Archive for June, 2012

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Bronycon: MY HAT MY HAT MY HAT

June 28th, 2012 by pladd

Previously: Costumes, Cutie Marks, and Freezer Paper Shirts

So I bought some supplies for making wings, since both of our costumes are of pegasus-ponies, but we ultimately decided they would be annoying to wear all day. So I had all these left over materials, and decided to jazz up my costume a little bit. First I learned how to braid five strands at once (I know, getting fancy!!) and made a bracelet out of some wing-fabric so I’d have something the color of Daring Do’s coat:

I know it’s not rainbow hair, but we can’t all be as cool as Steven

I used a kind of combination of this bracelet tutorial and this headband tutorial.

Speaking of headbands, I decided to make one using the above tutorial out of some old gray t-shirts of varying shades to match Daring Do’s grayscale color mane and tail:

My expression says, “Steven, you’ve taken 12 pictures already, please let this be the first non-blurry one” And it was!

And then I remembered, wait, no one will even see this headband anyway, because, OH RIGHT I BOUGHT THE BEST HAT EVER:

Sorry I don’t have a tutorial on how to get this yourself. I guess just try to be awesome like me?

Next: BronyCon Road Trip!!!

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Posted in Things I've Made |

BronyCon: Freezer Paper Stencils

June 28th, 2012 by pladd

Previously: Costumes and Cutie Marks

So the day before yesterday, after Steven dyed his hair crazy times to look more like Rainbow Dash, James Fox and some guy at Harris Teeter both said, “Too bad you didn’t dye your mustache too”. We’ve actually since worked out a strategy for that, but it made me say “Then you’d be Rainbow ‘Stache” and thus a cosplay knock off was born. But how best to inform everyone at BronyCon of his awesome new name?? Shirts, duh.

Making shirts with fabric paint and freezer paper stencils is something I’ve always wanted to try. It’s a simple process with a billion tutorials on the Internet. First, you make a design and trace it onto freezer paper (paper side):

Chances we use the rest of this freezer paper for anything non-craft related: 0%

Then you use a craft knife to cut it out, making sure to save the little inside bits of the letters:

“A meticulous, fine motor skill task that will take too long? I AM THERE” Steven shouted with glee

Then you iron it to the shirt (on medium heat? we guessed) and the waxy side sticks right down there. Then applying the fabric paint is a snap! Especially if you got the spray-on kind.

This is the test shirt, drying!!

The paint says you’re supposed to wait four hours, but I was impatient to see if our test had worked, so I pulled the stencil off after maaaybe one:

The letter-insides are still on there, but otherwise pretty good!

I think the remaining two shirts (one for each day of the Con) will probably get more than one coat to make them slightly darker. Pictures of the finished product later when our costumes are complete!!

Next: BronyCon: Everybody look at my hat

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Posted in Things I've Made |

BronyCon: Cutie Marks

June 28th, 2012 by pladd

Previously: BronyCon Costumes!!

I know the term “cutie mark” sounds a little silly. Sometimes I even use the term “butt tattoo” because it’s slightly cooler. Even if you’ve never watched any iteration of My Little Pony, you probably know what I’m talking about:

Using Dr. Whooves as an example to head off the question of if there are boy ponies

Every pony has one once they come of age, and they’re supposed to symbolize what makes that pony special. Which… sometimes I buy, but other times seems to just be BS.

There are so many better things you could’ve picked to symbolize “teacher”. Cheerilee is clearly in denial about her gardener-destiny

Anyway, since these cutie marks are an integral part of each character design, we have to include them in our costumes!! Rainbow Dash’s looks like a cloud with a three-colored lightning bolt:

Here are the pieces of it I cut out to trace onto the felt!

Then, after some cutting, one memorable Skype conversation with Steven at work where I told him to “borrow a ruler from [his boss] to measure your butt” (for some reason he wouldn’t do this?? I ended up using the pockets on some of his jeans for reference), and some basic applique, this:

Again, Steven was just not willing to put these on so I could take a picture of his butt for the Internet. Weird.

Because I want to be able to wear my cargo pants after this convention, I decided to embroider it on the back pocket instead of appliqueing. It’ll be less noticeable, but I won’t feel weird wearing them to the grocery store in two months. Daring Do’s cutie mark is a compass rose, and I admit to going a little overboard with trying to make sure it was geometrically accurate. In my defense, I’m terrible at eyeballing things.

So proportions and geometry are two things I like. It’s allowed, I’m a scientist now

Also, yes, that is my family heirloom compass, and yes, it has like an old-fashioned pen nib on one end instead of a pencil. Yeah, that’s kind of annoying, but not an insurmountable challenge.

I own this too, what do you want from me?

Anyway, after much travail, I was able to make a guide for myself exactly fitted to the space I had to work with:

Thanks, Mrs. Branch from 8th grade geometry! I’m sorry I doubted you 11 years ago

Then I ended up watching TV while finishing it, so it turned out a little wobbly anyway:

Oh well

Next: Freezer Paper Stencil Shirts

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Posted in Things I've Made |

BronyCon: Costumes

June 27th, 2012 by pladd

Along with 3750 other people, we’re going to BronyCon this weekend!!!

In case you’re not from the Internet, bronies are older-than-the-intended-demographic (usually 20-something male) fans of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Here is an article from The Washington Post explaining the brony phenomenon!! It’s the one with the least amount of baffled condescension I could find. Also, there’s a library in it!

At some point–I’m not sure when this happened–Steven went from watching this show with me to becoming an enthusiastic member of the brony community. At one point a few weeks ago he told me he was “worried I’ll run out of fanfiction to read”. Middle School Patricia screamed “HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE???” but 25-year-old Patricia just said, “Well, clears you should write some of your own”. Yeah, it’s a little bit strange–that so many guys would give this show a chance. I’m not surprised that they like it once they watch it; it’s hilarious and clever and self-aware without compromising its message. I’m also ecstatic that so many bronies feel comfortable owning it, because I think it represents a really great change in gender dynamics. If girls can like monster trucks and superhero movies, there’s no reason guys can’t like adorable ponies learning about the magic of friendship. But if your preconceived notions of masculinity make you uncomfortable with this, whatever, haters gonna hate, that’s not what I’m talking about today.

What I’m talking about is costumes!!!! When Steven first brought up the idea of going to this convention, I was a little skeptical. I’ve never been to a convention, and it’s in New Jersey. But then I remember conventions=costumes and FINALLY A CHANCE TO USE MY SKILLZ!!!! It is basically validation of all the time I waste playing around with fabric and modge podge and reading tutorials about freezer paper stenciling. “Some day this will be useful,” I lied to myself. SURPRISE, TODAY IS THAT DAY!

Steven decided to go as Rainbow Dash:

Because she is 20% cooler

She’s an athlete, the fastest flyer in Ponyville and the only pegasus to ever perform the Sonic Rainboom. Since we live only a few minutes from UNC, it was pretty easy to find him a t-shirt and workout shorts in that color blue. And of course yesterday he did this:

Of course he picks when we’re leaving Carrboro to finally join its ranks of wacky-looking folk

I decided to go as Daring Do, an Indiana Jones parody from Rainbow Dash’s favorite book series:

I mean, mostly for the hat, yeah

Luckily, I already have some explorer cargo pants and hiking boots! Sorry, I’m not dyeing my hair gray and black.

We’re assembling the rest of these costumes kind of quickly through trial and error! Stay tuned.

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Posted in Things I've Made |

VIQVI: Real People Edition

June 26th, 2012 by pladd

I know, usually the vast majority of Vitally Important Questions of Vital Importance that I receive are from my many adoring spambot fans, but lately I’ve gotten a few questions from real people!! Exciting!!

