Archive for June, 2015

The 10 Best BBC Miniseries Adapted from Novels

My friend Alana wrote this great top ten of BBC Miniseries for June!! There are definitely some I have to watch now!–PLadd

So, I LOVE watching BBC miniseries! (Honestly, most of their regular series could be counted as mini by American standards since each season only lasts 8-10 episodes plus a Christmas special – I’m looking at you, Downton Abbey!) Generally, a mini-series is one “season” and lasts 2-10 episodes with no sequel.  And for those of you who don’t know what BBC is, it stands for the British Broadcasting Corporation, and it’s responsible for some of the best and worst television shows ever made.  In this blog post, I have narrowed my rantings and ravings down to only include those miniseries that were adapted from novels because this could have easily been “My Top Favorite 50 BBC Miniseries.” Also, I like the ones adapted from literature better anyway because I like to read literary works (books, plays, epic poems) first – this earned me my double major in English Lit. – and then watch all available film and television media adapted from those works (including the loose adaptations, like Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde = Fight Club; Emma = Clueless; The Odyssey = O Brother, Where Art Thou; etc).   Anyway, Patricia (who officiated my wedding!!! to the anime-loving mad genius who brought you this guest blog post) was gracious enough to give me a forum for voicing my passionate and vastly well-researched opinions on this subject matter. Now, when I say passionate, I mean I would like to see someone get me talking about this and then try to change the subject in under an hour, because that would be a feat of will the likes of which I have never seen.  And when I say vastly well-researched I mean that I have been watching and rewatching and force-feeding my friends and relatives these miniseries for at least 15 years, (so like since middle school). I hope I will be forgiven, in light of this confession about my scholarly tendencies, for most of the list just devolving into me comparing the relative dreaminess and you-go-get-em-girlfriendedness of my favorite characters.  Also, I guess I’m bound to say that there are some spoilers in my list, but I tried not to totally ruin any of the lesser-known stories.

 

The List

So the order of this list changes frequently – usually depending on what I have read/watched last. But #1 never changes and that’s really all that matters. Also, it’s worth mentioning that it really does help if the show’s source material is entertaining, interesting, and/or well-written and the characters likable and/or eccentric.  For example, Tess of the D’Urbervilles (2008) is beautiful, well-acted, and true to Thomas Hardy’s novel about a rape victim who never stops being victimized by her own bad decisions and the general cruelty of the society of which she is a part until her horrible end, but I dislike the story and all of the characters so much for some reason??  I just couldn’t enjoy it and will leave it out of any favorites list.

And away we go…!

 

10. Great Expectations (2011)

Check out those pouty lips!

This version of Dicken’s Great Expectations is surprisingly fun!  I’ve always had a great time watching it – possibly because Pip and Estella are so distasteful and entitled, and I secretly root for karmic justice for the both of them.  But in the end, I find it very satisfying that they have each other to make overdramatically miserable.

Speaking of overdramatic misery, Miss Havisham is played by the beautiful Gillian Anderson (who will be mentioned again further down the list) and she plays up the drama of this crazy spinster forever obsessed with the wedding cancelled by the con artist who left her at the altar and took a bunch of her money.

Her special brand of crazy is fun to watch mostly because it is difficult to find any real sympathy for her.  She passes on her paranoia and inability to love to her ward, Estella, who she practically brainwashes beginning in early childhood.

 

All dressed up and no one to wed.

All dressed up and no one to wed.

On the other hand, Pip is an orphan being raised by his aunt and uncle and he is a mixed bag of ambition, sympathy, and blind devotion to Estella because marrying her will mean that he doesn’t have to work and can live the life of a gentleman of leisure. I love when his uncle Joe yells “don’t forget where you came from,” at Pip’s carriage as he is being sent to London to learn to become a gentleman by his anonymous benefactor and the look on Pip’s weirdly pouty face says very clearly: “I’ve already forgotten where I’ve come from.”

 

 

9. North and South (2004)

Hot Thorin!!!

That Thorin is so hot right now!

Instead of longing for the Arkenstone, he longs for… her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That was all I was going to say. Just a quick reference to the fact that 6’2″ tall Richard Armitage who plays a dwarf lord in The Hobbit, is also in this dramatic miniseries.  But the show deserves more than that from me.  It’s actually a really interesting look at the Industrial Revolution in Northern England and the changing mindsets of the people who earn their wages in these giant textile factories.  Hot Thorin plays a factory owner and general manager who treats his employees with tough fairness and allows for zero nonsense.

