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Challenged Books: Scary Stories Series

April 26th, 2013 by pladd

I was both happy and a little nervous to see the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark Series on the 2012 Banned and Challenged Book list, because it meant I would have to revisit my childhood fear. These books are probably the reason I didn’t get a full night’s sleep for most of 1994.

Damn you, Alvin Schwartz!

But let’s be real, most of the credit for this goes to Stephen Gammell, who filled these books with drawings like this:

This was the exact moment my innocence died

Oh my god were these books terrifying. Which of course meant that no one I knew could stop reading them. To be fair, not all of them end in grizzly ghost-death.

Sometimes there are also spiders.

Yeah, these are definitely not appropriate for every kid (or every adult). Luckily there are plenty less-soul-scarring books in the library for them to read. Eventually, though, everyone has to confront their fears, and I reread all three of these books, turning the pages with trepidation at what might be waiting for me.

BOO!

I realize now that the stories aren’t really that bad. A lot of times the protagonists live after something vaguely spooky or unsettling happens to them. Really in a lot of cases the pants-wetting terror of the illustrations seems a little over-the-top compared to the words. It makes me wonder how these books would do if Stephen Gammell’s mad genius was taken out. Probably they would never be challenged… but also a lot fewer kids would want to read them.

Previously: Challenged Books: The Ones I’ve Already Read
Next: Captain Underpants!

Tagged: banned books, books, challenged books, childhood fears, scary stories

Posted in Banned Books |

Challenged Books: The Ones I’ve Read Already

April 25th, 2013 by pladd

So every year I try to read everything on the Banned and Challenged Books list when the ALA puts it out. My dream is that one year the list will come out and I’ll have read every book on there already. This year I’m at 60%, so it’s not impossible. I’m going to be reading the four I never have and doing a breakdown as usual, but first I thought I’d cover the ones I have read.

2) The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian by Sherman Alexie

This book is really funny, and also really sweet and meaningful at the same time. It’s full of cool drawings since the main character is a budding artist, but I’m not very familiar with those because I listened to the audiobook which was the best audiobook ever. It’s read by the author, and basically like he’s having a casual, semi-autobiographical conversation with you about what life on the reservation is like and how much people suck sometimes and how cool people are other times. I guess if I think hard about it I can remember some parts that had violence and sexuality which maybe someone might find objectionable, but it’s silly to judge a book based on small incidents taken out of context. This story is about so much more than that, and it’s real and beautiful and amazing. I’ve asked three separate librarians if they have any audiobook recommendations for me and all three, separately, immediately suggested this one. It made me kind of sad that I’ve already listened to it and that pleasure is behind me.

3) Thirteen Reasons Why

Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

Another amazing audiobook!! It’s weird that my two favorite audiobooks ever are both on this list right next to each other. This story isn’t for everyone: it’s sad and real, but also beautifully written (and performed) and a clever premise. It’s about a boy who gets a package in the mail of 13 cassette tapes, recorded by a classmate who has recently committed suicide. Over the tapes she explains how she came to that point, and each tape is devoted to a specific person or incident. The narration alternates between what she says on the tapes to what the boy listening to them is thinking and doing, and if you get the audiobook there are two different voice actors reading these parts, so it really seems like a conversation sometimes. It’s powerful, listening to it like that, and sad. Just like how people are driven to commit suicide in reality. Taking away the book won’t take away that.

4) Fifty Shades of Grey

You know I’ve got this one down

Yeah, I feel you, book challengers. I would be happy if no one ever read this book again based on its terrible, terrible writing, plot, characters, gender roles, themes, and the way it has somehow made bad fanfiction less shameful. If only ELJames could slither back into the bowels of the Internet from whence she came! But, as long as she’s out here in the sunlight with the rest of us, we might as well have fun laughing at how terrible this is. Occasionally with Phineas and Ferb guest appearances because I can’t help myself.

