Archive for May, 2015

How to Soup

Hi everybody! Patricia Ladd’s one-time favorite Wiess freshman here, ready to teach you a thing or two about making soup. Of course you want to make soup. It’s filling, inexpensive, and delicious. If you don’t cook much but want to get comfortable in the kitchen, the soup pot is a forgiving teacher. Also, even though making soup takes a few hours, most of that time is hands-off.

1. Stock

You can make perfectly good soup with water, but making stock is easy and using it gives soup a deeper, fuller flavor. Bones and gristle from meat and scraps from most vegetables have lots of flavor to offer, so hold onto them as you cook! Collect these treasures, along with vegetables that are starting to look iffy, in something airtight in your freezer, like a big Ziploc bag or Tupperware container.

Start with: onion, celery, and carrot form a trio called “Mirepoix” that acts as the backbone of vegetable stock. You should probably also use a bay leaf and peppercorns (or black pepper), but if you’re missing any of this stuff, don’t let it stop you from making stock.

  • Throw in: whatever vegetables going into your soup have a home in your stock. Garlic, lentils, corn cobs, pepper cores, zucchini and squash tips, parsley stems, potato skins, tomato cores, mushroom stems, bean tips, apple cores, and green onion ends are all great choices. My secret ingredient is the top inch of a jalapeño, which gives the whole pot a satisfying kick.
  • Go easy on the: celery and Brassica vegetables (cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts) will dominate the flavor if you’re not careful. One stalk’s worth of celery is plenty. Any of the other ingredients should fit in the palm of your hand. My cookbooks are split on whether eggplant lends a meaty or bitter flavor to stock. You decide!
  • Avoid: citrus rind, banana peels, spinach, anything downright rotten, beets unless you’re ok with deeply dyed soup.

I use whatever has filled my ziploc bag, with little regard to the soup’s ingredients. And my soup is great. Don’t sweat it.

Dump at least 4 cups of scraps into a pot, cover with water, add a pinch of salt, and bring to simmer. If you’re using animal parts and you’re not in a hurry, give them a few hours’ head start. The vegetables should simmer for about an hour and a half. Strain out the solids, and you have yourself a pot of stock. Nice!

2. Stuff

Maybe you’re cooking from a recipe, and if so follow it and be strong. If, however, you fancy yourself a renegade, you should try making up a soup as you go. Shoot for variety in ingredients, and don’t be shy. Do pay attention to each ingredient’s cooking times, giving denser or larger pieces a head start.

  • Meat: if you eat it, adding chunks of meat takes you halfway to a decent soup
  • Aromatics: onion, celery, carrot, garlic, bell pepper
  • Starch: chunky pasta, root vegetables (potato, turnip, parsnip, beet if you’re ok with deeply dyed soup), pumpkin, butternut squash, hominy
  • Texture: beans, corn, zucchini, mushroom, peas, summer squash, cabbage
  • Acid: tomato, tomatillo, lemon juice. If you’re using a lot of acidic ingredients and the soup tastes funny, try adding sugar.
  • Spice: parsley, rosemary, sage, basil, thyme, oregano, marjoram

Soups cook best right at a simmer, and heavy-bottomed pots make hitting this sweet spot a breeze. But any big pot can make soup. Check in periodically to prevent overcooking, but if the soup gets away from you just run it all through the blender.

3. Finishing touch

If you want to take your soup to the next level,

  • Purée some or all of it. Run some or all of your soup through a blender or food processor for a full-bodied broth or totally smooth soup, respectively. Purée in small batches and take care to avoid steam burns.
  • Swirl a spoonful plain yogurt into each bowl without stirring it in all the way, if the soup is already somewhat thick.
  • Top with crackers, cheese, pumpkin seeds, or chives.

That’s all there is to it! Enjoy your soup. If it came out lackluster, try adding a little salt. If that doesn’t help, serve it in a bread boulle. Everything tastes good in a bread boulle.

