It’s been a long week. So here’s some art I did by way of a wedding card!
It's supposed to be a kite
And then inside…
There was a check inside
I’m thinking about starting a greeting card company if this librarian thing doesn’t work out.
Archive for August, 2009
Graduate Orientation: Dueling Perspectives
August 21st, 2009 byDean of Admissions, Welcoming Speaker: In conclusion, your only limit is your own imagination!
(Actual quote. He probably thought it would be mad insightful when he heard it on Mighty Max reruns, which, incidentally, are all available on youtube. I know what I’m doing this weekend)
Old Science Guy, Keynote Speaker: You’d better be doing something you enjoy, because it’s probably just going to fail anyway.
(Seriously. His speech was a total of six minutes, and also included “Do you think I’m still doing this for the money? I’m a Nobel Laureate. I can do what I want. And that’s science. Look at this science I did today! And I’m 84. I’m done now.”)
Tagged: 90s TV, graduate school, science, transcripts
Things That Are Actually Pretty Awesome: A Rare Moment of Optimism
August 19th, 2009 byShockingly, yesterday I went the entire day without thinking something, someone, or some esoteric concept was out to get me. Possibly a record. So, in celebration of my new-found and probably short-lived lack of paranoia, I thought I would write about some things that are actually pretty awesome. (I assume they will all be part of Friday’s “Things That Spell Our Doom” after they turn on me tomorrow).
1. High fives
Did you know that they have an amazing Wikipedia article, complete with how-to pictures and multiple “variations”? I didn’t until I googled it in an attempt to find a hilarious picture and then forgot what I was doing. Anyway, yesterday I taught a kid how to do long division and when he finally got it, he gave me a high five. It was pretty awesome, and the best possible form of payment for my stellar services. You know, besides money.
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Tagged: awesomeness, high fives, surprises, THE 434
The Animated Adventures of William Marsh Rice
August 14th, 2009 byToday, for various reasons out of my control and in disregard of my endlessly voiced opinions to the contrary, I got a class ring. Despite the extravagance and the entirely false appearance of class and/or institutional pride, it does have two pluses on its side:
1. It intimidates my engagement ring, which was becoming too full of itself anyway and
2. It allows me to dramatically throw my hand in the air and summon William Marsh Rice, university founder and World’s Most Powerful Cyborg at will.
This image of William Marsh Rice brought to you by the True History of William Marsh Rice Campaign and the Woodson Research Center.
I haven’t tried it yet, but youtube research (my favorite kind of research) suggests this is true. Observe:
Legend has it that, instead of shouting the names of elements to a catchy 80s beat, ring bearers must shout the names of each of the nine colleges. Only then will William Marsh Rice appear in the university’s hour of greatest need.
In reality, you’d probably be much better off shouting the brand names of the finest single malt Scotches, and then running away, because when WMR appears and sees that you don’t actually have any, he is going to be pissed off. Although less ideological, this power can still be used as an effective weapon since Rice will inevitably take revenge by smashing anything in a one-mile radius with his own head. Which is why I can’t prove this to you with things like pictures since I’m pretty sure it would void my lease.
THE POWER IS YOURS!!
On a totally unrelated note,
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Tagged: Captain Planet, cyborgs, Rice, William Marsh Rice
Things That Spell Our Doom: North Carolina Edition!
August 11th, 2009 byYou may have thought that moving to an entirely different part of the country would alleviate at least some of the constant mortal peril I face daily. But you thought wrong! If anything, I am in even MORE danger. Here are the top three North Carolinian threats to my well-being.
1. Giants
It’s come to my attention that North Carolina seems to be home to a family of giants as absent-minded as they are bone-crunching. They’re so busy eating innocent bystanders that they left their chests of drawers just lying around:
Somewhere there's a giant with cold feet consoling himself by eating a busload full of school children
These drawers are about 40 feet high, and are apparently for rent. They claim to be the World’s Largest Chest of Drawers, but on the drive over near the interstate, we found further damning evidence:
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Tagged: brian is a weather witch, doom, hoedown throwdown, North Carolina, traffic, Wiess, world's largest
Twilight 4: A Review That Almost Cost Me My Life
August 6th, 2009 byThe name of this book is actually Breaking Dawn but you wouldn’t know what I was talking about if I used it. See, I got this book on Monday from the library. I ignored the librarian’s judging, judging eyes because I was too busy thinking “Hurrah! Now I will read it today, write a blog post about it tomorrow, and that will take care of my Tuesday obligations!” Little did I know that this would be a novel so excruciating that I would need to take frequent breaks to soothe my battered psyche into submission and bang my head against a wall. In the end, I only very nearly escaped being strangled by my own good taste by turning on episodes of Black Adder the Third in the background during the last 200 pages.
I had a feeling this one would be different because I was at the library the morning after it came out, when the five teen girl movie volunteers staggered in around noon after staying up all night waiting at the book store. “Well?” I asked them. “How is it?” Since they’d been talking about nothing else for the past two months it wasn’t hard for them to know what I was talking about. I was shocked when they all shouted “HORRIBLE!” at once and one of them added “It’s like Stephanie Meyer didn’t even write it.” After valiantly reading the other three books so that you don’t have to, I started wondering about this condemnation. Could it be that Stephanie Meyer, in the fourth book of her wildly popular and horribly written teen girl series, has FINALLY learned how to write, letting down her vapid fans everywhere?
The answer, I’m sad to tell you, is NO. For the love of all that is at least properly punctuated, NO. So, proceed IF YOU DARE.
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