The story is technically about Margaret Hale who moves from Southern England to the North with her father after he resigns from the clergy.  She must adapt to the cold climate and even colder reception she receives as an outspoken, unmarried woman.  The series falls apart for me a little when she falls in love with Mr. Thornton (Hot Thorin) after his disastrous Darcy-esque declaration of love for her.  She begins to think better of him after learning more about the type of man he is hiding under his callous exterior, but it should not automatically follow that she is suddenly in love with him.  He does not significantly soften toward her like Darcy does when Elizabeth is at Pemberley; he is just as cold and abrupt as before and she just seems okay with it.  At the end he does show signs of changing, but not enough to make the love story really satisfying as a viewer.

The other great aspect about this miniseries is Margaret’s relationships with the other women around her.  This part is much more fleshed out than a lot of other shows with a female lead protagonist.  She develops friendships and rivalries and finds purpose in helping the poor thanks to Bessy – played by the lovely and seemingly ubiquitous Anna Maxwell Martin.

So intense. So tragic. So Bessy.

So intense. So tragic. So Bessy.

I particularly enjoy the rivalry that the ladies of town believe they have with her for Mr. Thornton’s hand in marriage, which she does not care for at all until much later in the story.  The cattiness is just funny to watch.

 

 

8. Middlemarch (1994)

Rufus Sewell’s afro!

 

I started reading George Eliot’s novel Middlemarch when my then-fiancé, now-husband’s mom was reading it and was disappointed that more people didn’t give it a fair shot.  I mean, it is long and not everyone has the literary stamina to really appreciate this 900 page masterpiece, but luckily, I DO! I ended up really enjoying it and was happy to discuss it with her last Christmas.  We talked about the characters we loved and hated, how its being published was a feminist victory, and how we would both like to sit down and chat with George Eliot.  She suggested I watch the miniseries and I did not have to be told twice – as I stated before, I LOVE BBC miniseries.  It’s more fun than I expected since it left out many of the scenes in which men talk about politics, only leaving in the funny/important political scenes.

This is the oldest miniseries on the list and it has many of the elements of a mid-90s production that endear it to me.

 

Such as, strange flashback sequences:

How could this happen! Over and over and over again!

How could this happen! Over and over and over again!

And weird hair styles:

Rocking the 19th century 'do

Even old Sir Godwin is laughing at her hair

Besides those things, this miniseries has its ups and down as far as entertainment value goes.  It can be a bit tedious at times (usually when the men are talking), but when something dramatic happens – and it frequently does – I am often caught gasping and covering my mouth from the scandal of it all!  George Eliot’s story is a marathon of a read and the miniseries is 6 1-hour long episodes, but if you get through them, you find a better understanding of human folly and a realism you don’t find in other stories on this list.  Not all the good characters end well and the bad characters don’t end as badly as you would wish.  Poor Dr. Lydgate, for example, made a very unfortunate marriage (a common occurrence in this story), and he has to give up his lofty ideals and ambitions to make the world better through scientific inquiry and reform of medical practice in order to care for gouty old rich men so he can pay for his wife’s pretentious and extravagant lifestyle. The epilogue offers no comfort for his fans who just want to see him end well.

In any case, the female characters really take the lead in this story (shouldn’t be too surprising since George Eliot was a woman).  Some are great and inspiring (Dorothea Brooke and Mary Garth), some are harmless non-entities (Celia Brooke and Mrs. Cadwallader), and some are entitled and manipulative (Rosamond Vincy).  They all showcase different possible aspects of a woman’s character and the story is richer for giving them all a unique voice.

 

7. Northanger Abbey (2007)

Felicity Jones waiting for her Oscar moment.

Felicity Jones waiting for her Oscar moment.

 

So you know how Kiera Knightley seemed to be the British it girl of the last decade? Well, I believe this decade belongs to the lovely Carrie Mulligan.  She is so in right now! Her character Isabella Thorpe is so wicked and sensational that you will find yourself much drawn in by her charm, much in the way our main character Cathy is.

The cast of this miniseries is just so much yes… Oh my stars, is that Felicity Jones before she was nominated for an Oscar!?  Yes, yes, it is.  Jones plays Austen’s heroine

Hmm... I wonder what happened here.

Hmm… I wonder what happened here, Isabella.

Catherine Morland in this satirical treatment of a Gothic novel. She is brought up in the country and her mind is allowed to run wild with what she reads in novels – including novels about naughty monks and vampires.  Then, she is taken by some wealthy family friends to Bath to enjoy city life. She is quite swept up in the drama (both real and imagined) of her new acquaintances, including Isabella and Mr. Tilney and the mysterious, possibly haunted Abbey he lives in!

What's your dowry look like, Ms. Morland? Are there... onions?

What’s your dowry look like, Ms. Morland? Are there… onions?

 

Also,  Sir Davos Seaworth of Game of Thrones was there!  Only meaner and less open-minded.

