The Plaid Pladd

Alanna, you won me over in In the Hand of the Goddess, so I guess I can see you through its sequel, The Woman Who Rides Like a Man without too much complaint. Sure, it has that Two Towers feeling of just being a big set up for some even better story, and, yeah, there’s no main antagonist and you have no sense of purpose. But maybe Tamora Pierce is just trying to show us what happens after you graduate–to the knighthood, or from college or whatever–and wander around aimlessly trying to figure out what you want to do with your life. Alanna is 18, after all. Plus, this one has the best title of any Song of the Lioness book so I can’t hate on it too much.

Once again, for comparison purposes, I’ve decided to explain this book both as 23-year-old Patricia and 11-year-old Patricia.

The Woman Who Rides Like a Man by Tamora Pierce

Song of the Lioness Book 3

Then

The Sitch
Alanna is finally a knight and off on knightly adventures!!! Except instead of fighting dragons, she just ends up living with this desert tribe and being a shaman and it’s hot and there are all these tents. Then Prince Jonathan proposes!!! Except it is not that romantic, so Alanna says no and Jonathan is SHOCKED and HURT and starts dating some princess to make her jealous so Alanna starts dating stupid old George to make HIM jealous. Basically, it is 4th period Earth Science, but everyone has swords.

Our Heroine
Alanna is kind of boring in this book. She turns down Prince Jonathan, which is SHOCKING, but she was right because his proposal was way lame. He didn’t even try to woo her AT ALL; that is not how you treat a lady, especially when she is AMAZING. Most of the time, she is way mopey.

Now

The Sitch
Alanna goes off into the world to find adventures and ends up becoming the shaman of a Bazhir tribe in the desert, shaking up all their ideas about women and propriety. Then she hangs around with boys for awhile, and Thom acts mad suspicious.

Our Heroine
Now that I’m 23 instead of 11, I think I better understand Alanna in this book. At 11, she just seemed boring and noncommittal. I kept waiting for her to do something. Now, of course, I get her completely because, hey, I have been there, homegirl. Alanna’s not sure about her identity or her place in the world, she’s torn between a familiar love interest who wants her for “all the wrong reasons” and a guy who she may or may not be using as a rebound. Plus, she flips out whenever anyone mentions that she might want to start popping out the babies since, come on, she is 18 already and that is obvs the time to settle down from all this crazy knight business. I feel you, Alanna. In this book more than ever, I want to invite you out for drinks and give you advice starting with “Girrrrrrrrrrrl…. y’all are better than these crazy boys!” Then we would clink our glasses and toast to Lady Power (we have leveled up from Girl Power at this point) and remaining Free of Society’s Expectations.

Play by Play Notes

Chapter one: The Woman Who Rides Like a Man
Alanna and Coram are attacked by Hill Men! In the fight, Alanna’s magical sword Lightning is broken! They become captives/guests of the Bloody Hawk tribe of the Bazhir desert people. Their headman thinks she is cool, but their shaman thinks she is a demon and wants to kill her. Natch they decide through Trial by Combat.

Chapter Two: The Bloody Hawk
She wins! By law, she is now part of their tribe. The shaman still tries to kill her a bunch, particularly with his evil magic sword. The Bazhir have a kind of high priest of all the tribes called The Voice who apparently spends an hour each night listening to all the thoughts of all the people in all the tribes. It is Ali, the guy she met at the Black City! He tells her that he is dying and Prince Jonathan must become the new Voice of the Tribes.

Chapter Three: Bazhir Shaman
Coram goes to get Jonathan, and Alanna can’t fix her sword because it is too magical. The shaman tries to kill Alanna again, but ends up killing himself by accident. Alanna becomes the new shaman! I wish awesome new jobs would just fall into my lap like that.

Chapter Four: Studies in Sorcery
Now that she is the shaman, Alanna decides to start teaching some obviously magical “outcast” teenagers to replace her. The two girls are timid because they are girls, and the boy is too arrogant. Alanna has dreams about Duke Roger coming back to life, but assumes that they are not prophetic at all.

Chapter Five: Apprentices
The women of the tribe are finally accepting Alanna and her two girl apprentices! Boy apprentice is still annoying. Thom sends Alanna a letter saying he is studying Duke Roger’s old papers, in a totally non-suspicious way. Arrogant boy apprentice tries to master the ex-shaman’s evil magical sword, and it kills him.

Chapter Six: Ceremonies
Sir Myles and Jonathan are here! Jonathan has to learn everything about the Bazhir and being the Voice before Ali dies. Prince J is going through his rebellious streak, and then asks Alanna to marry him. She accuses him of just wanting it for shock value, and then says she wants to think about it. Alanna realizes marrying Jonathan would involve being a normal, boring lady and having lots of babies.

Chapter Seven: The Voice of the Tribes
Jonathan becomes Voice of the Tribes! Alanna discovers he thought “I want to think about it” meant “Yes! Marry me right now!” and is pissed. They fight, and he tells her she is unwomanly and doesn’t know her place. Prince J goes back home and flirts up a storm with some visiting princess to make Alanna jealous/staunch the weeping of his broken heart.

Chapter Eight: The King of the Thieves
Alanna goes to visit George in Port Caynn, where he is quelling a thief rebellion. They immediately start sleeping together “because he doesn’t take me for granted”. Then on All Hallow (which I guess is fantasy-medieval Halloween) Alanna wakes up DRAINED OF MAGIC and knows it must by Thom. He writes saying he was doing an “experiment” and just needed to “borrow” her power. Then everyone is almost poisoned by some thief back in the capital named Claw. George has to go deal out some thief justice and Alanna goes back to the desert because she still cannot be within a ten mile radius of Jonathan and his slutty new princess.

Chapter Nine: At the Sign of the Dancing Dove
Claw def used to be a nobleman, but no one can tell who because he is horribly disfigured by acid! Thom may or may not be trying to raise the dead! Bet you see where this is going.

Chapter Ten: The Doomed Sorceress
Alanna is all “I’m bored” and the Bloody Hawk headman says, “Well, you could always go save my childhood BFF who is about to be burned at the stake by ignorant villagers for witchcraft”. So she does. She arrives too late, but the sorceress’ dying words tell her how to fix her sword: by merging it with the evil magical sword. Alanna has another dream about Roger coming back to life but Coram is all “That’s crazy; no author would carelessly kill off her main villain before realizing she actually needed him for two more books.” Alanna is as surprised as I am that this is really the anticlimactic end of the book.

Also see: Song of the Lioness Book 1: Alanna: The First Adventure
Book 2: In the Hands of the Goddess
Next Up: Lioness Rampant!