Archive for the ‘Book Reviews’ Category

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

Firelight: In Twilight They Cashed In

October 15th, 2010 by pladd

I cannot even begin to express to you how I felt when I first saw this book. First there’s the cover:

Not gonna lie: I judge books by these all the time

Not quite Twilight-style-random-thing-on-black, but close. Then there’s the title. Firelight! It’s like Sophie Jordan isn’t even trying to disguise her main motivation for writing this book. Her notes probably look like this clever two step process that I myself have written down many times while trying to plot a plan for my future:

1) Copy Stephenie Meyer
2) RICHES

Because, let’s face it, if SMeyer can do it, anyone can. She has rejuvenated my cynical lack-of-faith in the publishing industry, and in society in general. Anytime anyone starts grumbling about how they can’t succeed in life because of some kind of drawback they can’t overcome (socio-economic status, fashion sense, a basic understanding of English grammar) I will now say “NO, turn that frown upside down, because you too can be a world famous millionaire author! Look at Stephenie Meyer!” It really has given me hope.

So, anyway, I am basically in love with Sophie Jordan for at least attempting to follow through on my so-far-unattempted life plan, AND by including people who can turn into dragons (or dragons who can turn into people?) while doing so. I will never get tired of anthropomorphic dragons. NEVER.

Before the amazing Twilight tribute fanfic that is Firelight, Sophie Jordan was best known for her many bestselling paranormal and historical romances. My personal favorite (based on the cover and title alone) is one called In Scandal They Wed. I kind of wish her first YA title had followed a similar theme and gone with something more like In melodrama they drowned or In Twilight they tried to cash in. These are mere details however, that can’t detract from the amazingness that is Firelight. It’s almost like Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus but in book form. And about teen girl dragons instead of slutty scientists. And takes place in a high school instead of under the sea. So not really alike at all, except they both made me realize that to be a success I need to concentrate less on skill and talent and being good at things and more on writing scripts so bad they are amazing. Here is the amazing plot of amazingness:

Jacinda (yes, JACINDA, contain yourselves) lives in a tribe of draki, people who have somehow descended from dragons. They can take human form and some of them have magical powers, but their numbers are dwindling from hunters and inbreeding. Jacinda is super special because she can breathe fire, and they basically plan to use her to breed more Special Fire Breathing Dragons. Her mother decides to save her from this fate by running away with her and her twin sister. Mom Dragonless hopes that living in a desert will kill Jacinda’s draki self, but Jacinda is filled with righteous rebellion and vows to try to keep it alive. Then she meets a mysterious boy at school who she is wildly, suddenly, crazy in love with, only he happens to be part of the very family of murderous dragon hunters who killed her father! Drama ensues! But mostly just lots of “shuddering breaths” and gazing. You know you love it.

If I had the time or inclination, I could make an awesome comparison chart and show which Firelight characters and scenes correspond to which scenes in Twilight. Oh wait, grad school work is boring. Here you go:

Thirteen Signs that the Book you are reading is, in fact, Twilight
1. Secret Mythical Creature: Check, although it is dragon/dragon hunter, instead of vampire
2. Secret Mythical Creature Kind of Lamer than usual and given weird sparkly attributes: Check, draki are kind of smaller, scrawnier dragons who mostly don’t breathe fire, and have purple iridescent blood, as is stated over and over
3. Love at first sight: Check, Will first sees her in her dragon form but still thinks she’s hot
4. Star-crossed lovers: Dragon Hunter Guy angrily groans that “This is impossible… A hunter in love with his prey”. Sound familiar?
5. Over-described hot guy: “the grooves along his cheekbones deepening”
6. Guy who is “too dangerous” and tells girl to stay away from him repeatedly: Check, “I guess you should stay away from me, too. That’s what I should be telling you”
7. Weird Culty Family: Check, “they’re poison, Jacinda. I can’t expose you to them.” Sadly they are not “vegetarian” dragon hunters.
8. Obligatory Human Friend the Protagonist Uses But Mostly Ignores: Check, her name is Catherine, and mostly she provides info while Jacinda constantly rejects her offers to do something together. Gotta be an Immortal MagicPants to run with this crowd, sister.
9. Having to hold yourself back while making out for fear that Morality will manifest as real life danger: Check, in Twilight it was getting ripped to pieces by your vampire boyfriend, in Firelight it is accidentally setting your boyfriend on fire with your dragon flame-breath
10. Everything that looks like action turns out to be boring: Check. Although there is a brief confrontation between Cassian and Will, it ends abruptly and no one really gets hurt. Although Jacinda is famed for being the first dragon in forever who can breathe fire, she spends most of her time talking about how she “almost” did or exhaling steam.
11. No Plot until the last 50 pages: Firelight is not as guilty of this as Twilight, and Jacinda manages to stay conscious and unswooned for most of the action. The plot definitely picks up the pace towards the end, but then sort of stops randomly. I can’t decide if it’s setting up for a sequel, or the most anticlimactic, weird ending ever.
12. Controlling, abusive relationships: Props for Firelight on this one, because Jacinda is definitely less defined by men and her relationships with them. Will doesn’t try to control her physically or emotionally.
13. Writing style: 7th grade fanfiction: Although definitely not as bad as SMeyers, the word “shudders” occurs oddly often in this novel, especially in the context of things “shuddering past my lips”. Also the line “her amber eyes spit angry fire” is awesome if you take it literally.

Tagged: , , ,

Posted in Book Reviews |

Banned Books: Deal with It! -and- some amazing examples of webdesign that really put SWiggins to shame

October 12th, 2010 by pladd

Title: Deal with It! A whole new approach to your body, brain, and life as a gURL
Author: Esther Drill, Heather McDonald, Rebecca Odes, gURL.com
Challenged in: good old West Bend, Wisconsin Community Memorial Library
For: “being pornographic and worse than an R-rated movie”
Along with: Baby Be-Bop, Geography Club, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

So I know you’re bummed, but this is the last book on this year’s list that was challenged in West Bend. We’ve all grown really attached to the West Bend Citizens for Safe Libraries and their endearing little quirks, like their terrible webdesign skills and their desire to burn books about gay people. Ah, memories.

Incidentally, their awesome GoogleSites site appears just above my blog in a search for their own name, and is maybe one of the best websites I’ve seen since geocities died. Anything with that ratio of capitalized to uncapitalized words has got to be 100% legit. They also link pretty extensively to an organization called PABBIS or Parents Against Bad Books In Schools, which at least owns their own domain, but is not much better on the Only Knows the html For Bolding and Font Colors front. I love how they use the phrase “bad books” in a totally unironic way in their organization name. They try to provide an operational definition of “bad”, saying “Bad is not for us to determine. Bad is what you determine is bad. Bad is what you think is bad for your child. What each parent considers bad varies and depends on their unique situation, family and values. The main purpose of this webpage is to identify some books that might be considered bad and why someone might consider them bad. Another purpose of this webpage is to provide information related to bad books in schools.”

Adorable. In much the same way that Twilight is adorable. So deluded it is almost cute. Almost. Except for that whole trying to burn books about gay people thing or encouraging abusive relationships1. You know, little details.

Anyway, all of this is really tangential to what I actually wanted to talk about today, Deal with It! A whole new approach to your body, brain, and life as a gURL. Once again, West Bend Citizens for Safe Libraries is really bad at reviewing books for content and style. Anyone who picks up this book on their recommendation, expecting pornography or an R-rated movie will be sadly disappointed. This book is basically exactly like the many books on puberty/sex/relationships/health written for teen girls, except much more detailed. Most of these sorts of books don’t also contain sections on managing your money, coping with mood swings, or changing relationships to parents and siblings, for instance, along with all the usual bad skin, buying bras, dealing with periods, practicing safe sex aspects. Naturally anyone who takes issue with the fact that some teens will have sex will freak out about this book, because it covers a different sexual acts, usually not in any great detail, but to familiarize the teen with what they are. It struck me not so much as a step-by-step guide (at least in this section), but more as a “Here are some things that exist so you don’t have to feel stupid when people mention them”. To this end, it also includes some of the more pervasive slang terms for sex acts/body parts, although these will probably begin to date it over time.

