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The Circle Reforged Book 1: The Will of the Empress

May 31st, 2013 by pladd

Edit: Here’s another review I wrote more than a year ago, and just never posted for some reason.

You guys, I can’t believe it! I unironically enjoyed this Circleteers book! Even some of the parts with Sandry! I know, I never thought this could happen! Maybe it’s the combination of the Circleteers being back together AND them also being 18. Every book about the Circleteers (btws this is a name for them I made up since they remind me of Captain Planet) follows the same basic structure:

1) Various people think it’s impossible for the Circleteers to do things
2) They prove them wrong
3) Tris is the greatest

This book didn’t deviate from that basic structure, but now that the main characters are older, their adventures are more intricate AND often involve some form of romance, which is always a welcome distraction from the sameness of the plot. Back from their myriad travels, the Circleteers find that they have grown up and grown apart. They don’t trust each other like they used to, and they fight more. Plus, they’re kicked out of the Temple where they grew up and have to Make It On Their Own. Apparently Sandry is also a rich noblewoman, not just in their country, but also in the ~~Russian~~ Namorn empire to the north! Her cousin, the empress, is throwing political temper tantrums to get her to come back there, so finally Sandry agrees. The other Circleteers go too, to protect her from the empress’ tricks.

As you can probably tell from the title and the empress’ all-seeing eyes on the cover, she is the main bad guy, always scheming to get Sandry and her money to stay in Namorn through various intrigues, kidnappings, and suave economic maneuvering. Plus, she starts tempting the other Circleteers with what they want most, which turns out to be plants, money, and lesbian love.

That’s right, this book features the first gay main character in Tamora Pierce! Daja, the smith Circleteer, has a vaguely described moment of truth and falls for a hot Namorn lady. Luckily, this is not an issues novel, so no one agonizes over it constantly or freaks out. Apparently Rosethorn and Lark, the two temple ladies running the cottage they lived in, were a couple this whole time? I thought clergy were celibate in this universe? Whatever.

Awards

Best New Character: Cousin Ambros
Guy is so long-suffering and apparently way good at math.

Returning Character Honorable Mention: Zhergeobova
I don’t really understand this guy’s name, but he was the slightly-less-insane resident of the psych ward in Cold Fire that helped Daja lead all the mental patients to safety.

What I Learned: A major point in the book is the Namornese custom of kidnapping women until they agree to marry you, which is apparently totally legal and okay in all social classes in Namorn. The Empress doesn’t care since she was kidnapped twice and managed to escape, so claims that women who don’t manage to get away “deserve what they get”. Way to stick up for the sisters, Empress B. Bride kidnapping is actually a real thing, even today! Because there is such a stigma against pregnancy out of wedlock in many cultures, the woman feels obligated to marry her abductor/rapist from shame and coercion. It happens in many different places (including the U.S.–where in 1985 a guy claimed it was a custom of his ethnic group, and so was only charged with false imprisonment instead of kidnapping and rape). Kyrgyzstan of the Impossible Spelling seems to come up a lot when discussing it, where it’s estimated that half of all marriages begin in bride kidnapping!

Thing I Most Wish Was real: Badass names like “Ladyhammer”.

The Play-By-Play

Chapter one
Sandry is pouty that the other Circleteers have been away so long, and annoyed that she has to read another list of numbers from her cousin, who runs her estates in Namorn. Daja is glad to be coming home, but doesn’t want to mind-speak with Sandry because Sandry talks too much. Daja is pissed that no one told her she’s 18 so can’t live at the Temple anymore. But she doesn’t want any of Sandry’s pity charity so she buys a house of her own in the city. Sandry is pissed that Daja won’t “open her mind” which I guess means open their mystical hive mind connection. I guess I’m supposed to think Daja is being really mean, but I’m totes with her on this. Tris is even more grumpy than usual because, now that she can see things on the wind, it’s hard to STOP so she wears bitchin sunglasses all the time to block it. Tris doesn’t want chump charity either, and insists on being Daja’s housekeeper. Briar keeps vaguely alluding to some horribleness that befell him and Rosethorn sometime after the events in Street Magic. It’s so vague and weird that I check multiple times to make sure I haven’t skipped a book. No one wants to resume their mystical connection, because they all have SECRETS. Except Sandry, who continues being pouty.