5) And Tango Makes Three

And Tango Makes Three by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson

A children’s book based on the true story of two male penguins raising an egg/chick together. Come on, guys, if we’re going to be offended by children’s penguins, I direct your attention to this terrible 90s monstrosity. I’m not offended by it because of it’s depressing girl-as-commodity gender roles, but because its anthropomorphic animated penguins are terrifying. Speaking of terrifying…

8) Scary Stories to Read in the Dark Series by Alvin Schwartz

We’ll talk about this nightmare tomorrow

10) Beloved

Beloved by Toni Morrison

Yeah, book challengers, you’re right. It’s too bad slavery has to be such violent and explicit subject matter. But then, I could just make that sentence “It’s too bad slavery has to be”. I read this book in 12th grade English and found it really, really creepy, mixed with the usual tinge of annoyance that comes with reading something and writing too many essays about it. I don’t know what would happen if I read it again just to read it. Probably reincarnated murdered babies is still unsettling, though. As it should be.

Previously: 2012 List
Next: Stephen Gammell still haunts my nightmares, but I forgive him

Tagged: banned books, books, challenged books

Posted in Banned Books |

Banned and Challenged Book List: 2012

April 22nd, 2013 by pladd

I know it’s not Banned Books Week yet, but last week was National Library Week and the ALA put out their list of the most frequently challenged books of 2012! Apparently there was a 25% jump in challenges last year, largely because the ALA has made reporting a challenge easier. As always when such lists come out, I automatically put any titles I haven’t read on my library hold list. I am pumped to read some Captain Underpants!

Here’s the list! I’ve bolded the ones I’ve already read.

1) Captain Underpants (series), by Dav Pilkey.
Reasons: Offensive language, unsuited for age group
2) The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, by Sherman Alexie.
Reasons: Offensive language, racism, sexually explicit, unsuited for age group
3) Thirteen Reasons Why, by Jay Asher.
Reasons: Drugs/alcohol/smoking, sexually explicit, suicide, unsuited for age group
4) Fifty Shades of Grey, by E. L. James.
Reasons: Offensive language, sexually explicit
5) And Tango Makes Three, by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson.
Reasons: Homosexuality, unsuited for age group
6) The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini.
Reasons: Homosexuality, offensive language, religious viewpoint, sexually explicit
7) Looking for Alaska, by John Green.
Reasons: Offensive language, sexually explicit, unsuited for age group
8) Scary Stories (series), by Alvin Schwartz
Reasons: Unsuited for age group, violence
9) The Glass Castle, by Jeanette Walls
Reasons: Offensive language, sexually explicit
10) Beloved, by Toni Morrison
Reasons: Sexually explicit, religious viewpoint, violence

Get ready for some awesome reviews!! And for me to decide which Scary Stories to Tell In the Dark picture gives me the worst nightmares still because you know that’s going to happen and that is why they are awesome.

Tagged: ALA, banned books, lists

Posted in Banned Books |

Sam Neill Wrap Up!

April 16th, 2013 by pladd

So it’s time we for us to say goodbye to my longest running, and certainly most time consuming project to date: The Sam Neill Marathon. It may have started through a combination of boredom and coincidence, but I think we’ve all learned something along the way. Probably something about crocodiles or Australia. At least I hope you’ve learned who Sam Neill is. If not, here’s a visual:

The Revengers' Comedies — The Revengers’ Comedies

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole — Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole

I spent more than 136 hours watching as much of Sam Neill’s complete filmography as I could get my hands on through Netflix and Amazon, and it was pretty awesome. To celebrate, Steven and I went to see Jurassic Park 3D in IMAX the night it opened. It was the first time I’d ever seen a Sam Neill movie in theaters, so it was pretty exciting!

What do you do with YOUR ticket stubs?

I’d forgotten both the long parts of the movie that were just talking and not dinosaur attacks, and also that Sam Neill totally got upstaged by Muldoon’s shorts. Still, the perfect way to end this project!

And now, for the awards:

My #1 Sam Neill Title: The Dish

Seriously, I love this movie

I almost picked Jurassic Park because, come on, it’s Jurassic Park, but this movie is too adorable and inspiring to pass up. It may not have dinosaurs, but it does have space.

And science shorts!

