And watching this is a great way to procrastinate. And feel happy inside.
(I saw this first on Bookshelves of Doom)
Archive for the ‘Library Tales’ Category
I’ll use the same weapon against you, cause I can type too
October 1st, 2010 byI’m not saying that this attack on Librarian Honor is aimed at me. Nor am I claiming that a random jumble of embedded youtube videos can prove anything. The only thing I can say for sure is something the girl I tutor told me a few weeks ago: “My mom says that when boys make fun of you, it means they like you.” Clearly someone is just having a hard time working up the courage to ask Library Science to the 8th Grade Dance.
Also, libraries are the best thing ever:
Despite the fact that only one person in this video is wearing remotely-Lady Gaga-approved fashion:
QED
Tagged: library, mathematical proofs, youtube
Things That Spell Our Doom: Library Annoyances Edition
August 16th, 2010 byLittle known fact: Freshman year, I liked the Wiess Servery. Shocking, I know. I liked the waffle machine–basically any part of breakfast–and I didn’t mind things like Servery Salt Soup or “brownies” that were made of stale cereal lightly coated in chocolate or dinner made from leftover breakfast. These things just didn’t bother me all that much. Fast forward to senior year, when the mere sight of Recycled Egg Soup would send me off on a rant so longwinded that I would often forget to eat anything at all. Fast forward to now, when I don’t remember why it pissed me off so much; it was the same economizing that I do all the time. The same with the Sid Music. Every Friday afternoon Sid Rich would blast music across campus. Freshman year, I was okay with that. It seemed like a nice way to start the weekend as I walked back from class. By senior year, it filled me with undirected rage. Okay, partially because I’d gotten smart enough not to have class on Fridays, so was usually taking an afternoon nap when it started blaring. I would mutter about how presumptuous it was to assume that everyone wanted to be annoyed with inescapable loudness, to just assume that everyone shared their taste in music, and make my escape to the relative peace of Humble, home of Steven Wiggins and the Houston dump.
Okay, maybe that last one was a bad example because I still think that one of the privileges of independence is never being forced to listen to random strangers’ music again. But, anyway, my point is, it’s easy for seemingly small, inconsequential things to gradually become terribly annoying if left long enough. Natch the library is no different.
Annoying Thing #1: This is not the grocery store, give me your GD library card.
It surprises me that more than half of the patrons I deal with in any given day come up to me, stack their mountains of books in neat, time-consuming piles on my desk, and then stare at me like I’m an idiot. “This stupid newb librarian,” I imagine them thinking. “She should have started on the first stack while I was laboriously piling the second and third for her. I curse her and all of her descendants for holding me up.”
“Do you have your card?” I say politely.
“Oh!” they cry, surprised (that they would need such a thing? At the LIBRARY? Surely you jest!) and begin digging around in their purse.
This happens at least twelve times a day, mostly with people who seem to use the library regularly, so you’d think they’d know the drill. At first, this didn’t bother me that much. It was mean to just assume that everyone, even people who use the library regularly, would also know that I have to scan a card first before I do anything. Then, slowly, it started to annoy me because they seemed shocked that they needed their library card AT ALL. I didn’t give it to you because I love non-recyclable plastic, my friends. It’s true that a library card isn’t technically necessary for checking out books. I can look up accounts by last name. I guess it’s possible that library patrons expect me to know their names by heart so that I can look up their accounts the moment I see them to be rid of all this cumbersome card-producing business. My other theory is that people mistakenly believe the library is like a store, where they scan all your purchases and only ask for your credit card at the end. After all, children almost NEVER forget. This mollified my irrational anger, somewhat. But I still get irrationally annoyed when the 20th person in a day is shocked when I ask for a library card. I’m pretty lucky that this is my main annoyance.
Annoying Thing #2: Sorry, can I direct you to the nearest elementary school?
Another question I get asked a lot: “When does the class start?”
I pause, trying to remember if there’s any classes at the library today. Then, realization dawning, “You mean… toddler storytime?”