Northanger Abbey also enjoys the great distinction of having Mr. Tilney as its main love interest, as he is easily the most likable of the Austen heroes (yes, debatable).  In defense of this controversial claim: he enjoys dancing (take that, Mr. Darcy!); he is funny and likes a good joke; he is wealthy, but amiable (which helps when he is maybe less wealthy later on); and he is oh, so handy with picking out a nice muslin for a new dress!  Beyond all that, he is just smart and kind and fun in a way that most of the other Austen heroes are not!

 

 

 

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Poor Mrs. Allen!

 

6. Jane Eyre (2006)

OMG why is Mr. Rochester so smoldery?!

Hello there, ladies. Watch while I smolder.

This is a really beautiful and faithful adaption of a story that gets mired in controversy and general haterism (Yes, I have read Wide Sargasso Sea AND Madwoman in the Attic. No, loving Jane Eyre does not mean I’m anti-feminist), but all I can say is I’m really digging this Mr. Rochester.  For all his adultery and locking up of mad wives, he is just plain lovable in this adaptation.  He loves Pilot (his Irish Wolfhound), he’s rakish without being too vulgar, and he really does love Jane.  And what’s not to love about this Jane!  She is full of life and spirit and you-go-get-em-girlfriendedness!  They try their best to make her appear plain, but she is still beautiful in a very real way, as opposed to the clasic Hollywood way.  I love that she’s outspoken and stands up to both people she loves and people who wish her ill. As Dumbledore once said,

Neville = the real hero

Her situation is sucky, but she uses what little agency her own meager means afford her and she makes her own decisions.  She loves whoever she wants, gives away her fortune to whoever she wants, and runs away and WANDERS IN THE GOD-FORSAKEN MOORS for as long as she wants.  And you gotta love her for that.

(Side note: St. John Rivers is the WORST.)

 

5. Emma (2009)

Shine bright like a diamond, Emma.

Shine bright like a diamond, Emma.

 

This treasure of a miniseries stars Romola Garai, who is just a delight!  She is almost as perfect as Jonny Lee Miller as Mr. Knightley! This miniseries is tinted in mostly soft, pastel palettes, reflecting how truly light and happy Emma’s world is.  She never has to suffer from poverty or deficiency in health or anything worse than the emotional growing pains that come from maturing into a better understanding of herself and her place in the world (yes, she loses her mother when she is very young, but even she will tell you that she does not remember or feel the trauma of it).

Mr. Woodhouse looking properly wary of your cake.

Mr. Woodhouse looking properly wary of your cake.

Her father, played by Dumbledore 2.0, is wretchedly terrified that something will happen to Emma and is crazy over-protective. Like, won’t-let-her-have-cake protective, despite his physician seeing nothing wrong with having some cake at a wedding.  True, his wife died of a sudden illness or something like that, but come on, Mr. Woodhouse, no cake?

Emma’s peers are not as well-off as she and each has to deal with their own important dilemmas, most of which, Emma makes worse in some way.  I always feel bad for poor, talented, tragic Jane Fairfax, who is orphaned, brought up by rich friends, but destined to be a governess unless she can find some rich, equally tragic fool to marry her. Sigh.  But Emma’s own troubles, even the main ones driving the plot, are relatively very small, which can be a comforting world to retreat into when your own troubles are piling up around you.  And even though it is hard to determine if Emma is really worthy of the wonderful Mr. Knightley, who is wise AND dreamy, I always root for her in the end!

 

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4. Bleak House (2005)

Spoooooky!

 

Bleak House is a slightly less well-known novel by Charles Dickens.  In fact, I had not even heard of the novel until I read the description of this miniseries on Netflix a few years ago.  I watched it, LOVED IT, but have not been able bring myself to read the novel.  There is just something about Dickens novels that is so blah and samey, but this does not affect the miniseries adaptations because Bleak House is SO FUNNY despite its bleakness. It follows a group of characters all waiting for the courts to make a ruling about a certain estate that doesn’t have a single clear will guiding its disposition.  This estate is worth CRAZY MONEY – like never have to work a day in your life for a couple of generations money.  There are rumors that there might be a last will lost somewhere that would clear it all up, but until it is found the possible heirs have to wait and watch as lawyers do nothing to further their case.  I actually learned a lot about the inner workings of the 19th century British court system (sexy, I know) through Dickens’s satirical lens.

 

 

The best character in the whole show is Mr. Guppy.

TEAM GUPPY 4 LYFE

I’m Guppy and I know it. – gif by WEEDgoku420

He is tragically in love with our main heroine, Ms. Esther Summerson, whom he frequently refers to as “my angel.”  Mr. Guppy doesn’t have the class, tact, moral fiber, or even properly posh accent to woo Esther, but he does try his darndest.  Some might try to belittle his feelings of TRUE LOVE because he abandoned his courtship when he saw that Esther’s face was scarred by small pox, but he took up his quest for her hand again as soon as her scars faded tolerably well!