Chapter two
Briar is apparently seducing everything female, except the other Circleteers. Tris says she wants to go to Lightsbride, Mage University, because she doesn’t want to use her weather powers for war. She’s going to go under a fake name so no one will know about her freaky secret powers!! I really hope this is what happens in the sequel! Secret identity Tris adventures sound great! Everyone grumbles about having to go on another field trip to Namorn! Tris sees on the wind that a dam upriver has broken just as they are crossing the river! She hurries everyone across, but they don’t listen to her and grumble, so she threatens to throw lightning at them, saving their lives. Instead of being grateful and apologizing for being jerks to her, they blame her. Tris, you need to get your own book ASAP! Read the rest of this entry »

Tagged: Book Reviews, books, play by play, tamora pierce

Posted in Book Reviews |

The Circle Opens Book 4: Shatterglass

May 27th, 2013 by pladd

Edit: Do you remember like two years ago when I was rereading all the Tamora Pierce books that were, like, my life in middle school? Me neither, but apparently that was totally something that happened. I finished reviews for a bunch of books too, that for some reason I never posted. I found them in my drafts folder today, so here they are! In case you were waiting on the edge of your seat to see how this series ended. Sorry about that.

Woo!! Powered through The Circle Opens series! [Edit: LOL] Clearly I like the Circleteers way better when they are either separate or older. Probably both! Of course, I liked this book the best since it’s about Tris, my favorite Circleteer of them all. Here are some reasons why she is awesome: 1) Weather magic=clearly the best magic, 2) she likes books, 3) she is generally annoyed at others, which is a welcome relief from the other suspiciously cheerful Circleteers, and 4) fat kid solidarity. Luckily Tamora Pierce didn’t harp too much on how Tris is The Fat One in this book. The cover art at least doesn’t seem to think it’s that bad:

For the first time ever, I think I like the less melodramatic cover on the left

Tris and her teacher, the fabulous Niko, are traveling far to the South in a city that has a ton of glassblowers and also a rigid caste system. Tris witnesses an inept journeyman glassblower magically create a living glass dragon by accident! And then have a tantrum about how NO HE DOESN’T HAVE MAGIC GO AWAY. Keth is probably the most interesting Circleteer student-mage of the series, because he’s at least 20! Luckily, Tris is the bossiest person in all of Circleteer-land so this is not really a problem. The main conflict in this book is a lot like Magic Steps (Book 1) in that there is a crazy murderer loose in the city and only Tris and Keth can bring him/her to justice! Unlike in Book 1, we never get anything from the murderer’s point of view, meaning his identity remains a mystery until the very end! Good job, Tamora Pierce, you have successfully navigated the crime/mystery genre! Instead, we occasionally get passages from the point of view of Dema, police mage who, damn it, is going to CLEAN UP THIS CITY no matter what it takes! He reminded me a lot of a less dead Wulfric Snaptrap and less seedy Sam Vimes. Plus, Tris has TWO adorable animal companions, who somehow don’t even annoy me at all!

Awards

Best New Character: Dema, the police mage!
Dema is from the First Class, which apparently means he is super noble and takes it as his role to protect the lesser classes. Since the murderer is going after street dancing girls, no one else seems to think it’s a problem, but he will not rest until the killer is stopped! Even if it means pissing off all of the city’s priests, who hate justice. The only thing missing was for him to constantly mutter about how he was too old for this.

Returning Character Honorable Mention: Nikolaren Goldeye!
Tris’ teacher is ALL ABOUT wearing the fanciest clothes possible and pretty much owning everyone at magic, which sounds like my dream job. He’s basically Numair from the Immortals series, without all that troubling pedophilia. Thanks for not making a pass at Tris, Niko! Since you’re in a Tamora Pierce book, I know it’s a constant danger you must guard against.

Tris’ Improvement Score: +0%=100/100
Oh, Tris. Never change.

