The Plaid Pladd

The Cabin Show
Michael discovers that George Sr’s twin brother Oscar is in jail in his place. The family sells the land the family cabin is on and are forced to haul the cabin away on the back of a truck. GOB finds out he has a son, and it’s Steve Holt.

For British Eyes Only
George Sr. insists that he was set up by a British syndicate, and Michael heads to Wee Britain to check it out. While there, he meets a girl named Rita whom he is instantly and awkwardly attracted to, and he is threatened by an English dude, which makes him believe his father was telling the truth.

Forget-Me-Now
Lindsay tries and fails to flirt with the family’s new attorney, Bob Loblaw. Rita is working with Trevor, the dude who threatened Michael in the last episode. The Bluths think Michael is shredding the evidence against them so he can take the fall, rather than trying to destroy evidence of his family so he won’t have to introduce them to Rita. They decide to throw a surprise party for him and pick Rita up in their cabin-on-wheels. They end up knocking her out and roofieing her because Bluths.

Notapusy
GOB is still avoiding Steve Holt, so Michael agrees to do the father-son triathalon with him at the Church and State Fair. They train too hard and Michael can’t take it. George Michael contemplates signing up for the army, and George Sr. delivers a “scared straight” lecture to gay men instead of the at-risk youth. He flees in a fake pope mobile. Anne and Maeby both enter an “inner beauty” contest which GOB judges.

Mr. F
Michael realizes that the building site is riddled with mole hills and is worried what the Japanese investors will think. GOB suggests building a tiny town and telling them its just really far away. Michael rejects this plan, but GOB does it anyway. George Sr. ships a jet pack to the model home, thinking it can further his escape attempt, but it is intercepted by George Michael, who thinks it’s a birthday gift from his father. Bob Loblaw reveals that the family may have a mole ratting them out to the feds named “Mr. F” the family suspects Rita and calls immigration, but really it’s Tobias and his gym buddy, who asks him to “play a mole”. Tobias thinks he’s auditioning for a part. This happens:

The Ocean Walker
Michael decides to marry Rita so she can get a green card. The Bluths are against it until Trevor shows up, reveals that he’s Rita’s uncle and that she’s loaded. Also, mentally around age 6. The Bluths decide to not let Michael find out until after the wedding so they can get their hands on that sweet dough. George Michael shows Michael a video of Rita eating fake fruit and the jig is up.

Prison Break In
The Bluth Foundation Dinner is coming up, and Lindsay pressures the family into raising money for “GVH” or “Graft Versus Host”: basically Tobias’ hair implants are killing him but he refuses to give them up. The dinner is being held at the prison, catered by inmates, because Lucille and Warden Gentiles are tight. The dinner crowd finds out about the patheticness of the “disease” and riots.

Trish’s Review
I love Rita. I can’t help it. Also, Bob Loblaw is pretty great. Season 3 really marks this show’s desperate descent into outright madness as the reality of its impending cancellation becomes clear.
Rating: Five out of five deadly Mary Poppins puppets
Kill/Fuck/Marry: Kill Michael because he somehow annoys me the most in these episodes. Fuck Trevor because he’s into some kinky shit. Marry Rita because the Bluths are right: money is awesome and I love her fashion sense.

You know, kinky shit

Steven’s Review
The Rita story arc is the best part of arrested development.
Rating: 5 out of 5 bumpaddles
Kill/Fuck/Marry: Obviously marry Rita for that sweet, sweet dough. Ordinarily I would still go with Kill Tobias except he made a great mole, so I’m going to have to agree with you and kill Michael because he’s a freaking moron. As for Fuck, it’s a toss up between Rita’s uncle and Warden Gentiles. Because clearly that dude can make shit happen.

Previously: Arrested Development Season 2.3
Next: Arrested Development Season 3.2