This story is full of twists and turns and I think its relative obscurity helped make every scandalous reveal a real surprise.  Since I had never even heard of the book, I was genuinely excited to see what happened next and was delighted that the miniseries is 8 50-minute long episodes!  YAY!

Also, Anna Maxwell Martin and Gillian Anderson (both mentioned previously in this list) are in this miniseries and they are just perfect!

If you need anymore reason to love this one, Tywin Lannister shows up pretty frequently and is surprisingly unchanged as the strategic, hard-hearted Mr. Tulkinghorn.

And using this impressive bit of lawyering on my part, we shall take the North!

And using this impressive bit of lawyering on my part, we shall take the North!

 

3. Sense and Sensibility (2008)

Guess which one the more "free-spirited one" is.

Guess which one the more “free-spirited one” is.

 

I know nothing beats Professor Snape as Colonel Brandon, but this Sense and Sensibility has it all!  Captain America’s Howard Stark as rascally Mr. Willoughby, an amazing tubby ginger kid as little Master Dashwood, Colonel Brandon’s ward and her Zoey Deschanel bangs, sword fights!, adorable Dan Stevens as Edward Ferrars before Downton Abbey, and Margaret.  Margaret is one of my favorite examples of a non-character in a book who gets an amazing character makeover and becomes the best part of the entire adaptation.  Seriously, I wish that someone would make one of those fanfic sequels based on this rendering of Margaret. (Okay, fine! I’ll do it! Haha!)  Margaret, who is only about 11, follows in the great literary footsteps of Shakespeare’s Lady Macbeth and Beatrice by wishing that she and her sisters were men because if they were men, no one would dare treat them so badly; men can go out and do things and women have to wait for things to happen to them and she is sick of it.  She hates living in a society where their home and worldly goods can be lawfully taken from them because their half-brother is easily led by his mean-spirited wife.

"I'm going to hide down here until feminism is a thing."

“I’m going to hide down here until feminism is a thing.” -Margaret

Despite her many winning qualities, Margaret is not the main character, of which the book/miniseries has two.  Elinor and Marianne are faithfully portrayed and, as in all good adaptations, they are given depth that is easier to convey in a visual medium.

Elinor is shown having an emotional break down out of sight of others because of the INNER TURMOIL she must conceal.  And you can actually watch Marianne falling for the dastardly Mr. Willoughby and you are maybe falling for the scoundrel a little, too.  The slight blue tint of the world in this series reflects the ocean – the literal one that is always just in the background ready to dominate the setting, and the figurative one that seems to separate our heroines from fulfilment and happiness and self-knowledge.

And then, there’s Anne Steel with her whole thing with London men being either “smart beaux” or “nasty preening beasts,” which is just hilarious!

"Uh oh, did I do that?" - Anne Steele

“Uh oh, did I do that?” – Anne Steele

Bonus photo of tubby little Master Dashwood!

Bonus photo of tubby little Master Dashwood!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Henry Fielding’s Tom Jones, A Foundling (1997)

It's not unusual to be loved by anyone! Oh, wrong Tom Jones.

It’s not unusual to be loved by anyone! Oh, wrong Tom Jones…

 

Tom Jones is a romping good time! – like for reals, I often feel like romping around when I watch this one. The titular hero is so full of life and mischief that I begin to feel infected by the same joie de vivre! – that is until he is hit by misfortune after misfortune with no end but a bad one in sight.  Tom is the good-natured scamp who is taken in by Squire Allworthy after he is abandoned by his mother for the perennial sin of being a bastard child.  Mr. Allworthy raises him side-by-side with his own legitimate heir/nephew/wanker, young Master Blifil (that’s right, Blifil, Fielding sure can name characters).  Tom makes some bad choices here and there, but his heart is usually in the right place, even if his pants aren’t (if you know what I mean ;D ); meanwhile, Blifil is just a low, conniving, weedling sissy-pants who does all that he can to bring Tom down in the world.  Besides Blifil, there are other antagonists you just love to hate, like Mr. Square and Rev. Thwackum, both also aptly-named.

The main female character is Sofia Western, who is fun and curious and good-natured as a child and, though she becomes hilariously spoiled as she grows up, she never changes in essentials.  She loves Tom, but doesn’t trust him to be faithful, for good reason, so she wants the best for him, but won’t commit to him – a real integrity-move for her time.  Misfortune befalls her too, as her father (the best-acted part in the show) agrees to marry her to Master Blifil (eww, gross!) and she decides to run away to relatives who might be more sympathetic living in London.