And, yes, there are diagrams and some cartoon drawings of naked women, but it would be really hard to write a book about Your Changing Body without that. They clearly have not read my personal favorite book on this topic, Body Drama: Real Girls, Real Bodies, Real Issues, Real Answers by Nancy Amanda Redd, which features an entire page of pictures of different breasts. For a demographic that spends a great deal of time worrying about if they’re “normal”, I think it’s important to show them that “normal” is a much wider, more diverse concept than they probably think. This is one of the issues I tend to be annoyingly vocal about, so I will quiet down for now.

1But am I trying to ban Twilight? No, West Bend Citizens for Safe Libraries, I’m not. I’m educating my imaginary daughters about how to avoid abusive boyfriends and how to get help, and then letting them Twihard as much as they want, as long as they don’t get Edward’s face tattooed on their face or something.

Tagged: ,

Posted in Banned Books |

Banned Books: The Perks of Being a Wallflower/I talk too much about myself

October 9th, 2010 by pladd

Title: The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Author: Stephen Chbosky
Challenged at: West Bend, Wisconsin Community Memorial Library
At the same time as: Baby Be-Bop, Geography Club
For: “being obscene or child pornography” in the YA section
(Maybe Not So) Honorable Mention Challengings At: Portage, Indiana High Schools; Wyoming, Ohio High Schools; William Byrd and Hidden Valley Highschools of Roanoke, Virginia; probably others

You can read more about the school challenges here, and probably elsewhere, but since I am an Apprentice Librarian in a public library, I want to talk about West Bend Citizens for Safe Libraries again. I feel like we bonded a little during my play-by-play notes from earlier this week. So here are some things I think probably upset them about this book:

1. Charlie’s best friend is gay
2. Charlie sometimes drinks
3. Charlie smokes (sometimes pot)
4. Charlie one time tried LSD, but decides never to do it again
5. Charlie’s friends have sex sometimes
6. Charlie gets halfway between second and third base

Which of these things would shock and appall a high school student? Which of them would they not have experience with, either personally or peripherally through just being in highschool? Maybe the LSD (maybe) depending on their highschool or group of friends.

I think this might be the first time I’ve read a young adult novel (especially one published by MTV!) that I honestly wish I had discovered while I was actually a young adult. And you know what? It has nothing to do with anything on that list up there, because that’s not what this book is about. Sorry, West Bend Citizens for Safe Libraries, but I’m afraid you’re still looking at the forest and seeing only trees, or the book and seeing only drug-and-sex references. I’m a big believer in The Right Book for the Right Person at the Right Time; I think time is the part that gets left out or misunderstood. Since I did not have the West Bend Citizens for Safe Libraries to protect me, there were plenty of times when I was in elementary or middle school that I read books that were, I can freely admit now, way too old for me. Shockingly, I did not become a drug addict or a predator or suffer trauma. Most of the time, the things I weren’t ready for went right over my head. Or I stopped reading the book because it was boring since that didn’t interest me. Once you’re old enough to be curious, to ask questions, then you’re old enough to know some answers.

Anyway, with most YA novels, I recognize that high school Patricia would not have liked them, or thought they were beneath her (she was all about reading the collected works of Charles Dickens), but I think she would have gotten something out of this one (and, no, not the DL on LSD). The book is an epistolary novel of letters Charlie writes to an anonymous person he doesn’t really know chronicling his first year in high school. Charlie has an amazing insight into the world and is clearly incredibly intelligent, although he often is unsure of what to do in social situations. For most of the book, he leads a very passive existence, letting other people tell him how to act or what he should do or how to define his relationships. I think (despite her complaining that it’s not “real literature”) High School Patricia also really needed to learn that lesson. And, secretly, she knew it too, which is why she sometimes tried so hard to seem otherwise. I’m pretty sure I did not realize who I am AND decide to try to wear that unselfconsciously until freshmen or sophomore year of college. Maybe closer to sophomore year. I think that happens to a lot of teenagers, especially when they’re trying so hard to fit in with a certain group or be like some kind of mental image that they have a hard time figuring out who they actually are underneath, even when they want to. Which sucks, because people can be such jerks to you when you’re stuck being passive, like they’re allowed to take advantage of you or project whatever they want onto you since you appear to be almost blank, at least from the surface. Even sadder is that I bet some people never have a Summer-Before-Sophomore-Year fight with themselves and try to get over it. Some people are stuck in that blank, passive, fragile existence forever.</after-school special confessions time>