This by itself, not that annoying. Even being referred to as a teacher, not that irritating, if a little confusing. It’s when I have to field complaints like “I’m not sure my preschooler is learning to read from storytime. You aren’t doing a very good job of teaching phonics” or “How educational IS this craft about alligators?”. Natch any program at the library is going to be somewhat educational, but I’m not a reading teacher. I’m not even a school library media specialist. I am a librarian (sort of) and I will during story times I will teach your toddler animal noises and that puppets are shy and will only come out when you’re quiet. Storytimes encourage reading, they don’t teach it.
The Most Annoying Thing Of All: Shoes With Squeakers
Squeak. Squeak. Squeak. Squeak. Squeak.
Is someone abusing a squeaky toy? Why is it coming closer? Is it a dog eviscerating a chew toy?
NO IT’S A CHILD WITH SQUEAKERS IN THE HEELS OF HIS SHOES.
I mean, I get that children get lost a lot, and these sure as hell make them easy to find. They are also possibly the single most annoying thing I have ever encountered. I assume the parents just stop hearing it after awhile, but for me each squeak is scraping away at my soul. People stare at me, silently ordering me to do my job and make the noise stop. I am not sure how to tell a kid to take off his shoes because this is a library. Seriously. If someone you hate has a child, this should be your baby gift. Except probably the parents will be blithely unaware of their mind-destroying powers, having already become immune to persistent, annoying sounds with the birth of their child, and will feel no shame at all in taking them to definitively quiet places like the library wearing these exciting new shoes. Then they will be shocked that they need their library card and complain about educational values in Curious George and I will die slowly inside.
Lost Children: A Library Epidemic
July 30th, 2010 byChildren get lost almost constantly at the library. It seems like I deal with at least one a day, in various levels of hysteria over not being able to find their parent. Natch not the middle or high schoolers, who are often there on their own anyway, and usually not the very young toddlers, who spend their entire time at the library manfully trying to run away of their own accord to do exciting things like tear all the books off the shelves and see how far they can run towards the door before their mom or a librarian will step in. It’s usually the late-preschool through even fifth grade age group that genuinely freaks out, I guess because they’re old enough to understand abandonment and how scary the world actually is when your support system is suddenly snatched away from you.
Of course, their parents are always in the library, usually pretty close by. Often they’ve said something like, “You stay here and read for a moment; I’m going to the bathroom/get a boring adult book/argue with that librarian over whether or not I owe the library 15 cents for half an hour.” But even if the children have heard and acknowledged that information, after a few minutes of calm, they still freak out. For instance, yesterday a boy came to me in tears and after much coaxing he told me he couldn’t find his dad. Then after a little more coaxing he said his dad had told him he was going to the bathroom. This led to us both standing awkwardly outside the bathroom.
Me: Maybe you could poke your head in and say “Dad”?
Him: (shakes head, hugging self tightly and staring at the floor)
Me: Okay…. well…. I guess I could open the door slightly and call his name? Can you tell me his name?
Him: (shakes head again)
Me: Can you tell me your name? I can make an announcement for your dad to come to the front and get you.
Him: (shakes his head again)
Finally his dad came out of the bathroom. His son ran to him. The dad had this look like “Ummm…. what? I was gone for like five minutes.” I don’t think parents understand how big the library seems when you’re small, or fast time passes when you’re panicking. Also how, while it’s good that they teach their kids not to talk to strangers, it’s super annoying when I just want to know a first name so I can say something over the PA like “Will David’s dad please come to the front of the library” and have done with it.
