The Plaid Pladd

Oh, Chocovine. As its tagline claims, it mixes the taste of dutch chocolate and fine red wine. You can buy it at Harris Teeter for about $7, so I knew without even tasting it that it would be magical. So magical that it would need its own Servery Challenge.

Then I remembered I can’t do Servery Challenges anymore, so I waited to bring you a Very Special Valentine’s Day Top Cocktail Special.

Special thanks to James Fox for his MSPaint Skillz

Four Competitors! Ten minutes! … and one bottle of Chocovine!

See the entires and the results here:

First across the finish line, in the vain hope that points will be awarded for speed (which has only happened once, by celebrity guest judge Arya during the Burgers Out Of Not Burgers Servery Challenge of late 2009), is Patricia Ladd, discoverer of Chocovine and impetus behind this very competition. But will her courage, fortitude, speed, creativity, excellent writing skills, smooth alphabetization, and stellar blog writing be enough against this tough competition? WE SHALL SEE. Hoping to capitalize on the Twilight market, Patricia has christened her drink “Vampire Blood” due to its reddish brownish color and syrupy consistency.

Cool under pressure, Patricia poses her in front of the World's Largest Crossword

“Vampire Blood”
Serves: 2, by the time you’re done messing up
Chocovine
Caramel Hot Chocolate Mix
Sloe Gin
Plain Yogurt
Cream
Maybe some other stuff I grabbed

1. Mix everything together in a cup
2. Taste
3. Try to add things to make it taste better
4. Fail at pouring
5. Try to add more things with minimal success
6. Turn to sabotage

With no presentational skills whatsoever, will the judges be impressed by this hastily mixed drink?

Not next to finish, but the next least ridiculous, is first time Servery Challenge Competitor Steven Wiggins, with his drink that I forget the name of. I will therefore be referring to it as “Freckles”.

Steven Wiggins, bringing fresh talent and new ideas to the Servery Challenge game

“Freckles”
Serves: 1
Frozen Strawberries
Chocovine
Orange Brandy
Amaretto
Vanilla Extract
Ice
Chocolate Chips for garnish

1. Blend frozen strawberries
2. Blend everything else
3. Garnish with chocolate chips

Speaking of garnish, two-time Servery Challenge winner James Fox (who sailed to victory with his Japanese pagoda and ketchup lake in the Best Structure Made of French Fries Servery Challenge of 2007) once again brings his considerable talents to the table with his “Raspberry Truffle Kerfuffle”, a drink that certainly looks the part.

To be fair, I only own one classy glass.

“Raspberry Truffle Kerfuffle”
Serves: 1
Chocovine
Frozen raspberries
Lindor truffles (floating)
Reese’s Cup (garnish)

1. Blend Raspberries and chocovine
2. ASSEMBLE!

Last, and by no means least, Rachel Kinney, Servery Challenge Veteran, graced us with one of her startling creations the likes of which I have not seen since her abstract food sculpture, “The Wedding Night”, entered into Servery Challenge: Bridal Catering Edition 2009. Inspired by the McNuggetini, Rachel calls her creation “The Squidstache”, although judges began referring to it as “Willy Wonka’s Nightmare” early on in the judging process.

This is the only way you CAN look after trying this drink

“Squidstache”
Serves: No one, hopefully
Chocovine
Wendy’s Frosty
Chocolate Pudding
Caramel Hot Chocolate Mix
Tequila
Other Unspeakable Things
Marshmallows (garnish)
French fries (garnish)

1. Just throw things in!
2. Try not to throw up

Because there was no celebrity guest judge, the contest was put to popular vote for the first time in Servery Challenge history. The process was long and at times disgusting. Mostly just when dealing with Rachel’s, but still.

Annoying Dramatic Recap As Per Reality Show Requirements

Will it be Patricia Ladd's Vampire Blood that, at least, manages to be edible?

Will it be Steven Wiggins' "Freckles" that just tastes kind of like pudding?

Will it be James Fox's "Raspberry Truffle Kerfuffle" with its enterprising use of Reese's Cups?

Or Rachel Kinney's abomination in the eyes of God and science?

Spoiler alert: the winner was Steven. We all decided we kind of liked pudding. James’ won Best Presentation, Rachel’s won Most Innovative, and I won Looking Best In the Pictures. Truly, a Servery Challenge for the ages. And not just because the taste of Rachel’s drink will haunt my tastebuds’ nightmares forever more.