It’s not available on Netflix Instant, but it is on Amazon Instant to rent for $3 if you feel like having a good time and feeling hope for humanity.

#1 Sam Neill Title You Can Watch On Netflix Instant Right Now: To the Ends of the Earth

It’s a 3 episode mini-series that you will like more than you thought

Because aside from a hilarious grumpy Sam Neill, a young Benedict Cumberbatch is the main character. Remember when I wrote this review not knowing who he was because Sherlock hadn’t become the biggest deal ever yet? Basically the primitive dark ages of entertainment, but this seafaring adventure consoled me. Get ready for lots of death, danger, and casual opium use (what? how else are you going to fight off 19th-century sea sicknes?); basically it’s Masterpiece Theater with a budget and the scandalous parts left in.

And Sam Neill looks like this the whole time, you’ll love it

Weirdest Sam Neill Movie: Perfect Strangers

It’s a romantic comedy! Where the guy is a corpse/hallucination!

It’s possible that this only wins because the description on Netflix made it sound like a normal romcom, totally neglecting to mention the random and unexplained kidnapping, murder, and hallucinating crazy times.

Best Movie Where Sam Neill is Crazy: In the Mouth of Madness

Sam Neill goes crazy fighting horror puppets after realizing he’s a fictional character

I can’t tell if this movie is meant to be horror or not, but regardless, it’s not scary at all, since all of the monsters are hilarious puppets.

My Favorite Sam Neill: Choppy McAxeFace

You probably knew this was coming

Possibly because the rest of this movie was kind of boring, but hey

Steven’s Top 3 Sam Neills

Steven has only seen 24 of these, or about 38%. He only willingly watched movies when he had some reason to suspect they might be good (or hilariously bad re:Merlin II), meaning he never saw 168 minutes of Montana scenery or the invisible antics of Chevy Chase. Therefore, I would say his opinions are way less informed than mine, but here are his top three Sam Neills:

1. Jurassic Park

Because dinosaurs and kickassness

2. Restoration

Hair! Puppies! King Charles II!

Steven couldn’t get over King Charles!Sam’s pack of adorable puppies that precede him everywhere. To be fair, neither could I.

3. The Tudors

He just wants your love. And to rule England.

Maybe I’ll write more updates in the future as new Sam Neill movies come out, but for now this marathon is at an end!

Previously: The Last Update
Next: Hunt for the Wilderpeople!!!

Tagged: awards, jurassic park, sam neill, the end

Posted in Project Series, Sam Neill Marathon |

2013 Plans: Just Checking In To Remind You You’re Terrible

April 12th, 2013 by pladd

So we’re about a quarter of the way through 2013, and I thought I should check in to see how well I’m accomplishing my seven amazing goals for this year!!!!

1. Make at least one recipe from each of our cookbooks
As we discussed Friday, I am way behind on this one. I’ve done 6, and there are about 35, which puts me at only 17% complete. I know I come up with a different number each time I count how many cookbooks we have. This is mostly due to me not knowing what constitutes a cookbook or not. A lot of our kitchen stuff came with little booklets that have recipes in them, and some of the food books on the shelf are more about the science of cooking than actual recipes to make. Don’t worry, I’m totally going to make a spreadsheet.

You know it’s the only way

I’m certainly not as far behind schedule as I could be, but I definitely need to step it up with this one.

2. Read 200 Books

Goodreads is keeping me honest, but stressing me out

This number would definitely be higher if each Game of Thrones book wasn’t so freaking long. Don’t worry, I’ll check out an entire manga series some weekend and catch right back up. I’m behind on this one too, but I am determined.

3. Knock off at least one state from my map of States I’ve Visited

Who knows how much longer beautiful South Dakota will be there?

I haven’t done this one yet either, but Steven and I have made some tentative plans to visit West Virginia for our birthdays. And by “tentative plans” I mean I said “We should totally just drive there” and he said “Whatever”. I’ll take it.