Thing I Most Wish Was Real: Pet Winds
So with Tris’ weather magic, she can basically control winds. She uses them for all kinds of awesome things, most noticeably as personal, portable air conditioning in the hot climates, and one time to fly her up a flight of stairs. My goals in life include flying and never having to sweat again, so I am psyched about both.

The Play-by-Play

Chapter one
Tris is exploring Tharios! She asks a garbage collector for directions, and the girl yells at her because she’s one of the Untouchables, a hated caste who handle gross things. You’re supposed to just ignore them! Tris thinks this is bullshit. She stumbles upon a glassblower who clears doesn’t know what he’s doing! He accidentally creates a magical glass dragon, and then tries to kill it! Tris saves the glass dragon and yells at the guy for not controlling his magic. The guy yells back that he has no magic and then breaks some things. Keth the glassblower backstory: he used to be a great glassblower whom everyone loved, but then he was struck by lightning and now he can’t do it anymore without screwing up! Boo hoo! His family kicked him out and now he lives with his glassblowing cousin trying desperately to regain his lost talent. Dema, police mage, is haunted by the ghosts of murdered dancing girls, demanding he find their killer!! Their bodies are always strangled and left dramatically in public places! Apparently Tharios is terrified of death and uncleanliness and the priests have to purify every place a body was found ASAP, which makes it impossible to dust for prints or whatever magical detectives do. He is super annoyed! Read the rest of this entry »

Tagged: Book Reviews, books, play by play, tamora pierce

Posted in Book Reviews |

Challenged Books: Captain Underpants

May 7th, 2013 by pladd

The Adventures of Captain Underpants by Dav Pilkey

The Captain Underpants books used to be super popular in the 6-9 age range, and you can see why. A superhero that flies around in his underpants??? Sling-shotting other pairs of underpants at bad guys who have names like Dr. Diaper and the Turbo-Toilet 2000??? I mean, yeah, I would never read this for fun, but it’s obvious that, if you’re going through that phase where you think farts and underwear are the height of comedic prowess, these books have got your back. The story follows George and Harold, two fourth grade troublemakers, who create their own comic books about a hero called Captain Underpants. Then, due to a hypnosis accident, their mean school principal is fooled into believing that he is Captain Underpants and runs off into the city in his underwear to fight crime. Harold and George stop him from causing too many problems, and, due to not reading the directions on the hypno-ring, the principal is now forced to switch between his Mean Middle Aged Guy and Captain Underpants personas whenever he hears the sound of snapping fingers.

Fairly predictably, some people take umbrage with a book series where every page is basically “LOL UNDERWEAR” because what if it encourages your kids to say uncouth things, like “toilet breath”? Which they’re probably doing anyway, but whatever. Steven once told me that the movie ET was banned from his house because he wouldn’t stop gleefully shouting “penis breath”. Sadly, this intervention was too late to save him (he still shouts “penis breath” uncontrollably sometimes, it can be awkward at restaurants). So I can see why some people want to take no chances with Captain Underpants. Unfortunately, I don’t think banning all the books in the world would keep our sweet cherubs from going through a toilet humor phase, so maybe we all just need to chill and hope it passes quickly.

This series was first published in 1997, with a six year wait between books 8 (Captain Underpants and the Preposterous Plight of the Purple Potty People) and 9 (Captain Underpants and the Terrifying Re-Turn of Tippy Tinkletrousers). So, yeah, Game of Thrones fans, it’s not like you have some copyright on agonizing waits for book sequels. Plus, George R. R. Martin knows that you will always love to read about lamprey pie and the uncertainty of your own mortality, but Pilkey has to worry about his audience graduating the fourth grade and getting interested in girls.

For Steven:

Tagged: banned books, Book Reviews, challenged books, Steven

Posted in Banned Books |

Challenged Books: Scary Stories Series

April 26th, 2013 by pladd

I was both happy and a little nervous to see the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark Series on the 2012 Banned and Challenged Book list, because it meant I would have to revisit my childhood fear. These books are probably the reason I didn’t get a full night’s sleep for most of 1994.

Damn you, Alvin Schwartz!