Caitlin M. writes about my last spam post:

How come you get so much spam? I don’t have any. Should I be jealous?

I think one of the main reasons for your lack of spam is that your blog has exciting Captcha technology, while commenting on mine just requires that you type in a (not even necessarily legit) email address. Captcha is designed to keep out just such spam traffic as I am obviously enjoying! Blogger probably sees this as a good design feature–you don’t have to spend time managing your spam folder!–but you are clearly missing out on some vague and misspelled compliments and non sequiturs about handbags.

Also, spambots are apparently way more interested in sarcastic reviews of Sam Neill movies than beautiful pictures of gardens and insightful word-snapshots of life. You just have to provide the content your target audience desires, and if you want to shift your target demographic from thoughtful friends and family to advertising robots, then you’re going to have to buckle down and watch Merlin II like I did. It won’t be easy, but it’s the only way.

Brian R. writes about Ten Years of Journals:

Wonder what a chart of worries over time would look like.

Wish granted:

Look at the sharp decrease in worrying about school right after high school! lol IB and your stress-stomachaches

Rachel K. writes:

I can haz blog post about the crazy new pony hair I saw on facebook?

She’s talking about this:

The blue and purple are maybe too dark to see in this shot

And I WISH I could write a blog post just about this, but ever since he got back from Aveda, Steven has just been working! Like he thinks his job is more important than rainbow hair! What a loser! Anyway, now it’s getting dark, but he promises there will be an amazing rainbow photoshoot tomorrow!

Not to mention pictures of the amazing costumes I am making for this weekend!! You haven’t even seen my new hat yet! I’m not going to say it’s more exciting than rainbow hair, but it’s probably at least 80% as exciting.

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Posted in Advice |

Sam Neill Update: Losing My Mind Edition

June 19th, 2012 by pladd

I’ve noticed that Sam Neill loves playing crazy people (Event Horizon, In the Mouth of Madness, arguably Merlin 2 because why would you ever agree to Merlin 2?). Unfortunately, I did not group these movies thematically before viewing, so this Sam Neill update only has one movie where it’s actually Sam Neill’s sanity in question. Oh well.

Current project status: 91% complete!!! Right now, only 6 more to go! Assuming my spreadsheet is correct.

Dean Spanley (2008)

Peter O'Toole, Jeremy Northam, and Sam Neill just wanted to hang out without that pesky Henry VIII bothering them

The Movie: Peter O’Toole is Jeremy Northam’s aging father and their interactions are Edwardian and hilarious. Even though I don’t have a brother who was killed in the Boer War, I still can completely interpret every long-suffering look on Jeremy Northam’s face as his dad demands to eat the same meal every day, is affably rude to random acquaintances, and loudly snores during a public lecture. Through a series of coincidences, Northam discovers that local Dean Spanley will regress to his previous life as a dog while drinking some kind of super rare Hungarian liquor he likes.

Let's get smashed and talk about how fun it is to chase sheep and pee on things

And not just any dog, but PETER O’TOOLE’s childhood dog!!!! Who disappeared unexpectedly, crushing his young heart and making him incapable of responding to grief!!! But, after listening to Dean Spanley’s account of that day (spoiler alert: he was shot by a hunter? farmer? someone kind of grizzled, anyway), the aging father finally accepts his son’s death and shares a bonding hug with Jeremy Northam. Then gets a dog. Booyah.

Some fathers and sons bond over fishing, but whatever it takes, you guys

The Character: Sam Neill is Dean Spanley!!! Of course. His full name is W.A.G. Spanley, which is not at all a connection to his previous life as a spaniel named Wag. He’s actually quite serious and no-nonsense, even when talking from his past life dog point of view. There’s just something so bizarre and transfixing about seeing this kind of uptight guy saying things like “The Master didn’t understand how much I hated baths; there was nothing so shameful as meeting a friend and having no smell” like it is the most serious business in the world.

Nothing about this situation is funny at all

What I Learned: At any one time, there are only seven great dogs in the world.

