The Plaid Pladd

North Dakota is maybe the least loved US state. You know it’s bad when even South Dakota is making fun of you. What’s the deal? Is it, as Canada tries to console you, that they’re all just jealous? That Massachusetts really just wants to ask you to the 8th grade dance and that’s why he’s always saying you’re a fat, worthless patch of nothing? Anyway, come on, who’s NOT fat compared to Massachusetts? Only prissy bitches like Rhode Island, that’s who. Really, North Dakota, I think if people would just take the time to get to know you, they’d realize you’re really a beautiful state with a great personality.

And, okay, maybe your interminable winters are known for the triple threat of frostbite, Seasonal Affective Disorder, and vampires, but we’re all cranky once in awhile, and that shouldn’t stop people from enjoying you in the balmy (if brief) summer months. Like I did last week! I’ve written before about North Dakota Time Travel and North Dakota animals, but this time I decided to concentrate on debunking some of the myths about North Dakota. Unfortunately, Steven wanted his camera for his sister’s graduation or some other thing that is CLEARLY less important than my North Dakota research. Don’t worry, I’ll try to recreate everything for you using the power of my words. And maybe MSPaint.

1. North Dakota Doesn’t Exist

This is something you used to hear a lot in the pre-Internet days, especially if you had Ms. Szabo for 6th grade social studies at Seminole Middle School. Luckily Google Maps has pretty much squashed rumors that there’s just a big empty hole between Minnesota and Montana.

Unless you think Google is ALSO in on the conspiracy

Of course, the currently more popular corollary to this theory is:

2. Well, have you ever MET anyone from North Dakota?

YES. Lots of them. But I realize not everyone can say that. I mean, unless you’ve met my mom too. I decided not to take a picture of everyone I met on this trip to prove this one, even though I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have minded. Everyone in North Dakota is polite, and usually pretty nice to strangers, maybe from having to band together as a team to survive every winter. Plus, they react with plucky enthusiasm to outsiders, possibly after having to argue their own existence so often. Anyway, I did some research for you on The North Dakota State Data Center and the US Census site to get you some numbers. The population of Bismarck, the state capital I was visiting is about 61,000 as of the 2010 census.

More about why Bismarck is awesome later. The total population of North Dakota is about 672,600:

I included my current state of residence for comparison

Since the total population of the US as of the 2010 census was 308,745,538, about 1 in every 500 people you meet is from North Dakota. Plus, TWO America’s Next Top Model winners have been from North Dakota. I’m not trying to say that everyone from North Dakota is model-hot, just most of them.

3.There’s nothing in North Dakota

Wikipedia does claim that North Dakota is the least visited state. True, it’s not really on the way to anywhere and doesn’t really have any “major tourist attractions”. For me, the giant slide near the Bismarck zoo will always be a “tourist attraction” but there are more legit things to visit. For instance, Theodore Roosevelt National Park! As you know, the only thing TR loved more than shooting things was photographing himself doing it, and North Dakota was an awesome place to do that! You too can see some of the animals that TR loved (and loved to kill) in the National Park named after him!

Like meerkats, but without the singing

Nearby Medora claims to be “North Dakota’s #1 Vacation” and features more old-timey fun with a bunch of cowboys and a ridiculously cheesy musical that’s been shown there since at least 1965.

The International Peace Garden on the border between the US and Canada is also kind of a big deal.

Admit it, you didn't think flowers could grow in North Dakota

This huge garden is the only thing that’s kept the US and Canada from going to war since 1932. Plus, there’s a floral clock! Good job, US Civilian Conservation Corps.

4. Nothing has ever happened in North Dakota

Oh, man, are you wrong! The best thing about Bismarck is that everything is named after either Lewis and Clark, Sakakawea/Sacagawea, or General Custer, three awesome historical figures.

What a great line up of North Dakota awesomeness! I know everyone’s always hating on Custer, but, as North Dakota likes to advertise, he was in perfect health until he left. Plus, both he and Sacagawea were in Night at the Museum 2!

TRUE NORTH DAKOTA HISTORY, YOU GUYS

Lightning Bonus Round

North Dakota’s State Beverage is Milk!
North Dakota has a hymn and a creed!
I bought a North Dakota coloring book that allowed me to do this on the plane: