to be at the top. This dude is a giant death demon the size of a mountain with an army of skeletal ghosts. Case closed, he is the scariest.

Previously: Disney Princesses

Tagged: disney, villains

Posted in lists |

And the New Day was a Great Big Fish: My Top 10 Discworld Novels

March 13th, 2015 by pladd

I was more upset than seems natural that the world lost one of its greatest writers, and, more importantly, a kind and awesome person when Sir Terry Pratchett died yesterday. His books are, quite simply, magic. They mean so much to me that I’ve rewritten this post at least twelve times because it never seems to be enough. I can’t explain it well enough to do them justice, especially if you’ve never read any.

The Discworld floats through space, supported by four gigantic elephants who are themselves standing on a giant turtle. A Star Turtle. It seems strange at first, but after you’re one or two books in, it seems completely natural.

The Discworld

Discworld books always get shelved in fantasy, because some of the characters are subpar wizards and there are swamp dragons and time travel and trolls. But it’s not some High Fantasy bullshit where you need a giant appendix with a glossary of elvish terms and characters. The Discworld is more about our world than anything. It’s about war and death and the pain of growing up and growing old, the magic in everyday things and the power of humans and what they can do together–for good or for evil.

Also, it’s hilarious.

I mean, if you couldn’t tell from the giant world turtle. My favorite books are hilarious but also meaningful. The other great thing about Discworld is that it really is an entire world. There are over 40 books, but most of them don’t go in any particular order. There are a few general storylines, but also many one-off novels, and characters from different books appear as minor characters in others. That in itself is a feature I love, like unexpectedly bumping into an old friend. I really think this means that there is a Discworld book for everyone. I love all of them, but at certain times in my life I’ve been more drawn to the Rincewind stories, for instance, whereas now (as you’ll see from my list) anything featuring Vimes usually gets top billing. It was hard to decide on a Top 10, and I feel like I will change my mind about some of the ordering even tomorrow, but for now:

10. Men at Arms

I love Vimes novels because I love: 1) a good mystery, 2) a scruffy, world-weary underdog, and 3) the underlying themes of inclusion and justice. Vimes works for the Ankh-Morpork City Watch, which, at least at the beginning, gets about as much respect as those flunky guards who always get killed by the hero on the way in to save the princess in a trope-filled fantasy novel. Still, I would classify these books as police procedurals, with werewolves. In this one, Vimes has to catch a serial killer on the loose in Ankh-Morpork with a strange new weapon that does untold damage. He also has to deal with new species integration in the Watch, when he’s forced to hire a dwarf, a troll, and a werewolf.

The werewolf is Sergeant Angua and I LOVE HER

I really like watching Vimes grow as a person throughout the books about him, but still retain that hard-bitten core of Vimesishness. This book uses the anti-dwarf/troll/werewolf attitudes espoused by Vimes, other Watch members, and the populace at large to parody real issues of racism and sexism, and Pratchett’s portrayal is spot fucking on.

9.The Fifth Elephant

This is another, later City Watch novel, where Vimes is sent as a diplomatic envoy from Ankh-Morpork to Uberwald for the crowning of a new Low King of the dwarfs. Of course, since it’s a Vimes novel, there’s a mystery to solve–namely, the theft of a sacred dwarf artifact. And the theft of a model of it from an Ankh-Morpork museum. And the murder of a condom maker. Related? Maybe! This book builds on previous worldbuilding and gives us an insight into “traditional” dwarf, werewolf, and vampire society. Ankh-Morpork and all its problems are downright cosmopolitan by comparison. Case in point: Corporal Cheery Littlebottom, one of the first openly female dwarfs.

Note the riveted skirt and earrings. Get it, girl

Pratchett’s depiction of traditional dwarf society, with all the attendant legends and mythology of a people who have lived their lives underground, in near-darkness, is breathtaking. The way he plays with traditional tropes is hilarious (the main vampire character, a Countess, knits her own cardigans). This book is as much a political thriller as it is a mystery, and Vimes is the best forever.
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Tagged: Book Reviews, books, discworld, lists, terry pratchett

Posted in Book Reviews, lists |

Disney Princesses: Callously Judged

March 9th, 2015 by pladd

I decided to rank the Disney princesses, because that’s the kind of thing I do. I was surprised by the results. When asked who my favorite Disney princess is, I’m most likely to say “Merida” or “Mulan”, I guess because growing up reading Tamora Pierce makes me love anything with lady warriors. Ultimately, when deciding on the order of this list, though, I went by who I would most like to hang out with. And I love hanging out with awesome badasses, but I guess there are some other things I value more. I also used the official list of Disney princesses so characters like Megara don’t appear (sadly).

11. Snow White

Ugh, I even hate her face

Snow White is the worst Disney princess. Don’t even try to fight me on this, because it’s definitely true. Her costume is weird, her voice is annoying, and she spends a good chunk of her story either crying or asleep. Plus, she is fourteen, which makes her entire story really creepy.