4. Lift weights at least once a week

Fool, I have been doing it TWICE A WEEK!!!! YES! Finally, a goal I am on track to accomplishing. 1/7

5. Knit a Cardigan

Oh the trials of this cardigan. I’ve had a lot of problems, guys, none of them (that I know of) related to my knitting ability. The pattern I chose doesn’t seem to correspond to US sizes so it’s way too big, the yarn I bought ran out, the yarn I tried to replace it with was a slightly different color… anyway, I was going to give up where I am now, with a weird sleeveless cardigan that is like a sweater vest with buttons, but my mom convinced me it wouldn’t look that weird if the sleeves were a contrasting color. So I bought some new yarn and am starting some sleeves. We’ll see how this turns out. I keep having to make up my own pattern when the one I have doesn’t make sense… but I have 8 months to knit two sleeves, so I think I’m on track for this one too, barring any future ridiculous knitting mishaps. 2/7

6. Send out my entire stash of postcards

I think I have sent 3 out of 50. So, yeah, going to have to go on a postcard binge sometime soon.

7. SUPER SECRET SEVENTH RESOLUTION

Unfortunately, this is the only one I have been diligently working on, but I can’t tell you anything about my progress lest it stop being SUPER SECRET. So far things are AWESOME so I am hoping to be able to show you AWESOME RESULTS by the end of the year. I think I’m even slightly ahead of schedule, but there’s no way to be sure. Still, I’m giving it to me to save my self-esteem. 3/7

So I’m behind on more than half of my seven goals for 2013. Whatever, GO BIG OR GO HOME. I can do this. Even if it means cooking three meals a day and mailing 28 postcards in December. Bring it. I am still hella pumped about each one of these.

Except for you, cardigan. I kind of hate you now.

Tagged: 2013, life goal, resolutions

Posted in 2013 Magnificent Seven |

Goddess Girls: Pandora the Curious

April 9th, 2013 by pladd

It has been almost 6 months since our last Goddess Girls review!!! Steven has hopefully used his time off to become less crotchety and bitter. Pandora and Prometheus are two of my favorite myths so I was really excited to read this book!

Super sad that her bangs aren’t more obviously in the shape of question marks

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
So Pandora accidentally/on purpose opens this box belonging to loner Titan brothers, Epimetheus and Prometheus, and a bunch of colored bubbles pop out! But no one else can see them, and when they hit people around Mount Olympus Academy, they whisper words like “ditz”, “lazy”, or “vain” and dramatically change that person’s behavior! Usually in a super ironic way! Athena becomes an idiot, Artemis is obsessed with her appearance, Principal Zeus just wants to sleep all the time, Aphrodite rudely begins burping all her dialog, Medusa is greedy, Prometheus is a thief, Poseidon is a scaredy-cat, and Persephone has rage issues. Meanwhile, Prometheus accidentally sets fire to the world while trying to help mortals, whose fires have all gone out thanks to Zeus’ negligence. As punishment, Zeus makes him eat his least favorite food, liver, for every meal, and sets a magical eagle to watch him to make sure he does. Pandora finally saves the day by releasing the last bubble from the box, Hope, and recaptures all the “trouble bubbles”. Plus, she wins the science fair and gets to have lunch with Aristotle, Pythagoras, and Hippocrates! Wooo science!!

Who wouldn’t want to have lunch with this guy? And then do some… shirtless math? YOU GO PYTHAGORAS! WOO!

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
First of all, being crotchety and bitter is kind of a one-way street—you don’t get less that way—so ignore any of the lies being told above. And in that spirit, let’s consider how Pandora the Curious stacks up against the source material. First, take a high-level look at points from this and from the original: Pandora and Epimetheus are a romantic item, the box comes to Epimetheus by way of Zeus, Pandora is responsible for the evils inside escaping. Surprisingly, when squinted at, this book meets all three criteria. Granted, ‘romantic item’ in the original was ‘man and wife’, the box and Pandora both represented a revenge scheme of the pantheon’s against Epimetheus and his brother rather than a slapstick accident of fate, and the box’s contents in the real story certainly never re-entered it once open. But overall, I’ll rate it ‘close enough.’ Bonus points for Prometheus’s parts in this version, attempting to bring fire to the mortals (more by accident than anything) and his liver punishment (much less gruesome than the original), though points taken on account of the latter one not involving Heracles. I mean come on, you guys, he’s already a character in the book. But then having him strangle the principal’s pet eagle would probably not fly well with the target tween audience, so perhaps it was better left undone. All in all, I’d rate this one more accurate than the last with plenty of amusing references along the way for the pedantically minded (like me).

