The Plaid Pladd

Tomorrow is my 24th birthday! Today is Steven’s 26th birthday, but who cares about that? If he wanted things to be all about him, he would have his own blog. In case you are still searching for the perfect present (and I assume the entire Internet will get me presents), here is a list of 24 things I like that might help.
 

1. Terrible Movies

You have to be in the right mindset to watch something like Night of 1000 Cats or Stick It! or Titanic II. Luckily, I am always in that mindset.
 

2. Terrible Books

I like to think that I’m a little more discerning about the books I read than the movies I watch, but then I remembered how much I like making fun of things that try to be Twilight. Plus this summer I am going to try to tackle the ridic book Anna Baron gave me in one act payment two years ago: The Black Jewels Trilogy:

 

3. Prehistoric Animals

Dinosaurs are cool and all, but I really like all the weird stuff that came after them. I think I have seen all the National Geographic and BBC specials on stuff like this, so if you could just get me an actual leptictidium, that’d be favorite.

4. Art

I will freely admit to being terrible at most art, but that doesn’t stop me from trying. Whether it’s making up self-involved comics as a birthday present or making a pig mascot of a lemonade tin. I think my decided lack of artistic ability has taught me some great shortcuts that can easily fool people into thinking I’m competent.

 

5. Sewing

I have a sewing machine, a gift that’s so expensive I feel guilty every minute I’m not using it, which is most of them. I’ve made things before, but it’s a lot harder now when there’s no one to turn to when I inevitably screw things up. Still, I’m learning. Right now I’m in the middle of a crazy quilt made out of random scraps of old clothes. It’s less weird than it sounds.
 

6. Reading Aloud

You probably already know this, but I will take any opportunity to read aloud with someone. I especially like reading Terrible Books on car trips complete with sound effects.

 

7. Car Trips

Clearly I don’t hate car trips.

 

8. Tennis

Tennis is a relatively new thing I’ve started doing, usually with Steven and/or Rachel. We kind of make up our own rules and I’m still not great, but I’m definitely better than I was when I started, which is probably the best that can be hoped for. I really like the sounds the racket makes, the whoosh and the rubbery crack of hitting the ball.
 

9. Playing the Ukulele

I’ve had Gregor, this ukulele, ever since I realized that four strings are way easier than six. Since I was already the most lazy guitar player ever, it seemed like a no-brainer to make the switch. Unfortunately, since my leet guitar skillz lay mainly in classical fingerpicking, strumming patterns still sometimes elude me.

 

10. Making Pie Crust

Pie crust is like the spoiled only child of the baking world. It demands constant attention, and you can do everything right and sometimes it still acts like a brat for no reason. Luckily my parenting and baking styles are both “I’m patient but not taking this shit” so it’s especially satisfying when I roll out and attach the last layer.

 

11. Sending Mail

It’s no secret how much I love writing letters and postcards. I don’t just send postcards to my closest friends and family, either. I’ve sent them to government offices, dentists, people who probably don’t remember me, and grumpy reference librarians. My favorite postcard trope is to write as whatever is pictured on the card. Example:

“Dear Josh, I know you love me but I really think we should just be friends. Platonic Love, The Space Program”
 

12. Getting Mail

I like these too much to have them be smooshed into one number. I love getting mail! I think everyone does. I also save anything personal anyone sends me. If you’ve sent me a letter or a card since maybe 2006, chances are it’s pasted into my journal. A lot of times I just paste the whole envelope in so I don’t have to obscure a side of the letter, which makes reading my old journals a lot like reading The Jolly Postman or Griffin and Sabine, except better because it’s mostly almost true.
 

13. Keeping journals

I’ve kept a journal since 6th grade, so approximately 13 years. Sometimes I would write every day, other times there’s gaps of a few months, and most of the time my handwriting is a trial to decipher, making me feel like I’m on a Patricia-centric archeological dig. The worst and best thing about it is that I often provide very little context for the events I’m recording, especially in middle school when the latest drama within my friend group seemed VITALLY IMPORTANT but I never wasted time explaining who anyone was because duh, I already knew that. Now I often find highly emotional entries about people I don’t even remember at all:

I’m sooo sick of Stephanie. Now Pallavi is, like, her best friend and everyone seems to like her. Even when she overcrowds our table and leaves her stuff everywhere. She always steals people’s chairs. Worst of all she’s always soooo mean to me. Like on Thursday Mrs. Love said to get a half sheet of paper to copy notes. I’m out of paper so I asked if someone would split a piece of paper with me. Everyone else was getting set up so they didn’t answer but Stephanie took the time to say “Why would I want to split a sheet of paper with you?” like I was some gross, disgusting, vile, worm thing. I answered her by pretending she didn’t know we needed a half sheet of paper, but I knew she meant why would she want to split a paper with me. I realize now I should have said something like “Why are you so mean” but I didn’t. Stephanie is always mean like that.

