The Plaid Pladd

It’s been brought to my attention that I am an expert in some things (zombies, Sam Neill movies) and also know a little bit about a lot of other things (sewing, Daylight Saving Time). Plus, I am totally willing to tell other people what to do! These qualities all qualify me to answer questions in my very own advice column! You don’t have to deny your secret longings anymore; I know you’ve all been waiting for this day!

My first question comes from Brian R. of Texas. Brian writes:

If there were zombie sheep, or hypothetically any zombie animal species, would they only lust after the brains of members of the same species? This is important e.g. if a certain jobless young man has dreams of someday moving to New Zealand but wants assurance that if the extremely large sheep population there were to suddenly all become zombies, he would not be at risk. Thanks!

Zombie animals are a hotly debated topic amongst those of us who may or may not frequent zombie preparedness forums. Max Brooks, my personal favorite zombie expert, calls shenanigans on this in no uncertain terms:

Brooks, M. (2003). The zombie survival guide: Complete protection from the living dead. New York: Three Rivers Press, pg 4.

Yeah, my copy of Zombie Survival Guide is highlighted in parts, but you don’t hear me lecturing you about your lack of preparedness, so…

In World War Z zombies will consume animals if no humans are available, but in the remake of Dawn of the Deadthey won’t even do that: the zombies completely ignore a dog winding its way through their horde. The Resident Evil series is on the other side of this debate, where the virus in question manages to mutate and infect dogs and birds. However, the Resident Evil series also includes random telepathy and this:

Don't even get me started on the ridiculousness of Mila's outfit

The virus in Resident Evil can apparently not only infect humans and animals, but also somehow manages to kill all plants and water on the planet. So I tend to pretty much ignore the whole thing as a fever dream and not a good source for zombie knowledge. Another movie reference that I think is relevant, particularly when discussing sheep and New Zealand is this masterpiece:

There are 40 million sheep in New Zealand... and they are pissed off!

The sheep are infected with a virus that makes them crave human flesh, and bitten humans will become sheep-men creatures, which pretty much describes a sheep version of the zombie virus jumping species. However, like in most zombie movies, the main people to be punished are hippies and evil scientists, so unless those are the jobs you’re applying for in New Zealand, I would say you’re probably safe. I don’t really buy zombie animals as a thing.

HOWEVER

Science does. I know it’s not as fun to turn to science for answers as it is B-movies and books erroneously shelved in the humor section, but there are a lot of species of insect that can be controlled by parasites. Even some forms of crab and maybe even humans? Okay, the human one is not even a huge deal, the parasite may by more likely to make men angry and women outgoing–the scientists might be confusing the parasite with alcohol. And even in many of the animals the controlling parasite doesn’t often KILL its host until the very end. There’s not really any reanimating going on here, so I would deem it zombie-like at best.

So, Brian from Texas, the short answer is, you’re safe unless you buy Resident Evil as a valid source of information. Or until the zombie virus mutates horribly!