Archive for April, 2011

Secrets of the Librarian Universe

I make librarians out to be pretty awesome, and not just through my own awesome example. Last year’s NaNoWriMo revealed that all librarians are trained secretly from birth by the International Librarian Corps, given subject specializations and cool badges and maybe even the ability to travel through printed works by Dewey Decimal. In the script James and I are writing this month for Script Frenzy, my character reveals that librarians follow a strict Librarian Code:

A page after this, we're attacked by a Jane Chance monster

In the real world, librarians don’t fight epic battles with literature’s greatest villains or even have cool ILC badges. I know, it’s a total bummer. However, there are some ancient librarian secrets I can report back to you after becoming a MASTER of library science (I will always, always say it like that from this day forth; I assume that’s the whole point of calling it a “master’s degree”). Here are some true librarian facts that might shock you:

1. Librarians haven’t read every book ever
2. Librarians judge books by their covers ALL the time
3. Librarians don’t hate fun (your mileage on this one may vary depending on librarian/library)

The first of this list is probably the toughest to deal with because, of course, we want to appear knowledgeable about every book ever, even though it’s impossible for this to be the case. Here are some tricks librarians (including me) are using right now to fake you out:

GoodReads

GoodReads is amazing! It’s kind of like the facebook of books. You can keep track of all the books you’ve read and want to read, organizing them into any categories you want. Mine include “Books I Own”, “Favorites”, and “Books I Started But Couldn’t Finish”. You can assign them star ratings and write reviews, and see what your friends are reading. When I remembered it existed a few weeks ago, I went into a frenzy trying to remember every book I’ve ever read to properly record it. But you probably only have these OCD urges if you’re actually a librarian already. If you don’t have GoodReads, you should def check it out, and if you do, then we should be friends.

Favorite Book Montage!

WorldCat

WorldCat is like a library catalog, but it lets you search all libraries in the world at once! Okay, maybe not all libraries, but it certainly seems like it. Librarians use it all the time for things like Inter-Library Loan, but I mainly use it to see how far away I am from a given book at any time. Seriously. Search for a book, and the results will tell you roughly how far away you are from a library copy. For instance, if I search for my book I get:

Of course, it doesn’t know that I have boxes of them in my closet. It’s really great when someone asks for a book we don’t have at the library to be able to tell them “Wow, the nearest copy is 3000 miles away! And in ENGLAND!” It makes me look like some kind of book psychic!

What’s Next?

You know what’s annoying? Series. And not just because I’m always confused about what the plural should be. Especially annoying are ones like Warriors or Left Behind that are actually a bunch of different series all shelved together in a seething, confusing mass. Luckily, I don’t have to read all of them to untangle this confusing web of prequels and sequels and spin-offs and “companion books”. I have What’s Next, which is maintained by Kent District Libraries in Michigan. It’s super helpful when some kid wants to know “Which Magic Tree House book comes after the one with the dolphins?” or “I need Magic Tree House #15!” Because there are 45 books in that series! Not to mention the confusion of Erin Hunter’s six series within a series about tribes of warrior cats.

Don't laugh, if you were born 12 years earlier you'd be into it too. Apparently.

Novelist

Library grad school is ALL ABOUT Novelist, but my experience is that real librarians don’t use it to fake you out as much as you might think, just because it takes awhile to load. It’s a huge database full of books and recommendations for other books. Chances are, you can access it too through your local library, although you probably don’t know it. If you search for a book, you get a brief description including quick one-word descriptions of the genre, pacing, tone, and writing style, plus the reading level and any reviews from “real” sources. Then on the side bar it recommends books like that one, and lets you customize a search for them by giving you check boxes with that book’s characteristics.

This one is from the book I'm reading with Steven right now, Museum of Thieves

So I can easily find other books with 12-year-old girl thieves, but maybe not museums. Of course, there’s no guarantee your library will own any of these books. And you can’t search by cover design, which would be the single most important librarian tool if someone would just invent it.