10. Aurora

Subject of the original “What color is this dress?” debate

Aurora is also pretty boring and annoying. She hardly has any lines in her own movie, and, again, spends a lot of time asleep. Plus, girl gets way too friendly with random dudes she meets in the woods. Still, she’s slightly better than Snow White because she’s mostly just a cardboard cutout of a character instead of actively annoying.

9. Cinderella

But minus points for that hair because what

Finally a princess with a little personality! Unlike Snow White and Aurora, I feel like I know more about Cinderella as a person, even if it’s a person I’m not that jazzed about hanging out with. She’s not afraid of hard work, and her initial life experiences will probably make her a compassionate ruler who doesn’t take her wealth for granted. I wish she had a little more spirit instead of just doing whatever her Evil Stepmother or her Fairy Godmother says, though.

8. Rapunzel

And Obligatory Disney Animal Sidekick, of course

I like Rapunzel’s optimism and her curiosity. She would be fun to hang out with for an afternoon, but I think her relentless cheeriness would eventually wear me down. Like, sometimes I just want to make fun of how bad something is (like Snow White). And you can try to make me feel guilty about that, but I won’t. Plus, why do you have a pet lizard.

7. Ariel

I am REALLY surprised to see Ariel so far down on this list

When I was little, Ariel was definitely my bff. She was curious and rebellious and headstrong. But, while I still like her, adult-me thinks she is kind of dumb. Like, OKAY, you think forks are combs even though the mermaid-world must be eating their food with something. But why doesn’t she step up her attempts at communication? Girl signed a contract so she’s clearly literate. Write Prince Eric a note! Draw him a picture! Don’t just wave your hands awkwardly and then give up. I need a little more ingenuity in my Disney Princess Fave.

6. Jasmine

Plus, those pants look hella comfortable

Jasmine is the only character in her movie with any sense at all. NO, DAD, I am not just going to marry some random losers because you think 15 is too old to be an old maid, EW. And hey, this Jafar guy is CLEARLY EVIL, let’s stop listening to him. I like that she calls Aladdin on his shit for lying to her. Plus, a pet tiger is metal as hell. Jasmine is solid. The only reason she’s not higher is because she’s clearly led a really sheltered life so far, so other princesses beat her out on the fun-to-hang-with scale (a very scientific measurement).

5. Pocahontas

Not taking into account historical accuracy because wow

Pocahontas knows what’s up. She has clear goals (which aren’t just “get a dude”) and she shows equal measures of compassion and backbone. She argues with John Smith when he’s patronizing, but also doesn’t think that straight up killing the invaders is necessarily the answer. Plus, she can climb trees, dive off cliffs, and paint with all the colors of the wind, so you know we would have a good time hiking and meeting bear cubs and whatnot. The only downside is that she has some freaky supernatural powers. Not only is her grandmother a tree, but she learns English instantaneously by “listening to her heart”. What else is her heart telling her? All my secrets? That I haven’t washed my hair in three days? You can see why hanging with her would be a risk.

4. Belle

Belle’s fashion game is on point

Belle loves to read! Clearly we would have a lot to talk about! She wants more adventures and doesn’t put up with gross jerks. We would clearly be good friends, although maybe not BEST friends, because her idea of adventure is “taming” a dude and getting married. You can’t change him, girlfriend, and my adventures generally involve at least a scavenger hunt so… pass.

3. Merida

Give me that hair.

I love Merida’s attitude and her adventurous spirit. She’s in a similar situation to Jasmine, but her solution is not just to whine about it, but to DO SOMETHING to assert her autonomy. I also like how she grows as a person so much during her story and begins to appreciate both of her parents and what they’re trying to do for her. Plus, her style is what I want forever.

2. Mulan

Your awkwardness speaks to me

Mulan is so amazing!!!!!!!! I have no complaints about her at all. If anything, I’m worried that I’m not awesome enough to hang with her. She doesn’t fit in to the strict gender roles of her society and feels awkward dressed up fancy wearing make up (I HEAR YOU, GIRL). She takes drastic measures to save her father and works hard to become a warrior!!! Then she SAVES CHINA!!! Also, she gets a hot dude in the end, but I like how that’s never her top priority. Girl’s gotta live her life–AWESOMELY–and you can come along if you want to, Li Shang, if you can keep up.

1. Tiana

Reason number one: girl can cook

Tiana is the best. Tiana is who I most want to hang out with. Tiana wins everything. She decided her dream was to open a restaurant so she worked as hard as humanly possible to save up the money, working against racism and sexism to finally achieve her dreams. She doesn’t take any of Prince Naveen’s shit, but she still helps him even when he’s acting like a spoiled baby. Plus, at the end, even though she finds her OTL, she still achieves her dream of opening a restaurant!! Tiana is an awesome role model, and would make a great friend. And that is why she is my top pick for best Disney Princess. She has a lot in common with Mulan, but she achieves her success by working within the system instead of radically undermining it. Both are legit, but I feel like one is less scary for people like me to accomplish. Plus, Tiana has beignets.

Tagged: disney, lists

Posted in lists |

Bad Animes: First Blood, Part II (Section 3.b)

January 31st, 2015 by WEEDgoku420

The first guest post of the year is written by my BFF, James!! He is an expert on bad anime and gifs, so he is more than qualified to give you a run down on this subject. Exciting!!!-PLADD

I’m gonna level with you guys: I love making fun of bad animes. So much so that for January’s guest spot (BROUGHT TO YOU WITH HOURS TO SPARE), I’m going to give you a short (Disclaimer: Not actually all that short) list of some of the stupider ones I’ve seen. I’ll even put them into arbitrary groups so you can pretend this is some kind of Post-Apocalyptic YA novel wherein Sekirei is tragically miscategorized and has to JOIN THE REVOLUTION against the plutocratic Bad Anime Oligarchs with the help of broody and mysterious resident bad-boy (and possible love interest???) Darkside Blues. But can their battlefield love survive when Darkside’s incredibly poorly explained backstory COMES BACK TO HAUNT HIM? Or will Sekirei instead find herself drawn into the not-even-remotely-interested-in-her-advances arms of the rebellion’s other resident bad-boy and most dangerous soldier, MD Geist?????

Not gonna lie, I gotta go with Team Geist on this one

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Tagged: Guest Posts

Posted in Guest Posts, lists |

Reasons You Should Visit Me

August 6th, 2014 by pladd

I know Cary might not seem like a great vacation destination, but that’s just because you don’t know it like I know it. Let me take you on a virtual journey of the for-real journey we could take if you came here.

1. Steven is a master cook

I don’t think I can stress that enough

Steven treats good food with an almost religious respect, and so you can be sure your trip will be expertly/adventurously catered. Or maybe we’ll go out. Whatever. The point is, you will never have to eat at Chili’s. Which was also part of Steven’s wedding vows to me, I’m pretty sure.

2. Company=Time for Pie

I’m not too modest to tell you that I rock at pie

Pie is awesome, but it’s impossible for Steven and I to eat a whole pie by ourselves before it gets all mushy and sad. And there’s nothing sadder than having to throw away uneaten pie. So I only bake it for special occasions. Like you! You are a special occasion.

3. The Umstead

If you’re feeling fancy

The Umstead is North Carolina’s only five star hotel, and it’s right here in Cary! See? We have things here! I’m telling you. It has an awesomely extravagant spa and fancy restaurant too. We went one time.

3a. Fancy Tea

This takes place at the Umstead, but I felt like it needed its own entry because FANCY AFTERNOON TEA WITH A LIVE HARPIST. Here is the fancy menu. Unfortunately, I’ve never been because Steven says he “doesn’t like tea” like they won’t let him have a Coke or something. ONE DAY.

4. Crosswords

Ignore his face, he likes it

Every Sunday we go to Panera and (try to) do the two crosswords in The News and Observer (oh yeah I get the paper, because I am totes an adult). The people who work that shift know us and are pretty great, and sometimes I try to dress up because everyone else there is in church clothes and crossword times are serious times. Plus, most Sundays the Triangle Greyhound Owners Club seems to be meeting on the outside patio tables at the same time, so that’s awesome. You too could join this ritual (actual crossword expertise optional–just ask Steven).

5. Scavenger Hunts

SCAVENGER HUNTS!

I wrote up a full post about this here. Basically, museum scavenger hunts are the most fun way to visit any museum, and we have a lot of great free ones around here, including the NC Museum of Natural Sciences, NC Museum of History, and NC Museum of Art.

6. Free concerts

Let’s say I know a guy

Okay, but if, for some reason, that’s not enough for you, Cary also has just a plethora of free concerts and events, plus some not as free. For instance, we’re the summer home of the North Carolina Symphony.

7. Cary History Museum

I literally make everyone who visits me take a picture with this guy

This museum is in the attic of the historic Page-Walker Hotel, and it is literally the museum your grandmother would build with her sewing circle in her spare time. It is awesome. Plus, taking a picture with the slightly ominous Doc Templeton mannequin is kind of a tradition.

8. Farmer’s Market

This picture maybe doesn’t capture the scope well

Cary actually has a local farmer’s market twice a week, but I usually go to the state farmer’s market, which is only about ten minutes away and open seven days a week. There’s a giant fruits and vegetables pavilion, another that’s just for plants, and a third that has a bunch of local wines, jams, nuts, snacks, and what have you. Plus, there’s a restaurant. And a place where you can buy bouquets of fresh flowers! And different bakeries have kiosks! Including the German bakery! Hello kuchen for breakfast!

