The Plaid Pladd

I can’t decide how I feel about one of the books I checked out this weekend, Bill Adler’s Kids’ Letters to harry Potter from Around the World:

On the one hand, I think the idea of publishing random letters children write to anyone is awesome, double points for fictional characters, but I also think Bill Adler handled it sort of weirdly. My main gripe is that interspersed throughout the letters in the book were random black and white drawings of Random Fantasy Creatures 24-37 from Lisa Frank‘s An October of Orcs collection. Since they didn’t even remotely resemble Harry Potter characters/creatures, I began to suspect that someone deep in the production process of this book was only vaguely aware of what Harry Potter is actually about.

In all, there were about three kinds of letters in this book. Here are some examples I made up just now:

Letter Type 1: The Compulsive Questioner
Dear Harry,
How are you? How are Ron and Hermione? Tell them Hi from me. How is Professor Dumbledore? How is Hagrid? Are the Dursleys still being mean to you? Is Snape still taking points away from Gryffindor? Have you taught Neville to remember the common room passwords yet? Have you heard from Sirius? How are Fred and George? How did you feel when [insert plot of an entire Harry Potter book of your choice]? Please write back soon with the answers to my questions!
Sincerely,
Inquisitive Child

PS: Sorry I couldn’t send this by owl. My owl’s broken.

Letter Type 2: The Stalker
Dear Harry,
How has your summer been? I hope the Dursleys aren’t locking you in your room again and that you can spend time with Ron and his family. You don’t even know who I am!!! My name is Megan and I’m a muggle from America. You are probably wondering how I even know you! Don’t worry about it.
Were you scared when Professor Trelawney predicted your death? Why don’t you just quit like Hermione? I like Hermione best because she is smart and amazing, just like me. You are my second favorite, though. Are four poster beds comfortable? Does Neville snore? How annoying does that get? You are probably wondering how I know all this about you, but don’t worry, I don’t spy on you at school or anything.
Saving your toenail clippings,
Stalker Child

PS: Sorry I couldn’t send this by owl. I’ll just leave it on your pillow.

Letter Type 3: The Fanfiction Sorceress
Dear Harry,
How are you? I’m fine. My muggle name is Anne, but I am really a very powerful sorceress named Zenella Araminta Arabellanna. I have long silver hair and sparkling blue eyes. I always wear beautiful blue dresses and silver shoes to match my hair and my eyes change color when I have different emotions, or just to match my clothes. I go to school at a wizard academy you probably haven’t heard of. It flies around in the air, and we all ride dragons to class. I am Head Girl and also Captain of my Quidditch Team where I am a seeker just like you. I am part mermaid and also part veela! Do you have any pets? I have a pet unicorn and a pet phoenix. Their names are Midnight Shadows and Sky Dancer. Maybe I will be an exchange student to Hogwarts soon and I will meet you. We will have to play Quidditch against each other!! I will probably beat you, but then we can go on a date.
Perfectly Yours,
Mary Sue

PS: Sorry I couldn’t send this by owl. My owl died. I think Sky Dancer and Midnight Shadows ate it for being too normal.