Bonus Library Secret: Custom Book Lists

This is possibly only a librarian secret in that I don’t think it’s advertised very well. At the library I work at right now, if you fill out an online form about what kinds of books and movies you like, they’ll email you a detailed book list just for you about a week or two later! The form is way detailed with lots of check boxes for preferred genres and sub-genres, setting, main characters, relationships, or tone, and the book list you end up getting is usually very thorough (and pretty!). They don’t ask for your library card number either, which means anyone can take advantage of it!

Immortals Book 2: Wolf-Speaker


This book may have been Middle School Patricia’s favorite of the Daine-centered “Immortals” series. I think I know why: 1) Numair is gone for most of it, 2) Daine mostly just hangs out in the woods with animals, and animals are awesome, and 3) Daine’s complete inability to deal with other people is less in evidence.

This book takes place entirely in Dunlath valley, a small fief in the north of Tortall where Daine’s old wolf-pack decides they need her help. When she gets there, she discovers not just rampant deforestation for secret mines, but also a strange amount of Carthak mages who are clearly UP TO SOMETHING. Numair goes for help before the mages conveniently seal off the valley, leaving Daine and her band of furry friends to save the day.

Since Numair is hardly present for most of this book, I’m going to bring the creepy factor down to 0 out of 5.

Tamora Pierce Checklist

Animal Companion(s): Cloud (horse), Kitten (dragon baby), Brokefang + his whole pack (wolves), Tkaa (basilisk), Flicker (Squirrel)
Magical Bling: Silver badger claw/animal god pager
Love Interest(s): None, but Brokefang’s mate is still totes jeal
Song of the Lioness Character Sightings: Alanna and Raoul come to the rescue!

Wolf-Speaker by Tamora Pierce

Book 2 of The Immortals

Play-By-Play
Chapter one: Encounters
Daine and Numair meet Daine’s old wolf pack in their valley that “humans are ruining”. Stormwings are patrolling the valley and Daine finds the charred remains of a patrol of Queen’s Riders. Suspicious? Numair thinks maybe. But he has to wait a few chapters before actually doing anything about it. Read the rest of this entry »

The Amazing Cake Ball Tutorial!

If they look delicious, it's because they are

Cake balls are pretty amazing, and they are completely easy (and fun!) to make. They’re great to bring to a party since they’re small, portable finger food, and they are sure to impress despite their simplicity! Plus, there’s endless combinations of flavors to try!

Chocolate coating outside, cakey goodness inside

Here are all of the ingredients, plus some escape artist tulips:

1 box cake mix, 1 can frosting, 1 bag of chocolate chips

I’ve made the traditional yellow cake/chocolate coating before, but this time I wanted to try lemon cake, so I went with white chocolate chips and white frosting. I figured lemon frosting would be too lemony, but now I’m thinking there’s no such thing. And, okay, this picture is maybe a little misleading because, depending on your cake mix, you’ll probably also need an egg and/or some vegetable oil and water. Details. Besides, you have those lying around your house anyway just waiting to be put into a cake.

So, Step One: Make the cake

Ta-Dah!

It doesn’t matter what shape or size pan you use, since the next step is to wait till it cools and then

Step Two: WRECK THE CAKE

This is by far my favorite part

That’s right, get in there and smash that cake up! I usually crumble it into a very large bowl. It’s super fun just grabbing whole hunks of cake and crushing them into tiny pieces! Once that’s done it will probs look like this:

Make sure you start with a big enough bowl! I had to switch mine out

Now you’re ready for Step Three: Stir in the Frosting!

