December, 2012 | The Plaid Pladd Blog

Archive for December, 2012

Can you see this? I can’t

December 10th, 2012 by pladd

So I haven’t been able to access my blog since last Thursday. It just won’t load on any device on my home internet connection, wired or not (I’m typing this on my phone–it’s exactly as fun as you would expect). Steven says it’s probably a problem with some data center between our ip and whatever and I stopped listening to his explanation around then because all I heard was “Blah blah blah SOMEONE IS TRYING TO SABOTAGE YOU”. There are so many suspects. Let me see if I can format a list on this graspin interface:

Plaid Pladd’s Most Wanted
1. Brian Reinhart
Ugh I was going to link you to my Brian tag (“brian is a weather witch”) or maybe his blog but inserting a link is like a million times harder on my phone, so that is all you’re getting. Just know that Brian is often my nemesis (link to something about NaNoWriMo would go here) and one time lied to me about IKEA free meatballs. Clearly he is just jealous of my blog and wants to bring it down!!! Just because you don’t care enough to update your blog ever doesn’t mean you have to drag the rest of us down to your level, BRIAN.

2.Bova
Does that link even work? Whatever, my blog has a search function that everyone not me can utilize right now so you can find Bova if you want. She’s another suspect who I assume might be jealous of my blogging prowess. Plus she has a mystery commenter on her blog that she assumes is me, so she may be trying to get misguided payback? Misguided because it’s totally not me. Seriously, if I could make links or insert screen caps right now I would build my case in great detail since being mistaken for Mysterious Commenter is hurting my rep in more ways than potential Bova reprisals. Like I would ever listen to Cake? Or brag about what I’m listening to at the end of my comments like someone’s livejournal from 2002? I mean, I can see why the correct spelling and punctuation might make me an obvious choice, but other people care about grammar. Namely, old people, so I’m personally betting on Dr. Dodds. Send your internet attacks to H-Town, Bova, I am your friend!

3. Caitlin
Caitlin is another blogging friend who has expressed envy in the past about my amazing blog and all of the fabulous spam comments it generates. Caitlin seems kind of busy right now so she probably doesn’t have time for l33t internet hax but maybe that is JUST WHAT SHE WANTS ME TO THINK.

4. James Fox (one of them)
Awhile ago two people each claiming to be James Fox commented on my NaNoWriMo post. Or one person creating an elaborate fake fight with themself for some reason. Whatever, the point is, one or both of them trash talked me a year in advance for NaNoWriMo 2013 so maybe SOMEONE is having a hard time coping with the fact that I dominated at our annual competition again this year. Not cool, Fox or possibly Imposter!Fox. Not cool.

5. Steven Wiggins
Steven Wiggins is doing absolutely NOTHING to fix this dire situation despite the fact that he has also lost access to his personal email which is hosted on the same server or something. Is this complacency just the mark of someone too tired from slaving away in the website mines everyday to care about my blog troubles? OR is this the nefarious work of someone who can’t stand to hear about Sam Neill anymore????

6. Sam Neill
Dude, you should be THANKING me! I have raised Sam Neill Awareness among my immediate social circle by like 300%!!! Most of my family can now recognize you on sight and no one has confused you with Hugo Weaving in like three months. I’m sorry I sometimes make fun of your outfits or complain that you are in way too many Australian history pieces, but it is just my way. Mocking things is the only way I know how to show love. And hate. It gets kind of confusing, but for you it’s love, I swear!

7. Dark Wizards
You can never be too careful.

Anyway, since I have no idea how long this problem will persist and doubt that I will have the patience to actually leave my apartment and find somewhere else to Internet, please enjoy I Detonate Around Him, a tumblr James, Steven, and I started to make fun of 50 Shades of Grey.

Tagged: Bova, brian is a weather witch, caitlin, James Fox, meta, Steven

Posted in Let Me Tell You About My Life |

Spam Report: November 2012

December 4th, 2012 by pladd

Like myself, my adoring spambot fans seem to have taken the month of November off. Maybe they too were writing NaNoWriMos, which I picture as just being 50,000 words of raccoon stories. Obviously they were saving their best material for that, so I was just left with:

Chicken tractor commenting on my Pandowdy post:

I happen to be writing to make you know what a fantastic discovery my cousin’s child had going through your webblog. She mastered a wide variety of things, which include what it is like to have an amazing helping mindset to have most people clearly know precisely several advanced subject matter. You truly did more than people’s expected results. Thanks for providing these warm and friendly, trustworthy, revealing and in addition unique tips on that topic to Janet.