 

Birthday Week Part 3: Bellagio Cooking Class

As a birthday present to Steven, I got us a cooking class in Las Vegas at the Bellagio hotel!! They do it once a month, taught by the executive chef and his culinary team. It was really cool, and felt like being on a reality tv show!

Complete with other people to set up your station for you, just like on tv

Complete with other people to set up your station for you, just like on tv

First was the salad course, where we got some professional chopping lessons down, as well as how to cook couscous quick, make a yogurt dressing, and artfully arrange everything:

Steven's artfully arranged salad

Steven’s artfully arranged salad

Then we learned how to tie and roast a whole chicken!! We didn’t do that part individually, though we did get to eat it:

Hello, beautiful chicken

Hello, beautiful chicken

We got back into it for the dessert course, a passionfruit mousse. Here’s a look at Steven and my station:

Sadly we did not make the actual mousse

Sadly we did not make the actual mousse

We did make a fancy sauce for it, though, and artfully decorated with chocolate curls and piped cream.

A dessert work of art!

A dessert work of art!

My priorities were more about getting as much chocolate as possible on there

My priorities were more about getting as much chocolate as possible on there

We met some really cool people in the class, including Las Vegas locals and a guy vacationing from Brazil! It was my favorite thing we did on this trip, so I would definitely recommend it!

Yay!!!

Yay!!!

Next: Birthday Week Part 4: Fancy food
Previously: Birthday Week Part 2: Selfies

Birthday Week Part 2: Las Vegas Selfies

Last time we went on a trip I decided to document the journey in selies, mainly because it involved staying up for 20+ hours and I wanted to watch my face deteriorate into a rictus of tiredness. This trip was no different!! So here it is. Las Vegas: A Tale Told in Selfies!

Waiting for the airport shuttle!! So pumped!

Waiting for the airport shuttle!! So pumped!

Those were the last real trees we would see for five days.

On the plane!!

On the plane!!

Look at this fancy hotel!

Look at this fancy hotel!

It is JUST LIKE being in Venice!

It is JUST LIKE being in Venice!

Just as expensive and smoky as real Italy!

Just as expensive and smoky as real Italy!

Paris!!!!

Paris!!!!

The bottom is full of people trying to push sketchy things on you, just like the real Eiffel Tower! Vegas is committed to authenticity.

Right before becoming MASTER CHEFS at the Bellagio cooking class

Right before becoming MASTER CHEFS at the Bellagio cooking class

OMG about to go up in the world's tallest ferris wheel!

OMG about to go up in the world’s tallest ferris wheel!

550ft above Las Vegas!

550ft above Las Vegas!

Steven attempting to take a selfie

Steven attempting to take a selfie

Dressed fancy to go out to eat!

Dressed fancy to go out to eat!

Plane ride home

Plane ride home

More non-selfie photos to come.

Previously: Birthday Week Part 1: Steven’s Mohawk
Next: Birthday Week Part 3

Birthday Week Part 1: Steven gets a mohawk and I get a job

As you know, Steven and I were born two years and one day apart. Meaning that our relationship faces the trying hurtle of back to back birthdays. It’s really hard not having everything be all about me around my birthday, but SOMEHOW I persevere. This year was especially dramatic because Steven turned 30. And went through some kind of crisis of hair:

The sides of his head can feel the breeze for the first time since infancy

The sides of his head can feel the breeze for the first time since infancy

However, mohawk styling–or really, any styling–isn’t an inborn skill. It’s taken lots of practice.

Steven owns way more haircare products than me

Steven owns way more haircare products than me

He actually owned more haircare products than me before this too.

Plus, who do you think takes the longest to get ready now?

Plus, who do you think takes the longest to get ready now?

Again, it was actually always him.

Isn't perfection worth it, though?

Isn’t perfection worth it, though?

BEAUTY TAKES TIME

BEAUTY TAKES TIME

He also had a concert two days before his birthday, the perfect occasion to debut an awesome new hair:

Concert master style

Concert master style

I also noticed him getting a lot more compliments from people in the audience during intermission and after, maybe because he stands out way more now.

He just wants attention

He just wants attention

For Steven’s birthday lunch, we went to Lucky 32!!

First lunch as a 30-year-old!!!

First lunch as a 30-year-old!!!

They had strawberry shortcake for dessert!

So old. So mature.

So old. So mature.

As for me, I got a new job at the library! Exciting birthday present from Wake County!!!

Twice the swag

Twice the swag

Next: Birthday Week Part 2: Las Vegas

Hate Book Club: The Natural

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Hate Book Club is, of course, where Brian and I read books we think we’ll hate. This time we had to recommend a book we thought the other one would hate. For him, I chose Daughter of the Blood by Anne Bishop, the weirdest erotic fantasy novel I’ve ever read. I’m so excited to read his review of it!!

For me, Brian chose The Natural by Bernard Malamud. It didn’t take me long to see why he thought I would hate it. It’s hella boring and also all about baseball, America’s Most Boring Pastime.

Even the cover is boring

Even the cover is boring

As always, I have to start my review by thinking of three good things to say, and they are:
1) It was really easy to skim the descriptions of the games because they hardly factored into the “plot” at all so I wasn’t exposed to as much baseball as I feared
2) This book actually made me like baseball more, because even watching it is less boring than reading about it.
3) It may have been painful to read at the time, but, unlike other horrible books, it quickly left my system. I’m writing this 2 months after starting this review (Brian reads slow), and I haven’t really retained much about the plot. In fact:

naturalchart

Luckily, I kept copious notes.

Here is the deal: Roy Hobbs is going to be the best baseball player ever, but before he can try out for the Cubs, a serial killer who specializes in murdering talented baseball players shoots him in the stomach. MANY YEARS LATER Roy is signed as a rookie to play on the Knights. Everyone makes fun of him because he’s so old, but when he uses his magical bat that he made himself (named “Wonderboy” because Bernard Malamud is imaginative), he is the best hitter ever so soon they shut up. All except Bump, the former best player on the team, who continually plays tricks on him. Like the time he randomly switched rooms with him for the night, causing his girlfriend Memo to sleep with Roy instead?? Hilarious.

Anyway, Bump runs into a wall and dies. Roy attempts to force himself on Memo repeatedly. He also meets a woman named Iris Lemon and goes on a weird date to the middle of nowhere with her where they swim in a lake and then build a fire like boyscouts. Iris confesses that she has an illegitimate child. He’s like “Well, you’re hot and clearly slutty, so let’s do this.” Then, in the middle of the sex:

But while he was in the middle of loving her she spoke: “I forgot to tell you I am a grandmother.”
He stopped. Holy Jesus.
Then she remembered something else and tried, in fright, to raise herself.
“Roy, are you–”
But he shoved her back and went on from where he had left off. (157)

Roy can’t get over that Iris is a grandmother, so he blows her off thereafter and continues pursuing Memo despite the fact that she doesn’t seem to like him. Then, a few day before THE BIG GAME, he has some kind of stomach attack and ends up in the hospital. The doctor is all “You should never play baseball again. You’re too old and it apparently makes your body explode.” But Roy just HAS to play in the BIG GAME. Memo arrives and explains that they can’t be together because he’s too old to make enough money at baseball to keep her in style:

“Maybe I am weak or spoiled, but I am the type who has to have somebody who can support her in a decent way. I’m sick of living like a slave. I got to have a house of my own, a maid to help me with the hard work, a decent car to shop with and a fur coat for winter time when it’s cold.” (193)

UNLESS he takes this deal that the team owner and the city’s biggest bookie have cooked up to make money. But can Roy really throw the big game??? It turns out, yes, although he has a change of heart near the end and starts trying for real real. Unfortunately, it’s too late and the Knights lose. Everyone is disappointed. Roy beats up the team owner, the bookie, and Memo and leaves a broken man.