Frosting is serious business

Read the rest of this entry »

Grad School Yearbook

Yesterday was potentially my last day on campus ever! I turned in my final paper, went to my last class, and am so not going to graduation. The bus ride home was probably one of the most anticlimactic Last Day of Schools ever. I felt absolutely no remorse/sadness, and not even really any relief. In an attempt to try to reclaim some of that Last Day of School Nostalgia, I’ve decided to make a list of Grad School Memories. I’m imagining it as a kind of Middle School Year Book, with the kind of entries I remember thinking about for days before actually writing in another person’s. If only Grad School had yearbooks, these would probably be some of the entries I would write to the people/things I remember most:

Goth Prof

Sadly not an actual picture of goth prof

Goth Prof, I know you were only a PhD student stuck teaching me cataloging first semester, but your class really meant something to me. It was probably one of the most practical in grad school, where we learned a practical skill and all of the assignments were directly related to cultivating it. You didn’t waste my time, which was awesome. Also, you dressed like you were going to a goth Ren Faire most days, which was also awesome. One time when I was absent my partner claimed you wore red, but I don’t believe it.

Yahoo Answers for Credit

Yeah, I've totally got a reference book for that

Reference class was another one where most of the assignments actually seemed practical. Answer random reference questions assigned by the prof, answer questions for the ipl… answer Yahoo! Answers questions. Yahoo! Answers, you may or may not be the future of reference services, and I’m not sure you’re really where the majority of people are now turning for their “information needs”, but I’m not going to complain about an assignment where I get to spend time with you, answering ridiculous questions instead of reading some boring article. Answering ridiculous questions (“What’s the PINKEST book in the library??”) is pretty much why I got into this business in the first place. That, and the mystique.

 

“I made this PowerPoint from scratch!”

Couldn't find a picture of them, but here is their natural habitat

Oh, People Who Take Library Grad School Seriously. You are hilarious! I sincerely enjoyed all of my time in class with you. The times you asked the professor what size font the final paper should be in on the first day of class. The times you asked questions about ridiculous hypothetical situations like “What should we do if a child vomits on the floor and another child tries to eat it? Could we be sued for that?” The times you actually thought the professors knew what they were talking about. The times you created elaborate reasons for your side of the books/technology debate (“What if all world governments collapse and we find ourselves living in a post-apocalyptic society? We probably won’t have electricity. We’ll need BOOKS to tell us how to SURVIVE.”) The way you would make a 20-slide PowerPoint for even the shortest of presentations. Yes, your antics pretty much kept me endlessly entertained, but also showed me to my own path, my grad school mantra, if you will. Which brings me to:

What are you going to do, fail me?

Not Pictured: Grad School

I’m pretty sure nobody fails grad school, at least not Library science Grad School. All you have to do is reassure the faculty (however erroneously) that yes, they are useful. While other people got worked up about the fonts on their PowerPoints, I just silently repeated my Grad School motto, “What are they going to do, fail me?” and stopped worrying about it.

“Teens like clothes, right?”

Oh, Professors Who Have No Clue What They’re Talking About! We’ve come so far since I first met you! Just think, back then I still had some respect for your ability to teach a class without sounding silly! Ha ha, and then that memorable day when you were forced to acknowledge that teenagers exist and, hey, some libraries actually have the gall to try to put on programs for them. What was your suggestion? Oh right, I remember because I wrote it down for evidence: “Teenagers spend a lot of money on clothes, so maybe you could bring in some ‘cool’ teens to tell the other teens how to dress.” Yeah, that was it. And maybe you might have heard a weird noise after you said that, as an undertone to the general uproar from those of us actually listening to you? Yeah, that was me, screaming with my mouth closed.

Magic Cupcakes!

I know this was only a few weeks ago

But you've got to admit, they're pretty awesome

Preschool BFF Reunion!

On Wednesdays, we wear pink

Megan!!! My favorite grad school memory by far is discovering that we have always been besties! Megan and I have been grad school friends for awhile–ever since we discovered that we are both awesome–but it wasn’t until my mom saw a post she made on my facebook wall and said, “You know, your best friend in preschool had that same name!” that we discovered we go way back. Natch it’s hard to remember all the deets from when you were three, especially when we both moved away shortly after.

Reunited and it feels so good!

Immortals Book 1: Wild Magic!


I know you are just hankering to know what happens in the next Tamora Pierce series, The Immortals, and don’t worry, so was I! That’s why I read all of Wild Magic yesterday so I could report back. Our heroine, Daine, is a 13-year-old orphan brimming over with “wild magic”, which basically boils down to souped up Eliza Thornberry powers.