I’m glad your first cousin-once-removed Janet is learning so much from my blog, I assume about Sam Neill. But, I’ve gotta say, Chicken Tractor, I would have been more grateful for your praise had not Panic Attacks upped the ante:

On that same post, Panic Attacks writes:

I am just commenting to let you be aware of what a fantastic encounter my wife’s princess developed viewing your webblog. She figured out a wide variety of issues, which include how it is like to possess a very effective helping character to have certain people really easily master a variety of advanced matters. You really surpassed our own expected results. I appreciate you for rendering such invaluable, safe, educational and cool tips on that topic to Ethel.

A PRINCESS IS READING MY BLOG, YOU GUYS!!!!!!!! I mean, I’ve never heard of a Princess Ethel, but I feel like now I have to change the title to The Royal Plaid Pladd, and maybe add a coat of arms. Get on it, Steven.

On my October Spam Report, Gavin writes:

You…are…my…hero!!! I cant believe some thing like this exists on the web! Its so accurate, so honest, and a lot more than that you simply dont sound like an idiot! Lastly, a person who knows the best way to talk about a subject without sounding like a kid who didnt get that bike he wanted for Christmas.

Thanks, Gavin. I try my best to be accurate, honest, and non-idiotic when I can. I don’t know how someone who missed out on a Christmas bike would answer spam comments, but maybe you’ll get to see next month when no one can figure out a way to cram a ten-speed into my stocking!

corporations offshore writes:

The best things in life happen when you get carried away. I went into a cooking school to write about what it means to be a chef, and instead I became a cook, got a job line cooking, lucked into one of the great restaurants of the world to work with the chef on his book, and I kept on writing about food. I got carried away, and it’s made all the difference.

Inspiring words, corporations offshore, but are you suggesting that my spam answering is getting carried away? Was it because I presented one in the form of a poem? I say I haven’t been going far enough. Next month, I’m recording myself dramatically reading one and forcing Steven to applaud me with finger snaps.

Nadene Corcoros writes:

Fantastic post however , I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Appreciate it!

Wish granted, Nadene!

Previously: October 2012

Tagged: spam

Posted in Spam Report |

NaNoWriMo 2012! Now with Audience Participation

December 1st, 2012 by pladd

I’m back!!! NaNoWriMo wrap up time!!!

For my fifth year of NaNoWriMo I decided to give James Fox a fighting chance by doing a confusing Pick-Your-Own-Adventure novel, but alas, I’m still just too talented:

Although James put up a much better fight than last year! One day, James. One day.

Here’s another chart, just because this is how I motivate myself:

Unlike previous years, my progress was much more sporadic, with days of slacking off followed by days of wild writing abandon. It’s hard to be disciplined when you’re also responsible for sending James multiple texts a day that just read “ARE YOU WRITING YOU CAN DO IT DON’T GIVE UP!!!” I know what you’re thinking, and, yes, it is amazing that we’re still friends.

Condescended version

I know usually I just give you a wordle and tell you it was “like reading the whole thing” but this year, you actually can!!! I figured because it was a Pick-Your-Own-Adventure, it might be fun to click your way through and attempt not to die (hahaha, good luck) so I forced Steven to make THIS!

Unlike crappy paper book versions of interactive stories, there’s a handy back button at the top and a “Start Over?” button at the bottom! Plus, it is super mobile friendly. Hours of fun are soon to be yours! Highlights to look for include:

Sometimes after you die, you can choose to come back as a ghost!
The part where you can just choose to keep reading random romance novel excerpts I’ve written for you
Inexplicable Captain Planet crossover
The part where you turn into a face-eating tiger
Sir Mix-A-Lot guest appearance

Get pumped

Also, I got rid of all the curse words that were in the original draft by replacing them with either “blast” or “malarkey” with a find and replace. Apparently that’s how they roll in Mazelandia.

Tagged: nanowrimo, writing

Posted in Things I've Made, Writing |