You should watch this if: you like Peter O’Toole and his ridiculous faces

The Vow (2012)

Oh, Sam Neill, the sacrifices I make for you

The Movie: Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum are quirky and in love and so forcibly adorable that you want to throw up in their hair. Then Rachel gets amnesia after a car accident, forgetting entirely about her relationship with Channing Tatum, and why she hasn’t seen her family in years. Channing attempts to be even more quirky and adorable to win his wife back, but after pressure from her family and resistance from her, he agrees to a divorce. Then Rachel discovers the reason she quit law school and left her family for the city and art school: her dad was having an affair with one of her friends! Also she likes art more than law. The film ends with McAdams back in the city and art school, asking Channing Tatum out for dinner. Nicholas Sparks, someone is horning in on your turf.

Sam Neill will always offer you a drink before trying to break up your marriage because he's a classy guy

The Character: Sam Neill is Rachel McAdams’ dad, who at first seems like a bad guy, trying to use the accident to break up the marriage he never liked and win back the daughter he betrayed without her knowing. Except it was kind of more his wife whom he betrayed? And she’s cool with it? Whatever, the point is, Rachel McAdams forgives him in the end, because she is such a big-hearted person, and he really just missed her and wanted what was best for her.

What I Learned: This movie was based on a true story!!!! I’m not sure how much of the law school/cheating Sam Neill backstory is true, but at the end they tell you that the real-life couple stayed married and have kids, and that she never regained her memory. Wikipedia says they credit “their faith in Jesus and their wedding vows before God” with keeping them together. So not chocolate and skinny dipping like in the movie, then.

You should watch this if you like: Nicholas Sparks

Children of the Revolution (1996)

I WISh everyone in this movie had a mustache

The Movie: So this Australian lady is obsessed with Joesph Stalin and writes him these passionate letters about how she just can’t get the revolution started in Australia. He invites her to the USSR to woe her, but ends up dying after they sleep together. Luckily everyone is pretty psyched, so she’s not in trouble, but she is pregnant. She marries some guy in the Australian communist party who like-likes her, and tries to raise the son, Joe, in the communist way. Joe falls in love with a Latvian policewoman whose grandparents were brutally murdered during Stalin’s purges, a fact that begins to torment her after Joe grows a mustache and starts taking control of the police force, looking and acting more and more like Stalin daily.

Yeah, I would not be that upset if I came home to find Sam Neill unexpectedly in my house, but I'm not a communist party leader so whatever

The Character: Sam Neill plays Joe’s possible father, a Russian/Australian/British/??? spy, who seems pretty unclear on whose side he’s on, just that he’s in love with Joan. He accompanies her to the USSR, either to kill her or to protect her, depending on whose orders he decides to take, and ends up having grief-sex with her right after Stalin’s death. Yes, that’s apparently a thing. He tries to do his best by Joe, believing he might be the father, but ends up attempting suicide after discovering he killed Joe’s wife’s Latvian grandparents on Stalin’s orders.

I don't know, somehow this movie is still billing itself as a comedy

What I Learned: People have apparently been arguing about the cause of Stalin’s death since it happened! In 2003, a joint group of Russian and American historians announced their view that he’d eaten warfarin, a powerful rat poison which predisposes the victim to strokes. Stalin was 74 and already suffering the ill-effects of his lifetime of heavy smoking.

You should watch this if: you enjoy fake documentaries; you want to see the lighter side of Stalin

I can’t believe I’m almost done with this project!!! I’m going to have to think of something dramatic to do to celebrate!

Previously: Prime Minister, Soviet Sub Captain, Master Criminal
Next: Thomas Jefferson, Tennis Dad, and a Somber Narrator

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Posted in Project Series, Sam Neill Marathon |

Goddess Girls: Medusa the Mean

June 15th, 2012 by pladd

It’s Steven’s favorite time!! Finishing a Goddess Girls book!! Meaning I won’t be forcing him to read one till at least the end of July (when Goddess Girls Super Special: The Girl Games comes out!). This one was about Medusa and was definitely my favorite so far!

