The Plaid Pladd

This month has been an exciting one for spam, including a few real people getting caught in the filters and more racial slurs than usual (I just delete those). Here are some highlights:

On my post about Jeremy Messersmith and his Supper Club Tour:

Silver account writes:

Now that is something to cry for because that is a disgrace, a national disgrace, and we haven’t done enough, obviously — this administration hasn’t done enough to cure that. Whatever interest they have is not strong enough, and I think possibly now it may be time for somebody else to come along and solve the problem.

You’re so right, Silver account! If only more politicians read my blog, they would see that what people really care about is hipster musicians from Minneapolis! My inability to attend the Supper Club Tour is probably the deciding issue in this election.

On my post making fun of wedding dresses:

Leather beds writes:

Well crafted post, well researched and useful for me in the future.

I hope you mean for when you are a ninja bride!!

Wedding gift ideas asks:

In Firefox – How to open in new tab automatically when I click a bookmark?

Either right click and select “open in new tab” or hold down the ctrl key while you click!

What? Even spambots have information needs sometimes and it’s my sworn librarian duty to help anyone in their knowledge quest, even if they’re obnoxious or not technically real.

As always, last month’s spam post got a lot of attention:

bigcat writes:

Aw, this was a really nice post. In thought I wish to put in writing like this additionally – taking time and precise effort to make an excellent article… however what can I say… I procrastinate alot and not at all seem to get something done.

Thanks, bigcat! I always appreciate fan mail! Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with you:

Greatest writes:

Hi, I just wanted to mention, you��re dead wrong. Your article doesn��t make any sense.

I’m sorry you feel that way, Greatest. Responding to the demographic with which I’m most popular–spambots–makes perfect sense to me, and if that makes me dead wrong, then I don’t want to be right.

At first the comments on Banned Books Week 2012 seemed perfectly normal.

Efron Zableski writes:

After the raccons made my moms life a living nightmare she decided to call Master Trapper and get rid of her irritating problem.

Wow, you spambots seem to have as much trouble with raccoons as you do spelling.

Then things took a worrying turn:

Keenan Casburn:

I went to STD testing and they did a great job!

Le haire:

Call STD Testing for all your peace of mind.

Sarina Carmona:

STD Testing is something I recommend to all of my friends. I feel it is very important to stay safe and be aware!

I mean… I also agree that it’s important to be safe and aware, spambots, but… what are you trying to tell me?

But this was nothing compared to the insult that was to come. Usually I don’t let the trolls or haters bother me, even when they claim that my blog has given them cancer or that I’m working with a porn-pushing librarian cabal, but this one really hit me where I live:

nemme Ian writes:

naturally like your web-site but you need to take a look at the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding it very troublesome to tell the reality however I¡¦ll surely come again again.

WHY, nemme Ian? WHY must you say these hurtful things to me????

Another worrying, though less personally insulting, development on this same post, was my discovery that spambots have gained at least semi-sentience:

zilp writes:

I have read far more of those than I expected.You souhld do that first series because I want to know if I souhld read it. You souhld do Perks of Being a Wallflower because I want to see what pictures you would draw for it. You souhld do Catcher in the Rye ONLY if you hated it as much as me and will give it a horrible review, otherwise do something else. Maybe an adult book because you haven’t done any of those? Maybe Tweak because I think it is FAR FAR more inappropriate, and poorly written, and ban worthy (if I believed in banning books) than most of the things on the list.

I stared at this for awhile, trying to decide if it was a real person with terrible spelling and reading comprehension skills, or a surprisingly sophisticated spambot. Maybe the missing link between the two? Eventually the spammy-looking link attached to the name swayed me into putting it in the spam report, but that preliminary decision could be reversed at any time with new evidence. Comment again, zlip, so I can solve this mystery! Please! For science!

Also, I’ve already reviewed the Perks of Being a Wallflower and I don’t know what pictures you’re talking about.

More spambots seemed unusually on target for the Banned Books Week: Notebook Girls post, although without zilp’s human-passing skillz:

Silver price writes:

The world was just so unlike anything. There’s this mix of science fiction but yet most of the world feelings like you are feeling like it’s something straight out of Amish country. The hierarchy of the Luddites and the Reduced/Posts was so fascinating. The descriptions. ALL OF IT. I could picture the estate and the surrounding scenes of nature. It was written so phenomenally — one of those books where the world starts swirling off the pages and begins to be a motion picture in my mind. There were some things I wished were explained a little better about the world and I thought at the end I wasn’t so sure how Eliot completely reconciled what she learned about Kai so quickly but I got over that just fine.

Nice try, Silver price, but you’ve spammed my blog way too many times before to convince me that you are real. Also, you seem to be rambling about a completely different book, but props for realizing my post was a book review. Better luck next time.

Finally, besides some words from the author(!!), my Banned Books Week: My mom is having a baby post gained some good spam reviews:

good articles writes:

You are my inhalation , I possess few web logs and occasionally run out from to post .

I’m not really sure what “you are my inhalation” means, but my gut tells me it’s a come on. Thanks, good articles, I’m flattered, but I’m not ready to break society’s taboo on spambot-human relationships yet. Plus, I’m married.

And also:

first years wave stroller crimson:

naturally like your web site however you need to check the spelling on several of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I to find it very bothersome to tell the reality however I will certainly come back again.

Sigh. See you next month.

Previously: August 2012 Report