Where Darwin is played by a horse and Donnie is a fantasy-medieval hipster

And her dad’s unfortunately not Tim Curry, but some (probably super-magic) mystery man her mom met this one night whom she’s never met. This concept is great because it combined my 13-year-old love of medieval-fantasy MAGIC with my love of HORSES, Daine’s primary animal companions. While she tries to flee her past and understand her powers, she ends up in Tortall, helping out my girl Alanna and a new character, Numair the hot sorcerer/hipster/lech. Because random mythical creatures (“immortals”) are attacking Tortall! Of course.

Middle School Patricia took awhile to warm to Daine, and even then she was never as cool as Alanna. She thought Daine was kind of boring and too shy, even though Daine’s actions pretty much mirrored what her own would have been. Alanna is what Middle School Patricia wishes she was: brave, tough, and not taking any crap. Daine is what she actually was: shy, nervous, and often confused by social interactions. Middle School Patricia was, perhaps, frustrated that here was someone even more of a wuss than her who still had awesome magical powers. And she got to hang out with Alanna. Middle School Patricia was totes jeal.

Meanwhile, my current problems with this book mostly relate to Numair, whose present inoffensiveness I can’t disentangle from my knowledge about where his storyline is going. I hoped that I had a George-like misunderstanding about him in middle school, but upon this reread I found that my memories are correct: he’s at least 28 in this book, and although he hasn’t made a move on Daine yet (besides some jubilant hugging) it’s just a few books away. In this book, he’s Daine’s teacher and clearly a sort of surrogate father-figure since she never knew her own. Which makes their eventual “happily ever after” that much creepier. But I’ll stop getting ahead of myself. For this book, anyway, the Creep Factor is a pretty low: 1 out of 5.

In case you have to ask, Middle School Patricia, of course, thought Numair was totally hot and completely romantic because, duh, he had long hair, and could turn into a hawk. Luckily, though she too was 13 at the time, she didn’t immediately start macking on any 28-year-old father figures.

Wild Magic by Tamora Pierce

Book 1 of The Immortals

Typical Tamora Pierce Checklist:
Magical Animal Companion(s): Cloud, the sassy mountain pony!
Magical Bling: a silver badger’s claw acquired in a dream!
Love Interest(s): None yet, but Numair gives her a nickname so you know it’s coming
Previous Tamora Pierce Character Sightings: Thayet (8), Alanna (7), George (4), King J (2), Dead characters living on through namesakes (4)

Play-by-Play
Chapter one: Girl with a Pony
Daine and her trusty steed, Cloud, get jobs with Onua, a horse trader headed towards Tortall because Daine seems to be able to talk to horses. Onua works for the Queen’s Riders, which are a corps of swift men and women warriors protecting small villages from raiders. They’re led by Queen Thayet!!! Daine dreams a badger is annoyed with her and then gives her a piece of its own hand. Then she wakes up and finds A SILVER BADGER CLAW OMG

Chapter two: The Hawk
Daine and Onua get attacked by Stormwings, mythical creatures that feed on corpses. Except they are totes real! They are like human/birds with metal, razor sharp wings. With her archery and magical animal powers, Daine fights them off, then finds the hawk they were chasing. The hawk is sick and Onua thinks it is SUPER IMPORTANT to cure it. Then Alanna shows up!!!! And saves the hawk, of course. Turns out, it was a man all along!

Chapter three: Spidrens and Meditation
Daine wakes up in the middle of the night and feels something is amiss! Alanna is awake too, and they end up fighting off spidrens: human/spider monsters! The hawk man turns out to be Numair the Sorcerer who was spying and got stuck as a hawk. They bond over hair products and make it to Corus, the capital. Read the rest of this entry »

Song of the Lioness Book 4: Lioness Rampant


Despite my differences with Alanna, both 12-year-old Patricia and 23-year-old Patricia were sad at the end of this, the last book in her series. Sometimes I suspect the reason I read other Tamora Pierce books (instead of just these four over and over) were to get little glimpses of her again, even if they were minor. Every time another character even mentioned her in the later Immortals and Protector of the Small books, I would squeal like the little girl I guess I was. Alanna, you will always be my homegirl.