Antiheroes are the bomb

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
Medusa is super unpopular at Mount Olympus Academy because she has green skin, snake hair, and a penchant for telling it like it is! Girl’s got sass, but it doesn’t help her make friends or win any ground with Poseidon, her “supercrush”. Hera and Zeus are getting married and Ancient Greek God custom(?) dictates that the seven groomsmen get to choose their own bridesmaids through ridiculous contests! Of course Medusa wants to get chosen by Poseidon, but to do that she’ll have to win his swimming contest. No big deal, considering her parents are inattentive, tragic-back-story sea monsters, but she orders a magical Pegasus necklace that’s supposed to give her immortal powers anyway, just to be on the safe side. It looks like she’s going to win too, when she decides to Do The Right Thing and rescue her kindergarten buddy Andromeda from bullies instead. Poseidon finally notices her anyway, but says she’s got to wear a hat to cover up her snake hair if they’re going to hang. She realizes he’s bad news and dramatically gives up her crush! It’s cool, Dionysus doesn’t mind her snakes, and loves her sassy sense of humor. You go, girl!! Also, a stray Zeus lightning bolt combines with kindergarten Perseus’ toy Medusa shield and the remains of her probably-fake(?) Pegasus charm to create an actual real life Pegasus!! Best wedding present ever??

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
Short answer: what mythos? Seriously, they didn’t really try with this one. But, using the open-ended approach does let them pretty much make it up as they go along without being restricted by the myth, so I’ll award bonus points instead for honorable mentions. Points go for the mention of Medusa’s parents, Ceto and Phorcys, and (as usual) the inclusion of her sisters, Euryale and Stheno. There are a fair number of other minor mentions throughout, notably the appearance of Perseus and Andromeda roughly halfway through. Loss of points for Perseus being basically useless and contributing nothing to the plot apart from his Medusoid shield. At the same time, double points for their clever re-imagining of Medusa’s decapitation/Pegasus’ birth. Which, admittedly, required Perseus’ shield. So I’ll give them a pass and let’s call it even.

Being more faithful to myth would have made the ending kind of a downer

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) Don’t get so caught up in a guy’s dreamy turquoise skin that you don’t realize what a loser he is on the inside.
2) Guidance counselors are never as helpful as BFFs.
3) Ancient Greek God gift registries are attended by creepy puppets.

Steven’s Favorites!
Character: Dionysus. He gets all the ladies.
Part: “…Career-ology Week. (Or Job-ology Week, as the students called it.)”
Thing I Learned: Go for the drunken ones. They’re more fun.

She just wants friends, you guys

Patricia’s Favorites!!
Character: Medusa!!! I love that she paints her nails in class so people will think she’s super blase about school, and then studies really hard secretly when no one’s looking
Part: At Zeus and Hera’s wedding when asked if anyone objects, a fly buzzes into the arena! Oh no, is it Athena’s inexplicable fly-mom coming to throw her tiny weight around?? Nah, just a normal fly, we cool. Loved this Ancient Greek insect fake out.
Thing I Learned: Medusa’s snakes apparently are named: Viper, Flicka, Pretzel, Snapper, Twister, Slinky, Lasso, Slither, Scaly, Emerald, Sweetpea, and Wiggle. Why don’t Ancient Greek legends record this? Apparently we never asked.

Next Time: Super Special: The Girl Games!
Previously:
Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6, Book 7

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Posted in Book Reviews |

VIQVI: Responding to Spam, May 2012

June 12th, 2012 by pladd

It’s been a little more than a month since Vitally Important Questions of Vital Importance responded to my ever-increasing spam folder. Sorry to keep you waiting, spambots!