So, yeah, I kind of wish High School Patricia had read this book, although there’s no guarantee that she would recognize its message in herself, or if she was even ready to admit her own problems yet. I do know she would have scoffed at Charlie’s assessment of The Fountainhead which she hated, but probably agreed with him about To Kill a Mockingbird. It probably would have helped that both she and Charlie liked reading “serious” literature, though probably for different reasons.

In conclusion, this book made me think a lot, which is always good for anyone, even if it is about things that I would prefer to forget, like how I have not always been this awesome. Or at least, not as obviously.

Whenever I’m down on High School Patricia, though, I feel the need to also mention:

Published novel, what up?

Tagged: , ,

Posted in Banned Books |

Banned Books: Geography Club by Brent Hartinger

October 8th, 2010 by pladd

Title: Geography Club
Author: Brent Hartinger
Challenged at: West Bend, Wisconsin Community Library
For: “being obscene or child pornography” in a section designated for young adults

West Bend was also the community going after Baby Be-Bop, so it is possible that their definition of “pornography” is “mentioning gay people”. The West Bend Citizens for Safe Libraries campaigned for about four months to have sexually explicit materials from the young adult section moved to the adult section and labelled “as containing sexual material”. On the one hand, labeling all the books that mention sex WOULD make their circulation suddenly go through the roof, but on the other hand, anyone picking up Geography Club because of its supposed sexiness is going to be extremely disappointed. The first person narrator only gets a few kisses over the course of the book, and anyone else who goes farther only mentions it rather obliquely. It sounds more to me like West Bend Citizens for Safe Libraries is actually trying to “protect” teens from positive images of gay people in the misguided belief that not reading Geography Club will keep them safely heterosexual, or at least safely in the closet and depressed. Great job, West Bend, that’s pretty much the opposite of what we need.

Russel thinks he’s the only gay person at his school, and spends his days feeling horribly alone and terrified that at any time his secret might be somehow revealed, bringing with it social ostracism and possible violence. Then he meets another gay teen in a chat room from his home town, and they agree to meet. Russel is shocked when it turns out to be Kevin, super jock star of the baseball team! Soon after he discovers other gay or lesbian teens keeping their own secrets–including one of his best friends–and they decide to form an after-school club to discuss their commonalities and just hang out with people who know their secret. Because they don’t want any unwanted public attention, they decide to name the club “Geography Club” because it’s the most boring thing they can think of to keep other people away.

I found this book difficult to get into, maybe because the language used seemed kind of unrealistic for teens and the situations were a little too “now you are being treated the way you treated others; learn a lesson!” Also, I’m kind of surprised that West Bend Citizens for Safe Libraries only objects to the fact that gay people exist in this book, because there are all kinds of unsafe behaviors going on that I find way more troubling. Like meeting someone from the Internet in a dark, scary park in the middle of the night. Or meeting your secret girlfriend in an abandon warehouse downtown.

Clearly this is just another book being attacked for portraying gay people in a positive way (or a normal way), which is incredibly depressing. I can get a little angry about it, but mostly I just feel sorry for people who think this way. It must be so hard to live in a world with so many troubling absolutes. In one of my classes we learned that the brain finds anything that doesn’t fit into an already-held world-view extremely difficult to process, and even emotionally upsetting, which is why sometimes it’s so hard to teach kids things. Once they assimilate the new information and adjust their preconceived notions accordingly, they’re okay and ready for the next assault of information. I think that’s what it must feel like, an assault, to these people who view the world as so black and white. Reality is constantly challenging their preconceived notions, and it must be emotional turmoil to constantly have to shut that out and not assimilate and adapt.