Once again, for comparison purposes, I’ve decided to explain this book both as 23-year-old Patricia and 12-year-old Patricia.

Lioness Rampant by Tamora Pierce

Song of the Lioness Book 4

Then

Alanna is on an epic quest to find the Dominion Jewel, which is super magical!! Duke Roger is BACK and up to NO GOOD, Thom is a jerk, Jonathan is a jerk, and this new guy Liam is SUCH A JERK. Alanna should just get rid of all boys.

Alanna is way better in this book than before, especially at the end, when she kicks some more bad guy butt. She also gets a new BF who is kind of lame, but a good fighter. In the end, she gets married, to creepy George. I don’t know if I can forgive her.

Now

Alanna is off on a quest to prove herself and bring glory to the kingdom. She goes after the fabled Dominion Jewel, high in the totally-not-Himalayan mountains. Upon her return, she finds the court in chaos. Someone is planning to overthrow the new king, but who? Answer: Pretty much every villain who’s ever appeared in any Alanna book so far.

Alanna gets another love interest in this book, Liam, the Shang warrior, who is a traveling martial arts expert. She realizes that their relationship is doomed from the start, but still gets somewhat mopey when it finally ends. Pretty much everyone down to the minor characters finds love at the end of this book and, much to Middle School Patricia’s chagrin, Alanna ends up with the newly-respectable George. Alanna may be busting out of those medieval-fantasy gender conventions, but marriage is still the end of her story. Since, as a woman, you can never hope for more. Blargh.

Play by Play Notes

Chapter one: Lioness from Tortall
Alanna and Coram are in a foreign country to find a scholar to translate their treasure map. Welcome to the Inn of Backstory! Luckily, Liam the Shang Warrior Kung Fu Master is staying at the same Inn, and commences condescending flirting. The Goddess appears and is super vague, as per usual.

Chapter Two: The Road East
Alanna, Coram, and Liam are going to the Roof of the World to get the Dominion Jewel! Unfortunately, they have to travel through Sarain which is full of civil war. Liam is afraid of magic and thinks it’s cheating, but they are still kind of in love (lust?) so it doesn’t matter?

Chapter Three: The Warlord’s Daughter
They are captured by Princess Thayet who is fleeing the fighting with a group of children she rescued. Our team decides to see them safely to some city and its convent. Thayet is super gorgeous, but also knows how to fight. When they get there, the sisters tell them Thayet’s father, the Warlord, is dead, and everyone is looking for her so they can kill and/or forcibly marry her. She decides to go with Team Alanna to the Roof of the World instead.

Chapter Four: The Roof of the World
A blizzard in the mountains closes the pass she needs to take. A fortune teller tells Alanna that the pass will never be open because she’s got to prove she wants the Dominion Jewel bad enough. That night she uses her magic to make Liam sleep and sneaks off to Indiana Jones it. She gets the jewel! But Liam is super pissed she used magic on him and breaks up with her. On the way home, they meet her old knight pal Raoul who tells her that 1) the king and queen are both dead and 2) Thom brought Roger back to life. Dun Dun Duuuuuun.

Chapter Five: In the Capital of Tortall
George is still fighting a secret thief war with Claw, and everyone thinks that Jonathan’s reign will be cursed because of his zombie cousin Duke Roger. Zombie!Roger claims that his magical powers didn’t come back to life with him, but nobody buys it. Claw is actually Ralon from the first book! And he is plotting with Delia from the second book! George tells Jon they are planning on killing him even though it breaks the thief code. They set up a sting operation but Claw/Ralon gets away. Zombie!Roger yells at Delia, Slutty Princess from Book 3, and Alex, his old squire for acting without his permission.

Chapter Six: Homecoming
Yay! They’re back! Jonathan and Thayet have a love at first sight moment, everyone respects Alanna, and Thom keeps acting strange.