There are a lot of reasons to love this miniseries and the book from which it’s adapted – the satisfaction of seeing good people end well and bad people end poorly, the bawdy humor, every scene with the INSANE Squire Western

 

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– but I have to admit that my favorite part is the twisty turny love story filled with obstacles and uncertainties. Those are the ones I usually find the most satisfying when told in a long ( I’ve read all 1000+ pages of the novel), brilliant work of art.  Speaking of romantic works of art…

 

1. Pride and Prejudice (1995 aka “the good one”)

"The Good One"

“The Good One”

 

To be honest, I tried hard not to let P&P take the top spot.  I wanted to seem cool and a little “anti” by listing this as anything but first, but let’s be even more honest here: THAT WOULD BE AN OUTRIGHT TRAVESTY.  To put it mildly, this miniseries is an Andrew Motherloving Davies masterpiece.

I will begin with the confession that this has for years been my go-to sick day show (originally inspired by my great and often-ill delicate flower of a friend, Anne).  I’m sick, staying home, made some soup, and I snuggle in and must make the difficult decision between Disc 1 and Disc 2 of the DVD boxed set.  Disc 1 is for a long illness or for when I am feeling ambitious about staying awake through the cold/flu medicine.  Skipping to Disc 2 is for when I know I don’t have the luxury of being able to watch watch both because Disc 2 is where it all goes down: the aftermath of the proposal, the spiteful letter, meeting the new and improved Darcy, Lydia’s scandal, and the story’s wonderful resolution.  I can recite most of the show as it’s playing out on my screen (usually from “Disc 2,” and often with Anne reciting along) and I usually laugh before a funny scene has quite gotten to the funny part out of sheer anticipation.  One thing I have really enjoyed mastering from so many viewings is the ability to read into all the little twitches of Mr. Darcy’s/Colin Firth’s mouth and eyes and learning to interpret them as intense and profound emotions.  You’ll notice that, for a romantic hero, he doesn’t show a lot of outward emotion (besides the fencing and the lake diving), so you learn to read the tiniest of smiles as broad grins of unabashed joy and the almost-blank stares as heart-wrenching looks of longing, which is a lot more satisfying than you might think.

ALL THE FEELS

ALL THE FEELS

A couple of other things you notice as a frequent viewer is the myriad of extras with absurd facial hair and the adorable extra scenes, such as when the dog begins to howl along with Mary’s piano playing at the assembly in Meryton.

Another confession: even though I was for years an adamant Mrs. Darcy hopeful, I was always secretly in love with Bingley.  Yes, yes he is easily talked out of his convictions and he has a shockingly low opinion of himself, but at least he is kind and mindful of other people’s feelings and doesn’t go around insulting everyone to their face (or even behind their back probably) like some other dreamy hunks we all know and love.

Like night and day.

Like night and day.

Speaking of dreamy hunks, any form of opinion given about this miniseries is incomplete without at least a mention of the infamous wet shirt scene.

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I usually start a-swooning in Darcy’s scene before this one where he is spiritedly fencing with an older gentleman in order to repress his RAGING INNER PASSION AND ANGUISH. But I definitely hit full levels of figurative swoonage when he plunges into that lake to soothe his ACHING *SOUL (*read loins if you choose).

Okay, enough about the male leads, the real stars are the females in this one.  Elizabeth Bennet is accurately praised as being one of the greatest and most complex characters ever written.  She refuses to let her circumstances dictate everything about her life and defies the people who would see her “put in her place.”  Many people will argue that she never really had any hardship and she was just stubborn, but those people can keep their ill-formed opinions to themselves and steer clear of making a real scholarly debate with me. Anyway, Jennifer Elle is the best Elizabeth Bennet who has ever graced the screen and it is a testament to the great casting in this show that no one character is outshined by any of the others – they are a very harmonious ensemble. Jane is appropriately pretty, Mary is plain and sullen, Kitty is fairly non-descript, and Lydia has them crazy eyes. Mr. Bennet is amused by everything, Mrs. Bennet is sent into nervous fits over everything, and Mr. Collins is an oafish brown-noser who can’t stop talking about Lady Catherine de Bourgh. It’s all perfect.

The Sisters Bennet

The Sisters Bennet

2015 Goal Update: Halfway!!

It’s hard to believe we’re already halfway through 2015 already!! Time, once again, to check in on my yearly goals. Honestly, these updates are the only thing keeping me honest about them. Here we go.

1. Read one book a month I think I’ll disagree with: 50%

I had to break out of my habit of reading these in conjunction with Goal 7 because there wasn’t a lot to choose from in, say, the language section. I pretty much agree with linguists about the history of the English language, for instance. All the books this time around I got as ebooks for free, either through Amazon or Overdrive.

