Archive for November, 2009

National Novel Writing Month 2009: Epic Win!

November 29th, 2009 by pladd
This graphic, the only semi-tangible prize, was SO WORTH IT.

This graphic, the only semi-tangible prize, was SO WORTH IT.

Granted, my main memories of Thanksgiving are of writing 17,000 words in two days, but still! Look at this picture I won!!! In case you were wondering, the novel ends with the three different Patricias plus random historical/alternate time line characters teaming up to USE THEIR IMAGINATIONS to defeat the Plutonians. Apparently illogical thought processes are their one weakness, making Middle School Patricia the ultimate contender.

I can’t be bothered to post the entire novel on here, but here is the wordle art version of it:
Wordle: NaNoWriMo 2009

I like how PATRICIA dominates. Just like always. Click for larger image (i.e. to read any words that aren’t PATRICIA)

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National Novel Writing Month 2009: A Timeline

November 24th, 2009 by pladd

I thought it was over forever last year. But then in October this happened:

2009
October
Start receiving “reminder” emails from the NaNoWriMo website. Roll my eyes.

October 24th
Read over “novel” from last year while procrastinating writing a paper. Feel bad about the lack of coherency.

October 26th
Decide to do National Novel Writing Month again, this time attempting not to fall back on random free association to meet word limit. I CAN write a 50,000 word novel that sticks to one plot. For varying definitions of “one plot”. And “sticks”. And “novel”.

October 30th
Convince James Fox to write one too in exchange for making him a character in my novel.

November 1st–10pm
Suddenly remember that it’s the first day of National Novel Writing Month. Stay up to begin novel. Decide it should be about Middle School Patricia traveling to the future by accident to meet me now. It can be deep and full of meaning and reveal things about my life and stuff.

November 2nd
Decide to occasionally write from Middle School Patricia’s Point of View to use up more words. Read the rest of this entry »

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National Novel Writing Month 2008: A Timeline

November 24th, 2009 by pladd

2008

March
See a class called “How To Write a Novel In a Month” while registering. Decide this is the class for me because 1) I like writing novels, 2) I like having no time to revise, and 3) I only needed one more credit hour.

August–First Week of Class
Discover this is a Martel Student Taught Course. Half the people signed up are Serious English Major Novelists, the other half seem to make up Rice’s Anime Club.

August–Second Week of Class
Discover the Serious English Major Novelists have dropped the class en masse. Learn about: how writing is a serious mystical art that puts your mind in tune with the gods; anime.

September–Third Week of Class
Begin bringing laptop and playing Mah Jong during class, which this week consists of watching a youtube fan video about Halo 2 or something. And always the constant hum of Anime in the background.

September–Fourth Week of Class
Listen to a girl’s novel idea about puppies that, when they lick you, they change your gender.

Rest of September
Skip class. See above.

October
Try to think of ideas for 50,000 word novels that I could write way fast. Decide to just write about my summer job at the library in third person, artfully changing everyone’s name. Figure that will give me AT LEAST 50,000 words of ridic stories.

November 1st
Start novel. Decide this is going to be easy.

November 5th
Already 1000 words behind.

November 10th
3000 words behind. Introduce library trolls for variety.

November 12th
Library trolls aren’t working out. Change plot entirely so that it is now Me (Summer Intern) and the elderly assistant director against a horde of zombies and other book characters that have come alive and are attacking the library in the night.

November 13th
We team up with Napoleon. Excerpt:
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Goodbye Rice email address

November 20th, 2009 by pladd

Supposedly today is the day Rice finally deletes my old email address, although I have gotten three things from the TFW list serv today so this may be a lie. Still, in preparation for the impending severing of my last link with Rice University (besides my ongoing frenemy relationship with World’s Most Powerful Cyborg, William Marsh Rice [more on that later]), I went through and saved any old emails I thought would be pertinent to archive for posterity. Because I’m just that much of a librarian. Here are the best bits from the last year (I got bored after July 2008). I arranged them in such a way that, I think, they tell a kind of story about my time at Rice:

July 2008
“If I can’t fuel my car with them, what am I supposed to do with all these cans of creamed corn?”

September 2008
Dear James Fox,
The narrative force behind my dream last night was rescuing you from the Amish. I’m not sure why they wanted you in the first place, but it would explain your fear of modern things like shaving and haircuts. If you are actually being held hostage by the Amish, I will of course rush to your aid. Although I suppose I would hear about it by carrier pigeon or through the Amish Underground Railroad, not email. It will be just like my dream except Rob will not be there complaining the whole time and I may actually do something useful instead of running away from haunted trees. Apparently Amish country is full of them. In conclusion, sorry I didn’t rescue you from the Amish. I promise to try harder next time/in real life.
Patricia”

October 2008
“Rachel says you are only allowed to cheat on your boyfriend if you are in another country (where it doesn’t count), with a foreign exchange student (like being in another country), or with someone who has the same name as your boyfriend (comes with the good excuse: “Well… he said his name was Steven… I thought it was you”. Understandable mistake.)”