But let’s be real, most of the credit for this goes to Stephen Gammell, who filled these books with drawings like this:

This was the exact moment my innocence died

Oh my god were these books terrifying. Which of course meant that no one I knew could stop reading them. To be fair, not all of them end in grizzly ghost-death.

Sometimes there are also spiders.

Yeah, these are definitely not appropriate for every kid (or every adult). Luckily there are plenty less-soul-scarring books in the library for them to read. Eventually, though, everyone has to confront their fears, and I reread all three of these books, turning the pages with trepidation at what might be waiting for me.

BOO!

I realize now that the stories aren’t really that bad. A lot of times the protagonists live after something vaguely spooky or unsettling happens to them. Really in a lot of cases the pants-wetting terror of the illustrations seems a little over-the-top compared to the words. It makes me wonder how these books would do if Stephen Gammell’s mad genius was taken out. Probably they would never be challenged… but also a lot fewer kids would want to read them.

Previously: Challenged Books: The Ones I’ve Already Read
Next: Captain Underpants!

Tagged: banned books, books, challenged books, childhood fears, scary stories

Posted in Banned Books |

Challenged Books: The Ones I’ve Read Already

April 25th, 2013 by pladd

So every year I try to read everything on the Banned and Challenged Books list when the ALA puts it out. My dream is that one year the list will come out and I’ll have read every book on there already. This year I’m at 60%, so it’s not impossible. I’m going to be reading the four I never have and doing a breakdown as usual, but first I thought I’d cover the ones I have read.

2) The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian by Sherman Alexie

This book is really funny, and also really sweet and meaningful at the same time. It’s full of cool drawings since the main character is a budding artist, but I’m not very familiar with those because I listened to the audiobook which was the best audiobook ever. It’s read by the author, and basically like he’s having a casual, semi-autobiographical conversation with you about what life on the reservation is like and how much people suck sometimes and how cool people are other times. I guess if I think hard about it I can remember some parts that had violence and sexuality which maybe someone might find objectionable, but it’s silly to judge a book based on small incidents taken out of context. This story is about so much more than that, and it’s real and beautiful and amazing. I’ve asked three separate librarians if they have any audiobook recommendations for me and all three, separately, immediately suggested this one. It made me kind of sad that I’ve already listened to it and that pleasure is behind me.

3) Thirteen Reasons Why

Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

Another amazing audiobook!! It’s weird that my two favorite audiobooks ever are both on this list right next to each other. This story isn’t for everyone: it’s sad and real, but also beautifully written (and performed) and a clever premise. It’s about a boy who gets a package in the mail of 13 cassette tapes, recorded by a classmate who has recently committed suicide. Over the tapes she explains how she came to that point, and each tape is devoted to a specific person or incident. The narration alternates between what she says on the tapes to what the boy listening to them is thinking and doing, and if you get the audiobook there are two different voice actors reading these parts, so it really seems like a conversation sometimes. It’s powerful, listening to it like that, and sad. Just like how people are driven to commit suicide in reality. Taking away the book won’t take away that.

4) Fifty Shades of Grey

You know I’ve got this one down

Yeah, I feel you, book challengers. I would be happy if no one ever read this book again based on its terrible, terrible writing, plot, characters, gender roles, themes, and the way it has somehow made bad fanfiction less shameful. If only ELJames could slither back into the bowels of the Internet from whence she came! But, as long as she’s out here in the sunlight with the rest of us, we might as well have fun laughing at how terrible this is. Occasionally with Phineas and Ferb guest appearances because I can’t help myself.

5) And Tango Makes Three

And Tango Makes Three by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson

A children’s book based on the true story of two male penguins raising an egg/chick together. Come on, guys, if we’re going to be offended by children’s penguins, I direct your attention to this terrible 90s monstrosity. I’m not offended by it because of it’s depressing girl-as-commodity gender roles, but because its anthropomorphic animated penguins are terrifying. Speaking of terrifying…

8) Scary Stories to Read in the Dark Series by Alvin Schwartz

We’ll talk about this nightmare tomorrow

10) Beloved

Beloved by Toni Morrison

Yeah, book challengers, you’re right. It’s too bad slavery has to be such violent and explicit subject matter. But then, I could just make that sentence “It’s too bad slavery has to be”. I read this book in 12th grade English and found it really, really creepy, mixed with the usual tinge of annoyance that comes with reading something and writing too many essays about it. I don’t know what would happen if I read it again just to read it. Probably reincarnated murdered babies is still unsettling, though. As it should be.