Come on, Prometheus, no one likes eating liver. Stop overreacting like a big baby.

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) Science=curiosity about the world! But use your powers wisely
2) People change, so it’s okay to change your crush
3) Save your homework for the last minute and then hurriedly scribble some rambling story about your personal life! You’ll win first prize!

Steven’s Favorites!
Character: Greed-Medusa. Unabashedly hilarious, in a misanthropic way. Which is my favorite kind.
Part: “Ares sported pj’s bearing the logo of a sword-making company in the Immortal Marketplace called Mighty Fighty.”
Thing I Learned: You can beat your severe ADD if you just try hard enough. Apparently. Also don’t open creepy boxes.

Girl was probably just looking for some clothes. She’s naked in like every picture

Patricia’s Favorites!!
Character: Pandora is actually pretty awesome, you guys. In other books she’s portrayed as kind of annoying in that she only speaks in questions, but here we see that she is 1) nice to everyone, even outcasts like the Titans or Medusa, 2) super intrepid, sneaking into Zeus’ office in the middle of the night like it ain’t no thing, and 3) really into science!! I really want her to have a spin-off series where she solves mysteries.
Part: Under the effects of the “greedy” bubble, Medusa changes her science project research question to just “GIVE ME MORE”. Medusa, you’re still my homegirl
Thing I Learned: If Zeus falls down on the job, every fire on Earth will go out and no one will be able to light more.

Next Time: Pheme the Gossip!!!
Previously:
Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6, Book 7, Book 8, Super Special

Tagged: Book Reviews, goddess girls, Steven

Posted in Book Reviews |

Cookbook update: Six Down

April 9th, 2013 by pladd

4 months in to my New Year Plan to make one recipe out of each of my cookbooks, and I’m not doing as good as I thought I would be. Time to step it up.

Hello, Cupcake! by Karen Tack and Alan Richardson

You may remember this book from that time I tried make fake spaghetti and meatball cupcakes (incidentally, to find that link I went through every blogpost tagged “cupcake”. It was a delicious odyssey through my past.) This book is awesome, but often sets the bar way too high. I’m terrible at art things in general, and feel very accomplished if I can frost something better than a five-year-old. The technique explanations in the front are helpful, but I think I would need a lot more practice to do most of the suggestions in here. Others look really cool, but might not taste very good, like the fake corn on the cob cupcakes made out of yellow and white jellybeans. Anyway, it took me awhile to choose a recipe that I thought looked easy enough for me to accomplish and also good enough for me to eat:

You’ve seen these guys before

The hardest part was separating out the Oreos so that all the frosting was on one side. Recipe at the end.

Also, the slightly less dramatic:

The Everything Pressure Cooker Cookbook by Pamela Rice Hahn

This one may be less flashy than cupcakes, but there’s no denying it’s super useful. We got it as a wedding present from the Wiess masters (well, I guess the ex-Wiess masters by then) along with a magical pressure cooker/slow cooker/rice cooker device. It is easily the best kitchen thing I own. Seriously, you should get one if you like cooking at all. We use it at least two or three times a week, whether to cook rice or chicken fast or to slow cook a whole meal. I decided to try something I’ve always wanted to make:

Pear butter!

The recipe was really easy (as you can see after the cut), but it didn’t turn out like I was expecting. In the end, it was more like an applesauce consistency than a butter. Still delicious on a toasted English muffin though!