These are all comments on my Sam Neill Update: Creepster Edition:

Spirit Animal writes:

Yesterday, while I was at work, my sister stole my apple ipad and tested to see if it can survive a 40 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

Don’t worry, Spirit Animal! There’s no rule that says you have to stay on topic in the comments, particularly when you have a great electronics-destroying story to tell. I think my favorite part of your comment is that you include that your sister now has “83 views”. That’s less than my cousin’s homemade youtube news program about NASCAR, so I don’t think she can qualify as a “youtube sensation” yet. Maybe, like my cousin, she should try to involve an animal in her act.

Free Viagra writes:

I would like to convey my love for your kindness supporting people who must have guidance on this area. Your real commitment to passing the message along was extraordinarily helpful and have without exception made ladies just like me to attain their pursuits. This important facts implies so much a person like me and much more to my mates. Warm regards; from everyone of us.

I know my posts about Sam Neill really pull at the heartstrings, Free Viagra. I don’t know what “pursuits” they’re helping you attain, but I assume you mean pretending you’ve seen many Sam Neill movies to explain why you were caught trespassing on his vineyard. Glad to help you and your mates!

Stefan Santarpia writes:

I just now wanted to thank you once more for your amazing website you have created here. It is full of ideas for those who are seriously interested in that subject, especially this very post. Your all so sweet plus thoughtful of others and reading your site posts is an excellent delight to me. And thats a generous surprise! Ben and I will certainly have pleasure making use of your tips in what we need to do in the near future. Our collection of ideas is a distance long and simply put tips is going to be put to very good use.

Again, SteFan Santarpia, I haven’t previously thought of my Sam Neill posts as “useful” or full of “tips”, so I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s a secret cadre of Sam Neill-obsessed stalkers who I am somehow aiding and abetting with my far more passive obsession with him. Either that, or you’re really into funny hats.

cancer scammer writes:

i don’t like your blog, it gave me cancer

Well, I’m glad it’s not all vague and seemingly unrelated praise! Although I’m sorry to hear about your condition, Cancer Scammer! I was previously unaware that sarcastic posts about Sam Neill in hats could cause cancer, but I guess that shows what I know! The cadre of Sam Neill-stalkers and I are rooting for you!

For more constructive criticism, does he love me writes about another Sam Neill update:

of course like your web site but you have to check the spelling on quite a few of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling issues and I find it very troublesome to tell the truth nevertheless I will definitely come back again.

I’m sorry to hear that, does he love me. I completely understand how poor spelling and grammar can be really distracting! I guess I will try harder in the future to get my posts up to Spam Standards of English.

My most recent Sam Neill post also garnered some spam attention (spamtention?):

True Religion Jeans writes:

Impressive site. Plenty of helpful information here. I’m sending it for some friends ans in addition sharing throughout delicious. And positively, thank you in your sweat!

You’re welcome, True Religion Jeans, although I don’t sweat much while watching and writing up Sam Neill movies! I know, I make it look like such hard work, but once you’ve watched 106 hours of them like I have, you can generally sit through at least one without having to stop for a sports drink to replenish electrolytes.

Leigh Pickman writes:

I will pray. Gladly. Good to know there is a fellow NRA type gal who also loves Christ and good handbags.

Thanks for your prayers, Leigh! However, just because I have now watched A Hunt for Red October does not make me an “NRA type gal”. I can see why the confusion! After all, normally those two go together like Christ and good handbags! Sorry for the mixup.

Finally, I had SO MUCH spam correspondence about my first post responding to spam! It’s obvious that those spambots really appreciated that someone was finally taking the time to address their concerns:

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Spambots: the most misunderstood of all Internet goblins! See, you guys? If we just take the time to understand them and respond to their needs, they’ll show their gratitude in the only way they know how: vague and grammatically problematic blog comments. You’re welcome, guys!

Crystal Ball writes:

why are my comments not showing?

I’m sorry, Crystal! My blog settings are so prejudiced against spam! Don’t worry, we’ll always have VIQVI!

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