To prove my point, here are my play-by-play notes on the book. Obv spoiler alert, so don’t read if you are ever planning on reading Geography Club yourself and want to still be surprised by all the… two surprising events:
Read the rest of this entry »

Tagged: ,

Posted in Banned Books |

Larklight: A Rousing Tale of Dauntless Pluck in the Farthest Reaches of Space

October 5th, 2010 by pladd

Larklight by Philip Reeve

I know it’s shocking for me to review a non-banned-or-challenged book (at least that I know of), but I finished Larklight today and am super pumped to read the sequel. I first picked it up to read for our sci-fi/fantasy week in Children’s Literature class, mostly because the library had helpfully placed a science-fiction sticker on the spine. I made a conscious effort to pick a science-fiction book, since I know my instincts usually lie on the fantasy side. I’m so glad I did! I realize Larklight, in all of its space-faring, steampunk awesomeness, is probably not what Steven would think of as a science-fiction book, mostly because they don’t spend long chunks of prose describing the inner workings of space ships in minute detail. I think that’s what I love most about children’s fiction in general; it has just the right amount of description, and lets me use my imagination for the rest!

The story follows the adventures of Arthur and Myrtle Mumby after they escape a giant space spider attack on their orbiting Victorian space mansion, Larklight. Not knowing where the spiders came from, what they want, or what they might have done with their father, the two set out to try to inform the British Governor of the Moon, but end up getting rescued/kidnapped by a roving band of orphaned space pirates, most of whom are exciting aliens from Britain’s many space colonies. Set in an alternative British Empire where Sir Isaac Newton basically invented space travel, Reeve imagines what the Imperial age would have been like had it incorporated not only other countries, but whole other planets.

Larklight is also noteworthy because Philip Reeve’s extremely well-written story is accompanied by David Wyatt’s beautiful black-and-white illustrations such as:

The space pirates infiltrating the spiders' lair

You should read this book if you like:
1) steampunk space adventures
2) giant spiders
3) slightly snarky olde timey narration
4) awesomeness

Posted in Book Reviews |

Challenging Books: Not my BFF but not my arch nemesis

October 3rd, 2010 by pladd

Banned Books Week has got me thinking a lot about the process of challenging books, and I thought I should probably clarify something.

Challenging books does not make me angry by itself. Even when they’re challenged for what I perceive as silly reasons. When books actually get banned, especially for what I perceive as silly reasons… that’s when I get a little upset.

In library school, we’re often told that “you should welcome challenges because it begins a meaningful dialog about the collection, collection development, and the purpose of a library”. I think my professors are envisioning me giving an offended patron a meaningful short-course in the basic tenants of library science and Freedom to Read1 and they will walk away more enlightened and ready to donate money to the exciting and dynamic field of library science. In my imagination, the conversation would probably go more like this:

Patron: This book is going to turn our children into RAPISTS!
Me: I’m so sorry; why do you feel that way?
Patron: The back of the book says it’s about GAY PEOPLE
Me: Well, if you’d like to formally challenge it for removal or reclassification, we have a process and these forms you can fill out, although you will have to actually read the book
Patron: (throws book at me)
Me: Let me explain our collection development policy…
Patron: (bites me)
Me: (turns into a homophobe-pire)

I don’t know which of us is more delusional, but I do know that a healthy discussion about collection development is not going to sway most people from their angry rants against the dictionary or whatever.

I actually do agree with my professors that challenges aren’t all bad. For instance, I like the fact that someone cares so much about the library and what we do there to get really mad about it. That’s way better than the passive indifference we get from a good percentage of the population. I also think anything that gets people to read books more, and talk about books more is cool, and challenging a book will certainly do that. Also, sometimes books really do need to be challenged. Here is an illustrative example, this time from real life:

Once upon a time, I was working at a library which shall remain nameless. While shelving children’s nonfiction one Sunday before we opened, I came across this in the poetry section:

The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and Other Stories by Tim Burton

Immediately I thought, “Wow, I didn’t know Tim Burton had written a book of poetry for children”. Since it looked kind of like Edward Gorey, I took it back to the desk with me to glance through. The first thing I noticed was the titular poem “The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy“, ends with the father eating his own son to cure his impotence. I was really unsure if this should be shelved next to Shel Silverstein, and personally did not ever want to have to explain impotence to a six-year-old. A glance at other libraries nearby confirmed that most of them had shelved it in the teen or adult sections; probably it was only mistakenly placed in children’s because it had illustrations and the poem titles seemed unoffensively juvenile.

