The Plaid Pladd

On Friday I had not one, but TWO great ideas for blog posts. I swear, you would have been blown away by my insight and calculated wit. I was pretty excited to be updating WITHOUT FAIL for the first time in a long while (most days, I’m just excited to be keeping my rep as a pathological liar). Unfortunately, when I tried to log onto my blog, nothing happened. It led to an entirely blank screen. My immediate reaction was that someone secretly jealous of my blogging semi-success had deleted the entire back end. Though Steven was upstairs working from home, I decided to send him a tech support email in the manner to which he is accustomed to receiving such complaints:

MY BLOG WON’T LET ME SIGN IN TO IT!!!! I TRIED CLICKING THINGS AND IT DIDN”T WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DO I DO???? PLEASE HAVE THE PROBLEM FIXED BY THE TIME I AM DONE TYPING THIS EMAIL KTHXBYE

Then, while I waited for him to respond, I remembered that I am not actually a fifty-seven-year-old small business owner who thinks the Internet is contained in a single small box kept under close guard in Switzerland. So I rashly blamed Google Chrome and tried it in Firefox. Nothing. Then, just to make absolutely, positively sure, I tried it in Internet Explorer.

And it worked. I was livid. As I explained to Steven in the next email “DESPITE DATING YOU I DO HAVE SOME STANDARDS”. I spent about half an hour being angry and not speaking to Steven over the indignity of the thought of having to use IE. Then I decided I might as well before I totally forgot my ideas for a blog post. This soon prompted another email:

Now I can’t tell if IE is just the shittiest browser ever, or if it’s not working there either.

Sometimes these things are impossible to tell.

Steven eventually fixed the problem by moving me from hosting on NearlyFreeSpeech, which apparently has some trouble with WordPress, to bluehost. I was somewhat mollified. If he had mentioned anything like Go Daddy at this point, I would have angrily broken off the engagement on the spot.

Girl’s gotta have SOME standards. Some of mine are:

1) I must have the prettiest (though not necessarily the longest) hair.
2) A foot injury is the ONLY acceptable excuse for not dancing with me when Lady Gaga comes on.
3) Just because you are a web designer does not mean that you can technologically pull one over on me so don’t even try.

At my cousin’s beautiful wedding this weekend, I attempted to make Steven dance with me to almost every song in an attempt to forge the Cheesy Prom Memories neither of us have, but he would always have some excuse like “I don’t know how to dance to this song” or “It’s not in 3/4 time; why can’t you hear it?” or “Everyone would look at us”. Clearly he was not going to move unless he could do his well-choreographed waltz moves he learned in Ballroom Dancing LPAP. I tried to convince him that you really can just kind of stand out there and flail to a beat, but he wouldn’t hear it. Finally, when Lady Gaga came on I screamed “STEVEN! IF YOU DO NOT DANCE WITH ME TO THIS SONG, I WILL BREAK OFF OUR ENGAGEMENT RIGHT NOW!” And, to his credit, he is not that bad at flailing to a beat.

I also recently cut my hair. Solely for attention.

It’s good to know that, unlike most versions of IE, Steven remains fairly standards compliant.