Previously: 2012 List
Next: Stephen Gammell still haunts my nightmares, but I forgive him

Tagged: banned books, books, challenged books

Posted in Banned Books |

Banned and Challenged Book List: 2012

April 22nd, 2013 by pladd

I know it’s not Banned Books Week yet, but last week was National Library Week and the ALA put out their list of the most frequently challenged books of 2012! Apparently there was a 25% jump in challenges last year, largely because the ALA has made reporting a challenge easier. As always when such lists come out, I automatically put any titles I haven’t read on my library hold list. I am pumped to read some Captain Underpants!

Here’s the list! I’ve bolded the ones I’ve already read.

1) Captain Underpants (series), by Dav Pilkey.
Reasons: Offensive language, unsuited for age group
2) The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, by Sherman Alexie.
Reasons: Offensive language, racism, sexually explicit, unsuited for age group
3) Thirteen Reasons Why, by Jay Asher.
Reasons: Drugs/alcohol/smoking, sexually explicit, suicide, unsuited for age group
4) Fifty Shades of Grey, by E. L. James.
Reasons: Offensive language, sexually explicit
5) And Tango Makes Three, by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson.
Reasons: Homosexuality, unsuited for age group
6) The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini.
Reasons: Homosexuality, offensive language, religious viewpoint, sexually explicit
7) Looking for Alaska, by John Green.
Reasons: Offensive language, sexually explicit, unsuited for age group
8) Scary Stories (series), by Alvin Schwartz
Reasons: Unsuited for age group, violence
9) The Glass Castle, by Jeanette Walls
Reasons: Offensive language, sexually explicit
10) Beloved, by Toni Morrison
Reasons: Sexually explicit, religious viewpoint, violence

Get ready for some awesome reviews!! And for me to decide which Scary Stories to Tell In the Dark picture gives me the worst nightmares still because you know that’s going to happen and that is why they are awesome.

Tagged: ALA, banned books, lists

Posted in Banned Books |

Goddess Girls: Pandora the Curious

April 9th, 2013 by pladd

It has been almost 6 months since our last Goddess Girls review!!! Steven has hopefully used his time off to become less crotchety and bitter. Pandora and Prometheus are two of my favorite myths so I was really excited to read this book!

Super sad that her bangs aren’t more obviously in the shape of question marks

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
So Pandora accidentally/on purpose opens this box belonging to loner Titan brothers, Epimetheus and Prometheus, and a bunch of colored bubbles pop out! But no one else can see them, and when they hit people around Mount Olympus Academy, they whisper words like “ditz”, “lazy”, or “vain” and dramatically change that person’s behavior! Usually in a super ironic way! Athena becomes an idiot, Artemis is obsessed with her appearance, Principal Zeus just wants to sleep all the time, Aphrodite rudely begins burping all her dialog, Medusa is greedy, Prometheus is a thief, Poseidon is a scaredy-cat, and Persephone has rage issues. Meanwhile, Prometheus accidentally sets fire to the world while trying to help mortals, whose fires have all gone out thanks to Zeus’ negligence. As punishment, Zeus makes him eat his least favorite food, liver, for every meal, and sets a magical eagle to watch him to make sure he does. Pandora finally saves the day by releasing the last bubble from the box, Hope, and recaptures all the “trouble bubbles”. Plus, she wins the science fair and gets to have lunch with Aristotle, Pythagoras, and Hippocrates! Wooo science!!

Who wouldn’t want to have lunch with this guy? And then do some… shirtless math? YOU GO PYTHAGORAS! WOO!