April: Neverland by Anna Katmore

I was pretty sure this would be terrible because Sexy YA Captain Hook

I was pretty sure this would be terrible because Sexy YA Captain Hook

What if a girl from our world was magically transported to Neverland? And Captain Hook wasn’t a sketch old dude trying to murder children, but a hot, misunderstood teen? This book wasn’t as terrible as I thought. There was some legitimate world-building there, and I remain mildly curious about the sequel. However, I was judging it leniently based on the $0 I paid for it, not the $2.99 it’ll cost you if you don’t have Prime.

May: How to Spice Up Your Marriage in 7 Days by Imogen Barnet

Okay, this book was legitimately hilarious. Most of the advice was pretty standard, basic information, like “talk to each other about what you like” and “remember to kiss sometimes.” But there were some key tips that taught me my marriage is in no way spicy.

Look deep into each others’ eyes for four full minutes. Set your phone alarm.

This is supposed to make you feel “closer” and help you bond, but it is legit just creepy.

Give gifts, even simple things like a flower, shell, or stone.

HERE STEVEN, TAKE THIS ROCK I FOUND. IS THIS MARRIAGE SPICY ENOUGH FOR YOU YET?

June: Radical by David Platt

In this book David Platt attempts to come to terms with megachurch culture in America in light of the basic Christian tenets of humility, charity, and simplicity. It was interesting to get an insider perspective on megachurches, although some of his solutions for cutting back seemed kind of pale to me. “One day a week we study the Bible instead of using our pyrotechnics.” Nice try.

2. Finish I Detonate Around Him: 100%

WHATTTTTTT! Finished!

Ugh, then just a month after my last post, ELJames released a terrible side book from Christian’s POV, so now I’m doing that too. But I’m still counting it as done.

3. Visit Every Restaurant on my Restaurants To Visit List: 74%

The best one I’ve been to since last update is Battistella’s, an awesome Cajun restaurant in downtown Raleigh! Definitely worth the drive!

4. Review at least 1 thing online a month: 50%

I’m also proud to say that I’ve finally given a place less than 5 stars!! The Cary Cafe near me got 4 stars (because they are sometimes too crowded to find a seat, and their hours can be weird), the Neverland book (see above) got 2 stars, and Rick Moonen’s RM Seafood got 3 stars. I know that seems weird after the awesomeness that is the ice cream dessert, but unless you are going specifically for that, I would definitely not go back.

rmseafood

5. Plaid Pladd Blog: One guest post per month: 42%

In April, Melissa wrote some craft tutorials, in May my voice-twin Anna taught me how to make the best soup, and before the end of June, Alana should have an amazing guest post up! Then this will jump to 50%

6. Knit a sweater: 70%

I haven’t done too much since the last time we talked. I now have a front, a back, and a sleeve. I’ve been putting off doing the other sleeve because ugggh I already did that once, so boring, and then there’s sewing it together and blocking. But I don’t really have motivation to do it in the 100 degree weather.

7. Get hella into a different Dewey Decimal Class every month: 50%

This is definitely the goal that’s suffered the most when I get busy, but I have managed to read some cool science books this month, particularly children’s ones. Plus, I didn’t quantify what “hella into” means, so I can still count it. It’s all about leaving yourself outs.

Total: 62%

Woooo ahead of schedule for once!!

Questions I Have About Jurassic World

I saw Jurassic World this weekend, and it was really fun! However, after leaving the theater and thinking about it more, I still have a few questions. Like:

If they are in Costa Rica, how come all of the workers are white?

Jurassic World is set on the same island as Jurassic Park, reached by ferry or helicopter from Costa Rica.

A Three Hour Tour

A Three Hour Tour

Despite this, I didn’t notice anyone in the film who could potentially be Costa Rican. Okay, the park is hella expensive, so maybe they wouldn’t be visitors, but what about the workers? Who is working at these concession stands? Driving these ferries? Flying these helicopters? Working security detail?

The one menial worker who has a speaking part is a bored, white teenager operating one of the rides. This raises so many questions. Where does this 16-year-old live?? He can’t just take the ferry home at night to his parents’ basement. He’s not some fancy intern because he clearly hates his life and is making minimum wage. Why is Jurassic World importing unskilled labor from the US when Costa Rica is right there?

Why is this movie sucking on the lady-character front when compared to its 22-year-old predecessor?

There were two main lady characters in the original Jurassic Park:

I nicknamed them "sciencey" and "screamy"

I nicknamed them “sciencey” and “screamy”

Some of their characterization may have been a little annoying, but they were both valuable members of the team. Dr. Sattler was a paleobotanist who dug through dinosaur poop to figure out what the deal was with these mutating dinosaurs, and also outran some velociraptors to turn the power back on. Lex was a teen hacker who got the door locks working again. Their badassness is even addressed when elderly park creator Hammond tells Dr. Sattler that “It should be me” loading up on guns to go traverse the dangerous, raptor-infested electric station because he’s a dude, and Dr. Sattler just scoffs and pushes past him, because shut up. Pretty good for 1993!

