As far as Florida Vacation Destinations go, Seminole is probably not high on your list (unless the Historic Patricia Tour is a must see). A fairly small patch of suburbia and laid back beach communities, it’s only a ten to twenty minute drive to the water in any direction but north:

Pinellas County: Florida's gimpy right arm, or maybe just some weird growth

But don’t be fooled by the palm trees and Village Inn’s. Death can still stalk me here.

The Ocean

So on the Gulf Coast we don’t really get any jellyfish, but we do have tons of sting rays. They lie flat on the shallow sandy bottom until you step on them, when they whip their stingers around, and soon you’re in searing pain while your friend is peeing on your ankle to sterilize the wound. So, not a great conclusion to a beach day, let me tell you. The best way to deal with them is to shuffle your feet in the sand as you enter the water, which will scare them away but also make you look like a tool. In consequence, we had to watch at least one outdated, School House Rock-esque video in fourth grade science explaining this in cartoon form. And ever since then I have been terrified to swim in the ocean, for fear that, when putting my foot down, I will step on one and end up covered in urine. Now that I am slightly older and know more about the ocean, this fear has only broadened into a generalized terror of putting my feet places I can’t see. Do you know what kind of crazy shit lives in the ocean?



I’m not taking my chances. That place is a sparkling, tourist-ridden death trap.