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
First of all, being crotchety and bitter is kind of a one-way street—you don’t get less that way—so ignore any of the lies being told above. And in that spirit, let’s consider how Pandora the Curious stacks up against the source material. First, take a high-level look at points from this and from the original: Pandora and Epimetheus are a romantic item, the box comes to Epimetheus by way of Zeus, Pandora is responsible for the evils inside escaping. Surprisingly, when squinted at, this book meets all three criteria. Granted, ‘romantic item’ in the original was ‘man and wife’, the box and Pandora both represented a revenge scheme of the pantheon’s against Epimetheus and his brother rather than a slapstick accident of fate, and the box’s contents in the real story certainly never re-entered it once open. But overall, I’ll rate it ‘close enough.’ Bonus points for Prometheus’s parts in this version, attempting to bring fire to the mortals (more by accident than anything) and his liver punishment (much less gruesome than the original), though points taken on account of the latter one not involving Heracles. I mean come on, you guys, he’s already a character in the book. But then having him strangle the principal’s pet eagle would probably not fly well with the target tween audience, so perhaps it was better left undone. All in all, I’d rate this one more accurate than the last with plenty of amusing references along the way for the pedantically minded (like me).

Come on, Prometheus, no one likes eating liver. Stop overreacting like a big baby.

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) Science=curiosity about the world! But use your powers wisely
2) People change, so it’s okay to change your crush
3) Save your homework for the last minute and then hurriedly scribble some rambling story about your personal life! You’ll win first prize!

Steven’s Favorites!
Character: Greed-Medusa. Unabashedly hilarious, in a misanthropic way. Which is my favorite kind.
Part: “Ares sported pj’s bearing the logo of a sword-making company in the Immortal Marketplace called Mighty Fighty.”
Thing I Learned: You can beat your severe ADD if you just try hard enough. Apparently. Also don’t open creepy boxes.

Girl was probably just looking for some clothes. She’s naked in like every picture

Patricia’s Favorites!!
Character: Pandora is actually pretty awesome, you guys. In other books she’s portrayed as kind of annoying in that she only speaks in questions, but here we see that she is 1) nice to everyone, even outcasts like the Titans or Medusa, 2) super intrepid, sneaking into Zeus’ office in the middle of the night like it ain’t no thing, and 3) really into science!! I really want her to have a spin-off series where she solves mysteries.
Part: Under the effects of the “greedy” bubble, Medusa changes her science project research question to just “GIVE ME MORE”. Medusa, you’re still my homegirl
Thing I Learned: If Zeus falls down on the job, every fire on Earth will go out and no one will be able to light more.

Next Time: Pheme the Gossip!!!
Previously:
Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6, Book 7, Book 8, Super Special

Tagged: Book Reviews, goddess girls, Steven

Posted in Book Reviews |

2012 Bonus Book List: The Pretty

December 30th, 2012 by pladd

I felt kind of bad looking through my Goodreads account just for bad covers when there were so many nice ones this year too, so I thought I would show you those too:

A Mind of Its Own: A Cultural History of the Penis by David M. Friedman

Is this not just the PERFECT cover design for this subject? From the fancy olde timey guy to the placement of the O. Awesome.

Snuff by Sir Terry Pratchett

His ship is sinking and he still has a cigar in his mouth. I love it.

Between Two Ends by David Ward

I read this book solely because the cover was so cool looking! I ended up giving it only two stars. It was alright, but didn’t live up to the hype of its cover.

The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom by Christopher Healy

The illustrations in this one in general were really detailed and good. The cover also continues around to the back, which I like.

The Invisible Gorilla by Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simons

Non-fiction books seemed to have impressed me more in general this year, especially in the cover department. Maybe I expect less.

Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake

Creeeeeepy

Kat, Incorrigible by Stephanie Burgis

This is another book like Jane Austen except everyone has magic, this time for middle grades. I think the cover fits the tone pretty perfectly.

Leftovers by Tom Perrotta

One day a bunch of people all over the world just disappear, and those that are left wonder what the heck happened. Thought it would be a Left Behind knockoff, but actually wasn’t religious at all.

Excited to start reading in 2013!

The Good
2012: The Bad
2012: The Ugly

Tagged: 2012, book lists, books

Posted in Book Reviews, lists |