Chapter Seven: Period of Mourning
All Alanna’s old BFFs have important jobs now, even though Jon has not been crowned yet. Alanna feels left out until Jon makes her King’s Champion. Jon is like, “Are you SURE you don’t want to get married?” And Alanna goes, “Um, did I not just see you macking on Princess Thayet?” and Jon is all, “I NEVER go back on my word”. Alanna is all, “Whatever, no.” Jon decides to pardon George, make him a Baron, and use him as a secret agent. One of Thom’s old teachers comes to the palace because George wrote that Thom is magic-sick.

Chapter Eight: Crossroads in Time
It’s coronation day, and natch Zombie!Roger tries something! He has Claw/Ralon and Delia lead soldiers to attack the great hall while he sucks all of Thom’s magic out of him to make massive earthquakes. Alanna runs to help Thom, but he dies. Then she runs to help his teacher, but he tells her Roger’s plan, then dies. Slutty Princess attacks her with a freakin’ axe, but Faithful the Magical Talking Cat takes one for the team. Alanna runs down to the secret palace catacombs where Zombie!Roger is trying to open some magical gate, but Alex challenges her to a duel, which she wins. Zombie!Roger is all “Ha ha! You can’t kill me with that sword! I made that evil magical sword you’ve mixed in with your own.” He uses his magic to try to pull it out of her hands but she hangs on. Then she suddenly decides to let go and the sword plunges into his heart. So he’s really dead now? I guess?
Final Epic Battle Death Role Call, listed from saddest to least sad for Middle School Patricia:
Faithful, Thom’s old teacher, Liam, Thom, Zombie!Roger, Slutty Princess, Alex, Claw/Ralon

Epilogue
Alanna is back with her desert tribe trying to rest, and Thayet shows up asking for Alanna’s blessing to marry King J. Once again Alanna has to assure us that she is really, really, actually fine with it. Liam’s old friend delivers her a letter from him from beyond the grave where he basically says, “Don’t blame yourself for my death; I wanted to die being a total badass hero”. Then George comes and asks what she wants to do, and she says Get Married! The End
Final Love Connections:
Alanna & George
Jonathan & Thayet
Sir Myles & George’s Mom
Coram & George’s Cousin
Thom & A Valuable Life Lessons about Meddling With Death

Also see: Song of the Lioness Book 1: Alanna: The First Adventure
Book 2: In the Hands of the Goddess
Book 3: The Woman Who Rides Like a Man

Next up: Immortals Book One: Wild Magic

Song of the Lioness 3: The Woman Who Rides Like a Man


Alanna, you won me over in In the Hand of the Goddess, so I guess I can see you through its sequel, The Woman Who Rides Like a Man without too much complaint. Sure, it has that Two Towers feeling of just being a big set up for some even better story, and, yeah, there’s no main antagonist and you have no sense of purpose. But maybe Tamora Pierce is just trying to show us what happens after you graduate–to the knighthood, or from college or whatever–and wander around aimlessly trying to figure out what you want to do with your life. Alanna is 18, after all. Plus, this one has the best title of any Song of the Lioness book so I can’t hate on it too much.

Once again, for comparison purposes, I’ve decided to explain this book both as 23-year-old Patricia and 11-year-old Patricia.

The Woman Who Rides Like a Man by Tamora Pierce

Song of the Lioness Book 3

Then

The Sitch
Alanna is finally a knight and off on knightly adventures!!! Except instead of fighting dragons, she just ends up living with this desert tribe and being a shaman and it’s hot and there are all these tents. Then Prince Jonathan proposes!!! Except it is not that romantic, so Alanna says no and Jonathan is SHOCKED and HURT and starts dating some princess to make her jealous so Alanna starts dating stupid old George to make HIM jealous. Basically, it is 4th period Earth Science, but everyone has swords.

Our Heroine
Alanna is kind of boring in this book. She turns down Prince Jonathan, which is SHOCKING, but she was right because his proposal was way lame. He didn’t even try to woo her AT ALL; that is not how you treat a lady, especially when she is AMAZING. Most of the time, she is way mopey.