I remember this panicky feeling from being younger. Or from a month ago when I too was abandon at the library. Steven and I had gone to Chapel Hill Public to get books and natch did not stay together due to his suspect literary preferences. After checking out my books, I wandered around looking for him in all the usual places (Cooking, Computers, Bad science fiction). Not finding him, I did a more thorough sweep of the entire library, including children’s section. Chapel Hill Library is almost painfully small, so I was pretty sure he was not in the building. They were having a book sale in the basement that day, so I went downstairs and wandered through the conference rooms piled with books of cookbooks from the 80s. But still no Steven. I waited in the lobby for a little bit, thinking he might be in the bathroom, and finally decided he must be waiting by the car. I had a little bit of trouble remembering where we’d parked, but, again, the Chapel Hill Public Library parking lot is not large, so I walked around the entire thing, with no sign of Trixie. Natch thinking she was hiding behind an SUV and I was not being careful enough, I walked around it four more times until I finally decided that STEVEN HAD TAKEN MY CAR AND LITERALLY ABANDON ME AT THE LIBRARY. I was the lostest of all lost children.
Naturally my first instinct was to go to the librarian, crying and unable to speak. I didn’t have my phone with me and did not have very much money either. I finally decided after deliberation to return the books I had just checked out and begin the long, long walk home.
Then Steven drove up and said that he hadn’t been able to check out because his fines were above five dollars and he’d tried to secretly go in search of an ATM because he was too embarrassed to tell me about his fines. I have no idea which part of this scenario is the most ridiculous. The part where he TOOK MY CAR WITHOUT TELLING ME or the part where fear of telling me about library fines is a semi-legit excuse.
Tagged: children, libraries
I am now half a librarian. Also: fancy chocolates!
April 30th, 2010 byToday I turned in my last papers of the semester, meaning I’m done with my first year of grad school!! Since I’m now half a librarian, I can recommend the beginning of a good book to you! Plus some other stuff I learned in school that isn’t applicable to the real world! Yay!
I decided the best way to celebrate would be to buy chocolate from Miel Bon Bons, the classy “patisserie & confiserie” in Car Mill Mall. I’ve definitely wanted to check out their chocolates before, but was always intimidated by the extreme fanciness. I am just a humble grad student, albeit in the finest flip flops the mens shoe section of Target can provide (I have abnormally large feet). Nevertheless, today I felt I deserved it. In the end, Steven and I decided upon three.
Steven chose the one on the left, as you probably could have guessed from its lack of prettiness.
The ugly one on the left is a muscadine truffle. Apparently a muscadine is a kind of grape. It was DELICIOUS, essentially what Chocovine wishes it tasted like. The one on the right is sea salt caramel, equally delicious and rich, not annoyingly sticky like most caramel. Then, the weirdest one:
The purple one: clearly the best
Pineapple basil flavored! I know, weird. But oddly good. The pineapple provided a smooth background taste, whereas the basil and chocolate mingled in a nice blend I wouldn’t have expected. Yes, it was kind of strange to be eating basil in dessert form, but I’m not going to argue with purple tastiness.
Fanciness well earned!
Tagged: chocolate, chocovine
Last Days of Class
April 27th, 2010 byI’m typing this on my iPod touch in a classroom on the third floor of the library science building, where I’ve spent too much time over the past year. I have two classes in a row here this semester and today is the last day of them. It’s weird how sentimental professors here get about saying goodbye to their grad students. Especially for these large, required classes that everyone is only lukewarmly interested in. I don’t remember anyone at Rice ever getting all weepy like that, even in my four person seminar class. Maybe grad students are more lovable. At least at UNC.
Tagged: grad school
Finals Time
April 20th, 2010 byIt’s finals week and I am writing a giant paper on children’s information seeking behavior. I’m also writing an 100 page screenplay with James Fox as part of Script Frenzy. I don’t know why NaNoWriMo always decides that the best months to interfere in my life are the same months that bring finals. Not that they’re forcing me to write anything but, like the bad ass time traveling super hero I’m writing about, I can never turn down a CHALLENGE. Since I don’t really have that much time to give you all the exciting details, I’ve decided to do this soap opera recap montage style:
Last Week on: Patricia’s Life
INT. MANNING HALL – SEMINAR ROOM – FRIDAY MORNING
The seminar class wanders one-by-one into the room, yawning because it’s so early. Since they’re the only class in the entire School of Information and Library Science that meets on Friday, the halls are eerily quiet and echo ominously.