Recipes: Read the rest of this entry »

Tagged: cookbooks, cooking, cupcakes

Posted in 2013 Magnificent Seven |

Sam Neill Update: The Last One

April 3rd, 2013 by pladd

You guys!!! I’m so sad and happy at the same time to bring you my final Sam Neill Netflix Marathon update! I watched the last movie today, and I’m glad Brian was there to help me through this emotional time. I will be doing a big wrap-up post I have special plans for, but this is the last time I’ll review Sam Neill movies, since I’ve run out of them! Here we go:

This one wasn’t available on Netflix for awhile, so I’m glad I finally got to see it!

Dead Calm (1989)

Featuring Nicole Kidman as That Girl From Brave

The Movie: Nicole Kidman was just in a car accident that killed her young son, and to recuperate, her husband takes her on their yacht out on a journey through the Pacific, just the two of them. But when they come across an abandoned ship and take aboard its one survivor, Billy Zane, the dickish fiance from Titanic, Sam Neill KNOWS something is up. He goes across to the other ship to investigate, leaving Billy Zane to knock out Nicole Kidman and take over his own boat, sailing blithely away. Nicole Kidman ineffectually tries to wrest control back from him, completely refusing to shoot him even though she has both a rifle and a harpoon gun on board. Eventually after all kinds of shenanigans (and sleeping with him!), she manages to tie him up and turn that boat around! Of course he gets free, and she has to harpoon-shoot him again, abandoning his body on an inflatable life raft for some reason. Then she rescues her husband and they sail off into the sunset…

Except of course Billy Zane wasn’t really dead! Pan down to see bloody handprints on the side of the boat! An indeterminate time later, Nicole Kidman is chillaxing on deck when THERE HE IS AGAIN trying to strangle her to death. Luckily Sam Neill doesn’t seem to have her weird hang up against shooting him and FLARE GUNS HIM IN THE FACE. The end.

Did I tell you Sam Neill is also an intrepid Australian Navy Captain? Because he is

The Character: I am kind of surprised that Billy Zane even tried to come aboard Sam Neill’s yacht in the first place, because it was completely obvious from the beginning that he could beat this guy armed with nothing but a compass and his own steely resolve. Abandoned to his fate, Sam Neill manages to fix the sinking wreck of the other boat, totally nonchalant about all the corpses he finds there. Apparently Billy Zane is a photographer who was taking “model shots” of topless girls at sea when there was some kind of fight and whoops! everyone got murdered. Even after there’s a bad storm and the ship starts sinking again, Sam Neill totally manages to escape and build a makeshift raft to hang out on while waiting for Nicole Kidman to finally get her butt in gear and pick him up. Probably the only reason he didn’t flare gun Billy Zane in the face from the start was to give him a fighting chance.

Thing I Learned: When trapped in the water-filled hold of a sinking ship, always blow out of a potential air tube first to dislodge the cockroaches. Ew.

Should You Watch This?: This is a pretty solid thriller movie. The setting of alone at sea adds a new dimension of suspense.

The Simpsons, Season 5, episode 11: Homer the Vigilante (1994)

I feel like I don’t have to explain the Simpsons to you

The Episode: A cat burglar has come to Springfield, and seems to be making off with everyone’s most treasured possessions regardless of actual value, including Lisa’s saxophone. Homer starts a vigilante group to keep the neighborhood safe and hopefully catch the criminal, but refuses to let Grandpa Simpson join because he’s too old. After Homer fails to keep the world’s largest Cubic Zirconia safe from the thief, the town is about to turn against him when Grandpa solves the mystery! The thief is Molloy from the retirement home! In prison, Molloy tells everyone where he’s hidden all the money he’s stolen, and as they rush off to find it, he escapes. The end! Old people have value.

Especially if they have awesome facial hair

The Character: Sam Neill voices Molloy, the cat burglar. He is super suave, and so graceful in defeat that he almost talks his way out of being arrested. Plus he has some sneaky sneakers.

Thing I Learned: The Simpsons is actually still pretty funny. I haven’t watched an episode in probably a decade, but this one was really enjoyable, maybe because I remembered it from my childhood

Should You Watch This?: If you like the Simpsons!

Until the End of the World (1991)

Don’t listen to this cover, you are not prepared at all

The Movie: I don’t even know how to explain this movie to you. It is ridiculous and amazing and more than two and a half hours long. It was made in 1991 and set in 1999 so you know all the fashion and technology were completely bizarre!