On the other hand, here in 2015, we seem to have gone backwards, because all we really have is:

Yeah, she wears that dress and heels the whole time

Yeah, she wears that dress and heels the whole time

Claire is in charge of park operations and basically needs Chris Pratt’s help for most of the movie. Which is okay–not everyone can be a badass–but when it’s your only main female character it says a lot about what the creators’ think is a woman’s role.

Ellie and Muldoon know better

Ellie and Muldoon know better

If you are just going to make a fake dinosaur, why not make a dragon?

The main plot point of this move is that the scientists have taken genetics too far and have just created a new dinosaur to draw bigger crowds. To the non-dinosaur-obsessed, it looks kind of like the T-Rex I would draw from memory:

If you told me this was a T-Rex, I'd believe you

If you told me this was a T-Rex, I’d believe you

But oh it’s ~way scarier~ than a T-Rex and will totally bring in more ticket sales, but… If you’re going to just make shit up, why not make something even cooler? Like a dragon?? Hire me for your focus group, InGen.

How are these people breathing?

HOW?

HOW?

This gyroscope bubble thing is supposed to be unbreakable and completely safe from the dinosaurs on the outside, but how does air get in? Also, why build a ride the passengers can completely control and then just trust them NOT to roll right into restricted areas, as Plucky Kid Protagonists immediately do?

Why is park security so incompetent?

Did you learn nothing from the last three movies?

Did you learn nothing from the last three movies?

At a park filled with dinosaurs whose acknowledged past is littered with corpses and dinosaur escapes, WHY ARE THEY NOT BETTER PREPARED FOR DINOSAUR ESCAPE?

You are literally useless

You are literally useless

Did you really think this glass dome was enough?

Jurassic World also boasts a swarm of flying death dinosaurs, housed in “the aviary”, which is a big glass dome that apparently can’t survive things hitting it.

Just GUESS what happens

Just GUESS what happens

Is this park really built to sustain that many visitors even in a non-emergency?

This park even on a normal day looks more crowded than Harry Potter World:

And they don't even have butter beer

And they don’t even have butter beer

But Harry Potter World stops letting people in once they get to capacity. Does Costa Rica not have fire codes? I feel like all it would take is a rain storm or a particularly good sale and people would be dead from trampling.

Is Chris Pratt REALLY that much better at raptors than Muldoon?

Apparently Chris Pratt “bonds with the raptors” from eggs or some bullshit so they still kind of want to eat him but mostly don’t try to (mostly).

Raptor expert

Raptor expert

Which is such a posthumous slap in the face to Muldoon.

Chris Pratt DOESN'T EVEN HAVE SHORTS

Chris Pratt DOESN’T EVEN HAVE SHORTS

Muldoon knew those raptors were clever girls too, but they still bit his arm off and lovingly nestled it in a bunch of wires to freak out Ellie. That’s how raptors roll.

How did you out run a TRex in heels?

HOW HOW HOW

HOW HOW HOW

What is even InGen’s business model?

How are they still solvent?

How are they still solvent?

It seems like they’ve had one PR disaster after another. Plus, they seem to only hire mad scientists and wannabe supervillains, which can’t be good for office culture.

Why did they build a theme park on the island, but leave the original Jurassic Park building to rot?

While running from the hybrid dino, the Two Kid Protagonists stumble into the remains of the original Jurassic Park Visitor center

Complete with decaying banner

Complete with decaying banner

It even still has the original jeeps that they can fix up and use to escape. Why did the park designers just leave those ruins there to rot in the jungle?

How is Chris Pratt so hot?

HOW?????

HOW?????

Where is Sam Neil?

You'll always be chief paleontologist OF MY HEART

You’ll always be chief paleontologist OF MY HEART

Birthday Week Part 5: ICE CREAM CHALLENGE

I saw this on the Travel Channel once and I was PUMPED to experience it in person. At Rick Moonen’s RM Seafood in Mandalay Bay they give you sixteen little tastes of different ice cream flavors, and you have to guess what they are. It’s way hard, y’all. Some of them are normal ice cream flavors, but a lot of them definitely are not. Plus, it’s really hard to identify taste when you don’t have other clues like texture, especially when it’s not something you’re used to encountering in ice cream. Has anyone ever gotten all of them? I doubt it.

Ready!

Ready!

They give you one freebie

They give you one freebie

Here's a close-up for reference

Here’s a close-up for reference

Starting at the top right: This one was vanilla bean. That’s the one they gave us.

Moving one left: This one bothered Steven. “I KNOW THIS FROM MY CHILDHOOD” he whined. He forced us to come back to it multiple times.
Our final answer: Rambutan
Real answer: Passion fruit. Steven overthinks everything.