9. Hunt Library

This library is amazing

About 15 minutes away, on NC State’s Centennial Campus, the Hunt Library is new and shiny and full of technology and walls that are actually screens and freaky book robots. They give tours, or you can wander around yourself marveling at everything like my boss and I did one day last winter. She had it on her “Things To Do in America” list, and I don’t think she was disappointed.

10. Servery Challenge

This is the picture I always use for Servery Challenges, always and forever

Servery Challenges actually began in the actual servery at Wiess, but our most famous since then have usually involved Chocovine. I can’t guarantee you a new Chocovine flavor, but I can guarantee you a fast-paced, loosely-judged cooking competition based on skill, presentation, and bullshit artistry. And Rob trying to game the vote. We can all count on that.

11. Steven needs someone to make fancy drinks for

His dream is to have a dedicated drinks cabinet

I can’t drink alcohol anymore. Steven is a total lightweight who loves pretending to be a bartender. It’s a tough combination, which you could reap the rewards of. I’m just saying.

12. The Cary

Also, the snack bar has hummus

The Cary is an awesome restored olde timey theater that just opened up in downtown Cary! It shows old movies and indie movies, as well as musical acts and stage shows. Plus, tickets range between free and $5, less than half the price of going to another theater.

13. Bollywood movies

Samosas are the best movie snack

Cary has a big Indian population, so all the theaters around are usually playing one to two Bollywood titles at any given time. It’s twice the length of a normal movie, but also twice the awesome.

14. Corn Mazes

I claim this corn maze, in the name of tie dye

I don’t know why, but this area has a ton of corn mazes. Haunted night corn mazes, treasure hunt corn mazes, trivia corn mazes, regular old corn mazes… It’s not a successful autumn if Steven and I don’t have a big argument inside at least one corn maze! We didn’t have them in Florida, so I definitely consider it an area attraction.

15. La Farm

La Farm is an actual French bakery started by an actual French dude filled with actual deliciousness. The reason I don’t have any pictures of their breads, sandwiches, pastries, or macarons is because I always eat them immediately.

16. Trixie

Trixie is cooler than me and she knows it

Trixie makes personalized playlists for guests. Okay, James Fox once got All Boybands All the Time, but their relationship has always been fraught with discord.

17. You can become Internet famous

People who visit me tend to end up on my blog

It just happens, okay? It’s because I’m pretty boring on my own and I’ve vowed to update at least once a week. And if nothing exciting happens to me, I have to think up some filler post like this!

In conclusion, Cary is the ultimate vacation destination, so you should totally visit me. Fact.

Tagged: cary

Posted in lists |

Reasons Steven is Amazing!!!

June 16th, 2014 by pladd

I realized recently that I’ve told you all about why my mom and Bova are amazing, but I’ve never written anything similar about Steven. Which is weird, because he is definitely amazing!! Usually I would debut such a list around his birthday, but that tends to get swallowed up in mine, which is the day after and vastly more important (let’s be real). So in the middle of June it will have to be!!

1. Steven is an amazing cook!

Homemade pasta day!

Steven is a great cook, especially if you want something more complicated and fancy than other people would attempt at home. Sure, you might be eating dinner 3 hours later than expected, but it will be delicious and quality-controlled on the minutest scale.

Everything that can be done by hand is

This attention to detail is also the reason why:

2. Steven is amazing at painting nails!

Well, he is

I am terrible at painting nails. At least I will be until painting your entire finger blue by accident comes into fashion. Steven takes painstakingly tiny strokes, and seems to have infinite patience. It means the process may have multiple lengthy steps, but the results look great!

This is like five different coats, what!

3. Actually, Steven is just amazing at defying gender roles in general

Picture unrelated

Natch I would never be with someone who was all “I only want to bro out and watch sports and you better change your name to mine so everyone knows I own you now etc”. But that’s an insultingly low bar so we’re not going to talk about that. Steven is amazing because he is actively interested in things and enthusiastic about things he enjoys no matter what anyone else thinks. “Do you want to learn to knit? “Sounds fun!” “Painting my nails is so hard.” “I can paint your nails–I have some cool ideas to try.” “Crap, I don’t know how to iron this bridesmaid dress without ruining it.” “I got it.”

Also there’s that whole My Little Pony/rainbow hair thing

4. Steven is not so great at crosswords, but he still tries which is amazing!!!

On Sundays (and Wednesdays, randomly) the News and Observer has TWO crosswords, so Steven and I always go to Panera, eat bagels, and do one each. Then we switch.

Mountain dew is the breakfast of champions

Even working together, we rarely finish either of them, but it’s being a regular at Panera that counts.

5. Steven is amazing at being stupid

And it’s amazing

Tagged: list, Steven

Posted in lists |