The Plaid Pladd

Despite my differences with Alanna, both 12-year-old Patricia and 23-year-old Patricia were sad at the end of this, the last book in her series. Sometimes I suspect the reason I read other Tamora Pierce books (instead of just these four over and over) were to get little glimpses of her again, even if they were minor. Every time another character even mentioned her in the later Immortals and Protector of the Small books, I would squeal like the little girl I guess I was. Alanna, you will always be my homegirl.

Once again, for comparison purposes, I’ve decided to explain this book both as 23-year-old Patricia and 12-year-old Patricia.

Lioness Rampant by Tamora Pierce

Song of the Lioness Book 4

Then

Alanna is on an epic quest to find the Dominion Jewel, which is super magical!! Duke Roger is BACK and up to NO GOOD, Thom is a jerk, Jonathan is a jerk, and this new guy Liam is SUCH A JERK. Alanna should just get rid of all boys.

Alanna is way better in this book than before, especially at the end, when she kicks some more bad guy butt. She also gets a new BF who is kind of lame, but a good fighter. In the end, she gets married, to creepy George. I don’t know if I can forgive her.

Now

Alanna is off on a quest to prove herself and bring glory to the kingdom. She goes after the fabled Dominion Jewel, high in the totally-not-Himalayan mountains. Upon her return, she finds the court in chaos. Someone is planning to overthrow the new king, but who? Answer: Pretty much every villain who’s ever appeared in any Alanna book so far.

Alanna gets another love interest in this book, Liam, the Shang warrior, who is a traveling martial arts expert. She realizes that their relationship is doomed from the start, but still gets somewhat mopey when it finally ends. Pretty much everyone down to the minor characters finds love at the end of this book and, much to Middle School Patricia’s chagrin, Alanna ends up with the newly-respectable George. Alanna may be busting out of those medieval-fantasy gender conventions, but marriage is still the end of her story. Since, as a woman, you can never hope for more. Blargh.

Play by Play Notes

Chapter one: Lioness from Tortall
Alanna and Coram are in a foreign country to find a scholar to translate their treasure map. Welcome to the Inn of Backstory! Luckily, Liam the Shang Warrior Kung Fu Master is staying at the same Inn, and commences condescending flirting. The Goddess appears and is super vague, as per usual.

Chapter Two: The Road East
Alanna, Coram, and Liam are going to the Roof of the World to get the Dominion Jewel! Unfortunately, they have to travel through Sarain which is full of civil war. Liam is afraid of magic and thinks it’s cheating, but they are still kind of in love (lust?) so it doesn’t matter?

Chapter Three: The Warlord’s Daughter
They are captured by Princess Thayet who is fleeing the fighting with a group of children she rescued. Our team decides to see them safely to some city and its convent. Thayet is super gorgeous, but also knows how to fight. When they get there, the sisters tell them Thayet’s father, the Warlord, is dead, and everyone is looking for her so they can kill and/or forcibly marry her. She decides to go with Team Alanna to the Roof of the World instead.

Chapter Four: The Roof of the World
A blizzard in the mountains closes the pass she needs to take. A fortune teller tells Alanna that the pass will never be open because she’s got to prove she wants the Dominion Jewel bad enough. That night she uses her magic to make Liam sleep and sneaks off to Indiana Jones it. She gets the jewel! But Liam is super pissed she used magic on him and breaks up with her. On the way home, they meet her old knight pal Raoul who tells her that 1) the king and queen are both dead and 2) Thom brought Roger back to life. Dun Dun Duuuuuun.

Chapter Five: In the Capital of Tortall
George is still fighting a secret thief war with Claw, and everyone thinks that Jonathan’s reign will be cursed because of his zombie cousin Duke Roger. Zombie!Roger claims that his magical powers didn’t come back to life with him, but nobody buys it. Claw is actually Ralon from the first book! And he is plotting with Delia from the second book! George tells Jon they are planning on killing him even though it breaks the thief code. They set up a sting operation but Claw/Ralon gets away. Zombie!Roger yells at Delia, Slutty Princess from Book 3, and Alex, his old squire for acting without his permission.

Chapter Six: Homecoming
Yay! They’re back! Jonathan and Thayet have a love at first sight moment, everyone respects Alanna, and Thom keeps acting strange.

Chapter Seven: Period of Mourning
All Alanna’s old BFFs have important jobs now, even though Jon has not been crowned yet. Alanna feels left out until Jon makes her King’s Champion. Jon is like, “Are you SURE you don’t want to get married?” And Alanna goes, “Um, did I not just see you macking on Princess Thayet?” and Jon is all, “I NEVER go back on my word”. Alanna is all, “Whatever, no.” Jon decides to pardon George, make him a Baron, and use him as a secret agent. One of Thom’s old teachers comes to the palace because George wrote that Thom is magic-sick.

Chapter Eight: Crossroads in Time
It’s coronation day, and natch Zombie!Roger tries something! He has Claw/Ralon and Delia lead soldiers to attack the great hall while he sucks all of Thom’s magic out of him to make massive earthquakes. Alanna runs to help Thom, but he dies. Then she runs to help his teacher, but he tells her Roger’s plan, then dies. Slutty Princess attacks her with a freakin’ axe, but Faithful the Magical Talking Cat takes one for the team. Alanna runs down to the secret palace catacombs where Zombie!Roger is trying to open some magical gate, but Alex challenges her to a duel, which she wins. Zombie!Roger is all “Ha ha! You can’t kill me with that sword! I made that evil magical sword you’ve mixed in with your own.” He uses his magic to try to pull it out of her hands but she hangs on. Then she suddenly decides to let go and the sword plunges into his heart. So he’s really dead now? I guess?
Final Epic Battle Death Role Call, listed from saddest to least sad for Middle School Patricia:
Faithful, Thom’s old teacher, Liam, Thom, Zombie!Roger, Slutty Princess, Alex, Claw/Ralon

Epilogue
Alanna is back with her desert tribe trying to rest, and Thayet shows up asking for Alanna’s blessing to marry King J. Once again Alanna has to assure us that she is really, really, actually fine with it. Liam’s old friend delivers her a letter from him from beyond the grave where he basically says, “Don’t blame yourself for my death; I wanted to die being a total badass hero”. Then George comes and asks what she wants to do, and she says Get Married! The End
Final Love Connections:
Alanna & George
Jonathan & Thayet
Sir Myles & George’s Mom
Coram & George’s Cousin
Thom & A Valuable Life Lessons about Meddling With Death

Also see: Song of the Lioness Book 1: Alanna: The First Adventure
Book 2: In the Hands of the Goddess
Book 3: The Woman Who Rides Like a Man

Next up: Immortals Book One: Wild Magic