Exhibit A

That is Claire. When everyone else is freaking out about an Indian nuclear satellite falling to earth, she is hanging out, wandering around France, and eventually getting mixed up with some bank robbers. In the process she meets a guy who is on the run from someone, and he steal some of her money. Rather than just keeping the rest of the bank robbery loot, she decides to track him down, to Germany, Spain, Russia, China, Japan… sometimes she’s working with bounty hunters also trying to find him, for stealing opals, other times she’s on her own and getting questioned by another bounty hunter who only uses “truth serum drugs” to solve cases. What? One time she sleeps with this elusive fugitive (awkwardly, while they are handcuffed together), but he still leaves her (handcuffed to a bed and a bounty hunter) because she is endangering his mission. Eventually he trusts her enough to tell her that he is on the run from the US government because his father invented a camera that takes pictures blind people can see. They want the camera, but his father didn’t trust them with technology that can take pictures out of people’s heads. Right now he’s traveling all around the world taking pictures of things to show his blind mom.

Eventually every character ever ends up in Australia around the same time as the nuclear satellite explodes and all electronics stop working. Except… for some electronics.

Also they end up on a dessert hike while she is handcuffed to a plane door

The camera works, but the stress of it ends up killing his mom. Then his dad reconfigures the machine to capture dreams and everyone becomes obsessed with watching their dreams all the time. The US government arrives and takes Science Dad away, only to die soon after. His son wanders around in the wilderness for awhile, and Sam Neill cures Claire of her obsession by locking her in a pen in his yard and then letting her read a book he wrote about her. It works, and she goes to work on the space station, where Sam Neill, the bank robbers, and the bounty hunter sing her happy birthday by video card. No one knows what happened to Truth Serum Guy. NO ONE KNOWS.

Sam Neill spends most of this movie kind of down, but stoic

The Character: Sam Neill is Claire’s (ex-?)boyfriend, whom she goes to whenever she needs help. He obviously still loves her, following her all over the world, but she mainly just runs away from him to be with the elusive fugitive until she needs something from him again. Maybe it’s worth it for him in the end because he writes a book about their experiences, on an old school typewriter after “all” the world’s electronics stopped working. I guess they started working again, since Claire ends up on the space station? THIS MOVIE. SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Thing I Learned: This movie was originally 8 hours long, but the director finally cut it down to 286 minutes. The theatrical release is 157, so even then, a lot of stuff was cut. I like to imagine it wouldn’t make any more sense with those added scenes, just more random gunfights in Tokyo pod-hotels.

Should You Watch This?: “Let me put on some music while we drive… it’s Pygmy children chanting, recorded by my mother in Cameroon.” If you like crazy, unexplained nonsequiturs like this, you will LOVE this movie. Also, if you love silly “future” technology. Here is a selection:

Claire’s dashboard computer

This thing is actually a lot like our modern GPS in that it talks to her in a robot voice and provides maps and directions. It also cautions her to drive the speed limit (by name) and looks like a portable TV, but points for effort, movie.

Public video phones!

It’s like a public telephone, but with video! And everyone around you can hear your conversations.

Sam Neill’s laptop

I don’t really understand the screen size to laptop size ratio.

A portable video phone

Nice one, Sony.

A portable video phone IN CHINA

Sam Neill is on the other end holding what looks like a desktop computer in one hand and a phone headset in the other.

Fugitive Tracking Computer

This software tracks people FOR you! With what look like a series of ridic 8-bit animated GIFs.

This movie was insane and bizarre and to tell you all the parts of it that confused me would take a post twice as long as this. What a great end to the Sam Neill Netflix Marathon! Can you believe it’s been about one year and eight months since this started? Look for a super fun wrap up post/awards show next week!

It’s a good feeling, seeing 100% on thespreadsheet

Previously: Middle of Nowhere Edition

Tagged: brian is a weather witch, movie reviews, movies, sam neill

Posted in Sam Neill Marathon |