Moving one left: This one was DEFINITELY some kind of nut, we were sure. But it had a lighter taste than most nut ice creams so we couldn’t decide what kind. I eventually let Steven fill in his crazy theory.
Our final answer: Gincko Nut
Real answer: Butternut squash. After knowing the answer and tasting it again, I was like “Oh yeah, that is totes butternut squash.” But it was hard to identify that flavor from the void.

Far left corner: “Nutella!” I said immediately. It had that distinctive chocolate hazelnut taste.
Our final answer: Chocolate Hazelnut
Real answer: Nutella

Moving one down: This one was chocolate but with a definite kick at the end.
Our answer: Dark chocolate and cayenne
Real answer:Togarashi Chocolate. Apparently this is a specific kind of Japanese pepper.

Moving one right: Cinnamon!!!! Clearly cinnamon!! For once there was consensus
Our answer: Cinnamon
Real answer: Cinnamon

Moving one right: We both agreed this one was butter pecan. It was especially buttery.
Our answer: Butter pecan.
Real answer: Coconut. This may seem like a weird confusion on our part, but I can see how both these flavors bring nutty and creamy elements that could be confused when you’re going in blind.

Moving one right: This one had little squishy things in it, which was the first clue.
Our answer: Rum raisin
Real answer: Rum raisin

Moving one down: Clearly raspberry! It punches you in the face with raspberry!
Our answer: Raspberry
Real answer: Raspberry Mint. You have to look for the subtle flavor underneath the pungent raspberry flavor, apparently.

Moving one left: This was way weird in both taste and consistency. I didn’t really like it, and had a hard time identifying it.
Our answer: Cheese
Real answer: Benedictine. This is some kind of herbal liqueur which I’ve never tasted.

Moving one left: This one was really strawberry to me. Steven insisted it was strawberry cheesecake, which I didn’t get from it at all, but I let him write what he wanted.
Our answer: Strawberry cheesecake
Real answer: Strawberry tarragon. Turns out Steven was right about there being some other taste in there, he was just wrong about what it was.

Moving one left: Mango! This one reminded me of my favorite Locopops flavor.
Our answer: Mango
Real answer: Mango Thai Chili. I should have remembered those popsickles are mango chili flavored. But the Thai part would have probably eluded us anyway.

Moving one down: This one pretty much tasted like nothing. Like plain ice cream, if that were a thing.
Our answer: Sweet cream
Real answer: Taro root. I’m surprised I didn’t get this one, because I’ve definitely had taro root tea and smoothies before. Those were always pretty strong with the taro root taste, and this was much lighter and more refreshing.

Moving one right: “Some kind of flower” I said immediately. But we argued about which. It wasn’t rose. It wasn’t lilac. Thus exhausting the only two flower ice creams I’ve ever tasted.
Our answer: Honeysuckle
Real answer: Lavender

Moving one right: Coffee!!!
Our answer: Coffee
Real answer: Coffee! Finally an easy one

Close right corner: This one was definitely chocolate. The richest chocolate ever.
Our answer: Belgian chocolate
Real answer: Chocolate

Even though we got a lot of them wrong, it was really fun to play! I would definitely do this again! Especially since the flavors change all the time. It’s interesting to see how much texture and visuals play into what things taste like when you don’t have those cues to rely on.

Yay!

Yay!

Previously: Fancy Food!
Next: Goodbye Vegas

Birthday Week Part 4: Fancy Food

I feel like all I did in Las Vegas was eat. I’m not complaining. Here’s our fancy birthday dinner in Bouchon, Thomas Keller’s French restaurant inside the Venetian.

This is what I got!! Excellent choice

This is what I got!! Excellent choice

It’s gnudi, which I thought would be like gnocchi, but SURPRISE it is even more delicious. Those are little bundles of pasta joy, filled with cheese and probably some other things, lovingly wrapped in a beautiful mushroom butter sauce.

This is Steven's

This is Steven’s

It was the pasta of the day! I forget what was in it because I was too busy concentrating on mine.

Also, dessert!!

YES BIRTHDAY BROWNIES

YES BIRTHDAY BROWNIES

BIRTHDAY STRAWBERRY SUNDAE!

BIRTHDAY STRAWBERRY SUNDAE!

We also had fancy tea at the Mandarin Oriental. I could try to describe to you what you’re looking at here, but I would fail:

Points for presentation

Points for presentation

The cone thing was a curry chicken salad with an Asian pear ball on top in some kind of sesame cone. It was kind of pretentious, but also delicious.

The desserts though

The desserts though

Oh yes. Give me all of this again.

Fancy Steven approves

Fancy Steven approves

"We're just going to have a snack"

“We’re just going to have a snack”

Just a snack

Just a snack

Next: ICE CREAM TASTING CHALLENGE
Previously: Cooking Class

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