Librarians aren’t perfect. It’s not like we know all there is to know about books, or that we don’t make mistakes sometimes. Usually when I ask librarians about problems with challenged books, their few stories are similar to this one, more about reclassification than outright banning, and most of the time the concerns are entirely justified.

So challenges themselves, I don’t really view negatively. It’s more when one person or a group of people think they should be able to set morality standards for everyone that I get slightly miffed.

1 People in library school and beyond are always citing their Freedom to Read as a constitutional right, but I remember 10th grade Civics, and it’s really not. I think usually they try to squish it in there with freedom of speech and freedom of the press, but that is only the same thing if you squint, you guys.

Tagged: ,

Posted in Banned Books |

Banned Books: League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier

September 28th, 2010 by pladd

Title: League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier
Author: Alan Moore; illustrated by Kevin O’Neill
Not to be Confused With: the movie spin off
Challenged At: Jessamine County Public Library, Nicolasville, Kentucky
Along with four other works for: “offend[ing] me in that they depict sexual acts and/or describe such acts in a way that in my opinion are contrary to the Jessamine County public opinion”

I saved this one for Banned Book Week because it definitely has the most dramatic challenging of any this year as evidenced by the fact that I knew all about it before I started this project. The ALA 2010 Banned Book List has this to say about it:

A petition with 950 signatures was presented to the board to overturn its collection policy. The petition specifically asked for the removal of four works on the grounds that “they offended me in that they depict sexual acts and/or describe such acts in a way that in my opinion are contrary to the Jessamine County public opinion” of what should be in a public, taxpayer-supported collection. The petition concluded the works constituted a public safety issue in that they encourage sexual predators… the graphic novel eventually got two employees fired for breaching library policies, the library director was threatened with physical harm, and the book was recataloged, along with other graphic novels with mature trends, to a separate but unrestricted graphic novels section of the library.

But the best part of the story, the part I knew about previously is that, “got two employees fired” part. Basically, about two years ago Sharon Cook, a library assistant, found League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier on the shelves and freaked out because there are drawings of naked ladies in it plus some strange 1984-propaganda-pornography that is supposed to be taken as a joke. After having her challenge denied, she decided to check it out and never return it for about six months, renewing it over and over so that it would never be on the shelves. Then someone put it on hold and, looking up the patron, Cook discovered it was an 11-year-old girl! After consulting with two colleagues, Beth Boisvert and Cook decided to cancel the girl’s hold and continue what they were doing. Nice. You can read a detailed article about the incident here and elsewhere, but here are my favorite parts of the Lexington Herald-Leader piece:
Read the rest of this entry »

Tagged: , , , ,

Posted in Banned Books |

Banned Books: Only In Your Dreams, a Gossip Girl Novel

September 28th, 2010 by pladd

Title: Only In Your Dreams
Author: Cecily Von Ziegesar
Not to be Confused With: A-List Series, Luxe Series, The Clique Series, or any other series where rich bratty teenagers have rich bratty drama
Challenged In: Leesburg, Florida
At: the Leesburg Public Library
For: sexual innuendo, drug references, and other adult topics

I’m not ashamed to admit that I read almost the entire Gossip Girl series during the heady summer of 2007 when I was bored at the library. When you’re going to be frequently interrupted for questions on how to use the computers and where Clifford is, you need something where you can figure out the plot just from reading the chapter titles. By now most people have at least heard of the television series of the same name, although they took certain liberties with various characters (not that I care, I’m just noting). My personal favorite is Vanessa Abrams. In the books, you can tell she’s a funky alternative chick because she has a shaved head. In the TV series, you can tell she’s alternative because she’s vaguely Hispanic:

Really letting her freak flag fly

Only In Your Dreams is set in the middle of the summer after the main gang’s senior year in high school. Natch it is just as full of underage drinking, drug use, and extravagant shopping as the other books in the series. Along with twelve other “provocative” books for teens, Only in Your Dreams was challenged by “community and church leaders”, and the city commissioners decided to separate books based on age group. Only in Your Dreams and other books for high school students have been removed to a special section “in the library stairwell.”