Now

The Sitch
Alanna goes off into the world to find adventures and ends up becoming the shaman of a Bazhir tribe in the desert, shaking up all their ideas about women and propriety. Then she hangs around with boys for awhile, and Thom acts mad suspicious.

Our Heroine
Now that I’m 23 instead of 11, I think I better understand Alanna in this book. At 11, she just seemed boring and noncommittal. I kept waiting for her to do something. Now, of course, I get her completely because, hey, I have been there, homegirl. Alanna’s not sure about her identity or her place in the world, she’s torn between a familiar love interest who wants her for “all the wrong reasons” and a guy who she may or may not be using as a rebound. Plus, she flips out whenever anyone mentions that she might want to start popping out the babies since, come on, she is 18 already and that is obvs the time to settle down from all this crazy knight business. I feel you, Alanna. In this book more than ever, I want to invite you out for drinks and give you advice starting with “Girrrrrrrrrrrl…. y’all are better than these crazy boys!” Then we would clink our glasses and toast to Lady Power (we have leveled up from Girl Power at this point) and remaining Free of Society’s Expectations.

Play by Play Notes

Chapter one: The Woman Who Rides Like a Man
Alanna and Coram are attacked by Hill Men! In the fight, Alanna’s magical sword Lightning is broken! They become captives/guests of the Bloody Hawk tribe of the Bazhir desert people. Their headman thinks she is cool, but their shaman thinks she is a demon and wants to kill her. Natch they decide through Trial by Combat.

Chapter Two: The Bloody Hawk
She wins! By law, she is now part of their tribe. The shaman still tries to kill her a bunch, particularly with his evil magic sword. The Bazhir have a kind of high priest of all the tribes called The Voice who apparently spends an hour each night listening to all the thoughts of all the people in all the tribes. It is Ali, the guy she met at the Black City! He tells her that he is dying and Prince Jonathan must become the new Voice of the Tribes.

Chapter Three: Bazhir Shaman
Coram goes to get Jonathan, and Alanna can’t fix her sword because it is too magical. The shaman tries to kill Alanna again, but ends up killing himself by accident. Alanna becomes the new shaman! I wish awesome new jobs would just fall into my lap like that.

Chapter Four: Studies in Sorcery
Now that she is the shaman, Alanna decides to start teaching some obviously magical “outcast” teenagers to replace her. The two girls are timid because they are girls, and the boy is too arrogant. Alanna has dreams about Duke Roger coming back to life, but assumes that they are not prophetic at all.

Chapter Five: Apprentices
The women of the tribe are finally accepting Alanna and her two girl apprentices! Boy apprentice is still annoying. Thom sends Alanna a letter saying he is studying Duke Roger’s old papers, in a totally non-suspicious way. Arrogant boy apprentice tries to master the ex-shaman’s evil magical sword, and it kills him.

Chapter Six: Ceremonies
Sir Myles and Jonathan are here! Jonathan has to learn everything about the Bazhir and being the Voice before Ali dies. Prince J is going through his rebellious streak, and then asks Alanna to marry him. She accuses him of just wanting it for shock value, and then says she wants to think about it. Alanna realizes marrying Jonathan would involve being a normal, boring lady and having lots of babies.

Chapter Seven: The Voice of the Tribes
Jonathan becomes Voice of the Tribes! Alanna discovers he thought “I want to think about it” meant “Yes! Marry me right now!” and is pissed. They fight, and he tells her she is unwomanly and doesn’t know her place. Prince J goes back home and flirts up a storm with some visiting princess to make Alanna jealous/staunch the weeping of his broken heart.