Also, in the middle of the game he hits a ball into the stand that smashes Iris Lemon IN THE FACE. She dramatically reveals she’s pregnant with his child before the ambulance takes her away. He realizes TOO LATE that he doesn’t care about her past and that she is way less sketchy the Memo. BUT IS SHE? Apparently she is mainly attracted to Roy due to his resemblance to her rapist:

How like the one who jumped me in the park that night he looks, she thought, and to drive the thought away pressed his head deeper into her breasts, thinking, this will be different. (219)

On the other hand, this is Memo’s (and Bernard Malamud’s??) idea of the best way to sexily wait for your BF:

She was lying naked in bed, chewing a turkey drumstick as she looked at the pictures in a large scrapbook. (184)

Either way, Roy is a horrible person who doesn’t care about either of them. When he’s not trying to wheedle sex out of Memo in the sketchiest way possible:

“For Christ sakes, Memo, I am a grown guy and not a kid. When are you gonna be nice to me?”
“I am, Roy.”
“Not the way I want it.” (175)

Here he is trying to get over the fact that Iris is a grandmother. A HOT grandmother, but still.

To do her justice he concentrated on her good looks and the pleasures of her body but when her kid’s kid came to mind, despite grandma’s age of only thirty-three, that was asking too much and spoiled the appetizing part of her. (159)

Beside the terrible characters, the other horrible parts of this book included the vaguely dirty feeling Bernard Malamud’s attempts at writing gave me:

He felt a splurge of freedom at the view (3)

And the way everyone in this book is unreasonably obsessed with baseball:

“The ballplayers.”
“Oh, the ball–” Eddie clapped a hand to his mouth. “Are you one of them?”
“I hope to be.”
The porter bowed low. “My hero. Let me kiss your hand.” (5)

I guess this book was first published in 1952 when maybe baseball was a big deal and not just the acknowledged most boring sport in the entire world. It was a simpler time before the Internet, with simple past times. At least in this book I could skim the play-by-plays of Roy’s games, so it has that to be said for it. So in the end this book is slightly LESS boring than an actual baseball game, although I don’t know what kind of twisted deal-with-the-boring-devil would ever have you choosing between the two.

In the end, I would sum up my reaction to this book thusly:

boringgif

Don’t forget to read Brian’s review!

Previously: The Overton Window by Glenn Beck

James and Alana’s Wedding!!! A Tale Told in Selfies

Last weekend I officiated a wedding!!! That is a for real thing I can do.

Behold

Behold

It was a long weekend involving flying to Austin, epic laser tag, and not sleeping very much. I decided to capture the progression in selfie form:

On the first plane, at 6am!!!

On the first plane, at 6am!!!

You can tell that we are both excited, though a little sleepy.

Waiting for my brother to eat lunch with us

Waiting for my brother to eat lunch with us

At this point I had already been awake for upwards of seven hours without eating anything besides plane pretzels. I nearly took a nap on the sidewalk and told Steven to go on without me.

Waiting to go to the rehearsal dinner

Waiting to go to the rehearsal dinner

At this point I had eaten lunch and had a one hour nap. READY TO GO AGAIN!

At laser tag, after laser tag

At laser tag, after laser tag

This laser tag place was the most hardcore one I’ve ever seen with three stories of structures to climb and hide behind. Steven would go on to complain for the rest of the weekend about how badly his knees hurt from dramatically throwing himself to the ground to avoid being shot by a ten-year-old. Still, it’s not a bachelor party unless you come out of it sore, right?

OH MY GOD I AM ABOUT TO MARRY SOME PEOPLE

OH MY GOD I AM ABOUT TO MARRY SOME PEOPLE

Aw yeah, just married some people.

Aw yeah, just married some people.

THE POWER IS VESTED IN ME!

It was awesome!

It was awesome!

But Steven actually managed to take some pictures of things besides my giant splotchy face, so:

This is at the rehearsal

This is at the rehearsal

Did I mention there was a flower dog?

Steven loved taking pictures of the flower dog

Steven loved taking pictures of the flower dog


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