Title: Only In Your Dreams
Author: Cecily Von Ziegesar
Not to be Confused With: A-List Series, Luxe Series, The Clique Series, or any other series where rich bratty teenagers have rich bratty drama
Challenged In: Leesburg, Florida
At: the Leesburg Public Library
For: sexual innuendo, drug references, and other adult topics
I’m not ashamed to admit that I read almost the entire Gossip Girl series during the heady summer of 2007 when I was bored at the library. When you’re going to be frequently interrupted for questions on how to use the computers and where Clifford is, you need something where you can figure out the plot just from reading the chapter titles. By now most people have at least heard of the television series of the same name, although they took certain liberties with various characters (not that I care, I’m just noting). My personal favorite is Vanessa Abrams. In the books, you can tell she’s a funky alternative chick because she has a shaved head. In the TV series, you can tell she’s alternative because she’s vaguely Hispanic:
Really letting her freak flag fly
Only In Your Dreams is set in the middle of the summer after the main gang’s senior year in high school. Natch it is just as full of underage drinking, drug use, and extravagant shopping as the other books in the series. Along with twelve other “provocative” books for teens, Only in Your Dreams was challenged by “community and church leaders”, and the city commissioners decided to separate books based on age group. Only in Your Dreams and other books for high school students have been removed to a special section “in the library stairwell.”
The fact that they have been banished to a library stairwell is my favorite part of this story. I wonder if the twelve other provocative books were also in the Gossip Girl series, because I was surprised upon rereading this one that it didn’t have anything more scandalous than some underage drinking and some people who fail at getting laid. I was expecting it to at least be the one where Dan briefly thinks he’s gay because he drunkenly kissed another boy, or one of the ones where, you know, someone actually has sex. Oh well.
Since this week actually is National Banned Books Week, I’ve decided to take a more comprehensive approach in my analysis. Here follows a dramatic play-by-play of the book, containing spoilers. So if, for some reason, you ever want to read the entire Gossip Girl series in order, maybe quit halfway through.
Chapter 1: The Honeymooners
Blair is in London visiting her boyfriend, Lord Marcus, but he is making her stay in a fancy hotel instead of his mansion. She is depressed that he won’t have sex with her already. He claims to have a surprise for her, but it turns out to be his cousin. Blair is not amused.
Chapter 2: One is the Loneliest Number
Nate has to work for his lax coach doing manual labor because he was caught stealing his coach’s Viagra. He is whiny about it, but consoles himself with weed and ogling the coach’s questionably-hot wife.
Chapter 3: V’s Date with Destiny
Vanessa interviews for a job with Ken Mogul, a film director who is doing a Breakfast at Tiffany‘s remake this summer, even though the movie=Big Budget Teen RomCom and Vanessa=alternative indie auteur. Ken’s apartment is decorated with naked pictures of himself. He insists that he needs Vanessa’s “vision”. Vanessa says she’ll think about it, pretending that it is going to be some big dramatic choice.
Chapter 4: S moves Out
Serena is playing Holly Golightly in the movie remake and Ken has told her to move to a dingy, unairconditioned apartment to channel the spirit of Audrey Hepburn. Serena somehow gets lost walking from the sidewalk to the front door, but is saved by her neighbor, Jason, a “gorgeously tall” guy in a “dorky office ensemble”.
Chapter 5: D learns the art of Customer Service
Dan’s summer job is to be pretentious to customers at a bookstore. He pretends to be a tortured artist in his inner monologue.
Chapter 6: Helmets are almost as important as condoms
Nate is riding his bike while high and decides to swear off girls for the summer right before falling on his face in front of a townie named Tawny who the narration wants me to think is trashy, but who probably only looks/dresses like a normal person, rather than an insanely wealthy model.
Chapter 7: Love Don’t Live Here Anymore
Vanessa’s big sister is home from Europe where she was touring with her band. She’s brought back some guy named Piotr, which sounds like a perfume that would make me ill. She kicks Vanessa out of the apartment because Piotr needs her bedroom for a studio. Since that is what happens in real life.
Chapter 8: S is for Spirituality among other things
Vanessa calls Dan all weepy and Dan says she can move in with him (and his dad?). Dan feels manly at being able to help his normally tough girlfriend. Then a girl named Bree asks Dan to find some books her yogi recommended to her and Dan “watched her small, round butt, which closely resembled two scoops of French vanilla ice cream”. Dan pretends to have read Siddhartha to impress Ice Cream Butt Girl.
Chapter 9: the family that plays together stays together
Lord Marcus’ annoying cousin, Camilla, wins croquet a million times in a row and Blair is drunk and unhappy about it. Lord Marcus and Camilla are flirty, and Blair tries to kill her with her eyes.
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