Chapter Eight: The King of the Thieves
Alanna goes to visit George in Port Caynn, where he is quelling a thief rebellion. They immediately start sleeping together “because he doesn’t take me for granted”. Then on All Hallow (which I guess is fantasy-medieval Halloween) Alanna wakes up DRAINED OF MAGIC and knows it must by Thom. He writes saying he was doing an “experiment” and just needed to “borrow” her power. Then everyone is almost poisoned by some thief back in the capital named Claw. George has to go deal out some thief justice and Alanna goes back to the desert because she still cannot be within a ten mile radius of Jonathan and his slutty new princess.

Chapter Nine: At the Sign of the Dancing Dove
Claw def used to be a nobleman, but no one can tell who because he is horribly disfigured by acid! Thom may or may not be trying to raise the dead! Bet you see where this is going.

Chapter Ten: The Doomed Sorceress
Alanna is all “I’m bored” and the Bloody Hawk headman says, “Well, you could always go save my childhood BFF who is about to be burned at the stake by ignorant villagers for witchcraft”. So she does. She arrives too late, but the sorceress’ dying words tell her how to fix her sword: by merging it with the evil magical sword. Alanna has another dream about Roger coming back to life but Coram is all “That’s crazy; no author would carelessly kill off her main villain before realizing she actually needed him for two more books.” Alanna is as surprised as I am that this is really the anticlimactic end of the book.

Also see: Song of the Lioness Book 1: Alanna: The First Adventure
Book 2: In the Hands of the Goddess
Next Up: Lioness Rampant!

Rainbow Cupcakes!!!!

I think I’ve found my new favorite thing to bake! Maybe not for their taste so much as the way they make people FREAK OUT upon seeing them. Not that they taste bad (they are delicious!), but this is not the kind of thing I would bake just for myself and Steven to enjoy some weekend. This is the kind of thing I would bake to 1) celebrate a 5-year-old birthday, 2) celebrate my own birthday (5-year-olds have excellent taste; I would also have a bouncy house), and 3) impress people. Last week I was making them for reason #3 since it was my turn to present in class. Everyone knows bringing food totally ups your grade, and distracts people from how you may or may not be pronouncing “manga” wrong the entire time. The main reason these cupcakes escalated into a somewhat more dramatic production than I originally intended was that I have a partner in this project! Rather than rein in my ridiculousness and suggest we should maybe concentrate on, you know, our content, he just egged me on.

Me: I was thinking of baking something for the presentation. What do you think would go with graphic novels (our subject)?
Him: I don’t know, we could just get Pocky or something.
Me: OMG! I could bake cupcakes and stick Pocky in them!!! Like antenna!!
Him: Awesome! I can make speech bubbles on toothpicks to stick in them!
Me: Man, I have to find a cupcake recipe exciting enough to be a good Pocky-and-speech-bubble foundation…

Don’t worry, guys, I found that recipe. I was thinking about how graphic novels are about the visual impact and wanted the cupcakes to similarly make a bold statement. I remembered last year seeing Rainbow Cupcakes on Baking Bites. Nicole Weston is one of the few food bloggers I follow who has never once steered me wrong, or whose perfectly good recipes I have never managed to screw up somehow, which is why I was totally okay trying this recipe for the first time late the night before my presentation. It was shockingly easy.

Basically, it’s a normal cupcake recipe, but you divide the batter into five separate bowls:

Steven had to take this picture because I was covered in blue food coloring

Then you fill the bottoms of the cupcake tins with blue, then green, etc. until you have layered all the colors of the rainbow! The only annoying thing about this was that I was making a 2.5x larger batch (the original makes 10), so it was really hard to judge how much batter of each color to put in each cup at the beginning. Some of the ones at the end had no blue in them, but whatever. It was kind of hard to tell after they baked:

This is one of the last ones, so it had way more red than some of the others

They sort of looked like mood rings from the top before I frosted them. Mostly red, but with little bubbles of other colors. Here are some of the leftovers that have their Pocky/speech bubbles:

Actually, it's Korean knock off Pocky, but no one could tell

I’d like to try this as a whole cake sometime instead of just cupcakes. Also, to cover them in Skittles to be even more colorful!

The other good thing about this recipe is that it forced me to buy buttermilk so I basically had no choice but to teach Steven how to make biscuits.

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