The Plaid Pladd

So I haven’t been able to access my blog since last Thursday. It just won’t load on any device on my home internet connection, wired or not (I’m typing this on my phone–it’s exactly as fun as you would expect). Steven says it’s probably a problem with some data center between our ip and whatever and I stopped listening to his explanation around then because all I heard was “Blah blah blah SOMEONE IS TRYING TO SABOTAGE YOU”. There are so many suspects. Let me see if I can format a list on this graspin interface:

Plaid Pladd’s Most Wanted
1. Brian Reinhart
Ugh I was going to link you to my Brian tag (“brian is a weather witch”) or maybe his blog but inserting a link is like a million times harder on my phone, so that is all you’re getting. Just know that Brian is often my nemesis (link to something about NaNoWriMo would go here) and one time lied to me about IKEA free meatballs. Clearly he is just jealous of my blog and wants to bring it down!!! Just because you don’t care enough to update your blog ever doesn’t mean you have to drag the rest of us down to your level, BRIAN.

2.Bova
Does that link even work? Whatever, my blog has a search function that everyone not me can utilize right now so you can find Bova if you want. She’s another suspect who I assume might be jealous of my blogging prowess. Plus she has a mystery commenter on her blog that she assumes is me, so she may be trying to get misguided payback? Misguided because it’s totally not me. Seriously, if I could make links or insert screen caps right now I would build my case in great detail since being mistaken for Mysterious Commenter is hurting my rep in more ways than potential Bova reprisals. Like I would ever listen to Cake? Or brag about what I’m listening to at the end of my comments like someone’s livejournal from 2002? I mean, I can see why the correct spelling and punctuation might make me an obvious choice, but other people care about grammar. Namely, old people, so I’m personally betting on Dr. Dodds. Send your internet attacks to H-Town, Bova, I am your friend!

3. Caitlin
Caitlin is another blogging friend who has expressed envy in the past about my amazing blog and all of the fabulous spam comments it generates. Caitlin seems kind of busy right now so she probably doesn’t have time for l33t internet hax but maybe that is JUST WHAT SHE WANTS ME TO THINK.

4. James Fox (one of them)
Awhile ago two people each claiming to be James Fox commented on my NaNoWriMo post. Or one person creating an elaborate fake fight with themself for some reason. Whatever, the point is, one or both of them trash talked me a year in advance for NaNoWriMo 2013 so maybe SOMEONE is having a hard time coping with the fact that I dominated at our annual competition again this year. Not cool, Fox or possibly Imposter!Fox. Not cool.

5. Steven Wiggins
Steven Wiggins is doing absolutely NOTHING to fix this dire situation despite the fact that he has also lost access to his personal email which is hosted on the same server or something. Is this complacency just the mark of someone too tired from slaving away in the website mines everyday to care about my blog troubles? OR is this the nefarious work of someone who can’t stand to hear about Sam Neill anymore????

6. Sam Neill
Dude, you should be THANKING me! I have raised Sam Neill Awareness among my immediate social circle by like 300%!!! Most of my family can now recognize you on sight and no one has confused you with Hugo Weaving in like three months. I’m sorry I sometimes make fun of your outfits or complain that you are in way too many Australian history pieces, but it is just my way. Mocking things is the only way I know how to show love. And hate. It gets kind of confusing, but for you it’s love, I swear!

7. Dark Wizards
You can never be too careful.

Anyway, since I have no idea how long this problem will persist and doubt that I will have the patience to actually leave my apartment and find somewhere else to Internet, please enjoy I Detonate Around Him, a tumblr James, Steven, and I started to make fun of 50 Shades of Grey.