“Why are you so mean” is clearly the best come back to any bully. Half of my sixth grade journal is like this, the other half is oddly detailed descriptions of school assignments or books I’d read. For instance:

We watched Hamlet in gifted. It’s soooo depressing! Everyone dies. Hamlet is the prince of Denmark. His dad dies and then a month later his mom marries his uncle. Then Hamlet’s dad’s ghost comes and tells him he didn’t just die he was murdered by the one who wears his crown. Hamlet vows to take revenge. Meanwhile Polonius’ son is going off to college. Polonius’ daughter Ophellia is Hamlet’s girlfriend. Polonius forbids her to see Hamlet for some stupid reason. Hamlet is trying to tell his mother about his father and Polonius is hiding behind the curtain. Hamlet hears Polonius and drives his sword into the curtain killing Polonius. The king sends Hamlet away to England for awhile and while he’s there Ophellia goes crazy and jumps off a bridge. Laratis comes back from college and Hamlet gets back from England. Laratis is mad at Hamlet for killing his dad and challenges him to a duel. Laratis is poisoning his sword tip and the king is poisoning the wine. At the duel the king tells Hamlet to drink some wine. Hamlet says no. Then Hamlet’s mom who is so happy Hamlet is winning drinks the wine. They go on fighting. Laratis scratches Hamlet with the poison sword dishonorably. Then he drops the sword accidentally and Hamlet picks it up and wounds him with it. Then Hamlet sees his mom dying and kills the King for poisoning the mom. Then Laratis dies. And Hamlet.

I’d like to pretend 23-year-old Patricia is better at it than 11-year-old Patricia, but she’s really not.
 

14. Board Games, specifically Settlers of Catan

I love any board game, but one of my favorites is Settlers of Catan. I first played it at Bova’s house during one of my many long car trips home for Christmas. I remember being really tired after driving for at least 8 hours that day, and being annoyed at Bova’s sister for wanting to play some board game when I just wanted to sleep. Then it was Settlers of Catan and I forgot all about sleeping in the excitement of crushing Steven with my largest army.
 

15. Wine with ridiculous labels

This is the kind of advertising that really works on me. Whether it’s a bottle shaped like a cat, a label that’s just a smiley face, or a name like “This Wine Sucks”, I HAVE to check it out. I guess I feel like if I made wine, I would do something like that. And obvs I will like wine made by people like me. “The Wine Sucks”, by the way, is not the name of a real wine (to my knowledge), but I would be way excited if it was.
 

16. Pictures of Food

Of course, I also like cooking and eating food too, but I really need to see a picture of something before I can get remotely excited about making it. Steven makes fun of me for only checking out cook books with pictures of every recipe; I think he thinks it’s being superficial. After all, some cookbooks might not be able to afford as many color photos but their recipes are just as tasty! Just like some people don’t have good cameras are photography skillz (me), but the recipes they blog about are probably just as good. Too bad. Foodgawker is pretty much my favorite source of recipes because it is all pictures.

 

17. Hot Air Balloons

 

18. Narwhals

Michael Curtis thought it was so funny when I thought these things were mythological/photoshopped. I guess I should feel embarrassed, but I still only half-believe in them.

19. Time Travel

 

20. NaNoWriMo (and Script Frenzy)

Without which the world would know nothing about William Marsh Rice’s age-old feud with Robert the Bruce:

 

21. Doctor Who

 

22. Picture Books For Kids and Adults

There’s a lot of these but my favorite is A Pig Parade is a Terrible Idea by Michael Ian Black.

 

23. Locopops!

Locopops is a local popsicle parlor (like an ice cream parlor but better)! They have new flavors every day, in both cream and ice pops! One of my favorites lately was Fluffernutter Pop, but mango chile is always good.
 

24. Steven Wiggins

Because he cares about the stupid shit I’m into.

This photo and Steven’s silly looking hair circa 2007.