December 2008
“I am not saving you from zombies. You took the class; you fend for yourself. That’s the deal. Besides I’ll have other stuff to worry about, like looting and making sure I’m the second hottest person in my Zombie Fighting Team (one hot person always dies so that you know it’s serious). Just fyi. It’s good to be ready for any eventuality”
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Too Old to Go On: I Think My Tutoring Group May be Slowly Killing Me

November 17th, 2009 by pladd

Me: You aren’t reducing these fractions; do this page over.
Girl: OMG! Fine. Wait, do you even know what OMG means?
Me: OF COURSE I do. My generation invented OMG.
Other Girl: Yeah, she’s not THAT old, God. Everyone knows that OMG means Oh My God!!
Yet Another Girl: Yeah, both ways of TAKING THE LORD’S NAME IN VAIN!
Other Girls: (awkward silence)
Me: Yeah, so reduce these fractions.

And then today:

Me: Yeah, you will have to shuffle these flashcards yourself, I cut my thumb this weekend and now I can’t do a surprising amount of things. Like texting. It’s mad annoying.
Girl: You TEXT?!?!
Me: OF COURSE! Why is that so surprising?
Girl: It’s just… my parents don’t know how to text.
Me: I’m not the same age as your parents. I’m closer to YOU than to your parents.
Girl: Um, whatever, you can DRIVE.
Me: OMG.

And, to twist the knife:

Boy: Why is there a drawing of a birthday cake on that whiteboard?
Me: I don’t know, it was just there.
Boy: Is today your birthday?!? Are you thirty?!?
Me: WHAT? No! I’m only twenty-two!
Boy: Oh. Well, that’s only eight away from thirty.
Me: (sigh) Good mental subtraction.

If you’re interested, I’m up to about 26,000 words on my novel, about half of which is from the perspective of Middle School Patricia. Mr. Snape Darcy, her dream man, makes regular appearances. It’s pretty epic.

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Times I Have Almost Died: National Novel Writing Month

November 10th, 2009 by pladd

National Novel Writing Month happens every November, when writers and crazy people alike attempt to complete a 50,000 word novel in one month. That’s about 1667 words a day. Like 3 pages single spaced. No sweat right? Yeah.

Last year my novel started out being a set of connected and humorous short stories about the library I used to work at. Then that got boring and I wasn’t working fast enough so zombies attacked the library. Then about a third of the way through I couldn’t take the word limit requirements and it turned into ridiculous stream of consciousness where I talked about everything from what I had dreamed the night before to how I feel about flying squirrels. In hundreds of years they will probably find it and be so confused they will have no choice but to turn it into a holy book and start worshiping its bad syntax.

This year I made a vow that I would hold off stream of consciousness for as long as possible. However, it’s November 10th and I only have 13,868 words. By the end of today I should have 16,670. Yeah, right. Not when I am also trying to write final papers for grad school, thanks.

To say that I have upheld my vow and completely stayed on track would also not be completely accurate. Sure, I have stuck with a story and not started rambling about my personal life yet, but it only took about four days for that story to veer dramatically from semi-serious psychological study of realistic characters to TIME TRAVELING ALIENS ARE ATTACKING; ONLY YOU CAN SAVE MANKIND. I assume this switch was inevitable. Also, it is only November 10th. There are 20 more days left. I predict I would be stream of consciousnessing to make Faulkner proud by the end of this week.

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Kids Today: Ridiculous

November 6th, 2009 by pladd

Monday, tutoring group
Boy: Ugh, I hate it when my phone vibrates, it feels like my leg is going to fall off.
Me: Who’s calling you?
Boy: My friend. He probably wants to come over and play Xbox.
Me: You have an Xbox? Wish I had an Xbox.
Boy: Psh, you can’t play Xbox, it’s for boys!
Girl: Nu-uh!
Me: Are you a video game chauvinist?
Boy: Name one Xbox game.
Me: I can’t have an Xbox, I’m too poor.

Tuesday, tutoring group
Girl: Where do you live?
Me: You’re just trying to distract me so I won’t make you do more decimal division.
Girl: No, I really want to know! I love decimal division! Decimal division is for rockers! (does rockers sign)
Me: ….. Awesome.
Girl: You’re kind of helping so you can be like my backup singer. Or second guitar.
Me: That’s like… my dream.

Wednesday, tutoring group
Girl: Do I really have to keep multiplying fractions? I know it already!
Me: Okay, do the Challenge page. That will prove to me that you’re a MASTER!
Girl: Whatever.
Me: (to the tune of the Pokemon theme song) I WANNA BE THE BEST AT MATH, like no one ever was. TO MULTIPLY FRACTIONS IS MY REAL TEST, TO REDUCE THEM IS MY CAUSE…
Girl: You are the most annoying tutor ever.
Me: You mean you’re not so inspired right now?
Girl: Can I be with Mr. Cameron next time?

Then I realized that my tutoring kids are probably too young to even know what Pokemon is, let alone know the theme song. To be fair, the only reason I do is because Thomas had the CD and made us listen to it in the car for a period of two months. Rob also told me that the kids he works with had no idea what a velociraptor was because they were too young to have ever seen Jurassic Park. And if they did see it, they would probably be all “This movie sucks. That dinosaur doesn’t even look real!” IN MY DAY we made do with moderately realistic computer animated dinosaurs and puppets! Kids today. Ridiculous.

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Misguided Travel Guides: Roanoke and the Outer Banks

November 3rd, 2009 by pladd

Over the past weekend I searched tirelessly for clues that might solve the mystery of the Lost Colony of Roanoke. I’m pleased to say that I am once again successful. Honestly, if people would just put me on the case they could saved themselves centuries of doubt.

The first place we looked was Jockey’s Ridge State Park, home to one hang gliding school and one giant sand dune. The signs all said it was easy to get lost there, so I figured the colonists could easily be wandering around in the sand.
roanoke-1
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