The fact that they have been banished to a library stairwell is my favorite part of this story. I wonder if the twelve other provocative books were also in the Gossip Girl series, because I was surprised upon rereading this one that it didn’t have anything more scandalous than some underage drinking and some people who fail at getting laid. I was expecting it to at least be the one where Dan briefly thinks he’s gay because he drunkenly kissed another boy, or one of the ones where, you know, someone actually has sex. Oh well.

Since this week actually is National Banned Books Week, I’ve decided to take a more comprehensive approach in my analysis. Here follows a dramatic play-by-play of the book, containing spoilers. So if, for some reason, you ever want to read the entire Gossip Girl series in order, maybe quit halfway through.

Chapter 1: The Honeymooners
Blair is in London visiting her boyfriend, Lord Marcus, but he is making her stay in a fancy hotel instead of his mansion. She is depressed that he won’t have sex with her already. He claims to have a surprise for her, but it turns out to be his cousin. Blair is not amused.

Chapter 2: One is the Loneliest Number
Nate has to work for his lax coach doing manual labor because he was caught stealing his coach’s Viagra. He is whiny about it, but consoles himself with weed and ogling the coach’s questionably-hot wife.

Chapter 3: V’s Date with Destiny
Vanessa interviews for a job with Ken Mogul, a film director who is doing a Breakfast at Tiffany‘s remake this summer, even though the movie=Big Budget Teen RomCom and Vanessa=alternative indie auteur. Ken’s apartment is decorated with naked pictures of himself. He insists that he needs Vanessa’s “vision”. Vanessa says she’ll think about it, pretending that it is going to be some big dramatic choice.

Chapter 4: S moves Out
Serena is playing Holly Golightly in the movie remake and Ken has told her to move to a dingy, unairconditioned apartment to channel the spirit of Audrey Hepburn. Serena somehow gets lost walking from the sidewalk to the front door, but is saved by her neighbor, Jason, a “gorgeously tall” guy in a “dorky office ensemble”.

Chapter 5: D learns the art of Customer Service
Dan’s summer job is to be pretentious to customers at a bookstore. He pretends to be a tortured artist in his inner monologue.

Chapter 6: Helmets are almost as important as condoms
Nate is riding his bike while high and decides to swear off girls for the summer right before falling on his face in front of a townie named Tawny who the narration wants me to think is trashy, but who probably only looks/dresses like a normal person, rather than an insanely wealthy model.

Chapter 7: Love Don’t Live Here Anymore
Vanessa’s big sister is home from Europe where she was touring with her band. She’s brought back some guy named Piotr, which sounds like a perfume that would make me ill. She kicks Vanessa out of the apartment because Piotr needs her bedroom for a studio. Since that is what happens in real life.

Chapter 8: S is for Spirituality among other things
Vanessa calls Dan all weepy and Dan says she can move in with him (and his dad?). Dan feels manly at being able to help his normally tough girlfriend. Then a girl named Bree asks Dan to find some books her yogi recommended to her and Dan “watched her small, round butt, which closely resembled two scoops of French vanilla ice cream”. Dan pretends to have read Siddhartha to impress Ice Cream Butt Girl.

Chapter 9: the family that plays together stays together
Lord Marcus’ annoying cousin, Camilla, wins croquet a million times in a row and Blair is drunk and unhappy about it. Lord Marcus and Camilla are flirty, and Blair tries to kill her with her eyes.
Read the rest of this entry »

Tagged: , , ,

Posted in Banned Books |

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

Site and contents are © 2009-2024 Patricia Ladd, all rights reserved. | Admin Login | Design by Steven Wiggins.