PATRICIA
Why are you wearing shorts when it’s cold outside all of a sudden?
PROFESSOR
You’ve got to commit to shorts at some point in the year and never look back
(pause)
This is exactly how they dress at the Australian stock exchange. It’s business casual.
INT. PATRICIA’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN TABLE – FRIDAY
PATRICIA sits on the floor working on her research at the giant coffee table she uses as a regular kitchen table.
INT. PATRICIA’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN TABLE – SATURDAY
PATRICIA sits on the floor working on her research at the giant coffee table she uses as a regular kitchen table.
INT. PATRICIA’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN TABLE – SUNDAY
PATRICIA sits on the floor working on her research at the giant coffee table. She pauses briefly to write a hurried three more pages of Script Frenzy script. It involves space dinosaurs for some reason.
INT. PATRICIA’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN TABLE – MONDAY EVENING
PATRICIA gets up to start making meatloaf cupcakes for dinner when she hears something at the front door.
PATRICIA (v. o.)
Hmmm… it’s still light outside so that can’t be Steven yet. INTRUDER!!!
Patricia looks around for a weapon to defend herself. Suddenly, STEVEN walks into the room.
STEVEN
Hey girl hey!
PATRICIA
(sets down chair) Oh.
INT. MANNING HALL – CLASSROOM – TUESDAY MORNING
For some reason, UNC still does paper course evaluations that are on a scantron. PATRICIA is annoyed that she doesn’t have a pencil and is forced to write her detailed explanation of how this class could be greatly improved by not requiring it with a tiny golf pencil that won’t even fit in her hand.
EXT. BUS STOP – TUESDAY AFTERNOON
PATRICIA is reading another book about children’s information seeking while waiting for the bus. Its cover has a strange picture of a child in a library looking AS CONFUSED AS IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE.
SKETCHY GUY
So whatchya reading?
PATRICIA
This stupid book about child information seeking behavior.
SKETCHY GUY
(confused and slightly repulsed–the appropriate reaction)
Why?
PATRICIA
I guess because I’m a librarian.
SKETCHY GUY
Huh. You’re kinda hot for a librarian.
PATRICIA
Ummm… What?
SKETCHY GUY
Like… you’re not old.
PATRICIA
And I’m not shushing you?
SKETCHY GUY
Yeah!
PATRICIA sighs.
Stay tuned next week for:
INT. SPACESHIP – THE VASTNESS OF SPACE
PATRICIA
Your plan to steal all of the world’s gemeralds to power your evil space station is foolproof, Dr. Fiend.
Dr. Fiend cackles evilly and strokes his pet mongoose.
PATRICIA
But there’s ONE thing you DIDN’T COUNT ON!
Close up on PATRICIA’s narrowed eyes:
PATRICIA
I’M NO FOOL!
EXT. A BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAIN MEADOW – DAY
THAT GUY WHO LOOKED LIKE SNAPE WHO WORKED AT BLOCKBUSTER
You see, I had to leave my job at blockbuster, even though I loved answering your inane questions about which movies would be best for a “Burned as a Witch” drinking game.
PATRICIA
But… but WHY?
SNAPE GUY
DUMBLEDORE NEEDS ME
EXT. ATOP THE WILSON LIBRARY DOME – NIGHT
PATRICIA
Come on, Steven, just come down from here with me and no one will get hurt
STEVEN
NO! I’M A GARGOYLE!!!!!!
—
It’s gonna be great.
Tagged: bus, script, space, Steven, transcript
Library of Congress Archiving Tweets?!?
April 14th, 2010 byFor real real!! There is a CNN article about it and everything. Apparently they will have every public tweet ever tweeted since Twitter’s creation in 2006! They cite the need to save important tweets as well as uses for the data to study human interactions in an increasingly digital world.
More importantly, it means that I have to add a new job to my Possible Job Ideas list:
Twitter Librarian of Congress
How awesome would that be? I will be watching for that job posting and will apply by tweet to seem authentic.